“Disappointment is a stepping stone to resilience. It toughens you up and prepares you for the challenges that lie ahead.” ~ Michelle Obama
Disappointment is such a strange thing. In my mind I know that all disappointments lead to some sort of lesson or growth, if we choose to look for it. It may be that we learn our own value, how to walk away, or even deep acceptance. Regardless of the lesson, it usually comes after experiencing some version of disappointment.
Most people already know of some pretty major disappointments that I’ve experienced in my life that have led me to greatness.
I’ve taken one of the biggest disappointments in my life and turned it in to my purpose and my passion.
What a lot of people don’t know is that for over 20 years I have struggled with the disappointment of my body. I have sat in pain management clinics for that duration trying spinal injections, varieties of medications, alternative methods, and eventually facing the pain with resiliency and movement. The disappointment fueled me to be stronger and stronger. It guided me to places I didn’t know I had in me. I faced the disappointment of many diagnosis with the fire to fight back.
The early weeks of January 2016 I experienced a new pain. A horrific pain. Within a few weeks I learned I had torn tissue in my hip. Three surgeries over the course of 18 months, and once again I am ten days away from yet another hip surgery.
I have needed this surgery for over a year but put it off last February because the timing wasn’t right. It’s right now.
In my preparation to get my body at its best form and fullest strength going into this big one. I have been consistently strength training five times a week for over two years. Refining my muscles and gaining strength and confidence has been empowering.
But, disappointment shows up again.
The familiar pain that grinds deeps into the lower back. That pain that prevents movement. Startling pain that makes my breath short and shallow. Pain that has brought me to the hospital twice unable to move in the past. The pain that makes my world shatter.
Not now. It can’t be now.
- I need to be strong.
- I need to be healthy.
- I need to not hurt this much.
- I need my back to settle down so I’m strong for my new hip and I need this disappointment to move along.
Or, is this disappointment inviting more resilience than I knew I had? Is it showing me what I have in me to face the challenge?
Maybe it’s both. I need to not hurt like this AND I need to be reminded of my strength and ability to overcome.
