Inspiration

Intention to Faith

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Personal development has been a hobby of mine for the last 15 years.  What has come from this hobby has been truly amazing and I am grateful for the wake up. 

Over the last decade and a half, I have dug deep into healthy living. This includes meditation, yoga, spirituality, soul-searching and the gut wrenching-digging-out-the-crap-of-old-beliefs-and-stories.  I can say with honesty that I have also struggled to maintain my momentum without finding myself overly critical.  Self-loathing and microscopic analysis of all that I need to “work on” can be consuming for a habit-forming personality type like myself.  In contrast, there has been plenty of times when I have also neatly stacked all the self-help, goddess inspiring, soul inspiring books and walked away to take a breather.

I am in the midst of another cycle where I am looking at my stuff and balancing it with the confidence and self-assurance that I am really okay.  In fact, I am beyond okay.  I am an empowered and magnificently flawed human that is willing to grow.

And like all growing spurts, there is usually some pain. The deep aches that wake you in the middle night.  The stretching of the mind, body and soul to embark on a new way of seeing the world, and specifically myself in the world.

While I balance what needs to be examined; work patterns, where I put my energy, habits that don’t serve my greatest good, words that hurt, etc., with the understanding what I hold my faith in–and that is, ALL experiences are opportunities to grow.

ALL.

This includes the sticky experiences that are challenging and the opposing joy filled experiences that are exhilarating.  I believe in the deepest of my very essence that every experience is a lesson. I also hold confidence that embedded in each ‘lesson’ is the calling to fall back into your faith.  Lay softy down in the knowing that all is well.  I do this by consciously handing over to God what is showing up with a trusting that in the end, I will be okay.  In truth, I am far better than okay and whatever is showing up in my life, is temporary and by bringing more of my intention to my faith the more fearless I do become.

Mind Body Sprit Detox

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“True healing comes with the nourishing of the mind, the body and the soul”  – Unknown 

This time of year we hear all quite a bit of talk about cleanses and I have even participated in some over the years. It seems we over indulge during the holiday season and then dive into something to erase the pounds of cookies, fudge and eggnog we enjoyed for weeks.

I wonder what would happen if instead of taking extreme measures we simply implemented some daily habits into our life so that there is less of a need to swing the pendulum from enjoying all the good things to eliminating and withholding?

As a person who sees the whole person, I think many of us good benefit from minor tweaks to our daily habits as a way to clean up our mind, body and spirit, rather than focusing only on detoxing the body. Small, subtle changes to our everyday routines could provide a great impact to our overall wellbeing. I know that I am working on making these part of my everyday life, not just during the the new year season.

Mind:

Our mind can be constantly recycling our past experiences or predicting the potential disasters of the future, most of which never occur.  Ask yourself how much time do you spend during the day participating in an inner narrative about the past and the future? How much of the time do we get stuck in the past, reliving the same old miseries?  How much time do you spend assuming expectations or anticipating future events? Take some quiet time to look at your thoughts and emotions. Are they mostly happy and optimistic or are you mostly recycling the same worries, doubts, and regrets?

Meditating cleanses your mind, body and spirit. To sit in silence and connect is pure bliss.  Think of meditation as a way to cleanse your mind of any negative thoughts and create space for yourself to listen with a relaxed focus. 

There are many different meditation techniques and practices, the most important thing is finding one that resonates with you and is one that you will return to time and time again. 

Journalling is a great way to get things out of your head and onto paper, it allows you to fully process things that are bothering you and for you to see them in a different light.  

There is no need to follow any structure, allow yourself to write freely and see what comes up.

If you have trouble getting started with journaling, try answering these questions as a starting point:

  • Write down everything that’s taking up space in your mind.
  • What can you do to get yourself some nourishment and self-care?
  • What would you like more of in your life 
  • Rather than write your thoughts, doodle and draw pictures simply to empty the mind

Take a non tech day

Take time out away from your computer, phone and social media. for 24hrs. Give yourself a break away from the screens and the external world. 

Give your eyes and mind a rest and do some more nurturing activities like getting out in nature, cooking nourishing food, playing board games, doing yoga, journaling, spending time with family and friends, do something art or simply do nothing.  Taking some time out in silence is another great way to connect and check in with yourself.

Sleep is a powerful and very needed reset for the mind.  A quality sleep can help you to be more resilient to the stressors of life and will help you access your coping strategies when life does get hard.  Try to go to bed early  and aim for 8-9 hours of sleep. Limiting screen time and sipping on a chamomile or lavender tea can prepare the mind and body for sleep.  Some of my favorite sleep essential oils are cedarwood, bergamot, lavender, siberian fir, vetiver, and eucalyptus.  This free ebook describes some of the amazing uses of essential oils beyond just for sleep.

Affirmations are an amazing strategy to switch our thinking from a negative to a positive. The repeated use of affirmations can be life-changing.

I do believe that the two most powerful words we speak are I AM.  Whatever we speak after that we are inviting into our life.  

When you catch yourself saying a negative I AM, immediately replace it with a positive I AM. Post positive statements where you will see them.

For example:

  • I AM a failure to I AM trying to overcome this.
  • I AM a mess to I AM working hard.
  • I AM a loser to I AM doing my best.

Body: 

Detoxing the body can be something you do seasonally, yearly, or whenever you feel like your body is in need of a refreshed feel.  Some cleanses last anywhere from a one day cleanse to month long cleanses.  If you are not comfortable taking that on, you can also implement these habits into your daily life to maintain a detoxed and lighter body. 

  • Start the day with a glass of warm water and lemon juice, drink lots of room temperature water throughout the day. I also add a drop of lemon or grapefruit oil to my water.
  • Have a light breakfast, maybe a green smoothie and or fruit, avoid or limit caffeine, if possible. 
  • Make lunch your main meal with lots of colorful vegetables and a light lean protein.
  • Avoid processed and packaged foods and heavy proteins, minimize sugars.
  • Get some light exercise such as walking, yogic stretching.
  • Eat an early, light dinner. Ideally eating no later than 6pm can help your body properly digest food and help with a solid sleep.
  • Dry brushing is a method of gently exfoliating your skin using a special firm-bristled brush. Some people use it as part of their skin routine to try to restore firmness, get rid of dry skin flaking, and encourage blood flow to certain areas of the body. It also helps detoxify your skin by increasing blood circulation and promoting lymph flow/drainage
  • Coffee to tea swap.  As much as I love coffee, I am trying to swap my afternoon brew for a yummy tea.  A work in progress.  Some say that coffee can cause the adrenal glands to work extra hard and this ultimately causes fatigue and stress in the body.
  • Salt Baths are my favorite way to relax and detox the body.  I love to add essential oils such as lavender, cypress, cedarwood, basil, eucalyptus and peppermint to one cup of epsom salt. Soaking for 20 minutes can support a natural detox for the body. Himalayan salt is also a great alternative to epsom. 

Breath Work

Breathing is living and a function of life, without it we wouldn’t be here. Every single cell and organ in our bodies needs our breath to fully function. With a regular breath practice we can lower stress levels and prevent disease. 

Moving your body is vital to feeling good and detoxing your mind, body and soul. Any form of exercise supports the functionality of your organs and the natural detox process and gets your cardiovascular system going, improves your blood flow and, thereby, has a positive impact on your body’s systems and processes. 

Yoga is beneficial for your body in general. Iyengar stated that twisting poses compress the muscles and organs, blocking the flow of blood. When releasing the poses, the blood flows back into those areas, improving circulation. Twists are an important part of a balanced yoga practice as they improve circulation – which certainly is beneficial to your internal organs. I have a full library of yoga videos on my website!

Spirit:

When we commit to taking care of our mind and our body, we have a natural and beautiful awakening of the spirit, however there are times when heavy emotions weigh us down and prevent our light from truly shining. Caring for our spirit involves recognizing parts of ourselves that we are holding onto that are interfering with our ability to show up fully in life, and can also prevent us from giving and receiving the goodness of life. 

Ask yourself if some of these resonate:

  • I have regrets
  • I carry resentment.
  • I feel guilt.
  • I need to forgive myself or someone else.
  • I blame others for my pain.
  • I feel ashamed of my actions or thoughts.
  • I do not feel worthy.
  • I am in constant disappointment.
  • I worry much of the time.
  • I fear the worst.
  • I rarely laugh or find joy in everyday moments. 

If a statement above hits you in your gut, it is likely that your spirit could use a little cleaning. I like to think of this as simply polishing off some smudges that have accumulated on our light. With some similar mindful practices to the mind, you can work on clearing out the dark spaces in your heart that are taking up space for something much more beautiful.

Gratitude

A gratitude practice can be a wonderful balm for a sore spirit. The research supports that a deliberate gratitude practice can shift our minds (and spirits) from a place of lack and limitations, which we are hardwired to think/feel, to a place of abundance and grace. What is a deliberate gratitude practice?

  • Look for 3-5 experiences throughout your day to jot down in a book.
  • Notice the feelings that these experiences bring to you. Write that down.
  • Go beyond the touchable and tangible (family, friends, home) and go for the deeper reason why these matter.
  • Review your gratitudes weekly and sit with all that is noticeably good.

Meditation, proper sleep, connecting with trusted people, walks in nature, praying, attending a spiritual community gathering, silence, gardening, and other ways that you identify feed you can get your spirit cleaned up so that you can be the best person you can be. 

Caring for our whole Self is a powerful and life sustaining practice that can enhance all areas of your life. When we are clear and engaged in ourselves we can show up better for the world. These simple steps should not feel like a heavy and insurmountable undertaking, but instead should feel like a way of being and something you can carry into each season of the year.

Deliberate (Word 2022)

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deliberate adjective; Done consciously and intentionally. Fully considered; not impulsive. Done or acting in a careful and unhurried way.

For many years I have chosen a word for my year. I often say that to me this is like a thread that gets woven into the tapestry of our lives. Some years the thread may be glittery and bright, and other years the thread may be a little heavier and denser in its unique makeup. Either way as I look at the tapestry of my life, I can see easily the threads that have been woven together to create something beautiful. I love to look at my bookshelf in my office and see eighteen years worth of journals and planners that have become the themes throughout much if my adult life.

My word for 2022 is DELIBERATE. 

I love words and I love to look at definitions. The definition that sticks with me the most is done consciously and intentionally. If you know me at all, you might see a very determined woman who rarely says no. I don’t think this is because I am a huge people pleaser, although maybe my gut is telling me that at some point I need to check in with that. I think I say yes to everything because I like to be the person who isn’t always “too busy, too tired, too overwhelmed, too stressed, too much in pain, too whatever”. I refuse (probably in an unhealthy way) to allow life’s challenges to dictate what I do. However, I am realizing that saying yes too quickly often leads me to feel frustrated and overwhelmed because in my heart I would rather be doing something else.

I also chose this word because I have a desire to shift my quick decision making and tendency for my abrupt communication style to one that exhibits a more thoughtful approach. I have a quick thinking mind and sometimes I can blurt out something without thinking through how it will be heard. I am tenacious in all of my efforts and learning to be more deliberate and temper my fast moving mind may be of benefit for more. I also have a tendency to say yes to everything and everyone, leaving myself at the bottom of the list. I want to be mindful of how I spend my time and say yes to things that really feed me, rather than commit to something for the sake of simply saying yes. I want to do better about filling up the margins of my own life, rather than with feeling overwhelmed come across as a need to have an impulse to create boundaries around things. To me the recent popularity of having boundaries feels like a fence that keeps things and people away, whereas margins are up to the person deciding for their own life how to fill that space. So I get to choose what goes within the margins of my life and I am going to choose goodness and things that feel right in my heart. Through conscious and intentional living, I intend to be more deliberate with my choices. I am laser sharp when it comes to my business and my personal health, but there is definitely space to grow in my choices and become more intentional with other areas of my life.

The practical ways that I plan to implement and welcome in the concept of being more deliberate includes blocking every Friday off as a day where I will choose how I fill it. I have gone through my planner and highlighted a block around every Friday for the year. That is at least 52 chances for me to pause, to check in and then decide how I fill my day. Another practical way that I am moving towards being more deliberate is I am wearing an amazonite mala necklace and a bracelet as a reminder. Amazonite is a stone of peace, truth, harmony, and communication. It’s been called the “peacemaker stone” due to its communicative abilities and will be a gentle reminder for me to communicate clearly, calmly and with intention. Amazonite also empowers and strengthens any intention that may be set in it, so this morning I held it closely and told it what it is here to remind me of. Finally, amazonite reminds us that we are in control of our own destiny and our decisions will affect our outcome.

The non-practical ways that I plan to use this thread in my life is I am going to make the space to be very open by feeling less impulsive and becoming more unhurried and slower in my life. I am planning to let go of the concept of hard-driven goals and instead have a sweet little map that will guide me to unknown outcomes. This in a very round-a-bout way feels more intentional to me. Slowing down, considering the course I want my year to lead me, and being conscious and awake in my decisions.

So often when we choose a word we can be inviting in some big challenges and hurdles and I am preparing myself that those will come. When they do, I may want to slip back into the old and very familiar ways of living. I hope that because I am speaking my word to anyone willing to listen when they see that old impulsive, always-saying-yes person, they will take a gentle hand and guide me back to being in alignment with my intention to become more deliberate.

Are you ready for 2022? Join me in a life of intention and awareness! What is your word?

A Look Back at Refinement 2021

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When I began this year, I was welcoming in the idea of taking everything that is good in and around me and polishing it off to become great. As I looked at what that would look like in my thoughts, words and actions I decided that the word that would capture this best for 2021 would be refinement. If you have hung around me for any amount of time you know that choosing a word or intention for your year is an absolute must. To me it creates a map or a guide as to how I will navigate the terrain that I will encounter throughout the 365 days of being human.

I set out to start making soft and subtle adjustments to my mindset and how I show up in the world, and the result has been incredible.

For the last eight or nine years I have been pushing so hard in my business(es) and in my own personal life, and my words of the year have been a definite reflection of that push up until 2021. The last several years my words have been ones like bold, reverence, flourish, and limitless. I have spent that last few years rallying around bettering my business and my personal growth. I feel like I have been in a constant push for several years which takes a ton of energy. Prior to that some of my words were essence, discover, and peace and each of those years brought some fantastic and grueling challenges to be within alignment with those intentions. This year though I began the process of softening a bit and living with a bit less intensity and refining aspects of my life. Realizing toward the end of 2020, I was exhausted I decided stop spinning and instead sit with what is already amazing and make it better.

Here is how I did:

  • I took a chance early this year that I could find work in the big city of Denver serving adults with brain injuries and four agencies said YES. The work has been so fulfilling and validates me in many ways. I have been an adaptive yoga teacher for many, many years but have stayed “safe” within my own little city and venturing out was a definite refining all that is good, and make it better decision.

  • I let go of teaching classes that drain, exhaust, or don’t align with my soul, and instead dove into more of what DOES feed and nourish me.

  • I discovered several close people in my life who I thought I knew really well and I felt had my best interest in mind, were very different than I thought. I chose to distance myself from that kind of energy because it was only hurting me. The freedom that has come from cleaning house as far as who I surround myself with has been liberating.

  • I let go of my attachments to outcomes related to finances and instead decided that as I spend money, I receive money. I opened the flow of reciprocity and the results have been beautiful.

  • I found my healthy weight about eighteen years ago as I let go of about eighty pounds and I have felt pretty strong despite my orthopedic challenges, BUT I took on a strength training program that has transformed me from being a very fit person to an incredibly strong and toned person. Besides the physical difference, I am empowered and confident in my body which is something of recent years I have not felt often.

  • I was able to fulfill of dream of refining my living space by renovating my house on a somewhat large scale and pay cash for most of it.

  • I realized this fall that being in alignment with my values or principles is the number one way for me to stay in the flow of goodness in all areas of my life. Step outside of those, and I become lost quite quickly. I review those vales often, especially before I make a major decision.

  • Mostly this year I spent cleaning up the parts of my life that were cluttered, unfulfilling, distracting, and at times destructive. Instead, I was busy making a simplified and glorious version of myself shine in the world.

As I gratefully spend the next day or so of 2021, I am soaking in the processes I have discovered and am preparing to close this chapter. Look for something amazing for 2022 for myself and the world.

Vibrations

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Everything in the universe is made of energy that vibrates at different frequency levels. Even seemingly solid objects like a rock, or your physical body are now understood by scientists to be made up of constantly moving energy that is organized by waveforms and frequencies. The rate of frequency you (or an object) vibrates at is called your vibration. Even our emotions have frequencies! Understanding this helps us to understand why we resonate or “jive” with certain people easily, and when we have a natural desire to avoid certain people. You must have heard the old saying “Your vibe attracts your tribe”. This is also useful information when we want to adjust feeling in a constant emotional slump. Learn more about the frequencies of emotions here.

Through scientific clinical research, essential oils have been shown to vibrate at a higher electromagnetic frequency than any other substances measured. Crazy, huh?

Matter and frequencies

Both crystals and essential oils are complex natural creations. Their vibration, aroma, and visual beauty can have a wide range of effects on our energy and vibration. Crystals have specific and unique vibrations.

Combining both of these amazing, natural properties into a blend and then applying it to myself brings such a sense of completion to my mind, body and spirit. I can target specific energy points in my body—known as chakras—as well by choosing specific essential oils and crystals that resonate vibrationally with that energy center.

When people come into my home or my studio I often hear that they just “feel” the peace and goodness. I believe it is because I have crystals everywhere and the vibe that comes from them infused my space. I also am consistent in using aromatherapy in my home and work space to support my energy, mood and physical body.

There are so many ways that we can influence our energy centers but I love to use essential oils and gemstones, as well as affirmations, meditation and yoga. Curious to learn more about chakras and natural ways to balance them? Check out this free ebook! 

A Gratitude Practice

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“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.” – Melodie Beattie

This is a special time of year when we find ourselves being more thankful and appreciative. I love to see the focus of many people shift from the outward struggles that the collective world is feeling to a focus on abundance. If only we could all stay focused on the good in our lives rather than the nonsense that floods and feeds the division in our world.

Gratitude Practice

I believe that a deliberate practice of gratitude can truly change your life. Many years ago I began a daily gratitude journal and after a short time I realized that throughout my day I was looking for things to be able to write down in my journal. What a life-changer to be on the look-out for what is good versus what is lack. Now after 18 years of a daily gratitude practice, if I find that in times of fear or sadness, I can open up any of one of those journals and be reminded of all that I really do have in my life.

I encourage you to spend some time each day acknowledging a few things in your life that you can be grateful for, including yourself! If you are not sure what to be grateful for beyond the obvious, then I say use your senses! What did you smell today? Did you feel something amazing today? Describe something that you tasted today that was amazing? To deepen your practice, you can include why you are grateful. I love to acknowledge that I am grateful for my friends because they help me to feel connected.

How to have a gratitude practice

When we think of abundance we often think of the tangible, material, often obvious things in our life to be grateful for; house, food, car, employment, etc. I would like to offer up acknowledging the abundance of less visible things; the love you feel for someone, the colors that surround your life, the sounds of music and laughter, the aroma that fills your home from a hearty soup, or the growth that you have shown this year.

Soak in all that is untouchable. Fill your heart with the fullness of simply being alive and experiencing the sensations each day offers.

Empower Yourself

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People will drop over $100 per month on lattes and hundreds more on drinking and eating out, yet not want to spend $80 on a gym membership, or hundreds on therapy or a coaching program.

And then they wonder why they don’t feel good or aren’t reaching their goals.

People spend hours scrolling on their phones or watching Netflix and but don’t have enough time to read, meditate or go for a walk.

Your actions show where your priorities are, not your thoughts and ideas.

If you’re having a difficult time making changes to your health, happiness, relationships, business, whatever, take a look at what you’re investing in. Not just with your money, but your energy, time and/or attention.

The more you give to yourself, the more you’ll get back. You deserve to have everything you desire and nobody else is gonna give it to you but YOU.

If you’re worried about the price of getting started, you should see the cost of staying exactly where you are.

We are in the last few months of 2021 and I am offering this package that is worth well over $500 for a deep discount of just $325.

Time is limited to grab this deal.

This bundle also makes an amazing gift. The awesome thing about this program is some of the content is yours to keep and return to over and over.

•Assessment and Personalized Wellness plan ($125.00)
•Two private yoga sessions ($80.00)
•Two follow up Wellness Sessions ($80.00)
•Seven days of Wellness Program to motivate and inspire you ($125.00)
•One-hour body work/energy session. ($50.00)
•Crystal and Essential Oil Blend based on you primary wellness goal ($22)
•Bonus Self-Care Package ($140)
•Essential Oil consultation (free)

You are SO worth it.

Just send me a message and we can roll up our sleeves and get busy! I cannot wait to work with YOU!

Hugging (and Kissing) A Tree

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“Whoever has learned how to listen to trees no longer wants to be a tree. He wants to be nothing except what he is. That is home. That is happiness.” ~ Herman Hesse

If hugging a tree is good for you, imagine what kissing a tree can do?

Seriously, did you know that hugging a tree increases levels of hormone oxytocin? This hormone is responsible for feeling calm and emotional bonding. When hugging a tree, the hormones serotonin and dopamine make you feel happier. Trees give us hope and insight, and courage to persevere – even in the harshest conditions. They also teach us to stay rooted while soaring to great heights. Trees remind us that letting go is a cycle that must happen in order to make space for the next cycle. A tree teaches us that longing for the previous season or competing with the other trees is a silly and wasteful way to spend our days.

For many years I felt I was I told a story that I was too busy to slow down and soak in the moment. I created a life that was minute to minute chaos. Now, I crave stillness and the result of a calm mind. I long for the smell of leaves that have fallen or the sweet whisper of a breeze along my face. I chose to walk away from the constant hum of a busy and demanding life for a the chance to take long, deep breaths and feel the connection to all that is.

Connecting with nature

By taking the time for my soul to connect with nature, I find myself better prepared to take on the struggles that can come from being alive. I know I am a better human being for choosing to step off the hamster wheel of constant striving and instead step into myself. There used to be something so revered about being busy, when in truth, it was all just a distraction to the inner work that needed to happen.

The tendency to create a busy life still crops up from time to time, but a quick stroll outside reminds me of the happiness that is inside of me. The home that is peaceful and calm.

I get to the feel the benefits of being close to a tree and I like to think that the tree smiles down when she gets a hug and kiss, too.

Maybe

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Just because someone carries it well doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy. I think that it is pretty likely that each day we hold things in our heart, and sometimes these things become incredibly heavy. But also choosing to carry grace sure lightens that load.

It was on this day that my kids lost their dad forever. It was years before that though they also lost him. I realize that he did the best he knew how to do. It wasn’t ideal by any means, but he did what he knew. And that is okay.

I choose grace.

I choose to hold my head up high. Looking at my grown kids I know that the load I have carried for years was worth every single ounce. My kids are remarkable people and that makes the load all worthwhile.

Someone recently asked me how I got to the point in my process of being able to choose to forgive. And to let go. Well let me first say it wasn’t always easy and there are still times when those feelings of anger or disappoint bubble up, but I try really hard to not allow those heavy feelings to take over. I did a couple years of therapy and I dove into working on myself which invited me to not spend my waking hours fuming about what I didn’t get and instead look at what may have been my part in it all and to be able to learn about perspective.

Divorce takes a little bit of your heart regardless of how amicable it is.

Co-parenting may seem like a great idea, but the truth is finding common ground that works for the kids is even harder when you have two households working. It wasn’t many months after my divorce and my three little kids and I were no longer receiving child support. He didn’t think he needed to and so he chose not to. He also chose to have his visits with the kids shorter and few and far between. The raising of the kids landed solely on my shoulders. It wasn’t just the daily grind, but the big picture things that one parent should never be completely responsible for if the other parent is capable. Or so I used to think.

Maybe he wasn’t capable. Maybe he had no idea how to think beyond himself. Maybe his own heart was shattered and he couldn’t access the part of himself to step up. Who knows.

Within a few years he began to slip into a slow, horrific self-inflicted slow death. He chose to neglect himself. He chose horrible things to do to his body. He chose to give up. Or so I used to think.

Maybe he didn’t know how. Maybe he had something inside him preventing him to get and allow help. Maybe he just couldn’t.

I think about my own father in much the same way. Something in him was missing and he wasn’t able to to plug into being a part of my life. Maybe it was his own addiction or his own beliefs that he had. Maybe he never had a father step up in his own childhood. Maybe he didn’t know how.

When someone asks me how I arrived in a place of peace about my kid’s dad (or my own dad), my simplest answer is that I got tired of allowing all of that pain to take up residence in my heart and preventing me from allowing something much better into my heart, like love. I realized that they both probably never had a father that stuck around. I was able to step back and see that my former husband was a young man with a tremendous amount of responsibility and perhaps he simply could not do it. He was giving all he had to his little family that eventually crumbled in front of him, and maybe it broke him.

I chose to see my father as a lost little boy who had no real father to speak of and an abusive mom. No wonder he was disconnected.

I replaced the feelings of anger and disappointment with compassion and love. Then it was really simple to carry on with a little lighter load in my heart. Being able to do that certainly doesn’t lighten the heaviness of raising three people alone and the huge responsibility that I had, but somehow having a heart full of compassion rather than pain, I was able to move forward and feel good about myself and my kids.

Maybe I will be an example for them.

The Privilege

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The air was difficult to breathe; heavy with tension and with a denseness of uncertainty.  The fear of the unknown and the anxiety stifling our very breath.  We stood in unity, hands held, watching with anticipation. As the following moments unfolded, I witnessed something so beautiful it is hard to capture in written words.

Yesterday both of the boys were with their dad as he was removed from life support. After each boy said their goodbyes we stood in unison and watched the process through a window in the ICU unit.

The heaviness in the air was suffocating.

As we stood together, I reminded the boys that their father was there to help them enter this world, and now together, we get the opportunity to be there as he exited.

Moments following his head turned, sedated and confused his eyes shifted our way.  We all held our breath in stillness.

As if the time has stopped, I watched as my youngest son walked towards the window.  He placed his hands on the glass and gazed into the room.  With purpose and poise he re-entered his father’s hospital room.  I watched through the window as he spoke directly to his dad. I saw his dad look at him.  The space became still and light.  Slowly my older son joined his little brother. Side by side my two young men comforted their dad. They held his hands. They leaned over the bed fearlessly. With their hearts wide open they spoke to him and they loved him. Completely setting aside any of their own heartbreak that spanned years of disappointments, they gave their father the gift of unconditional love.

I witnessed my two boys elevate beyond any fear and open their hearts–wholeheartedly–to the space of compassion and of love.  They each faced this experience with courage and with grace.  In the following thirty minutes, I watched as they fully embraced their dad and the experience of death.  I felt the lightness in the air.  The peace enveloped all three of them and the healing between them happened.  I saw with my own eyes an affirmation of each of my boys integrity, love, compassion and true grace.

I watched as they were each heroic in their unwavering support and compassion for their dad, and for each other.

And what a privilege it was to see.

My Lantern

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Although I feel like I have spent the last ten years or so doing tons of self-work and unpeeling of the layers and layers of ‘stuff’ that has accumulated in my life, I still love that I am willing to do deep soul work.

A few years ago was a definite year of courage and the willingness to listen to my inner voice.  As the dust began to settle from the major changes in my life, I took a month or so off from the heaviness that can come when you are in the labyrinth of self-improvement.  Establishing myself into my new home space and adjusting (again) was my focus. It felt so good to pause from the rigorous self development and instead just enjoy myself.

A course on courage.

Not soon after, I began an online course on Courage.  Brene Brown has been one of my favorite authors and speakers in the last few years and when the course was offered, I said a gigantic YES.  To be guided through courage, vulnerability and shame with a leading researcher and expert was an opportunity I was not going to pass on.

Knowing that I had spent the previous year in the ‘arena’, I was curious as to what I would find I would need to explore in the bravery realm, but willing I was to examine it.  Lesson one offered over one hundred values to identify just one that guides your way in life; everything from accountability to balance to faith to humility to love to optimism to spirituality to well-being.  Where do you hold your highest regard and when this value is not in place you know you are off your path? In my ego mind I wanted my chosen value to be something easy like compassion or kindness.  My soul said go deeper than that and asked what is it that I know for sure, when this is threatened, I am off my center?

Safety.

Safety?? Yea, like in the form of being judged, not being seen or understood for who I am, financial risks, being unorganized and chaotic, feeling unsure of decisions, having people in my life who are disrespectful or threatening, allowing fear to creep in, etc.

Safety.

I wear the armor to protect my safety.

So going into the ‘arena’ again, I had to be open to the rawness and vulnerability of the emotional exposure around this value of safety and to be willing to set the armor down.

The Lantern

Using the metaphor of a lantern, she explains that the flame that burns is the identified value. The glass that surrounds the flame illustrates the behaviors you display and people that you have in your life that protect that value.  The handle of the lantern symbolizes when you have set your value down and walked away allowing your ship to get off course.

My flame is safety. My glass (behaviors and people) that keep my flame protected include  boundaries, choices, self-respect, meditating, journaling, keeping a budget, being organized, people who support and honor me, a knowing and exploring of self.  When I have set this value down I am allowing fear to enter, I take risks, I allow people to speak or treat me in ways that hurt, I am not grounded and I worry irrationally.

Knowing that this value is held in such high regard to me, I can see why some life decisions I have made, and the experiences I have been offered, have caused me to feel such anguish. In addition to better understanding what it is that stokes my flame, I am way more armed with tolerance as to what makes me tick and then respond when the value is threatened.

Safety.

Indeed my highest value for my life is safety.  I know when it is threatened or I am off course because of the internal responses that I have that then lead to behaviors that diminish the flame.  It is so clear to me now.  While compassion or kindness may have been easier, I am so grateful for this new knowledge about myself and can move forward in my life with a strong flame and people and behaviors that will protect that part of me.

The Power of Affirmations

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It is amazing to me how our inner narrative about ourselves can be so negative. Years ago I started a pretty solid affirmation practice and continue to this day. By rerouting our thoughts and words to a positive place, we actually retrain our brain to think and see the good in our lives.

Affirmations are positive statements that can help you to challenge and overcome self-sabotaging and negative thoughts.

When you repeat them often, and truly believe in them, you can start to see positive changes in your life unfold. Practicing positive affirmations can be extremely simple, and all you need to do is pick a phrase and repeat it to yourself.

I don’t know about you, but I have spent many years, speaking things like “I am a mess. I am overwhelmed. I am stressed. I am in so much pain.” I still catch myself and can now rephrase to “I am doing my best. I am handling this with grace. I am feeling my body tell me something”.

Affirmations require regular practice they can help you to make lasting, long-term changes to the ways that you think and feel.

Do you have a list of affirmations? What’s your favorite one? I love having sticky notes and reminders around my house and I even have an app in my phone that periodically throughout the day sends me an I am_____ reminder of something good.

I encourage you to start a 30 day affirmation practice and see what shows up in your life. Need some help coming up with affirmations? I am happy to help!