A person with a traumatic brain injury can practice yoga, it just might not look like the yoga we have learned in our Western view. I have permission from this man’s family to share a little of his story. I no longer work with him because of the pandemic moved him out of the facility I saw him in. My time with him was a great experience for me and we worked together for three years.
His Story
His injury occurred when he was just 12 years old coming home from a family ski weekend in the mountains. An oncoming vehicle struck his family’s car and he was injured badly. His traumatic brain injury caused a long term coma, loss of communication, and severe body damage. His cognitive ability was stunted to a young child’s level and yet, he continued to age and become a man.
I began sharing yoga with this man about 10 years ago. He never wanted to participate in the group class I was leading at the assisted living home he lived in. He has some pretty tough “behaviors” due to his injury and lack of communication so group settings were really hard for him.
People would often ask me how I was teaching him yoga since he was paralyzed on one side and had very rigid limbs and atrophy in most of his major muscles, and actually even his hands. He has minimal language and was very hard to understand so he often resorted to yelling and destruction. I asked his family if I could try working 1:1 with him. I wanted to give this guy some goodness and show him he had value and he was often viewed as a challenge by the 24/7 staff.
Our yoga sessions consisted of me talking to him like a normal person, sharing silly things to make him laugh, bringing in his favorite color red in the form of balloons and balls to have him attempt to swat with his working arm, sharing wild orange essential oil, taking deep breaths together, moving his affected limbs gently in range of motion exercises, giving him a neck and shoulder massage, talked about the good in our lives, and mostly connecting with this human.
Is this Yoga?
Did we do a sun salutation? Nope. Did I speak in Sanskrit? Nope. Did I stand and just guide a series of movements? Nope.
Did we connect in Union? Yep. Did he experience movement? Yep. Did we breathe together? Yep. Did we share gratitude? Yep.
The Four Pillars
Those are the four pillars that I teach and preach when working with someone with different abilities. Actually all my classes regardless of ability have those four pillars.
Connect Move Breathe Gratitude
Last I heard from his mom he was doing well. He is now 45 and still loves the color red.
How can we maintain our strength and equilibrium in the face of our greatest challenge?
When we are going through a health challenge it is so important to remember that mindful healing is a big part of the successful outcome we wish for.
Tips & Tricks to Mindful Healing
Each morning I sit and read something with the intent to be inspired or at the minimum give me something to ponder throughout the day. This morning I reached for my Yoga 365 book and today’s passage was so aligned with a video I created yesterday. In the video I talk about the mindful ways we can bring an added element to our healing process.
For me specifically with my recent hip surgery, I am implementing a few strategies that doctors do not necessarily tell you when you are faced with a major surgery. While I greatly appreciate the practical things that a person needs, it is the nuances of daily living that I believe go quite far in the healing process.
Our mindset will greatly influence our mental health during any sort of healing process, whether it is a surgery, an illness or a major life upheaval.
These six mindful healing tips are perfect for anyone:
Keeping a daily routine.
If you have always been a person who gets up and reads, or meditates, or journals, or prays, then keep doing that. Don’t sacrifice your spiritual practice because your physical body is working hard to improve. Also, if you are a person that gets up every day and puts a little makeup on, then keep doing that. Taking care of yourself and helping yourself to feel somewhat “normal” during this temporary healing time will do wonders for your happiness factor. Finally, getting dressed everyday and getting out of your pajamas (even if you wear comfy house clothes), the simple act of getting up and dressed everyday will send a message to your brain that you are in fact getting better. Plus, you’ll look better and when we look better, we have a tendency to feel better. I am a huge fan of lipstick and mascara and not a single day has passed that I don’t take the five minutes to make myself feel beautiful.
Develop a mindset of gratitude.
Each day I spend a few minutes in deep gratitude for the surgeon and for the implant in my body. Even though I still have a lot of pain and mobility is hard, I am mindful each day to thank my body for accepting this new joint and welcoming it into my body. I am grateful for my cells moving around my body to encourage healing. I am grateful for my strong muscles that are working hard to regain their strength to support the new joint. When we shift our mindset from a pain point to a gratitude point, our entire mental outlook can shift. Sure, it would be easy to sit in my 3 days worn pajamas and mope that my body hasn’t healed as fast as what others have, and I could complain that the surgery must have somehow gone wrong, and my immune system is overactive causing extra pain, OR I could embrace this new challenge through the lens of gratitude and be intentional about loving this new body part.
Speak kindly to yourself and others.
We have all heard that kindness is the path to a better world. Speaking kindly about yourself and to yourself during this time of vulnerability is so important. Falling into the trap of self-pity, or worse self-defeating language will only slow your progress. For the people who are helping you, they are doing their very best to make sure that you are healing and comfortable and if you are a person who is usually very self-sufficient, it can be emotionally draining on your family and friends to see you in a different way. Be kind and thank them for every small thing that they are now doing for you. We have a tendency to be hardest on ourselves and those closest to us so remembering to speak kindly will be a huge asset to you.
Setting up your space.
The doctor will likely give you a few tips to get your home ready for when you come home from surgery–things like remove loose area rugs, move items to waist level, get your medications refilled, have a grabber for picking up dropped items, etc. These are all great and much needed suggestions, however I found a few more things that have helped me feel better. I made sure that the items I use regularly like essential oils, diffusers, herbal teas, supplements, hand lotion, and other self care items are accessible. I created a space in my house specifically for this healing process where I have a comfy chair, a basket of healthy snacks, a stash of essential oils, books, my iPad, beautiful plants, and plenty of chargers within one room. This eliminates the constant need for someone to run get something for me AND it gives my space the homey and comfortable feel. Imagine trying to heal in a cold, dark, sterile, or dingy environment. Yuck. Make your space pretty and just what YOU like because you are gonna be there a while.
You have to have movement.
Any type of movement to get circulation going is so imperative. If you have had hip surgery like me, move your upper body. If you have had shoulder surgery, move your lower body. At the minimum move your spine in all six directions once a day. It literally takes five minutes and will increase circulation, get your chi moving and make you feel good which are all good things when it comes to healing. Movement is medicine.
Start a new hobby.
You might be thinking that a new hobby right now is too overwhelming but the distraction will shift your awareness from hurting to something productive and potentially fun. If you have never been a big reader, now is a great time to download your free library app and start borrowing books, or ask to borrow books from friends. Maybe you have always wanted to learn how to knit or crochet. YouTube is filled with tutorials and Amazon delivers yarn and crochet hooks. Perhaps you have been wanting to take up writing your own blog on a topic you are passionate about. I have enjoyed crocheting, jigsaw puzzles on my iPad, digital planning, and making sourdough anything. The joy factor is increases while I am doing those activities and my mind is less focused on hurting.
Mindful Healing
These are easy ways to maintain your strength and equilibrium while faced with one of the hardest things you may ever go through. Mindful healing is something you can do! By redirecting my thoughts, speaking kindly, wearing my favorite shade of lipstick and clean clothes everyday, easy movements, eating healthy organic cashews and sipping tea, AND feeding my brain with wholesome hobbies while being SO grateful, I am on my way!
As human beings we are likely to have had a few times in our life where we longed for the greener grass that others seem to have. We might even spend some of our time filled with envy wishing that our experience is different than it is and that others have it better than we do. Comparison is indeed the thief of joy.
When I was a young mom I spent way too many days comparing myself and my kids to others. It was exhausting and I broke free of all of that during my great wake up in my early thirties. I dropped the desire to compare myself with others long ago for the most part, however, major life events typically bring out our vulnerability and we might find ourselves once again looking at other people’s experience and comparing ourselves to them.
This old feeling of comparing myself started to come back lately when it comes to my recent hip replacement surgery. If I had a nickel for everyone who has told me that their 80 year old whoever was walking in a week without a cane I probably wouldn’t have to go back to work. Seriously…how is that useful? Or the stories of young athletes getting back to their sport within weeks. I get it…those miracles and amazing stories do happen and that is awesome, but not everyone has that experience.
When I hear these examples it is hard to not compare myself with them and it is something I am working on daily while also finding the opportunity to remind others who share their fast healing stories with me that it isn’s always that way for everyone, although I am thrilled for them.
Awareness is the key to cultivating true compassion but that is another day’s blog post.
Instead of comparing myself to those stories I have decided instead to look for small daily wins and remember that this is a marathon and not a sprint. It might be that showering without any help is my win. Or getting out to my yoga studio to record a session is a win. Maybe making a simple dinner is a win. Definitely the sourdough English muffins this week were a win. ?
If I spent my days comparing myself to others I would lose my joy in those small, yet huge wins.
My surgeon and physical therapist were great this week at reminding me that my experience is vastly different than most. The factors that go into my own healing are unique to me, so breathe and be patient. Also look for those small wins each day to carry me through until I am back in the “normal” swing of things. And, I am reminding myself that “normal” may look very different for me compared to pre-surgery.
It is natural for people to compare themselves with others. I want to encourage the world to stop doing that. Many times people even compare themselves with me. Instead, I try to ask them to look at their own gifts and be proud of them. We are all special in some way. While it may seem to some that I have myself all together, I really don’t. I work at it each and every day.
Find the joy in YOU and in your own small victories. Comparing yourself will definitely steal your joy and life is simply too short to live a joy-less life.
I have also learned that although the grass may appear greener, there is always some other species of “weeds” that have taken space in the seemingly green space and my own green is perfect for me, weeds and all.
Stacie believes that it is her life purpose to share the gift of Yoga with anyone who is willing to say yes. In addition to raising a family and being an advocate for those with disabilities, Stacie is founder of Embracing Spirit Yoga which specializes in bringing adaptive Yoga into community centers and rehabilitation clinics. Bringing her depth of compassion to the mat–or the chair–she offers students the opportunity to grow as an individual in all aspects of their life.
Through life we really are adapting to change constantly.
What initially may feel like a huge hurdle soon becomes a seamlessly easy routine.
I’ve experienced this so much in my adult life without ever really connecting the dots that I have indeed adapted to situations that initially felt so overwhelming. New jobs, divorce, selling a home, retirement, and illness are all examples of hurdles and yet, somehow, most of us endure them. In fact, many times we come out better on the other side. I see it clearly now.
The covid pandemic was a perfect example for me personally at this resiliency to adapt that I now believe we are all wired with, if we are open to it, and have the capacity to be somewhat flexible.
The world shut down and the places I was teaching yoga at closed their doors to visitors, and the major health club I was a regular fixture at closed. I had to switch gears quickly. After just two days of wondering how I would earn a living, I started offering virtual yoga through recorded sessions that I sent out to my followers and on social media. Within a week I had a YouTube channel and life soon became one of virtual yoga sessions and staring at my face for hours a day on a computer. My business model was to accept donations by trusting that those who could pay would, and those who were also faced with uncertainty, would simply use the videos to get through, and pay it forward somehow when they could.
I had great success and brought in an extraordinary amount of abundance during the lockdown.
Just like that. I adapted to change.
Many yoga teachers were in the same boat and many opted for perfectly curated videos with platforms to offer memberships, on demand payment and pay-for access type features. It seemed every week another platform was being marketed to sell your offerings. I never really wanted to “sell”, but rather I opted to give with an extended hand to receive, if that was in the heart of the giver. Maybe a naive business model and one I return to thinking about from time to time, but never can seem to switch to a “pay for my content” business model.
Just like that. I adapted to the change.
Once the world opened back up and my daughter was back to in-person day programming, I started to rethink how I would get my feet back into teaching yoga to those with neurological conditions and those living in settings that prohibit them from easily accessing yoga. I knew I didn’t want to be an online sensation and I felt I needed to be back serving my people. I do still love giving my YouTube channel a weekly recording. I have some amazing followers there and I also love my studio classes. The majority of my work remains to be my specialized yoga in assisted living settings.
The spring that the world reopened, I sat in a coffee shop doing a quick google search of “residential programming for adults with brain injuries near me”. I watched in awe as a modest list popped up. I emailed six agencies and by the end of the day, I had six contracts to begin teaching in their residential homes.
Just like that. I adapted to change.
I started the two days a week commute with sometimes 250 miles of driving round trip. At first, I felt this kind of driving would be grueling and perhaps even too much. I saw that much driving as crazy and wondered how I would do it, especially in the big city of Denver that I did not really know. People questioned my rational at driving so much for a 40 minute yoga session that I charged only $55 for. I let the naysayers say what they wanted but I forged on. Within a really short time the “long” commutes turned into enjoyable drives and it turned out to be really no big deal. I quickly learned the routes and found joy in not having to use my GPS as I remembered the streets. And within a short time I added another day and 26 more homes to the commute week, toppling out at over 50 different homes and teaching over 65 classes per month while sometimes driving anywhere from 800-1000 miles per week.
Just like that. I adapted to change.
Two weeks ago I had total hip replacement and once again was faced with having to adapt to some major changes, although these are likely temporary as I continue heal. Through the healing process however I am keenly aware at this concept of adapting.
The first few nights sleeping with the horrific stabilizing wedge was grueling and painful. Now, I *almost* look forward to the cozy feeling of being secured in place. I walk around my block and it feels like my usual 20,000 steps per day. I have swapped out my crazy schedule and cooking amazing meals at the end of the day for icing my hip, laying down to read midday and allowing others to serve me. My days have gone from 8-9 hours of work and commuting to studying sourdough recipes and how to up-level my busines for passive income. I have watched zillions of webinars, listened to podcasts, scoured Pinterest for recipes, and have done more jigsaw puzzles on my iPad than I’d like to admit. The days fly by and here I go again.
Just like that. I have adapted to change.
When I am healed up and back in action, there will again be a chance to adapt. Will I return to the same schedule? Is it possible I shift slightly to be more accessible online? Can I go from being a single person serving hundreds of people in-person to becoming a trainer of sorts for others to learn the method? Will it perhaps be a combination of all of that while still choosing time for sourdough and soulful hobbies?
Just like that. I know that I will adapt to change.
How many times in your life have you adapted to what seems like extremely hard changes? Take inventory of just how amazing you are as you reflect on the process you have demonstrated in some of your major life hurdles.
And just like that, you too have adapted to change.
Ever since I shared some sourdough discard crackers over on my instagram I have had a zillion questions about them. If you haven’t jumped into the sourdough craze you are definitely missing out. I will admit that at first it seemed like a LOT of work and time, but it really isn’t. I mean how much time do we spend mindlessly scrolling when we could spend a tiny bit of time eliminating garbage from our diet and making something soulful and delicious?
Before I share the super simple cracker process, let’s chat about sourdough.
What is sourdough?
Sourdough relies on a mix of wild yeast and lactic acid bacteria, rather than baker’s yeast, to leaven the dough. It’s richer in nutrients, less likely to spike your blood sugar, contains lower amounts of gluten, and is generally easier to digest than bread made with baker’s yeast.
Store bought bread has so many ingredients in it and most of them are useless ingredients that just add junk to our food. Homemade sourdough is flour, water, salt. Three ingredients compared to over twenty in a store bought version. Hmmm.
By using a special starter of wild yeast and bacteria, the positives of consuming sourdough far outweigh the negative ideas that we should be avoiding bread. Sourdough bread is a baking art form that is, by its very nature, a healthier choice – according to A Bread Affair in Vancouver here are the reasons why…and have to agree 100%.
The Benefits of Sourdough:
1. It is easy to digest.
The bacteria-yeast composition will start to breakdown the starches found in the grains before it even reaches your stomach. That means there is way less work to be done, making it much easier on your gut.
2. It has a lower glycemic index.
Compared to many other types of bread, sourdough is fermented in a way that depletes bad starches within it. This means that it won’t cause your blood sugar to rise so drastically upon eating it.
3. Better for gluten-sensitivity.
The longer prep time for sourdough bread means that much of the protein gluten is broken down into amino acids before you consume it. The extensive soaking, rinsing, and other preparation steps means that it is easier to eat and digest, especially if you have mild sensitivities to gluten.
4. More “good acid”.
Lactobacillus a kind of bacteria found in sourdough bread more so than other types of bread and it results in higher levels of lactic acid. This is important because it means there is less room for phytic acid, which can be potentially dangerous. Larger quantities of lactic acid also result in easier digestion and accessibility to more minerals.
5. Provides healthy bacteria.
Sourdough bread is fermented in a way that fosters more beneficial bacteria in the bread and in your body when you eat it.
6. Less yeast.
Healthy bacteria in sourdough bread works to reduce yeast populations, so the likelihood of infection and/or overgrowth is substantially lower.
7. Natural origins.
Sourdough bread made with whole flour, wild yeast and bacteria comes from a very “natural” origin. It is the oldest form of leavened bread; we have been eating it as part of a natural diet for a long, long time.
8. Fewer preservatives.
Sourdough bread contains acetic acid, which naturally prevent the growth of mold. It naturally preserves itself, meaning that toxic preservatives are not required to make it last. So it won’t go bad – and you can opt out of the hazardous build-up of preservatives in the food supply chain.
9. Good fuel.
Made from wheat, sourdough bread fuels the production of good bacteria in your gut – much like the inulin and oligosaccharides found in onions, leeks, bananas, garlic, asparagus, and so on.
10. It’s nutritious.
Sourdough contains a variety of vitamins and nutrients, making it super beneficial to your day-to-day health. Sourdough bread has small to moderate amounts of: iron, manganese, calcium, B1-B6, B12, folate, zinc, potassium, thiamin, niacin, riboflavin, selenium, iron, manganese, magnesium, phosphorus, and vitamin E. What a great selection! Compared to other breads, sourdough maintains many of the original nutrients that are processed out of other kinds of bread.
11. The taste!
Sourdough bread tastes great on top of being a healthier alternative. What more could you want?
Crackers?? You got it! I also use sourdough to make all kinds of fun things like pizza dough, pancakes, cookies and this weekend I am making English muffins!
First, you’ll need some sourdough “starter”. This consists of flour and water that becomes the base for your bread and other baked goods.
Simply put: a sourdough starter is a live fermented culture of fresh flour and water. Once combined, the culture will begin to ferment and cultivate the natural yeasts found in our environment. A small portion is added to your bread dough to make it rise. Commercial yeast IS NOT required.
The Process of Sourdough:
At first I felt overwhelmed with having to “feed” something and initially wondered if I had a new child to worry about but realized I was way over thinking it.There are some sourdough people out there that measure everything to to the gram and while that does produce a perfect loaf, after awhile you do learn to eyeball things, especially feeding the starter. I usually just pour some out into my discard jar and add 1/2 cup flour and 1/4 cup water and call it good for the week. The day before I bake bread I do feed her a twice so she is extra happy.
For crackers, cookies, muffins, pizza dough and so much more you’ll need some of the “discard”.
Sourdough discard is the unfed portion of your sourdough starter that you remove before you add fresh flour and water. Because of its unfed state, it’s not used to bake the delicious bread you know as sourdough, but more often than not, used in sourdough discard recipes like crackers!
There are a zillion recipes out there but after a few times following one you might learn to wing it like me.
Sourdough Discard Crackers
Preheat the oven to 325 degrees.
In a small mixing bowl add 2-3 tablespoons of olive oil or melted butter. To this add seasonings you love. I have been adding Trader Joe’s 21 Seasoning Salutewhich is a smooth blend of onion, black pepper, celery seed, cayenne pepper, parsley, basil, marjoram, bay leaf, oregano, thyme, savory, rosemary, cumin, mustard, coriander, garlic, carrot, orange peel, tomato, lemon juice and lemon oil. The perfect savory flavor!
After combing the seasonings and oil, add 2 cups of sourdough discard and mix well.
Sprinkle Himalayan Pink Salt on top
Pour mixture onto a baking sheet lined with parchment paper
Bake for 10 minutes and then score into bite size squares with a pizza wheel
Bake an additional 20-30 minutes or until crispy and golden brown
I store these once cooled in a sealed container or jar (if they last that long)
Other combinations include parmesan cheese and rosemary or making an Italian herb blend flavor. Some people love the everything bagel flavor but I find smelling like garlic for days to be a slight downside. I saw someone also make cinnamon sugar crackers that were cut slightly smaller for a cereal type snack!
You might be able to see how this can easily become a part time obsession and finding new ways to use the discard is constantly fun.
Stacie believes that it is her life purpose to share the gift of Yoga with anyone who is willing to say yes. In addition to raising a family and being an advocate for those with disabilities, Stacie is founder of Embracing Spirit Yoga which specializes in bringing adaptive Yoga into community centers and rehabilitation clinics. Bringing her depth of compassion to the mat–or the chair–she offers students the opportunity to grow as an individual in all aspects of their life.
I thought I had it all figured out when it came to anticipating changes and challenges.
I chose the word vulnerability for 2023 and I thought I was done with being exposed emotionally, having to ask for help and all that other stuff that is so hard for me. Leaving 2023 behind, I was feeling pretty good about my progress in learning to be a little more exposed and willing to ask and receive help.
Little did I know that it was all just practice for the BIG time vulnerability.
For 2024, I opted to work on being okay regardless of what was going on. To be neutral in the midst of chaos and to not waiver when life gets challenging. I want to practice equanimity.
One week ago I had total hip replacement. I opted to go into the process solo knowing that I would be required to have a lot of help at home. My intention while at the hospital for three days was focusing on me. I felt pretty confident going home that I had myself ready. Preparing my house for time spent mostly on one level that has a bathroom and space for me to relax, ice and heal was key. Making sure I had snacks, books, pillows and all the things I felt I would need to limit the constant asking people to get things. I thought I was set.
In many ways I was and am set. Having done seven orthopedic surgeries in seven years prior to this one, I felt fairly confident in my ability to navigate pain, crutches and living in a tri-level house.
I had lots of things however that I did not anticipate. You can read all the articles on what to expect but until you are in it, there really isn’t a true frame of reference. And I will say again, hearing that 80 year olds have this procedure all the time and do great is so not helpful. Part of the gift of living a Yoga lifestyle is learning to truly practice not comparing yourself to anyone, including the 80 year olds that have been sedentary and usually already dependent on others and who will continue to be sedentary and dependent on others. Not the super active, busy changing lives, walking machine like me.
Anticipation is a great thing, until you miss a few things.
What I didn’t anticipate was the fracture in my femur that occurred during installation of my new hip joint. This meant my weight bearing status would be different and the need for that to heal, along with my new hip, would be harder and slower. Adding in the greatest fear ever of dislocation that can occur with one wrong move, I am on hyper alert when it comes to movement.
I also didn’t anticipate the helplessness that would come with the precautions of a total hip replacement. No bending or sitting part a 90 degree bend, no crossing the legs, no twisting the leg or hip internally. So that means pulling up your pants, putting on socks, shaving your legs, reaching for a blanket, dropping your phone, scratching an itch, lifting your leg onto the bed, and so much more. For someone who gets it all done effortlessly this is an abrupt stop to my life.
The simplest of things seem like an ordeal.
Then the WEDGE. The surgeon is very adamant about post-op precautions, especially with a fracture, and sleeping is the craziest thing ever. Between my legs is a large foam wedge that I have secured with four velcro straps to prevent any internal rotation. I also have my blood clot prevention pumpers pushing air in and out around my legs all night. Add in the compression socks that are so tight and itchy. All of this means that I am basically on my back, secured into one position for the night that I cannot get in or out by myself.
Talk about vulnerability.
Lying in bed while I am completely immobilized is the purest of vulnerability. What an opportunity to sit with equanimity and be neutral in the midst of emotional and physical restraint.
I also had no idea the volume of pain I would experience with this. I knew of course there would be pain but the deep, stabbing and burning pain around the joint is unreal. The fracture adds to the pain and the swelling has taken my once toned and slim leg back two decades when I weighed 80 pounds more. Looking down at my leg and seeing the size of my thigh is startling, but it is also temporary.
I know that this week has brought me so much in the form of grace and letting go. It has also invited me to receive like I have never received in my life.
For now, I am icing, walking, resting, and working on allowing the vulnerability to flood my daily experience while also accepting the equanimity that brings a steadiness to me.
“Disappointment is a stepping stone to resilience. It toughens you up and prepares you for the challenges that lie ahead.” ~ Michelle Obama
Disappointment is such a strange thing. In my mind I know that all disappointments lead to some sort of lesson or growth, if we choose to look for it. It may be that we learn our own value, how to walk away, or even deep acceptance. Regardless of the lesson, it usually comes after experiencing some version of disappointment.
Most people already know of some pretty major disappointments that I’ve experienced in my life that have led me to greatness.
I’ve taken one of the biggest disappointments in my life and turned it in to my purpose and my passion.
What a lot of people don’t know is that for over 20 years I have struggled with the disappointment of my body. I have sat in pain management clinics for that duration trying spinal injections, varieties of medications, alternative methods, and eventually facing the pain with resiliency and movement. The disappointment fueled me to be stronger and stronger. It guided me to places I didn’t know I had in me. I faced the disappointment of many diagnosis with the fire to fight back.
The early weeks of January 2016 I experienced a new pain. A horrific pain. Within a few weeks I learned I had torn tissue in my hip. Three surgeries over the course of 18 months, and once again I am ten days away from yet another hip surgery.
I have needed this surgery for over a year but put it off last February because the timing wasn’t right. It’s right now.
In my preparation to get my body at its best form and fullest strength going into this big one. I have been consistently strength training five times a week for over two years. Refining my muscles and gaining strength and confidence has been empowering.
But, disappointment shows up again.
The familiar pain that grinds deeps into the lower back. That pain that prevents movement. Startling pain that makes my breath short and shallow. Pain that has brought me to the hospital twice unable to move in the past. The pain that makes my world shatter.
Not now. It can’t be now.
I need to be strong.
I need to be healthy.
I need to not hurt this much.
I need my back to settle down so I’m strong for my new hip and I need this disappointment to move along.
Or, is this disappointment inviting more resilience than I knew I had? Is it showing me what I have in me to face the challenge?
Maybe it’s both. I need to not hurt like this AND I need to be reminded of my strength and ability to overcome.
In a tradition I typically save for my personal journal on the eve of my birthday, I usually write a letter to myself to celebrate, and encourage the constant evolving that I choose to do. These are the words that came today as I reflected on my year and as I turn 53.
Dear beautiful self,
Another year wiser and with a few more wrinkles, I’ve seen you grow in your willingness to reach out and ask (and receive) help. I’ve seen you overcome challenges that were unexpected, and do it with grace and gratitude. I watched you grow your business and become more confident and more self-assured in what you’re here to do. I’ve seen you stay consistent with your strength training program, sometimes battling the pain like wielding a sword against an enemy. I’ve seen you be generous and kind to those who may not have always deserved it. I watched you demonstrate bravery in extremely challenging situations.
As you continue to age, I see you learning to ride the waves of the process of the body changing. I see you worry about the things that you may not have control over and I hope that you remember that like fine wine and good cheese, the aging process just gets better.
I hope that this coming year you will continue to embrace all of you. You will navigate what life hands you with tremendous courage, and also an openness to staying with vulnerability. Your determination to find equanimity—or the balance between effort and ease—will be something that becomes quite easy for you if you stay the course.
As we look to create space for ourselves, discovering Yin style yoga can be a huge awakening. For many of us our constantly committed schedules leaves very little space for anything else. It is also a practice that encourages a person to get comfortable with the uncomfortable.
I am personally devoted to changing this in my life starting this year. I am seeking the fine balance between effort and ease. To do this, I am being deliberate either my choices and incorporating Yin yoga into my practice and teachings.
Yin Yoga is a style of yoga that involves long holds in various seated and reclined poses to access deeper layers of fascia and to quiet the mind. Yin yoga also requires conscious and controlled breathing, often emphasized by relaxed belly breathing. This intimate practice encourages one to connect with their physical self, emotions, and sensations. It’s a simple practice with profound therapeutic benefits for longevity, vitality, flexibility, emotional resilience and much more.
There are three main tenets of Yin Yoga:
find your edge where you can feel the stretch, but without straining
remain still
allow yourself to stay here for some time—typically three to five minutes.
Three to five minutes seems easy, right?
My top five Yin style postures are:
Butterfly: From a seated position, draw the soles of the feet together and slide them away from you creating a “diamond-like” shape of the legs. Fold forward, allowing the spine to round and the head to drop towards the heels. Rest the hands on the floor or on your feet. Hold for 3-6 minutes. TARGET AREA: Inner thighs and groins, outer hips, spine. TIP: sit on the edge of a blanket to elevate the hips and potentially increase the sensation in the hips and/or assist with the flexion of the pelvis. Having the hips higher than the knees can be helpful in the event of sciatica.
Melting Heart: Start on your hands and knees, and walk the hands forward, allowing the chest and head to drop towards the floor, keeping the thighs more or less vertical. Hold for 3-4 minutes. TARGET AREA: Chest, spine, arms and shoulders. TIP: pad the knees with a blanket; experiment with the angle of the arms if shoulder flexion is compromised.
Lizard lunge: From hands and knees, place your right hand to the center of your mat and step your right foot outside the right hand. Keeping the back knee down, slide it behind the line of the hip, or back far enough to potentially observe sensation in the front of the thigh. Back toes may be untucked or tucked. Hold for 2-3 minutes. TARGET AREA: Hip flexors, quadriceps of back leg, inner groin, hamstrings and outer hip of front leg. TIP: pad the knees with a blanket; remember to play the edge appropriately – this can be a powerful pose!
Bananasana: From your back, bend your knees and plant the feet to the floor. Pick up the hips and move them to the right side of your mat, keeping the sacrum in contact with the floor. Straighten the legs toward the left corner of the mat, and shift the upper body toward the left, creating a “banana-like” shape with the body. Raise the arms overhead, elbows bent or straight, with option of clasping wrists or forearms. Hold for 3-6 minutes (repeat other side). TARGET AREA: Side body, especially the side waist. TIP: explore crossing the ankles – inner ankle over outer or outer ankle over inner – and determine which, if any, is preferred based on what you feel in the target area.
Spinal Twist: Lying on your back, draw your knees into your chest and roll to your right side. Peel the left arm open, allowing the upper body to rest toward the floor, arm extended to the left. Hold for 3-6 minutes (repeat other side). TARGET AREA: Spine, Chest/Arms. TIP: Explore variations of the arms, and turn of the head to influence other potential target areas of the upper body.
Ready to join me in slowing down and getting comfortable with the uncomfortable? Try this practice at home.
Margin is the space between our load and our limits. It is the amount allowed beyond that which is needed. It is something held in reserve for contingencies or unanticipated situations. Margin is the gap between rest and exhaustion, the space between breathing freely and suffocating.
I stumbled across this and it hit me right in the heart.
We’ve all heard the term “having a boundary.” In fact, these days it common lingo when it comes to self care. Several years ago a dear friend of mine talked to me about the word boundaries versus margins. A boundary is something that keeps someone or certain things away from you. Whereas, a margin is what you choose to allow in.
We need boundaries to obviously at times. Here is where:
To keep away things that are dangerous to us or could be harmful.
To keep toxic people away from us.
Around our personal and work time.
Those are important things for sure. But I’m really looking at the difference between what I protect and keep away, to what I invite and allow in.
What I choose to put inside my margins feels empowering unlike a boundary which feels harsh and cold.
As I begin this new year with seeking equanimity in my life, I’m really paying close attention to what I put inside the margins. As a person who gives so much all the time, I’m learning to give to myself a little, too. Over the last year, I really learned to listen to the things in my life that feed me or drain me. My intention is never to hurt someone while navigating these margins. It can be challenging as I tend to put others needs first. The chronic people pleaser syndrome. I’m committed to putting me a little higher on the pleasing list.
In order to be deliberate with my time and energy, I’ve first identified a few key things. I needed to be really clear as to what drains me and what feeds me.
The things that drain me:
People. I say that with a hint of joking and quite a bit of truth. Considering that I am with people all day every day and again when I get home I’m with more people, it is imperative that I learn to listen to how much people can drain me. If given a choice to be alone or with people, it’s 99% certain that I’m going to choose to be alone.
Mindlessly walking through a department store for the sake of shopping. If I don’t know exactly what I need, there’s no way I’m going to walk into a store just to look. In fact, most of my shopping is done online. I have no interest in being in stores just to kill time.
Spending time in crowded places, unless it’s a crowded coffee shop by myself. Again, partially joking here and a lot of truth. I love being in a crowded coffee shop if I’m by myself. Are we getting a theme here?
Loud and noisy places with lots of people. I’m not a huge fan of crowded spaces and I definitely don’t like to just be in a group of people for no purpose.
Loud music. Loud people. Loud environments.
The things that feed me:
Being alone.
Setting goals and creating action plans.
Making sourdough bread.
Spending time in my garden.
Long, solitary walks.
A jigsaw puzzle that allows my mind to wander.
Before saying yes to anything these days, I am learning to stop and ask myself the following—
Does the serve me today?
Will this feed me or drain me?
Am I saying yes to please someone else?
Does this feel good to me?
Margin is the space between load and limit. It is the amount allowed beyond that which is needed.
If it’s going to push me past my limit, then it’s a no. I’m trying really hard to recognize when my load is full and not add on anything that would break that limit. As I do things that feed me, my load reduces and I have space for more. Tuning inward to myself is key, then listening, and then choosing wisely.
noun; evenness of mind especially under stress… a calm mental state and without hurried movement…right disposition or balance
Let’s define equanimity:
According to Merriam Dictionary, if you think “equanimity” looks like it has something to do with “equal,” you are right. Both “equanimity” and “equal” are derived from “aequus,” a Latin adjective meaning “level” or “equal.” “Equanimity” comes from the combination of “aequus” and “animus” (“soul” or “mind”) in the Latin phrase aequo animo, which means “with even mind.” English speakers began using “equanimity” early in the 17th century with the now obsolete sense “fairness or justness of judgment,” which was in keeping with the meaning of the Latin phrase. Equanimity quickly came to suggest keeping a cool head under any sort of pressure, not merely when presented with a problem, and eventually, it developed an extended sense for general balance and harmony.
I learned last year that my life needed to make a subtle shift.?I definitely do not want to lose my edge or momentum, so I knew my new word and intention for 2024 needed to be just right. I also knew I needed to find the word that captured the balance between effort and ease.?We use the term equanimity in Yoga often to describe our bodies in a posture and seeking that same balance through the physical effort and the mental fluctuations. I want that same balance, or equanimity, in all areas of my life.
Equanimity As An Intention:
Sankalpa is a Sanskrit term in yogic philosophy that refers to a heartfelt desire, a solemn vow, an intention, or a resolve to do something. It is similar to the English concept of a resolution, except that it comes from even deeper within and tends to be an affirmation.
Choosing a word or sankalpa for your year gives you direction and an internal compassion in which to lead your life. For 24 years I have chosen many different words and have taken action and it is a very important practice in my life. I have worked on some great things over that time span and all of it has lead to some greatness! A few of my recent favorites have been: refinement, deliberate, bold, reverence,and limitless. Vulnerability of 2023 did not make my favorite list. Or the year I chose peace. Sometimes we have to be ready for some big opportunities to face and practice these intentions, so I recommend choosing wisely.
I am all for creating action when it comes to intentions. It is one thing to say you’re going to be healthy and then down a couple donuts pretty regularly. Or opt to be more tolerant and continue to judge or complain about people or things you have zero control over.
In my own words and intention, or sankalpa, I feel I would like to embrace equanimity by transcending some personal biases or in my case high personal standards, self-prejudices, and self-judgments, leading to having a more inclusive and harmonious outlook on my own life. Basically cutting myself some slack and offering my sweet self some grace, especially during the challenges and bringing more balance to my life by nurturing myself and my Yin side of living. Let’s be honest, I tend to live 99.99% in the yang action side of life, which although it has served me well, I am exhausted. I also give and give and give, and while I learned a little bit how to receive, I still need to learn to give to myself without feeling guilty. I want to function in a non hurried way and soak in tiny moments of stillness to counter balance the extreme amount of constant yang/drive energy. I want know the balance between effort and ease in my day to day and lower the bar I have been reaching for.
So what does all that mean??
Words + action = intentional living. I have spent a month or more imagining what equanimity will feel like and as a result I have figured out some tangible actions that will promise to lead me towards a more balanced and grace filled life.
To cultivate an evenness in my mind, body and spirit and a calm mental state without being hurried, I am going to make some changes. I am going to live in equanimity by:
take one week off per quarter where I do not teach at all (first quarter is a pass since I am taking two months off post-hip replacement)
get on my yoga mat 3x a week (or a chair)
enjoy my “sacred space” / office at least 5x a week to journal, read, pull cards, and basically tune out the world and tune in to me
begin, enjoy, and finish a year long mindfulness daily practice book
say no to anyone or anything that does not support the balanced life I am committed to creating
let go of anyone or anything that steers me into “busy” coping strategies
continue with therapy and learning how to better handle the heavy weights I carry
give myself permission to rest, read, restore anytime
release the high standard I have on my physical movement
allow myself to splurge on things I have worked hard to afford without any reasoning or judgment
Stacie believes that it is her life purpose to share the gift of Yoga with anyone who is willing to say yes. In addition to raising a family and being an advocate for those with disabilities, Stacie is founder of Embracing Spirit Yoga which specializes in bringing adaptive Yoga into community centers and rehabilitation clinics. Bringing her depth of compassion to the mat–or the chair–she offers students the opportunity to grow as an individual in all aspects of their life.
With over sixteen years experience, Stacie Wyatt is an experienced 500 hour Registered Yoga Teacher with Yoga Alliance, Certified Brain Injury Specialist, Certified Trauma Informed Coach, Life Wellness Coach, Senior YogaFit Instructor, Mind/Body Personal trainer, Stress Reduction and Meditation Instructor, Pilates Instructor, and Barre Instructor. Stacie is also certified in Integrative Movement Therapy™and is also a believer in the power and application of essential oils for health and wellness and proudly shares doTERRA essential oils.
Stacie brings her personal life experience of raising a daughter with a disability and over 12 years working in special education to her everyday Yoga classes.
Vulnerability is defined as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.” It’s that unstable feeling we get when we step out of our comfort zone or do something that forces us to loosen control.
Brene Brown
For 2023 I gave myself permission to fail or to succeed. I gave myself permission to not do it all alone. I gave myself permission to reveal and unfold in a way that stays in alignment with my soul but also welcome risk. I gave myself permission to be seen.
A year ago I thought that I should break out of my comfort zone and expose myself to being more vulnerable. I chose the word vulnerability as my word for 2023 with the intent of being more emotionally open and to expose myself a little more, rather than staying within my private little world. I also wanted to learn how to better ask for (and receive) from others as well as take a few risks and put myself out there a bit more. I tend to thrive when I am humbly doing my work and not paying much attention to the rest of the world.
I honestly don’t even know where to begin. To simply say that vulnerability has kicked my ass would probably suffice but there has also been moments where vulnerability was also a stepping stone to something great.
I jotted down twelve things I wanted to do that would stretch my vulnerability and ask me to truly act on my intentions. Of those twelve things, all but one was completed. The majority of what did come my way in terms of asking me to take risks, deal with uncertainty and expose my emotions was not even on the list.
I started out in the early months of the year with just becoming aware of what it means to be vulnerable. I prided myself on embarking on this new feeling as was pretty jazzed for it to all start to roll.
As my upcoming hip replacement got closer and closer, I became more and more fearful. I am not typically a person who fears anything so this was new to me. Something was telling me that I should not proceed so two weeks before the surgery, I cancelled. I figured I needed more time to prepare myself and I would just wait a bit. Making that decision was scary for me because I generally do not go against “doctors orders” and to cancel meant I had to open up to being brave in a big way.
If you’ve hung around me awhile you know I have a crazy mad love affair with Bruce Springsteen. Seeing him in concert is the best experience however since I had hip surgery scheduled in February, I wasn’t planning to see him when he came to my city of Denver. Literally the day I cancelled my surgery, a longtime friend texted me that she had two tickets in Tulsa….what?? Heck yes. I was going to go! Two days before the concert my friend had a death in the family which meant I was going solo. I hesitated about going all by myself, but in the end opted to do something super scary (to me) and fly to a strange city alone, and attend a concert alone. It ended up being the BEST concert I have ever been to and I danced 27,000 steps that night and will remember it forever. I’d like to believe he was as happy to see me as I was to see him. Honestly, he came to Tulsa to meet me and there were just a few other thousand people nearby. ?
Not too long after I cancelled my hip surgery and met up with Bruce, one night in the middle of the night, I missed the corner of the bed and whacked my knee so hard on the bed frame that it was nearly impossible to hobble. Weeks went by and still no real relief so I went to the doctor. Tests later revealed a pretty badly torn cartilage and lots of yuck behind the knee cap. Huh. This was not how I wanted vulnerability to be tested. Early March I went ahead and had my knee scoped and dealt with weeks and weeks of very slow healing.
Early spring the “good” vulnerability came in me getting super crazy and buying myself a Jeep Wrangler as a second/weekend car. This was so hard for me because it felt so unnecessary and saving money has always been my go-to. Spending money on myself feels so reckless and unnecessary. Weeks of deciding and I finally did it. She is a beaut!
I got asked to be a guest speaker at a grief group and while I am very comfortable with speaking and people in front of people, I am not so comfortable sitting in a large group of incredibly sad people. I am never really sure what to say or how to say it, so I just trusted myself to say the right thing in the right way from my heart. Turns out being emotionally available and exposing yourself to emotions isn’t so bad. ?
My knee pain finally resolved early May and one day I was walking and felt a strange sensation coming from the bottom of my foot. It worsened. Walking was very very difficult and if you know me, you know that walking is my world. Three doctors later, series of tests and lots and lots of pain, the only real hope is nothing. There is an extensive foot surgery that “may” correct the deformity but the recovery is grueling according to the surgeon. When a surgeon recommends not doing surgery, you know it must be awful.
With all the limping of my foot that postponed hip of mine began to scream pretty loudly at me as the summer progressed. I wondered if this vulnerability thing was all the physical stuff I was facing or if something else was seeking to be seen.
One of my favorite married couple yoga students moved out of their assisted living home I had been seeing them in and I happening to casually ask a staff person where they moved to. Next thing you know, I am sitting in my car crafting an email to the agency they moved to and within an hour, I am contracted with ten homes. Two weeks later they asked if I would add sixteen more homes. That meant I had to forego my beloved Fridays off which meant I had to ask myself some hard questions. I ended up saying yes to all the homes and it has been nothing short of amazing. Taking risks for myself and putting my skills out there hasn’t ever been hard for me so this act of vulnerability was easy. Years ago when I didn’t have confidence I would never have had to guts to approach an agency like that.
After a month or so of teaching more adaptive yoga classes than I ever have, I came across a Facebook forum of yoga teachers asked (for the hundredth time) about the “peak pose” or “how do I teach___”. In one of my more rare salty moods I commented on the ridiculousness of that and the “pose” isn’t the purpose. Yikes, did that ever start a vulnerability wildfire. I tend to go about my business quietly and humbling doing my work, rarely engaging in the yoga world and never combating with others about it. This outward moment for me to stick my neck out and expose my style of yoga teaching to a very large group was gutsy and very much against my usual quiet way of being. What came from that day long banter session was I got extremely frustrated and more disheartened with the western view of yoga so rather than stew in the slime, I created a new Facebook forum geared towards learning how to teach adaptive yoga in any setting and how to bring yoga to people who are most unlikely to ever be able to achieve a “peak pose”. The group has been slow to start but like anything that is worth it, consistency and time will bear the fruit. My intent with the group is to expose my experience to others and hopefully inspire other like minded teachers to consider getting out of the studio and sequence mindset and into the heart. Time will tell. It was very outside my norm to speak out, especially about something so sacred and controversial as yoga, unless I can hide behind a blog post. ?
Late July I was feeling a tad bit like I wasn’t spending much time on my yoga mat and decided to publicly announce that I needed help with accountability. I created a 30 days of yoga program where I was actually practicing with the recorded class. Gulp. That meant 30 days of being on the mat and publicly being accountable. It turned out to be an amazing thing! I gained several new students and friends and I am way more consistent in my personal practice. My YouTube library continues to grow and I have realized that it’s not so scary after all. It even prompted me to explain my feelings about perfectly curated videos versus the real, raw way of teaching I feel is way more down to earth and reachable for all types of people.
As my foot continued to give me trouble I also had to deal with an extensive amount of skin cancer cut out of my collarbone. The sutures and scarring was painful and a wake up call to being a lifelong ginger who isn’t always so mindful about sunscreen.
My annual mammogram came in the fall and like most medical things, I easily roll with them. Until they call you back, and until you are squished into a mammogram machine having the suspected tissue extracted from your body. Then, the waiting three day for results was downright horrible. Having no control and seemingly wide open to emotional exposure was the tipping point of my vulnerability quest. By now, I had had enough. Thankfully the results came back benign and life carried on.
Vulnerability of waiting for healing and tests and not having control of the outcome was challenging for me. I tend to check things off a list and carry on. The wait time for some of these experiences was tedious.
Just two weeks after the biopsy event, I came across a breast cancer support group that chooses to be active in the support groups rather than sitting in a hospital board room to meet. Having gone through the biopsy procedure and emotions my heart felt very open to extend my yoga studio to the group and I now teach monthly to these amazing breast cancer “thrivers”.
Some of the opportunities to be vulnerable were having to be very open with friendships and the outstretching I felt I had to be with some of them. Partly, I was recognizing what serves me and the other part was my resistance to having closer and more emotionally charged friendships. I thrive on working and moving, so slowing down to feel still remains a work in progress. The vulnerability came in having to be open and honest with myself, and with my friends.
I have tried hard in recent years to stop being so amazing at multitasking, but it has served me so well that why stop, right? Well, sometimes when we refuse to stop or refuse to learn something we are given another opportunity to.
I was flying fast through my day and thought I could quickly mix up a batch of bath bombs. Ya know, it takes about five minutes max. I grabbed the Costco sized fourteen pound bag of baking soda and then the game changed. The baking soda was not only hardened into one compact block of cement like texture, it was also really really cold. I jammed my hand into the bag and rather than stop and grab a tool to break up the hard baking soda I fought against it until my fingers bent the wrong way and the baking soda won. The following day I was at urgent care, and then the hand surgeon, and would you believe baking soda caused a completely and severely torn ligament to require surgery?
Perhaps all the multitasking and going too fast actually caused it. Go figure.
Being that I am not one to appreciate or strive towards competition or the limelight it was shocking to me to put myself out there for a nomination for the “best of”. I remain adamant that this contest is purely to highlight the students I serve in hope to bring awareness to the community so perhaps others may feel inclined to use their own unique gifts to help others thrive.
I have jokingly said for years that being a parent is the hardest job ever and sometimes I wonder why do we subject ourselves to such stress? I get the whole cute baby desires but once they are past age eight or so it is no longer about being cute but rather simple parental survival. I tell young moms all the time that be glad you can stuff them in pajamas and into bed because when they are adults and you have no control, and minimal influence, it is pure hell. This has been a rough year for one of my kids and being the parent of an adult who is struggling is so painful. I’d give anything to be able to put the pajamas on and tuck them into bed assuring them that everything will be okay, but I can’t. So I deal with the emotions and communicate clearly with true vulnerability.
The year continued to move along with minor infractions that at times I asked “what the hell is this here to teach me” Such as three cracked windshields in a couple months time, a new furnace needed, hail damage that turned out to be costly, and many other financially challenging episodes.
Uncertainty = vulnerability.
I lost some special students this year and that invited me to look at my work and my heart. It asked me to feel and to allow myself sadness. Their lives have also prompted me to inquire and learn more about frontal lobe dementia and why we are seeing such an increase. Information to me feels safe.
Finally, as I close the chapter I am being faced with some hard looks in the mirror. Having hand surgery soon and the rescheduled hip replacement coming in just seven weeks, I am having to take a really deep inventory on my choices as it relates to the amount of movement I have been consistently putting my body through over the last several years. I am having to look at and take responsibility for perhaps not being as kind to her as I could have been.
That’s a tough one to swallow.
I have said that I will be glad when this whole vulnerability thing is over so I can go back to being closed off and in control. I hope that I can allow the sliver of vulnerability to remain intact because I do feel that being more emotionally exposed has served me well, most of the time.
To capture it all most simply, I’ve had a major shift in my business that has been due to the risk taking and I have deepened some relationships by allowing myself to receive while also by giving myself permission to feel more than things just in the neutral zone.
Onward to 2024. (Big breath taken).
Stacie believes that it is her life purpose to share the gift of Yoga with anyone who is willing to say yes. In addition to raising a family and being an advocate for those with disabilities, Stacie is founder of Embracing Spirit Yoga which specializes in bringing adaptive Yoga into community centers and rehabilitation clinics. Bringing her depth of compassion to the mat–or the chair–she offers students the opportunity to grow as an individual in all aspects of their life.
With over sixteen years experience, Stacie Wyatt is an experienced 500 hour Registered Yoga Teacher with Yoga Alliance, Certified Brain Injury Specialist, Certified Trauma Informed Coach, Life Wellness Coach, Senior YogaFit Instructor, Mind/Body Personal trainer, Stress Reduction and Meditation Instructor, Pilates Instructor, and Barre Instructor. Stacie is also certified in Integrative Movement Therapy™and is also a believer in the power and application of essential oils for health and wellness and proudly shares doTERRA essential oils.
Stacie brings her personal life experience of raising a daughter with a disability and over 12 years working in special education to her everyday Yoga classes.
