Inspiration

The Pot (repost)

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This beautiful tale comes from my other, more personal blog but it is worth reading here. Being real and raw can invite such a healing.

For many, many years I have often thought of my internal state being that of a boiling pot of water.  Sometimes the water simmers and sometimes it is a raging boil.  The lid may slip off from time to time to allow some steam to release but for the most part I have keep the lid tightly sealed.

A lifetime of experiences and years of conscious choices to see the good and the potential in all situations has served me well and yet, the boiling water remained.  Always there under the surface of acceptance and gratitude.

Disability. Autism. Fear. Shame. Conditional love. Solitude. Survival. Abandonment. Fatigue. Gut-wrenching sadness. Grief.

Recently the day came when the pot erupted into an over-boil and the water scalded me and the all that raged inside me.  As if I was taking the lid off and pouring the wretched water out, I stepped into the deepest darkest caverns of my soul. I allowed any and all emotions to flood out as I poured this enormous pot of water out. Hot and blistering in its sensation, I conceded to its pain.

I cried. I sobbed. I yelled. I stomped.

I questioned God.

And then I withdrew into the emptiness of a pot no longer holding a lifetime of pain.  I sat in the stillness of a depleted and vacant space within my soul. Weakened by the rage and invigorated by the freedom of no longer holding the lid on tight, I felt empty.

In the space of barren feelings, I realized that being pissed off at the cards I was dealt is okay.  Certainly seeing the good in what the cards have offered me is healthy and a beautiful practice that I enjoy living, but denying myself to feel the pain has been destructive.  No more.

The vessel is dry and awaits to be filled with love and happiness.

How To Use Crystals

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Crystal energy is powerful but it’s not something the Western world yet truly knows how to define or describe. And yet they have been uses for centuries in many traditions and rituals. We’ve gotten so disconnected from nature and its healing abilities —from crystals to essential oils and herbs.

The beginning of my journey into crystals is a bit of a blur since at the time I was in the middle of what I call my great “wake up” and I was actively seeking a variety of holistic modalities. The first time I ventured into a crystal shop I was with a group of girlfriends following an amazing hike in the mountains. I was curious and unsure when I entered the store, but I remember very clearly feeling this draw to the rich dark orange of carnelian. I purchased a round carnelian stone ring and it remains one of my favorite pieces even after all these years. Carnelian is a beautiful stone perfect for creativity, boosts courage and self confidence, inspires actions and is an excellent stone for circulation, back problems, rheumatism, arthritis, neuralgia and depression. It accelerates healing in bones and ligaments and improves vitamin and mineral absorption and ensures good blood supply to organs and tissues.

Over the years I have collected many many crystals. I’ve also given away a lot of the crystals I’ve collected – to family members, friends and and students. I’ve also lost a few crystals along the way. They are funny like that – when their energy is no longer needed they will carry themselves back to the earth or find their way to someone who needs them. I’ve learned to not be disappointed but instead know that I got what I needed and now someone else will.

Today I keep crystals on my window sill, on the ledge of my bathtub, under my bed, in my pockets, in my wallet and the rest in a beautiful dishes around my home. It is not uncommon to see me grab one or two while I am chatting, journaling, or reading. I have my favorites and from time to time they change. My current favorite though is the large fluorite I hold in my hand while I am doing my early morning reading. It is so balancing.

When I look at my collection I am often able to link a certain crystal to a focus in my life – the pinks when I was needing to find unconditional love and acceptance, reds and browns when I was working on learning to stay grounded and steady, quartz, amethyst and selenite when I developed a deeper understanding of Oneness. I was drawn to green stones when I was learning joy and the connection to unconditional love. Yellows and oranges when I was working with ideas to manifest and remember all the abundance. Blues when I was strengthening my inner wisdom and learning to speak my truth.

For years I didn’t really talk about crystals or how I have come to use them. I just know they worked and I felt their power but I couldn’t describe their power or prove their abilities – and in the West, that unfortunately makes me naive and what I believe in and experience ‘not real’. Thankfully my heart persisted and crystals have become a prominent part of my life and now I love sharing with others.

Letting Go

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One of my favorite aspects to yoga and mindfulness is taking a deep look inside to find the parts of ourselves that aren’t serving our greatest good and decide to let it go. The volume of space we create is enormous and it allows something better to fall into that space.

In my personal life I have many decisions ahead of me. It’s honestly been a grueling time for me and some major changes for my daughter. I also have ankle surgery scheduled, but with so many unknowns I am debating whether now is the right time.

When life shows up like it has recently, I have to remember to go inside and let go of the fear, the anger and the worries. Much like a leaf that falls from a tree, I know when I let go of it, there is space. Space means clarity. In the space of clarity, I know I will find my way.

This months schedule for classes is also very unknown. Certainly that causes this very disciplined and schedule savvy girl to feel unsettled. It is likely that I am going to be watching the weather and offer warm sunny fall pop classes. I will still be adding videos to my online session collection AND I am super excited to offer a chakras series! This is a popular series and I can’t wait to share more about the details.

Let this month be a time where you truly let go of something that is weighing you down, or that you no longer need—just like that leaf that did it’s job, it also can now let go. Even fear and feelings of uncertainty can be useful, but eventually it’s time to let it go.

Carrying It Well

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Most people know I am not a complainer and that I always, always look for the good in most situations.

And I’m sure one day, I will find the good in this, too. Today, it feels anything but that.

Sure, I put on a smile and do my work. But the heaviness in my heart is ginormous.

Some of my closest friends know the recent unfolding of some devastating news. As a private person I intended to be quiet about this, too. But after thinking long and hard I realized that maybe by speaking it, someone will be inspired to see the need for serious changes in our world.

Since my daughter was 10 years old (she is 26), I have been her certified nurses aide. This allows her to have the help she requires and me to be paid for providing. I also receive health insurance through the home health care employer I work for.

Last week I learned that the state of colroado and the resource exchange has determined that she is no longer eligible to receive services.

What does that mean?

There are layers to implications to this. It means most importantly that if I were to die, she would NOT have the services in place for her to receive the care she needs, except in a completely inappropriate placement like a long term care center. Secondly, it means that this incredibly hard working woman now loses an income and worse, health insurance. And finally, it means she doesn’t get the services she needs and is eligible for. It is all handed back to the parents to do, and the state must think parents of special needs people live forever.

I have a much needed surgery scheduled in three weeks. I have multiple preexisting conditions that prevent me from getting AFFORDABLE insurance which leaves me to have to pay for incredibly expensive, limited, and costly out of pocket insurance that covers the minimum of what I need. And deserve.

For the pencil pusher at the state level and at the agency who oversees funding—how dare you.

I’m not sure what my next steps are. Perhaps get a j.o.b. and release my dream of what I’ve created. Perhaps I sit and do nothing but pay the premium and put off surgery until something better comes along.

Mostly I pray that one day people with disabilities will have the protests, rallies and out spoken support that other groups seem to get. Until then, this most vulnerable population gets swept under the rug, forgotten about except for their very tired family to deal with.

Principles to Live By

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In the Yoga world, Pantanjali wrote ancient texts thousands and thousands of year ago and have become the “rules” in which a Yogi attempts to live by. Part of the texts include the Yamas and Niyamas. The Yamas focus on the ethical standards of how we should conduct ourselves in daily life and the behavior to develop during interactions with the self and others. The five Yamas include truthfulness, non violence, non stealing, non greed, right energy. The five Niyamas are constructive tools for cultivating happiness and self-confidence and they are purification, contentment, self-discipline, self study, and self surrender.

As I have been going back to studying the Sutras, reviewing these principles is always a rich self exploration, especially during this month as I have been teaching my classes around the concept of understanding the foundation of our spirit.

Over the years I have found that knowing (and living within) my values or principles is paramount for my success and overall well-being. When I step aside from them and life becomes challenging, as it often does, I am less likely to respond well.

In contemplative questions, it is useful to ask yourself what are some of the core principles in which you live by.

I like to think of the foundation of a home being what sustains the rest of the structure when storms come by, or the roots of tree that holds it upright during turmoil.

As I have been looking inward and reviewing the Yamas/Niyamas, I spent a few weeks discovering the ten principles in which I live by.

I have come to learn that when we know who we are, we can begin to show up in life through our thoughts, words, and actions in alignment with that inner truth. Knowing who we are is very different than what we are. To learn more about labels, check out this post.

I know when I am showing up outside of these parameters or guidelines because I get easily rattled, I am quick with sharp words, I am impatient and easily overwhelmed. When I am in my truth and aligned with these principles, I feel the wholeness of who I am and know that I am showing up in my most authentic self.

Have you ever thought about what guides you? What your foundation is?

After several weeks of pondering, here are my ten principles.

My Ten Principles

  1. Faith (in my purpose)
  2. Service (to do without gain)
  3. Kindness (just be kind)
  4. Acceptance (for everything)
  5. Diligence (don’t half ass)
  6. Action (necessary for success)
  7. Awareness (stay awake to now)
  8. Belief (knowing, empowering)
  9. Fulfillment (attention to good)
  10. Love (act in alignment with my heart)

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Personal Yoga Practice

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I get asked a lot about my personal practice. The assumption might be that I am always on my mat in my gorgeous studio.I do practice Yoga everyday. But, the Truth is I unroll my mat mostly when I feel a disconnection.

I come to my mat to feel…to nurture my body…to connect with my sensations. I don’t practice asana (postures) everyday. Having a Yoga practice doesn’t have to be physical.

So yes…I practice everyday, but I come to my mat when I need to plug into my soul, and connect my physical body to that beautiful place inside.

You don’t “do yoga”. You are Yoga….Become Yoga…leave the “doing” for something else.

If you are wanted to learn the deeper aspects the practice of Yoga, I would love to chat with you. Send me a message and we will connect.

Chakra Balancing Blends

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There are seven major energy centers in the body known as ‘Chakras’. Chakra is a Sanskrit word that means “wheel”. Our seven main chakras are connected to our physical, emotional, mental and spiritual levels. Blocked energy in our seven chakras can often lead to illness, so it’s important to understand what each chakra represents and what we can do to keep this energy flowing freely.Chakras are invisible to the naked eye and yet interconnect our physical and spiritual selves. Each of the seven chakras is tied directly to a specific region and nerve center of the body.

It is believed that each of the chakras absorbs and filters the energy that we emit through our thoughts and actions as well as through the thoughts and actions of all those that we come into contact with. When one of the chakras is out of balance as a result of negative energy flowing through it, it begins to spin too slowly or too fast. When a chakra is not balanced, it can effect that physical region of the body and also effect very specific aspects of our spiritual and emotional selves.

There are many ways to go about balancing the chakras but two of the most accessible, effective and relaxing practices are aromatherapy and crystal therapy. When paired correctly, crystals and essential oils can create potent combinations that help to release blocked energy and restore the body to full charge.

Chakra Blends:

  • Root: black tourmaline; cypress, sandalwood, balance, vetiver and cedarwood. I AM. Apply to feet, legs. 
  • Sacral: carnelian; clary sage, patchouli, bergamot,  ylang and wild orange I FEEL.  Apply to low belly. 
  • Solar plexus: citrine; cinnamon, coriander, ginger, clove, and peppermint. I DO.  Apply to center of belly. 
  • Heart: rose quartz; lavender, cypress, lemon, orange, whisper and sandalwood I LOVE. Apply to heart. 
  • Throat: sodalite; bergamot, peppermint, spearmint, eucalyptus and lavender. I SPEAK. Apply to throat. 
  • 3rd eye: amethyst; cedarwood, lemongrass, frankincense, marjoram, blue tansy, sandalwood. I SEE.  Apply to behind ears, forehead. 
  • Crown: quartz crystal; frankincense, myrrh, Roman chamomile, lavender and rosemary. I UNDERSTAND. Apply to heart, spine. 

If you would like to order essential oils to make your own blends, just pop over here. Also, for a deeper look at each blend, check out this free chakra ebook. You can also purchase a full chakra set here!

Resistance, Surrender, Peace

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About eighteen years ago I was referred to rheumatology for a positive antibody test result. What came next, and over a series of extensive blood work and discussions, was that I had several autoimmune diseases and needed to start medication. This was long before I was an advocate for myself or was even aware that I had choices when it came to what I put in my body. So I started the medications with zero research, zero questioning and zero information.

I stopped them as quickly as I started them.

Something in me just knew that it wasn’t the right time for me. It was during this season of my life that I was also beginning what I refer to as my “wake up”. A period where I was moving from being an angry, heavy toxic woman to someone who lived peacefully and in alignment with her greatest vision. I embarked on a journey of wellness that took me from over 200 pounds to a mere 145 pounds, but more than the weight it allowed me to find my soul and live in a way that was perfectly fulfilling in every aspect.

After stopping the medication, I went full on resistance to anything my rheumatology doctor had to say. Every visit was a heated battle of wills, until one day when she basically fired me as her patient. I went a year or so before I finally chose to drag my little tail between my legs to see her, and asked for a chance to start over. We talked about diet, herbs and exercise and although she was not a huge believer in any of it playing a large role in auto-immune disease (AID), she agreed to listen to me rant about how I believed that my extreme exercise habits and strict diet was keeping my symptoms away. Were they, or was I so resistant to the medications that I refused to acknowledge the pain I was really experiencing day after day?

My every-three-month visits and lab work came and went for many years and I was determined to have a lifestyle that was everything living with AID isn’t–active, vibrant, and full of living.

My resistance began to shift into surrender about five years ago when I was starting to have more and more periods of pain and fatigue. I told my rheumo that I would trust her to tell me if my body was taking a toll and when it is really time to start medications, not just based on a positive blood test. She agreed to watch and wait. I agreed to finally trust her expertise. I surrendered to the idea that I would likely have to start mediations if I wanted to keep my active life, and my sanity. I was by no means ready to start the medication, but I surrendered to the inevitable time that it would be coming.

The time has come. My body needs the help of medication to reduce the amount of flare ups that I experience. I walked into her office last week in total peace for the decision. The day I took the first dose, I rode my bike for miles and miles and marveled at the young woman who had so much well -served stubbornness and the need to do it her own way for over a decade. I watched in my mind how she matured into a common sense surrender of what IS, and then the wise woman who has softened into peace.

I wouldn’t trade a second of my seasons and am definitely proud of how I have handled the huge decision to know when. Believe me when I say I wanted essential oils and meditation to be enough, but I am the first to say for me, it isn’t enough. Sure, those things are my #1 and #2 choice for anything going on in my life (physically, emotionally or mentally), but I also realize that there is a time when western and eastern meet and good things happen. The oils and holistic life is one I will never trade, but I am proud of knowing myself enough to trust when something else can be added to make my life even better.

Resistance served me well. Surrender allowed me the grace to know. And, peace welcomed me into her arms.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Becoming a Storyteller

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I believe we all have a story and being at peace with our story usually inspires others to do the same.

Becoming a storyteller has been part of my practice for years and I am coming into an amazing place that lends itself to revealing myself on a deeper level.

It is my hope that in the coming months as you learn more about my story it will awaken something in you that seeks to be found.

If you’re hoping to learn to touch your toes, I may not be the best yoga teacher for you. If you want to crawl into your spirit and bring out the best of yourself, then I am.

Let’s tell each other our stories. Let’s listen and shine the light on each other.

Learn to Listen

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Are feeling the pressure of the world? I sure am.

The last few weeks I have experienced a multitude of emotions that are very unusual for me. Rather than resist them, I have learned to sit with them and then ask.

I’m the moments that follow the simple question—what do I need to know—I am given very clear messages. It is in this sweet sacred space I listen with intent ears and an open heart

So while it may seem to some I am distant and far away, the truth is I am taking radical self care to nurture my spirit from the division and the culture that seems to have a need to be right…as Caroline Myss says there is no right, there is only kindness.

I am looking to surround myself with people who are kind. Who show up in the world with compassion as their guide. Who strive not for personal gain but instead to be light to others.

If you’re too busy looking to be “right”, I beg you to be silent enough to listen.

Full Moon

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The energy of a Full Moon is heightened and emotions, feelings, mental processes, dreams etc are all amplified.  When the Sun & Moon oppose each other during a Full Moon, this can cause tension & uncomfortable friction, but at the same time a greater amplification of vision & potential possibility. 

The  is a powerful time of gratitude, gracefully acknowledging the beauty of life itself and all you have brought into beingness.  You may feel a burning desire to express your creativity, bliss out in sensual activities and through fierce yet profoundly tender vibrations let go of any aspects of your life that no longer serve the grandest vision of your Soul.

And as you enter another cycle, reflection with these two questions: “Who do you want to be this time around? What will you do differently?”

Full Moon Energy

  • It’s a time when you reap what you’ve sown.
  • It’s when you’re grateful for whatever lessons you’ve learned in last moon’s cycle, or for whatever intentions and seeds that you planted that actually came to fruition.
  • It’s about completion.?
  • Yang energy

Celestite is an incredibly soothing stone. It encourages positivity, while quelling the anxious or excitable energy that is overly abundant within. It cleans up the aura and promotes light and easy self-expression, making it extra effective if you are seeking therapy for these ailments. It’s an amazing choice in soothing and calming too much nervous energy. 

The high vibrations of Celestite crystal healing properties stimulate and support the throat, third eye, and crownchakras, making it an excellent stone for an overall spiritual detox.

The Celestite crystal stone meaning is a symbol of peace, because when you connect to a higher state of being, it opens you up to mental clarity, the key to resolving conflicts in relationships. Celestite gives us a sense of greater openness to new experiences, even if it seems out of our comfort zone.

The gentle and soothing Celestite crystal meaning reminds us that each day brings new opportunities to shoot for the stars.

Lemongrass: Known as the oil of “cleansing” lemongrass is a powerful and effective cleanser of any energies that no longer aids in our expansion.

Cypress: As the oil of “flow”, cypress is the perfect oil to release any stagnant energy or relationships

Frankincense: Widely known as the oil of “spiritual truth” Frankincense assists us in removing any low vibe or false components in our lives.

Thyme: Revered as the oil of “releasing and forgiving,” Thyme is a significant cleanser of the emotional body making it ideal for the full moon.

Ginger – Oil of Empowerment. Assists individuals to be fully present and participate in life.

Bergamot – Oil of Self-Acceptance. Assists in relieving feelings of self-judgement and low self-esteem. Powerful cleanser of limiting beliefs (feelings of being “not good enough”, “bad”, “unlovable”).

Learn more about the basics of using essential oils here!

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Captivated By Purpose

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I didn’t follow the traditional path when it comes to becoming a yoga teacher. I knew early on that my path would lead me to sharing yoga with those who are unable to easily access a traditional setting. I got many small certifications and began teaching before I even thought about getting a 200 hour accreditation. And to be really honest, I still cringe when someone asks me “where did you do your 200 hour?” I cringe because so many times our culture puts a focus on a title or a perceived standard. As my favorite poem the Invitation says—“it doesn’t interest me where or what or with who you studied, I want to know what sustains you on the inside when all else falls away”.

My path to becoming a yoga teacher was the same old monkey on my back that I carried because I didn’t take the common path and go to college. Instead, I got married and became a mom. I didn’t take a college class until I was 43 years old! Until I was able to see my own success I always felt less than others because I chose a different way.

What I have come to learn is that the path we take is OURS. There is no space for comparison when you are fully engaged with your purpose. I knew I was supposed to be a young mom and I also knew that I was supposed to teach yoga a certain way. I knew then and I know now that the paper certificate or who I studied with is irrelevant—it is how I show up on the world that matters. And that is with divine PURPOSE.

Let go of the distraction to compare and compete and instead step into who you really are. You’ll find a treasure within yourself that will change the world.

When I made the decision to go online due to covid, I knew I didn’t want to take another traditional path of online offerings. I wanted to stay true to me—raw, real, authentic, and definitely not staged or overly “perfect”. I hold true to that, tho I will say I have found each week to be more and more my true voice as I get comfortable teaching to a screen.

If you’re ready to follow a path that’s true to you, I’d love to link arms with you.