I had a recent conversation with someone about body shame. For many years of my adult life I was heavy and carried around an extra 80 or so pounds. I have experienced fat-girl shame. It isn’t fun. And yet, I have also experienced skinny-girl shame. That isn’t fun either. I wonder sometimes why we can’t just be kinder people.
The answer for me came in the way of self love. I didn’t love who I was—not because I was fat but because I was toxic and heavy in every area of my life.
It was exhausting so I decided to love instead.
Simply love myself. As I began to love myself it became inherently easy to love others, too.
With my new found self love I came to know that I am an enneagram one. I am a perfectionist and I hold myself to high standards. I also am an overcomer of obstacles. I rarely see something as unobtainable or impossible. I see the good in most everyone and am exploding with positivity. It is unusual for me to be emotional (something I am trying to open myself up to). I am steady as steady can be. I thrive feeling safe.
Taking control of my health and my body fueled me and I began to thrive.
No shame in owning that.
I also struggle with daily chronic pain. It takes a ton of discipline to continue to work my body into its best health. I honor my body and refuse to let her down by focusing on pain or limitations. Instead I look her in the eye and tell her she can do it. I have a strong sense of self and am in awe of what my body can do.
No shame in owning that either.
As years go by, I continue to tenderly speak to the large sized woman I once was and thank her for being patient with me.
Being on both sides of the size spectrum and feeling both types of shame I am convinced we need to lose the shame game. Give people the grace to be who they are.
Deliberate is defined as done consciously and intentionally.
I chose DELIBERATE as my word for 2022 because I wanted to be more in tune with the choices I was making and what I was saying yes to. It has become a it overused to say “boundaries” and I wanted a softer approach to how I began to create some space in my life. I opted to think of my choices as filling the margins rather than having boundaries around my time or myself. I knew that after my previous year of refining my life I was ready to take it to the next level with pausing before I said yes to anything, and also being very intentional with my communication.
Early in the year I decided to carve out Friday as my day to only choose things that led to life I was trying to create. Previously I had a tendency to say yes to everything and everyone except myself which led to me often feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and at times resentful.
I am amazed at how setting an intention, pausing before saying yes and acting with a more conscious approach to life has become now a lifestyle. Of all the years I have been choosing a single word (about 18), this one had the most evident change in several different areas of my life.
Of course one of the biggest changes to my life was choosing that one day a week to be fully aware of what I put into the margins of my day. However, there were subtle changes to my style of communicating with others, especially under emotional strain. I took the same principle of pausing before speaking and the results were a much more peaceful commutation style and way more listening happening. I found that by slowing down I was able to clearly communicate my feelings and needs without sounded ungrateful or demanding. This was across people and situations. It was really amazing to see the shift in my communication enhancing my relationships.
I also found that as I commuted twice a week, driving sometimes up to 300 miles, I was very deliberate on the road and it became a very calm, focused almost meditation. The results were that as I became more intentional of my own driving, I was far less reactive to other peoples. This created delightful drives to work and I entered into my job with a very peaceful state.
As I flip back through my planner for the year I smile as I see how many great things happened on Fridays. Some of the adventures included:
•picking up golf clubs again and doing surprisingly well!
•hiking in my old favorite spots and rediscovering some of my old trails.
•lingering coffee shop dates alone where I could write or think or simply enjoy my coffee.
•mastering a pull up and a chin up became a late in the year goal and I claimed it! So fun!
•reading books during the day instead of just before bed where I usually read only a sentence or two before my eyes became too heavy.
•crocheting a few easy hats for myself and others is a great happy hour at home pastime.
•miles and miles of walks filled each day but I was able to log longer ones on Fridays.
•developing a deeper yoga practice was important to me this year and I found having a little more time allowed me to linger a bit on my mat.
•cultivating an amazing garden has been a pleasure of mine for years and each year it gets better! Fridays were weeding days and it is so soulful.
•massages are so important for my wellness and I found Friday afternoons to be the prime time for getting one.
•strength training became a must-do habit and I could not be more thrilled. I am so much stronger and have successfully achieved a pull up! I will never not life weights again.
I am so proud of myself for making this word stick and for the essence of what it means to be deliberate and to have it become a habit. I am way more balanced and definitely happier. I intend to continue my deliberate Fridays into next year and beyond.
Did you choose a word for your year? How did it play out in your world?
Grant me the courage To change what I am capable of changing And the grace To accept what is beyond my control And choose my battles wisely.
Please help me to fix what has fallen apart and is broken in my life That would benefit from being mended And accept what would not And move on accordingly.
Grant me the strength To fully seize each day And make the most of each moment Savouring the ones that provide me with joy, meaning and fulfilment
And remind me to treasure time spent with those I love And pursue my passions and what uplifts and energises me And focus on all that lies ahead of me Rather than all that lies behind me.
Please help me to embody love And radiate it to all whom I encounter Regardless of whether they remain in my life Or are no longer with me.
Please help me to remain calm and at peace During the chaos and shifting seasons of life And flow with it Understanding that everything is fleeting and temporary But that the true nature of who I am is eternal And more than this limited body And transitory physical experience
Please show me how to let go of fear, pain and resentment So I can feel light, unburdened and free And prioritise what is important While disregarding what is not.
Please comfort me in my grief And reassure me with the knowledge That I will one day be reunited with those I love who have left this reality But remain in spirit with me
And in the times when I am hurt May you show me how to heal and move forward
In the times when I feel small and fragile May you remind me of my inner strength
In the times when I feel weak May you remind me of my inner power
In the times when I feel lost May you help me rediscover purpose and meaning
In the times when I feel lonely and isolated May you remind me that everything is interconnected
And in the times when I have lost confidence and trust in myself May you help me remember who I am.
Words by Tahlia Hunter
(Inspired by the Serenity Prayer by Dr Reinhold Niebuhr)
The word “solstice,” in Latin, means sun standing still, so in a sense, we could say the soul stands still on the solstice—maybe even long enough for you to catch a glimpse of it, as some legends say you can at this divine time of year. The darkest night contains the most magnetic power, too; this is a time to draw forth what you want, to incubate your best intentions.
As you enjoy the longest night and the brightest lights of the season, please remember this: your soul is the light of the world. You carry the light within you. You shine.
We cannot change the fact that life has heartbreaking challenges any more than we can change that winter has storms. Viktor Frankl wrote in his quintessential book, Man’s Search for Meaning, “When we are no longer able to change a situation we are challenged to change ourselves.”
When we or someone we love are in a storm, try to recognize the good alongside the bad, and find your inner resilience.
It is crazy to think that we truly are in the final months of the year. While it is a time for celebrations, gatherings and gift-giving it is also a time to complete the inward cycle. With winter solstice coming this month it is a time when we complete our inward look, release what no longer serves us, and step back into the light. It is when we begins to emerge from our inner landscape to reveal a fresh, new season of growth. Crazy to think that winter is a time for that but in the solstice world after the beautiful pause and standing still of winter solstice where everything stops, the days begin to get longer as light returns.
I have used this blend for many years during this month as I am intentional about releasing the years baggage that holds me back; fears, worthiness, vulnerabilities and more. I use this blend before meditation and before sleep to facilitate a letting go so that when the month is over, I am a clean slate ready to walk into a new year.
Read on as to why I chose these oils and crystals-
Thyme —empties the soul of negativity, leaves the heart open wide. This oil helps with emotional release.
Lemongrass is the oil of cleansing. It helps us let go of toxic energy and negativity. It helps release limiting beliefs. It allows us to move past old trauma and to gain clarity to move forward.
Cypress is the oil of motion. Ever feel stuck? Cypress will help you let go of worry and the need for control, and help you have trust in the flow of life. It will help with getting unstuck and moving forward.
Peppermint is the oil of a buoyant heart. It is a very invigorating oil to both mind and body. It is an encouraging oil that helps us rediscover the joy of life and being alive!
Basil essential oil is helpful in dealing with feelings of anxiety, panic, or apprehension, and has been said to be the oil of “renewal”, both emotionally and spiritually. It provides strength and tranquility to the heart and mind, making it perfect for overwhelm, stress, fatigue, and may even assist a person in their efforts to overcome addiction–which makes it a great choice for overcoming ruminating thoughts and self-sabotaging behaviors that often result from toxic relationships
Cedarwood oil is a great oil for times of crisis or sudden change, such as when there is an adjustment in households, jobs, and/or relationships. These events often lead to feeling isolated or knocked off balance. Cedarwood provides feelings of stability and grounding when external circumstances threaten your feelings of stability. It also helps lessen fears that deter your ability to realize your potential.
Bergamot helps us transfer love back to ourselves. We can be so fixated on wanting other people to make us happy that we forget we can do that for ourselves. Bergamot is uplifting, has natural anti-depressant properties, and helps us to relax and regain self-confidence again. Bergamot oil helps us in the areas of self-love, self-worth, self-acceptance, self-judgment, and self-loathing. It instills validation within, allowing us to accept our own authenticity, and not spend so much time worrying about the opinions of others.
Frankincense In addition to alleviating and eliminating depression, Frankincense is known as the “Oil of Truth”, revealing deceptiveness and false truths. It invites the individual to let go of lower vibrations, insults, and negativity. This oil helps create new perspectives based on integrity and enlightenment. Frankincense is also is a powerful cleanser of the spirit. It assists in removing malevolent energies attached to a person, allowing them to open to enlightenment. It addresses the emotions of abandonment and spiritual disconnectedness and releases them.
Lemon In addition to its bright aroma, lemon is also a great cleanser and purifier. This is a perfect choice to bring clarity, focus and brightness to the end of the year.
Smokey Quartz–The Smoky Quartz crystal is a grounding stone known for its ability to help you move on from difficult or painful experiences. It guides you to a higher state of being, a place where you can let go of the past and welcome in the future.
Not only does it smell heavenly it is powerful in it ability to shift emotions. Ready to try it?
Seriously? Lotion in a bar form? YES! These glide over your skin making your body feel (and smell) amazing. Using all natural ingredients you eliminate toxic junk from going into your body. Remember our skin absorbs EVERYTHING you put on it so those store bought bottles lotion contain lots of stuff that can be harmful over time for our bodies.
Making these is quick, easy AND fun. Plus, they make awesome gifts!
Ingredients
1/2 cup beeswax
½ cup coconut oil
½ cup cocoa butter
1 teaspoon vitamin E oil
15 drops of doTERRA essential oil
Recommended essential oils: my favorites are Citrus Bliss, Peppermint, Lavender.
Directions:
Measure all ingredients, except for essential oils, in large glass jar.
Place jar in saucepan with one to one and a half inches of boiling water.
Stir ingredients until combined.
Once melted, remove from heat. Let rest three minutes.
Add essential oils and stir or swirl jar.
Pour mixture into silicone mold.
Massage lotion bar on skin for moisture.
Wrap in a fun paper and tie with twine for a cute gift.
These are so fun! You can find the molds in my Amazon shop listed below and if you check out this handy ebook you can learn more about essential oils and how you can get the most pure and potent in your home.
Gratitude is the #1 way to shift out of low frequency emotions like fear, grief, shame and lack… and into high frequency emotions like joy, peace, trust and love. Gratitude produces dopamine! Dopamine is our brain’s pleasure chemical. The more we think positive, grateful thoughts, the healthier and happier we feel. Amazing, eh?
What if you started saying 5 DIFFERENT things you’re grateful for every single day. Try it! it has changed my life!
Gratitude. Gratitude. Gratitude.
I hope you enjoy this diffuser blend today and I invite each of you to pause for a moment, and recognize all that is GOOD!
Gratitude Essential Oil Blend
• Siberian fir; breaking negative emotional and spiritual patterns
• Frankincense; raise awareness, shine your bright light
• Grapefruit; appreciate who you are
• Wild Orange; abundance and bright future, gladness to the heart
• Geranium; heart opening, realize security in what you do have
• Clove; instills power, sense of protection, integrity
Amber chips—A fossilized tree resin, amber radiates laughter, vitality, and courage. This stone holds the protective energy of our beloved trees, the guardians of Earth. Radiating the golden ray, amber shines light on new paths as obstacles become the stepping stones of growth. Amplifying one’s life force and physical drive to fulfill one’s destiny of simply being human. Amber is a powerful healer and cleanser of the body, mind and spirit. It also cleanses the environment. Amber draws disease from the body, healing and renewing the nervous system and balancing the right and left parts of the brain. It absorbs pain and negative energy, helping to alleviate stress. Amber clears depression, stimulates the intellect and promotes self-confidence and creative self-expression. It encourages decision-making, spontaneity and brings wisdom, balance and patience.
The circadian rhythm, also known as your internal body clock, is responsible for making you feel alert and sleepy throughout the day. Ideally, you should feel most alert early in the morning and sleepy as it becomes darker and later in the day.
The circadian rhythm is the reason why teenagers find it difficult to go to bed and wake up early, because their melatonin is released later than adults and children, so they’re awake later. Jet lag and shift work also interfere with the natural body clock as well as long and irregular hours.
Get ready to hack your circadian rhythm for sleep:
•Go to bed and get up at the same time every day and diffuse trees and flowers • When you wake up, take a morning walk and get some sunlight on your face • Try a sunlight alarm clock that wakes you up with light • Pop citrus and mint oils in your diffuser to start waking up your senses
The number one reason people give for not using essential oils is because they are expensive. Here is the deal—a drop is a considered a “dose”. A typical bottle has 250 drops (doses).
Lavender—9 cents to sleep well for over half a year….plus amazing skin benefits for burns or cuts. Oh, and anxious feelings—a drop.
Melaleuca—8 cents a drop will give you amazing skin cleansing, germ removal and if you put a few more drops into a spray bottle with water you just made an awesome household cleaner.
Peppermint—9 cents a drop and you can ditch the Tylenol for your headaches and fevers. One drop equals 28 cups of peppermint tea. You’ll be getting digestive support for a long time with this one.
Lemon—4 cents. Yep, 4 cents to detox your body, clean you house, brighten your mood and just basically feel amazing.
Breathe—8 cents a drop to breathe easier going into the winter season. Congestion and coughs will be much easier for 8 cents a drop. You know that Vick’s stuff is full of yucky chemicals right?
Drop=dose. It literally costs you pennies.The initial investment is so worth it.
This is my absolute favorite starter kit. There are others to choose from though!!
Plus until the end of the month, I am tossing in a bonus oil, plus my usual amazing welcome package! Yay! Let’s do this!
The full moon is traditionally known as the time of letting go…of releasing what is no longer serving your highest good.
It’s a good time to ask yourself where do you feel constricted? Where do you feel bound? Where do you feel obligated? Where do you long for freedom?
With freedom comes joy. And joy is the ultimate goal, right?!
Sit quietly today… ask where you need to release responsibility that you’ve been carrying that really isn’t yours to carry. This could mean stepping out of drama between friends or co-workers. This could mean letting go of volunteer positions or projects you said yes to out of obligation.
Another question to ask is where is an area can I take better responsibility in order to receive the freedom I desire? This could mean de-cluttering your home or making freezer meals to free up mental and emotional space to play and be spontaneous with your family. Or this could mean really getting focused on the income producing activities in your business so that you can enjoy the travel you crave.
Remember… “Whatever is on your plate got there because you said yes to it.” Danielle LaPorte (Desire Map)
This blend is packed with clarity and releasing emotions.
I am hosting a special event next week for a great organization—the Ronald McDonald House here is Southern Colorado. This is an amazing place for families whose children are in the hospital to come and have respite from the hospital setting to sleep/rest, take a hot shower, enjoyfresh baked cookies, and be loved on.
The people who work at this special place are coming to me for an evening of self care and I am so excited to share this special blend I crafted for them.
Check out this special blend I crafted for them:
Vetiver to stabilize our sense of safety and security in an often harsh world.
Wild Orange to remind us of abundance and our creative playful side.
Ginger to help us to feel empowered ans strong as have to sometimes stomach hard realities.
Rose to nurture the ever loving heart.
Peppermint to open up communication and help us speak clearly and effectively.
Lavender to assist in soothing and calming our active mind so that we can learn to foster our inner knowing.
Frankincense to hold our highest Truth as our guide.
I made the blend using three drops of each essential oil and topped it off with fractionated coconut oil in a 10ml bottle. When used along the spine and on pulse points this blend will bring balance to all those important energy centers.
Not sure which plant essential oil you need? Keep this handy chart tagged until you are familiar with which category does what. I tell people when they are learning to use essential oils is similar to learning to cook–in the beginning we need cookbooks and recipes but in time we become more confident and intuitively begin to know what we are doing. Essential oils are much the same. The more you use, the more you begin to know. Trusting yourself and listening to your body helps, too.
•when you have anything skin related, the FLORALS will help soothe and calm your skin’s irritants (burns, insect bites, cuts). FLORALS are also great for calming emotions and helping to reduce feelings of stress in the body and mind.
•when our bodies start to take on symptoms of an illness reach for your HERBS to help knock out the germs (thyme, oregano, basil, marjoram, etc). These powerhouses work so well at helping the body return to health. Many herbs produce soothing and renewing feelings.
• the constitutes in TREES helps to relieve uncomfortable aches in the muscles and joints (cypress, Siberian Fir, Douglas Fir, birch). Emotionally TREES are grounding and balancing.
•when you find yourself feeling low, just reach high up on the tree for a CITRUS and feel the immediate lift both energetically and emotionally. CITRUS = happiness, plus CITRUS oils are detoxifying and cleansing for the body.
Check out this handy guide to learn more about the basics of essential oil use.
