mindset

Living with Chronic Pain

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Living with chronic pain can feel overwhelming but when you put a few tools into your toolbox you can start to feel empowered versus defeated. I have found combining traditional treatment with some holistic approaches is the perfect balance for living with chronic pain.

When I was first referred to a pain management specialist I was in my mid-thirties and had no real idea what it all meant. I knew that I was there to address chronic and ongoing back pain but was a little clueless about empowering myself with a few tools to help manage the pain. Over time I have gathered quite a bit of knowledge and found what works for me.

Tools for Living with Chronic Pain

A holistic approach to living with chronic pain means you bring together a variety of tools to help support you. Being open to trying things is key when looking for the right tool for you. Here are my top four tools in my toolbox.

Gratitude

Please don’t skip past this part because you think that there is no way gratitude can help your physical pain. Hear me out. Gratitude CAN in fact reroute your thinking from dwelling on pain to a better place. Get yourself a small notebook, a free app, or a document section on your computer and start with 3-5 things each day you are thankful for, and why. Listing off your family, friends, house and dog is fine and dandy, but discovering the feeling that is evoked in your is where the magic really is. Next, do a quick google search on the benefits of gratitude and you might just be convinced to give it a try. It is my #1 tool I reach for time and time again to help me live my best life while also living with chronic pain.

Self-Care

Find something, anything, that gives you comfort and joy. Allow this self-care practice to evolve and change over time and circumstances, but no matter what, you MUST care for yourself. This can be something like a bubble bath, a special cup of tea, a massage, learning a new skill, reading a book, buying yourself a special lotion, or anything else that comforts you. This is a daily requirement.

Movement

Nearly two decades ago, my rheumatologist told me that if I don’t move it, I will lose it. While there are some days living with chronic pain it seems inconceivable that moving would make me feel better, but it truly does. I have a little rule I follow–if I sit for 30 minutes, I must move for 15 minutes. A lap around the block usually does it. This constant motion keeps my joints lubricated and my muscles supple. I also incorporate water exercises, yoga, and mild strength training into the mix. Motion is lotion and I am firm believer in that. Those individuals who succumb to the aches and pains and opt to binge on Netflix day after day are probably in more pain than they would be had they chosen to move a little more. Try it and you might be surprised.

Reframing Your Thoughts

It is a slippery slope to think about, talk about and identify with a diagnosis. Learning to be mindful in the thoughts and words we chose as it relates to our pain is a powerful tool. I have found that catching my self saying things that “feed” the pain and diagnosis is something that I needed to nip right away. Rather than saying, “my pain is killing me”, I opt to think or say “my pain is present and I need to do something about it”. Or I simply feel it and then move on. Becoming consumed with the details of the diagnosis can overwhelm you and you can quickly sink into identifying as the diagnosis and lose yourself.

Listen to this podcast for more details about the power YOU have to build your holistic toolbox because you are so worth it.

Finding Joy in Hard Times

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It is easy to find joy during times in our life when everything appears to be in place. We find joy in the lazy Sundays before the yard work for the season takes over. Finding joy is easy when we are sipping drinks on the beach enjoying a deserved vacation. The simple joy of being around young children who find pleasure in just being alive is packed with joy.

What about when life is hard?

How do we find joy during the painful seasons of life? When the daily grind overcomes every corner of our life. The chores are endless. Or our aging parents need constant care. Perhaps our lives are full of the demands of school age children and we have little self care time. The chronic pain that many live with makes finding joy nearly impossible.

Looking for moment of joy

After my last hip surgery, the complications have seemed to be endless. Infections, blood clots, multiple visits to the ER seem to have taken over my life. Constant doctor appointments and conversation about my pain is exhausting.

Until I chose joy.

There are always moments of joy. Waking up to the sound of a spring bird is joy. Watching as the trees begin to bloom is joy. Smelling the first cut grass of the season is joy. Carefully nurturing the garden seedlings is joy. Laying your hands in sourdough bread dough is joy. Tasting the fruits of your labor slathered in butter is joy.

We are going to be okay

Looking back at life, there are countless times when it is easy to see that indeed we did end up okay. When we are in the vortex of struggles it is nearly impossible to see it, but I do believe it is there.

We will be okay. I will be okay. You will be okay.

Vulnerability Check In

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Vulnerability is defined as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.” It’s that unstable feeling we get when we step out of our comfort zone or do something that forces us to loosen control.

Brene Brown

When I began 2023 like every other year for the last nearly two decades, I chose a word as a theme or guiding direction that I wanted to bring into my life. It never fails that the word I choose for the year is perfectly suited for the path I take that year. Some years have been incredibly hard, like the year I chose the word peace. That was one of the most challenging years of my life. Go figure. I guess Spirit was asking me to find peace while enduring chaos.

For 2023, I chose the word vulnerability.

Since we are nearly 3/4 the year through this year I thought I’d spend some time this afternoon thinking about where vulnerability has showed up in my journey this year. I chose the word vulnerability because I wanted to expose myself a bit more, let go of the controlled emotions and often staying in the comfort zone of life. I have a pretty ideal career and my life feels very well rounded and balanced, so rocking the boat a bit initially felt really daunting, but I knew I needed a nudge in the direction of being a little more open. My favorite teacher Brene Brown defines vulnerability as uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure. Oh boy. The big question is why if my life is going nearly perfect would I want to invite those three things in?

So far this year I have had the following experiences that required vulnerability:

  • I opted out of a needed hip replacement and had to advocate for my health despite the encouragement of doctors and family. I had to tap into my inner truth and openly admit that I was terrified and the uncertainty was too great. Admitting the emotion fear is not something I do easily or often. This was huge for me to openly expose an emotion.
  • Once the hip surgery was put on hold, I stepped into uncertainty by going forward with a knee surgery that was intended to bring some pain relief and hopefully stabilize the hip. Turns out the knee scope was brutal and required me to ask for much needed help and be willing to receive it. Not easy for me.
  • In early spring I did something wild and totally outside my comfort zone. I bought a Jeep that I had been working towards for many years. May seem like a no big deal for some , but for this frugal girl it was a huge deal.
  • The risk came when one day I emailed an agency about the adaptive yoga I have been offering in assisted living setting for years. I didn’t need the extra contract but as an entrepreneur you never become passive or assume the contracts you have will always want you. The risk turned into a surprisingly instant contract, but it meant I would give up my beloved Fridays off to add another commute day. I wrestled with it for a weekend and decided to give it a try. My mindset was if I felt overwhelmed I would simple be brave and say that it was more than I could handle. Also, something I don’t do easily. Just three weeks into the month, I got asked to add 16 more homes with this new agency, which took my monthly number up to 46 assisted living group homes a month. Gulp. I said yes.
  • With all the new contracts, I knew right away I would need to actively seek to mentor other yoga teachers. This meant stepping out of the shadows and exposing myself online as a teacher who thinks outside of the Western view of yoga and be actively open with my opinion and be a tad more outspoken than I tend to be when it comes to yoga. I created an online forum that I lead to educate other yoga teachers on the method I have carefully designed for adults with neurological conditions and other disabilities and be extremely exposed when it comes to my confidence. Hiding in the shadows of my work has been comfortable.
  • Once the knee healed and I was back to my normal activity, my body decided that my foot needed to fail me and I am now dealing with an extremely inflamed and severely arthritic foot. Again, I am faced with dealing with pain while running a business and a very full life. This means asking for help, taking life a little easier when I can and giving my body so much grace.
  • One day in July I got a hair brained idea to teach a virtual 30 days of yoga series, beginning August 1. That meant I needed to get myself on a yoga mat everyday and commit to showing up for myself and others. As August 1st approached I was feeling more and more pressure, but it has actually turned out to be amazing. The messages I receive on a daily basis from new students and long time students has been so fulfilling. Plus, getting on my yoga mat (or a chair) everyday has been so great. What I initially felt to be so much added stress has actually turned into so much goodness.

The year is not over and I hope that I continue to grow into my quest to be more vulnerable. I am open to allowing myself to feel more emotions and to living with uncertainty. I have learned that each day is a chance to be present in love, laugh a little more and appreciate the emotions that arise. There are moments every day that ask me to open myself up a tiny bit more to others and to life.

What’s your word of the year? Have you done a check in?

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Beginnings

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“What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?”

– Vincent Van Gogh

We have all had that initial beginning of something.

That first time taking a fitness class, embarking on a new way of eating, beginning a mediation practice, or as simple as increasing water consumption. Sometimes the first class, or the first recipe, or the first time you sat with awareness is often the hardest.

If you are embarking on a new something consider these 5 tips:

1. Remember it is about the journey. While enthusiasm is fabulous, it can be so easy to jump from your starting point with only the end result in mind.  Whether you are looking to lose weight or increase your overall well-being it is imperative to enjoy the steps along the way.  If your only focus in losing those 20 pounds, I guarantee you will miss the joy in planning, shopping, cooking and eating that amazing meal. The tastes you experience are the end result, but the joy that can come from loving what you are creating is the journey.  Enjoy each step.

2.  Stop and breathe. Every single day find 10 minutes to simply breathe.  Inhale. Exhale with intention and awareness.  This practice will keep you grounded as your life changes.  As you embark on a new way of being, people around you will challenge you.  It is imperative that you have this tool in your tool box.  Breathe.

3. Be tender with yourself. Yes, you will stumble.  And you will miss the Yoga class because of work.  Yes, you will eat that cookie the kids leftover.  Yes you will choose soda over water.  It happens.  Start again without a litany of negative self-talk.  Instead remember that the sun does come up tomorrow and you can begin again.

4. Ask yourself those hard questions. As you begin anything new it is key to get into your heart and know what it is that you are seeking. Are you doing this for you or for someone else?  Are you doing it with the hope that you will be happier? Do you have a goal in mind or are you wanting to just explore the experience?  Are you willing to make choices and changes?  What are you willing to do to make those changes?

5. Be open to a mind shift. Do you notice that you have a series of limiting beliefs about yourself or your life? You know, things like “I don’t have enough time or money”, “I am not flexible”, “I can’t sit still long enough to meditate”, “I don’t like the taste of plain water”.  Consider what might happen if you turned those limiting beliefs into statements of hope—“I have the ability to choose where I spend my money”, “I choose to make the time, because I am worth it”, “I honor my body in a Yoga class and not compete”, “I am capable of sitting for 5 minutes today”, “I am grateful to have fresh, clean water to drink”.  Consider shifting to a belief of positivity and hope.

Why? Because YOU are worth it.

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Gratitude = Joy

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It’s not joy that makes us grateful, it’s gratitude that makes us joyful.

Brené Brown

Think about that. So often we misunderstand that if we had all the things and our life is packed with goodness, we would then be grateful.

Actually it is not that way.

I have read and even taken a course with Brené Brown and yet I still continue to learn and soak in more every time I hear her speak.

Last night I was watching a talk she gave to teachers and other leaders. She was describing what happens when we think that we cannot be happy with what we have and we are constantly seeking joy through external things. We have all heard “when I take that vacation” or “if I could have that ____”, then my life would be good. This is called scarcity thinking. Scarcity thinking is when we think what we have is not enough or what we have will be taken from us.

Huh.

Years ago I had that mindset. Thankfully through the work I’ve done I no longer have that reaching for something. If a moment sneaks up on me and I do start to feel that what I have isn’t enough, I just have to go to my office and grab one of EIGHTEEN years worth of gratitude journals to see that my life is really quite full.

For some a gratitude journal feels daunting. That’s okay.

There are countless ways to cultivate a genuine gratitude practice. Here are some great ideas:

  • pause before eating to recognize all that took place to bring you that plate of food
  • step outside and look at the sky and just breathe for two to three minutes
  • look at a stranger through the eyes of peace
  • say thank you throughout the day as doors get opened, people say hello, words are exchanged
  • smile more
  • before you begin your busy day sit for five minutes and gaze around your space and not see the tasks undone, but see instead your roof, your furniture, your safety
  • exchange gratitudes of the day with your family or friends before eating

Research shows that with a genuine gratitude practice, we can shift from scarcity thinking to joy. Imagine your life shifting from disappointment to deep appreciation. Think about how your relationships and business could flourish with an attitude of enough.

More than enough.

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Always Enough

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I have come to realize again that our culture wants us to believe that there are not enough resources, not enough time, not enough love, not enough money, not enough opportunities, or whatever else we desire. Our minds want to keep telling the same old story that there isn’t enough which in turn causes us to act as if we live in a mindset of scarcity and lack. Spend an afternoon at Costco and you will agree with me! The overconsumption that happens within those four walls is startling. Also, think about the storage units on every corner, jumbo size everything, jammed packed big box stores where people get more, more, more, more.

Sickening isn’t it?

The truth is the human spirit and inner heart KNOWS that there is always, always, ALWAYS enough. When we sink into faith and trust that truth we can start to make more mindful choices. Aligning with the greater good of universal love we can actually feel that there IS indeed enough.

Always.

How many times have you been going through a really hard time and felt you’d never make it through? Or when you felt you didn’t have enough and suddenly random blessings show up.

Open your heart, open your mind and get ready to receive all that there is.

Trust that there is ALWAYS enough.

An Old Friend

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It has been awhile since a certain old friend of mine made a strong appearance in my life. Honestly, I can say that I have felt her presence for months. A decade ago she had stuck around for many years and then disappeared. Or maybe she just stepped into the shadows for a while. I always knew though that in a moment of vulnerability she could easily step back into my life.

This friend of mine is smart, as well as sneaky, in how she can slip into my life and easily take over. Her presence is big even though she has a tendency to come incognito and honestly, I didn’t really recognize her this time until the middle of the night whispers invited me to take off the blinders and see the truth.

My old friend has name and it is control with a middle name of addiction.

Last fall as I was starting to experience more physical pain than I liked. I also started walking far more than I normally do. My old friend convinced me that this was to manage pain. She told me that the more I walked the better I would feel. She was right. For months and months I walked further and further each day. Indeed the pain felt less. My mind felt clearer and I was more content. Being outside for a couple hours a day walking was balm to my pain.

At first my old friend cheered me on and celebrated with me the miles and miles I would walk. She was step by step with me and the conversations we had were about overcoming the physical pain and building confidence in my body while not letting the pain be the focus.

She told me instead to see and celebrate what my body could do.

In her incredibly manipulative way, soon the walks weren’t enough. She convinced me that I had to have more. My friend persuaded me to attach an outcome to a number of steps and if I wasn’t there, then I was shamed and begrudged for letting pain win. Years ago she had convinced me that if I could just walk a certain amount of steps a day I would be amazing and that anything less than that number was weakness. It took a real friend at a beautiful restaurant in Sedona to shed light on the fact that a silly number was stealing joy from my life. That day, I let my friend control go and she stayed away until last fall.

I have been teaching the yoga principles called yamas and niyamas this month. I realized in the quiet moments of the night that I was allowing this so called friend to blind me from ahimsa (non-harming) and asteya (non-stealing). In demanding my body to perform at a certain level each and every day, I was stealing joy from myself. My walks have become no longer about nature, quiet meditation, health or connection. Instead they became about speed, distance and numbers.

Control + Addiction = Stealing joy.

In doing this for months, I have also turned an eye to non-harming. Yes, walking is the best thing I can do for myself. It DOES reduce my pain greatly. It does clear my head and help my mood. But many of my recent walking has also become a space for shame, anxiety and unworthiness. The addiction to performance and outcomes has begun to overshadow the benefits. The panic that takes over when I am not close to the target increases my agitation and negative thoughts.

One the best feelings in the world is my ability to trust in my inner wisdom to acknowledge it, listen to it, share it and own it. This awareness is the antidote to control and addiction. It also helps to have the real and honest friends who rather than join the negativity and shame, just listen and give advice that is from the heart and from that space of truly seeing me.

This morning as I walked that old friend called control and addiction was thanked because I know that she shows up every once in a while to reel me back into living the authentic life I want to live.

She comes around occasionally to help me peel away another layer of self-worth and doubt to reveal an even clearer and brighter version of myself.

I will keep walking everyday to manage my pain and to bring me joy. I will no longer allow the numbers to steal my joy and harm my heart. Instead I will notice the birds, the changes of the season, the aliveness that is in and around me.

I told control and addiction thanks for the insights and until next time…

Practicing Gratitude

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I think we get so caught up in life events needing to be extraordinary in order to be happy. Learning to pay attention and practicing gratitude is key for a fulfilling life.

I am with Brené Brown on this one.

Happiness is right in front of me when I am paying attention and practicing gratitude. ~Brene Brown

When I look back at my week I can say with certainty that it was a rollercoaster of emotions and experiences. It was also a week of ordinary moments in everyday life that can either be celebrated or denied. I had beautiful work, a profound experience with a dying woman, a pretty disappointing doctor’s appointment, amazing workouts, playing in my garden, driving over 750 miles for work, celebrating my sweet granddaughter’s birthday, and quiet moments on the patio.

Ordinary moments of life experiences.

Yet so amazing in many ways. I am grateful for my life in all of its craziness–the observing of joy and sorrow, celebrating small successes, experiencing humanness, giving and receiving love, and being the witness to the cycles of life. All of it deeply embedded in my heart.

Hope you find a moment to pause. To breathe. And to notice all that is good in your life.

Try paying attention and feeling gratitude.

It just may surprise you how ordinarily awesome your life is.

Mindset Generosity

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I keep stumbling upon the word generous and I began to want to cultivate a deeper understanding of the definition.

Generous is defined as characterized by a noble or kindly spirit;  liberal in giving ; marked by abundance.

Recently during my times of walking or while spending time on the mat, I have been really looking at how generosity shows up in my life and how I can continue to bring awareness from the inward grasping of obtaining to an outward flow of giving.

If I am generous with my faith, there is no space for fear.

If I am generous with my love, there is no space for separation.

If I am generous with my money, there is no space for lack.

If I am generous with my presence, there is no space for distance.

If I am generous with my listening, there is no space for indifference.

If I am generous with my attentiveness, there is no space neglect.

If I am generous with my understanding, there is no space for ignorance.

If I am generous with my compassion, there is no space for judgment.

If I am generous with my patience, there is no space for frustration.

If I am generous with my time, there is no space for feeling overwhelmed.

If I am generous with my health, there is no space for illness.

If I am generous with my light, there is no space for dark.

Going into a much deeper level of the understanding of generous feels so free to be no longer in the mind-set of obtaining, but instead an outward flow of bestowing. My abundance allows and permits me to be generous.

How wonderfully simple.

Mindset

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Oh my gosh, YES!

Mindset is everything!

I mean face it, the last couple of years have been hard. The word pandemic was not everyday lingo and I don’t know about you, but I never thought about the impact a virus could make on the day to day. Before this pandemic, I had a basic understanding of political differences but the depth at which the country has gone the last few years is startling. The division is palpable in our cities and even in our homes.

Along with the collective challenges that we have all endured we each have our own unique challenges layered upon the big challenges. How we face them determines the quality of our lives. This isn’t to say that putting on a smiling face everyday will be the answer, but our ability to shift our mindset and not hold onto the things we have no control over can certainly help our happiness factor.

Mindset matters

Truth is for me personally, I am a self-employed yoga teacher who has had to navigate how to continue to earn an income during these hard times; going from full-time teaching in long term care facilities, my own studio and a large health club to virtual only was a huge hit financially and had a big impact on my ability to feel fulfilled teaching. It is doable, but hard to connect through a screen, especially with individuals with special needs. I am also a full time caregiver for my special needs daughter; so her programming went all virtual which meant not only was I her primary caregiver, I also became her primary friend/peer/teacher/support/transportation/provider, which was hard on both of us. My last major daily hurdle is I have three health conditions that cause me to experience tremendous pain and fatigue. Managing my pain and being able to show up for my students and my family takes grit some days.

Most of the time, my MINDSET allows me to handle it (somewhat) gracefully and I choose to make the best of this precious life. I have a few must-do practices to keep my mindset in the right place:

I am committed to my health and fitness.

I begin and end my day with a walk. I also walk on my lunch hour and anytime during the day I have sat too much or the burdens of life feels heavy. Some days I get over 25,000 steps and that is okay. It works for me. I find walking manages my pain better than anything else. I also practice yoga and do strength training 3-4 times per week.

I am committed to constantly changing my business model for the changing times and am open to always working hard.

I have learned to be flexible (haha, no yoga teacher joke intended). I navigate the demands of the audience and am constantly learning how to best utilize my skills in a virtual world. I also invite small groups into my studio and while the income may not be what a large group is, I feel connected and inspired and that fulfills me. I work nearly 7 days a week either teaching, marketing, following up, promoting, etc. I am committed to this gift.

I am committed to seeing the best in every situations.

Some people have told me that my rosy lenses aren’t accurate for the world, but I love them. I choose to look at both sides of the situation and try to find the small nuggets of wisdom that may be there to learn. I avoid situations that are filled with hatred, division, anger and judgment which means my circle of friends is small, I spend a lot of time by myself and I avoid the news.

I am committed to saying YES!

I have found that when we live in a state of pessimism (I spent decades there), we attract the very things we dislike. When we learn to say yes to the best possible outcomes, we attract that. If you don’t believe me, try it for a month. Say yes to new opportunities, to new experiences, to new friends, to abundance and then sit back and enjoy the ride.

I am committed to a daily Gratitude practice.

It is so easy to get sucked into the unfortunately popular culture that much of the world sees as not enough (time, money, resources, love). When we shift our attention to what we actually have plenty of, we get more (time, money, resources, love). Look around and notice the abundance of color, texture, living things, and feelings. There really is plenty to be thankful for.

It is a choice and although some days it can be harder to stay in a positive mindset given the status of the world, it is possible with a little changes to our thoughts. My mindset has served me incredibly well.

That’s my mindset, what is yours?