Word 2023 — Vulnerability

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If we want to reclaim the essential emotional part of our lives and reignite our passion and purpose, we have to learn how to own and engage with our vulnerability and how to feel the emotions that come with it. – Brené Brown

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It is not like I didn’t know this. I mean, I took a semester long course with Brené Brown and stepped into the world of Daring Greatly and succeeded on many levels. And it’s not like I have not practiced being vulnerable—I left a toxic relationship, quit my job to pursue my passion, bought a house knowing it is all on me and more. I nailed it and became super empowered in the process.

Vulnerability seemed to be a thing I thrive at. Give me a life altering challenge and I will without a doubt do well. But is that really all vulnerability is?

According to Brené vulnerability is uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure.

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Huh.

For the last couple months I have been listening to these little soul taps to look under vulnerability. To take a closer look that isn’t about becoming a badass and destroying a challenge. There was a whispering of something softer and different.

And also incredibly scary. I denied those little whispers and wanted desperately to choose a word that was easier and likely something I am already good at.

Seems to me I am able to easily handle uncertainty and risk on some levels but emotional exposure—never.

Maybe it’s my tendency to lean towards Capricorn strength and tenacity while also being a fiery redhead that gives me an unstoppable approach to life’s challenges. I don’t think raising three kids successfully alone could have been achieved any other way, but this is deeper than action. This is way deeper.

Control has always been something that brings me safety. Controlling my environment and the people I let in. Controlling my business and finances with a sharp eye. Controlling my physical health despite lots of pain by working my body to its best health. Controlling my emotions by not putting myself into situations where I might cry (or laugh). Controlling what I need by never asking for help. Exhausting maybe?

Huh.

That all sounds like emotional exposure. Doing something anyway not knowing what the response or outcome might be. Sticking my neck out and hoping for the best.

Being seen.

This is about not just being seen for what I have overcome or what I do. It will require me to being willing to reveal parts of myself that are tucked safely deep down and to do what is uncomfortable and out of my comfort zone.

I did a little exercise in my journal over the last week and here is how I see it:

Vulnerability is—
Vulnerability feels like—
Vulnerability looks like—

Vulnerability is —failing, making a mistake, exposing myself publicly, crying, screwing up, feeling scolded, asking for help, not perfecting something, feeling needy or dependent on others, asking for what I need or want and feeling out of control.

Vulnerability feels like—crushing sensation in chest, upset stomach, short breath, panic to flee, racing heart, avoidance.

Vulnerability looks like— finishing and publishing the book that has been written, asking for help, receiving help, communicating openly with others, asking to be on more podcasts, letting go of some of my high self standards (not failing), finding resolution and peace with pain, being okay with my emotions and letting my emotions be seen.

For 2023 I give myself permission to fail or to succeed. I give myself permission to not do it all alone. I give myself permission to reveal and unfold in a way that stays in alignment with my soul but also welcomes risk. I give myself permission to be seen.

Truly seen.

Emotionally exposed with risk and uncertainty.

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Word 2022 in Review (Deliberate)

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Deliberate is defined as done consciously and intentionally.

I chose DELIBERATE as my word for 2022 because I wanted to be more in tune with the choices I was making and what I was saying yes to. It has become a it overused to say “boundaries” and I wanted a softer approach to how I began to create some space in my life. I opted to think of my choices as filling the margins rather than having boundaries around my time or myself. I knew that after my previous year of refining my life I was ready to take it to the next level with pausing before I said yes to anything, and also being very intentional with my communication.

Early in the year I decided to carve out Friday as my day to only choose things that led to life I was trying to create. Previously I had a tendency to say yes to everything and everyone except myself which led to me often feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and at times resentful.

I am amazed at how setting an intention, pausing before saying yes and acting with a more conscious approach to life has become now a lifestyle. Of all the years I have been choosing a single word (about 18), this one had the most evident change in several different areas of my life.

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Of course one of the biggest changes to my life was choosing that one day a week to be fully aware of what I put into the margins of my day. However, there were subtle changes to my style of communicating with others, especially under emotional strain. I took the same principle of pausing before speaking and the results were a much more peaceful commutation style and way more listening happening. I found that by slowing down I was able to clearly communicate my feelings and needs without sounded ungrateful or demanding. This was across people and situations. It was really amazing to see the shift in my communication enhancing my relationships.

I also found that as I commuted twice a week, driving sometimes up to 300 miles, I was very deliberate on the road and it became a very calm, focused almost meditation. The results were that as I became more intentional of my own driving, I was far less reactive to other peoples. This created delightful drives to work and I entered into my job with a very peaceful state.

As I flip back through my planner for the year I smile as I see how many great things happened on Fridays. Some of the adventures included:

•picking up golf clubs again and doing surprisingly well!

•hiking in my old favorite spots and rediscovering some of my old trails.

•lingering coffee shop dates alone where I could write or think or simply enjoy my coffee.

•mastering a pull up and a chin up became a late in the year goal and I claimed it! So fun!

•reading books during the day instead of just before bed where I usually read only a sentence or two before my eyes became too heavy.

•crocheting a few easy hats for myself and others is a great happy hour at home pastime.

•miles and miles of walks filled each day but I was able to log longer ones on Fridays.

•developing a deeper yoga practice was important to me this year and I found having a little more time allowed me to linger a bit on my mat.

•cultivating an amazing garden has been a pleasure of mine for years and each year it gets better! Fridays were weeding days and it is so soulful.

•massages are so important for my wellness and I found Friday afternoons to be the prime time for getting one.

•strength training became a must-do habit and I could not be more thrilled. I am so much stronger and have successfully achieved a pull up! I will never not life weights again.

I am so proud of myself for making this word stick and for the essence of what it means to be deliberate and to have it become a habit. I am way more balanced and definitely happier. I intend to continue my deliberate Fridays into next year and beyond.

Did you choose a word for your year? How did it play out in your world?

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And So It Is

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Dear life,

Grant me the courage
To change what I am capable of changing
And the grace
To accept what is beyond my control
And choose my battles wisely.

Please help me to fix what has fallen apart and is broken in my life
That would benefit from being mended
And accept what would not
And move on accordingly.

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Grant me the strength
To fully seize each day
And make the most of each moment
Savouring the ones that provide me with joy, meaning and fulfilment

And remind me to treasure time spent with those I love
And pursue my passions and what uplifts and energises me
And focus on all that lies ahead of me
Rather than all that lies behind me.

Please help me to embody love
And radiate it to all whom I encounter
Regardless of whether they remain in my life
Or are no longer with me.

Please help me to remain calm and at peace
During the chaos and shifting seasons of life
And flow with it
Understanding that everything is fleeting and temporary
But that the true nature of who I am is eternal
And more than this limited body
And transitory physical experience

Please show me how to let go of fear, pain and resentment
So I can feel light, unburdened and free
And prioritise what is important
While disregarding what is not.

Please comfort me in my grief
And reassure me with the knowledge
That I will one day be reunited with those I love who have left this reality
But remain in spirit with me

And in the times when I am hurt
May you show me how to heal and move forward

In the times when I feel small and fragile
May you remind me of my inner strength

In the times when I feel weak
May you remind me of my inner power

In the times when I feel lost
May you help me rediscover purpose and meaning

In the times when I feel lonely and isolated
May you remind me that everything is interconnected

And in the times when I have lost confidence and trust in myself
May you help me remember who I am.

Words by Tahlia Hunter

(Inspired by the Serenity Prayer by Dr Reinhold Niebuhr)

Artwork by Elaine Bayley Illustrations

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Cherry Cheesecake Shooters

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Seriously.

How easy and how elegant are these!?! Your guests will think you toiled for hours when in truth these are a snap to make for a quick, yet amazing holiday dessert. They look super festive and taste amazing!

Ingredients

12 graham cracker rectangles 

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One 8-ounce package cream cheese 

1 can sweetened condensed milk 

1 can cherry pie filling

Almond flakes (optional)

Mint leaves (optional)

Directions

  1. Put the graham crackers into a resealable bag and bash with a rolling pin into fine crumbs. Spoon the crumbs into the bottoms of small wine glasses.
  2. Add the cream cheese and sweetened condensed milk to the bowl of an electric mixer and whip together until light and fluffy. Spoon into a pastry bag and pipe a big helping over the crumbs in each of the glasses.
  3. Top with a couple of teaspoons of cherry pie filling, and top with a sprinkle of almond flakes and then add a mint leaf for garnish.

Seriously. That is it.

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Winter Solstice

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Breathe.

A day to pause.

The word “solstice,” in Latin, means sun standing still, so in a sense, we could say the soul stands still on the solstice—maybe even long enough for you to catch a glimpse of it, as some legends say you can at this divine time of year. The darkest night contains the most magnetic power, too; this is a time to draw forth what you want, to incubate your best intentions.

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As you enjoy the longest night and the brightest lights of the season, please remember this: your soul is the light of the world. You carry the light within you. You shine.

We cannot change the fact that life has heartbreaking challenges any more than we can change that winter has storms. Viktor Frankl wrote in his quintessential book, Man’s Search for Meaning, “When we are no longer able to change a situation we are challenged to change ourselves.”

When we or someone we love are in a storm, try to recognize the good alongside the bad, and find your inner resilience.

Breathe.

Light always returns. Light is always there.

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Mock (or not) Cranberry Lime Spritzer

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This year I am hosting a family gathering that will include five grandkids under the age of eight! Talk about Christmas spirit and excitement!

Specialty drinks are an easy and delicious way to get into the holiday spirit. This mock cranberry and lime spritzer is a festive, fun, and delicious addition to complement any meal during the holidays. The kids can enjoy this one, too but I’m case the adults want to spice it up a bit, a splash of vodka before pouring into the adults glass is equally amazing.

Make it mock, or not.

Ingredients
Cranberry juice
Sparkling water or lemon-lime soda
Ice cubes
Lime oil

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Instructions

  1. Fill glass with ice and pour sparking water or lemon-lime soda half way.
  2. Fill additional half of glass with cranberry juice.
  3. Add one drop Lime oil and stir.

Tip: For garnish, add sliced limes and cranberries.

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Competition

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I recently shared my strengths according to Gallup Strengths Finder and am still digging into that theme a bit. I loved learning my too strengths, but I was also fascinated to learn my bottom ones also. Competition is the second to the bottom strength! This means competition is pretty irrelevant to me and my life.

Competition is very low in my skill set personally and professionally. That is not a good thing or a bad thing, it just reinforces my top strengths. I highly recommend taking the strengths finder test if your curious how it impacts your personal and business life.

I did some digging on competition and found some fascinating thing. Harvard business review says this about competition-

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While it can sometimes be productive, too often it is actually destructive to your overall goals. That’s why people who don’t have as much of a heart to compete have advantages in life and the opportunity to be more successful.

Non competing individuals are more motivated than most of the people around them.

Here is why:

•They aren’t as ego-driven.
People who compete often do so in large part to satisfy their egos. If you don’t have the heart to compete, then most likely you don’t have a big ego.

•They’re less stressed.
Competition in life adds a lot of unneeded frustration. If you’re not obsessed with competing, you’re largely free of that stress. That frustration is an almost overwhelmingly negative influence on your sense of self.

•They’re calmer.
A sense of calm comes over those who don’t endlessly think about how they’re going to get ahead in races of all kinds.

•They wish success on others.
The person who doesn’t obsess about competition often wants others to find success as well as themselves. What’s so great about that is how success begets success.

•They believe success can be shared.
Competitions are almost always win-lose situations. People who don’t want competition in their lives tend to believe in win-win scenarios. Instead of looking for ways they can outsmart their opponent, they search for methods to team up with them and overcome whatever obstacle that they face together instead of apart. By doing that, they double the chance for success.

•They have inner peace.
Obsession is unhealthy, whereas peace is just around the corner once you remove competition from the equation. By focusing on improving yourself instead of beating others, you are well on your way to the inner peace everyone craves, even if some of them don’t know it.

I’m telling you, learning about your strengths can lead to so much understanding in your relationships and professional life. I am so grateful I know these things about myself because I am able to see that I am unique and while others around me may be fed by competition I don’t have to try to fit in. I can be me and I can support them as they are then. Cool, huh?

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Morning Ritual

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Many years ago I would get out of bed and just start “doing”…. I was asleep living my life and just going through the motions of existing.

Then I started a ritual of being quiet and still. I made a commitment to getting up a little earlier before the house woke up and began making time for myself. I say this a lot, but when I WOKE UP to living, I became a better person. Part of the waking up process was cultivating a morning ritual.

The results were amazing. I yelled less, I reacted less, I was angry less, and I was peeling off all the garbage I had accumulated through my life. It was clear to me that anger can erode every cell of your being and I was a perfect example of what that looked like.

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I was toxic mess in every aspect of my life. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. A toxic, heavy mess.

And then I began this simple morning ritual. I started the great wake up. The rest is history ?

I usually take 30 minutes to do some of these things before the day gets busy. I am a big intention for the day person and I almost always pull a positive card that gives me something to think about throughout the day. I note all the goodness in my life and welcome in the day with an open heart. After this part of my morning is complete and my spirit is cared for, I go and take care of my physical body with movement.

Once I have had a little time for myself I can be ready to give to others. You know the old saying you cannot pour from an empty cup.

What’s your morning routine like?

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Mindful Gluten-Free Muffins

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I’m on a mission to eat a little more mindfully. I tend to get myself distracted by things to be done or things I want to do, and eating is low on that list. I made these muffins yesterday which is some thing I used to do all the time. Some how my life priorities became shifted but I am realizing that I need to move the lends back to eating better. For years I was a big time foodie and creating amazing meals was my jam, but then that season ended and I busied myself with other interest. Thing is though, I miss eating good food! I tend to grab something fast at the deli and move on to the next thing with little thought about nutrition.

As I am mentally and physically preparing for my fourth hip surgery in just two months I know I need to bump up the nutrients and get my body in prime condition for recovery. These little muffins are my first step at walking back towards a more mindful eating pattern.

They’re super easy, super healthy, and delicious.

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As you may recall, I’m not the best at exact measurements as I tend to eyeball everything.

Here’s how I did it.

Mindful Gluten Free Muffins

•2 ripe bananas

•2 eggs

•splash of MCT oil

•2 scoops of active stacks protein powder

•1/4 cup ish of melted coconut oil

•1 cup ish of almond flour

•1/2 cup ish coconut flour

•1 tsp baking powder

•1 tsp baking soda

•Pinch of salt

• dash of cinnamon

Bake 350 for 25 minutes. I store mine in the refrigerator to enjoy all week.

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Release

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It is crazy to think that we truly are in the final months of the year. While it is a time for celebrations, gatherings and gift-giving it is also a time to complete the inward cycle. With winter solstice coming this month it is a time when we complete our inward look, release what no longer serves us, and step back into the light. It is when we begins to emerge from our inner landscape to reveal a fresh, new season of growth. Crazy to think that winter is a time for that but in the solstice world after the beautiful pause and standing still of winter solstice where everything stops, the days begin to get longer as light returns.

I have used this blend for many years during this month as I am intentional about releasing the years baggage that holds me back; fears, worthiness, vulnerabilities and more. I use this blend before meditation and before sleep to facilitate a letting go so that when the month is over, I am a clean slate ready to walk into a new year.

Read on as to why I chose these oils and crystals-

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Thyme —empties the soul of negativity, leaves the heart open wide. This oil helps with emotional release.

Lemongrass is the oil of cleansing. It helps us let go of toxic energy and negativity. It helps release limiting beliefs. It allows us to move past old trauma and to gain clarity to move forward.

Cypress is the oil of motion. Ever feel stuck? Cypress will help you let go of worry and the need for control, and help you have trust in the flow of life. It will help with getting unstuck and moving forward.

Peppermint is the oil of a buoyant heart. It is a very invigorating oil to both mind and body. It is an encouraging oil that helps us rediscover the joy of life and being alive!

Basil essential oil is helpful in dealing with feelings of anxiety, panic, or apprehension, and has been said to be the oil of “renewal”, both emotionally and spiritually. It provides strength and tranquility to the heart and mind, making it perfect for overwhelm, stress, fatigue, and may even assist a person in their efforts to overcome addiction–which makes it a great choice for overcoming ruminating thoughts and self-sabotaging behaviors that often result from toxic relationships

Cedarwood oil is a great oil for times of crisis or sudden change, such as when there is an adjustment in households, jobs, and/or relationships. These events often lead to feeling isolated or knocked off balance. Cedarwood provides feelings of stability and grounding when external circumstances threaten your feelings of stability. It also helps lessen fears that deter your ability to realize your potential.

Bergamot helps us transfer love back to ourselves. We can be so fixated on wanting other people to make us happy that we forget we can do that for ourselves. Bergamot is uplifting, has natural anti-depressant properties, and helps us to relax and regain self-confidence again. Bergamot oil helps us in the areas of self-love, self-worth, self-acceptance, self-judgment, and self-loathing. It instills validation within, allowing us to accept our own authenticity, and not spend so much time worrying about the opinions of others.

Frankincense In addition to alleviating and eliminating depression, Frankincense is known as the “Oil of Truth”, revealing deceptiveness and false truths. It invites the individual to let go of lower vibrations, insults, and negativity. This oil helps create new perspectives based on integrity and enlightenment. Frankincense is also is a powerful cleanser of the spirit. It assists in removing malevolent energies attached to a person, allowing them to open to enlightenment. It addresses the emotions of abandonment and spiritual disconnectedness and releases them.

Lemon In addition to its bright aroma, lemon is also a great cleanser and purifier. This is a perfect choice to bring clarity, focus and brightness to the end of the year.

Smokey Quartz–The Smoky Quartz crystal is a grounding stone known for its ability to help you move on from difficult or painful experiences. It guides you to a higher state of being, a place where you can let go of the past and welcome in the future.

Not only does it smell heavenly it is powerful in it ability to shift emotions. Ready to try it?

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Let’s Get Personal

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I realized once again today that in this great cyber world it’s hard to really know someone. We see their passions, perhaps perfectly curated food or vacation photos, and we see snippets of the person that they are, but can we really know someone and their quirks through an online platform?

Clearly, I love yoga, natural options like essential oils, inspirational events and situations, brain injuries and much more.

Let’s get a little bit personal for a bit.

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I have a love affair with smashed-nosed dogs (pugs, Boston’s, bulldogs, boxers). I can’t help myself.

It hurts my heart to see others not valued for who they are, especially those with disabilities.

My favorite color is any shade of orange, I’ve even had an orange car! (I had a VW beetle with three little kids—what was I thinking?)

I collect crystals and if you came to my house, you’d find them everywhere (even in most of the window sills). My sweet little granddaughter Carrie’s her own all around and it warms my heart.

I can’t stand unloading the dishwasher but I love cleaning the kitchen floor.

Walking is how I manage pain, stress and general life stuff. I average around 23,000 steps a day.

I technically have four paid jobs that I juggle each day (I teach yoga and adaptive yoga, I teach wellness and essential oil education, I am a provider for my daughter with special needs, I take care of my mom’s billing business, and I am always a mom to my girl. And, I am the best unpaid MayMay to some sweet littles!

Being outside is imperative to my health. I walk outside 99.9% of the days. I can’t do frigid wind chill, but I am up for bundling up any time to walk. It’s where I connect. Nature feeds me and it’s also where I have learned to listen.

About 18 years ago I decided that I was so done being overweight so I changed my habits, starting walking and eating better, healed my inner world and lost all the weight. At one point I weighed 100 pounds more than I do now.

I believe we are all here to make the world better and kinder. So simple.

I also love teaching others to find their values and principles to navigating life. When I am living in these values I am aligned and in the flow. When I venture away from these I find myself lost and struggling.

Here are my top ten values:

1. Faith (in my purpose, in other people, in life)
2. Service (to do something without personal gain)
3. Kindness (simple…just be kind)
4. Acceptance (for everything)
5. Diligence (don’t half ass things or put things off)
6. Action (this is always necessary for success)
7. Awareness (be awake to life’s simplest things)
8. Belief (a deep knowing which is empowering)
9. Fulfillment (each choice is to support the good)
10. Love (act in alignment with my heart)

I also love learning about my strengths so that I can be my best. Have you taken the Clifton Strength Finder test?

Here are my top 5 strengths and how they show up in my life! I found it FASCINATING and can see how they all have influenced my business and personal decisions.

  1. Belief—I have certain core values that are unchanging. Out of these values my life purpose has emerged. I can see now how this #1 also played a negative role in my marriage. I was unable to bend when I needed to and see someone else’s perspective. My work HAS to be meaningful or I either.
  2. Responsibility—If I say I am going to do something, I will do it. I am commuted to values like honesty and loyalty. Sometimes this strength gets in the way of my ability to relax because I feel so much responsibility for getting things accomplished.
  3. Connectedness—I have faith in the connectedness of all things. I am able to link people and lessons and experiences and outcomes. I am not a big believer in coincidence as I believe everything that happens has a reason. This has served me well in my own personal struggles as well as my business.
  4. Discipline — I enjoy order and thrive when things are such. I love routine and predictability. When my kids were little I even color coded legos…a tad extreme I get it, but I thrive when things are in order. I also am very disciplined with my body and workouts. I hold myself to a super high standard of keeping my word to myself. Uummm, see responsibility above.
  5. Focus— They say people with this strength can take directions, take action and follow through. I definitely thrive when I have accomplished what I set out to do. In fact, prioritizing what needs to be done and doing it first has been a stickler in many of my relationships where someone else may prefer to play first then check off the list.

Crazy how they are all interwoven for me! My main domain is in the executing realm so basically I get stuff done and believe strongly in living that way. Can you see how that May negatively influence a relationship? Over the years I have learned to channel these more into the business world and I am able to deliver my beliefs in a softer more palatable way for others.

Wanna know my bottom two? Individualization which basically means that I am unable to pick our unique things about people because I believe so strongly in we are all equal. There is that belief thing again. The next to bottom strength is competition. It means nothing to me. I could literally care less if I am first or better.

I think it is so cool to sit with yourself and learn about YOU. For decades I didn’t like who I was so even the willingness to look inward was terrifying. No more!

Now, it’s YOUR turn!

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Someone’s Survival Guide

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I am a super private person and unless you know me really well or catch the occasional revealing posts about my private life, you may not know the whole story.

I am not one to carry on about the past much because I believe what happened is what happened and by perhaps looking through a different lens, I have learned to see the gifts and lessons learned.

Yesterday I had an opportunity to have a very honest and real conversation with a girl I met a few years ago that is entering into a season of her life that includes being a single mom, wondering how she will work, feed her kids and fulfill her deep calling to do what her heart and soul is calling her to do.

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I was there.

Eating cheap food to survive, scrambling for a job, yearning for something more and doing the best I knew how with my kids.

I failed a bunch but I also succeeded way more. I evolved into this. I overcame the you obstacles of single parenting and finding myself through the process.

My hope is that I gave this young girl a sense that she WILL be okay and that she WILL find her way and that she WILL succeed in her wildest dreams. She is certainly deserving of it and skilled in many ways.

It felt kinda strange to share my story and see the other side of what overcoming struggles can possibly do for someone just entering that sisterhood.

You just never know how your challenges can help someone else in a time of need.

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