Roller Skates

I was about twelves years old and shopping with my mom at my local K-mart when I learned the most valuable lesson she may have ever instilled in me.

For months prior to this day, I was becoming obsessed with rollerskating and spent every Friday evening at the local rink wishing the boy I was crushed on would ask me to slow skate with him, eating lemon heads with my girlfriends and basically feeling what freedom away from your parents felt like. I watched as some of the other girls started to show up with fancy white leather roller-skates with pink wheels and that amazingly cool toe stop. I noticed that some girls even got snazzy shoe-laces to make their cool skates look even cooler. These girls were no longer renting the smelling unisex brown and red skates that usually had a sticky wheel or some other defect, instead they looked like movies stars skirting around the rink. In my mind I was also convinced that they got asked to skate the slow skates with cute boys because of the skates, but I could have been wrong.

The late afternoon day at K-mart I was eyeing the same white leather with pink stopper skates that all the popular girls where bringing to the skating rink in a cool bag. I had been wearing old metal skates around my neighborhood that you just wore with your sneakers. Lame. I wanted to glide around my neighborhood and carry them into the rink on Friday like the popular girls. I wanted so badly to have these skates.

My mom found me in the aisle and I begged her with all my begging ability to buy the skates for me. They were priced at $10.97 and they had my size. They fit perfectly and I was about as excited as a girl could have been.

Nope. Her response to me asking was, “Save up your money and when you have enough, I will bring you back”.

She was not going to buy me roller-skates when I had “perfectly good ones at home that fit just fine“. She did not want to hear that other girls had them because that was the last thing she cared about (another amazing lesson). My mom was the type of mom that you did not ask twice if the answer the first time wasn’t what you wanted. You just learned to accept the answer no matter how crushed you might have been.

I was crushed.

I remember fighting back the tears and feeling so frustrated that she would not buy them for me. I was mad and jealous all at the same time. Why did I have to be the stupid paper girl tossing newspapers onto people’s porches, smelling like ink and being laughed at? Why couldn’t I just be the pretty girl that had fancy new skates with sparkly shoelaces and whatever else fad that came along?

Because my mom was teaching me the value of earning what you think you need. She was teaching me the value of waiting until you can get it yourself. She was teaching me the reward of working hard and saving up for something. She was teaching me that I can provide for myself.

What a gift that was and one that has served me so well. In fact I would rather work hard, save up for something and know that I earned it, than be given something. It feels richer knowing that I made choices to get something I wanted and I certainly learned to take really good care of what I worked myself to get.

The lesson that day is one of what people call a defining moment.

I will say that walking into the skating rink the next Friday night felt pretty amazing. The skates glided and I felt so good. I would love to say the boy asked me to skate, but he didn’t. That is okay because I gained so much self-value that I didn’t need a silly boy to hold my hand to the slow songs of Lionel Richie.

From that day forward, I polished my skates off after each use and prayed that my feet didn’t grow too fast. Oh, and my mom did end up buying me the sparkly laces and even made me a pom-pom to go on top.

October Means Changes and Release

Change is one of our greatest teachers. It asks us everyday to prove our commitment to ourselves. It leads us into the dark places and allows us to fill them with light.It shows us things about ourselves that we never knew. And before we know it, it shows us how powerful and strong we are.

My favorite season is here! I was remarking the other day the reason I love fall is the constant changes that I see outside. I think I love the movement and transformation that fall brings. Most of you know I don’t sit still well so this ever changing season is perfect for my personality.

Often this time of year we hear about the concept of embracing the change and ‘letting go’. One of my greatest teachers ever once told me that not all change can be embraced and that sometimes change is very hard and not easily welcomed. So true, right?

I believe more than ever that our work is to look at what is before us and see if we can see any scraps of beauty that lies within the current situation. Though we may not always fully embrace changes, we might be able to lean into the process and see just how strong we really are. We know that as we move through what is showing up in our lives, we are often making space for something else.

The season for me is coming to a change as I feel and listen to the pull to welcome in something different. In fact, I have been feeling this nudge for a variety of reasons in the last few months. Part of it is the push to complete some big projects that I have been working on and the other part of me is listening to the interior landscape of my soul asking me to align my actions with its deepest truth. Add to that some reminders that the Universe is always putting in my path exactly what I need in order to pause, look and learn. And maybe even slow down a bit to refuel. I am hoping with a bit lighter load in my heart, I will find the space to shine even more. Isn’t that what we are here to do anyway?

I realize that there will be some disappointment, much like many of us feel as we watch summer come to and end and we pull out the snow shovels and warm sweaters for the coming months of cold. I ask you though to feel the disappointment, and then rally around me and my work from the place of curiosity and wonder as I finish some big dreams in the next few months. I also ask for your compassion as I trek across new territory and watch together with me as the landscape changes and we celebrate together what lies ahead.

After this month I will be offering some great, personal, and in-depth content virtually and would love to also offer my personalized 1:1 wellness coaching at a discounted rate through February. This means you will get the same assessments, coaching, mentoring and personal plan to help you awaken to your greatest potential at a special special price.

For the rest of the month, I encourage you to take in the glory of the changing leaves. Breathe in the fall air. Let go of something weighing on your heart. Shed an old belief. Release what doesn’t elevate you. And most important, know that all is well.

Silver Linings

We have all reflected on the last year. Some of us have grieved the loss of people, the lost opportunities to make memories, some aspects to our livelihood, and yet many of us have also found the silver linings of the last twelve months.

Up until March 2020, I had spent the previous six years working seven days a week. I was in and out of long term care centers sharing yoga with low income seniors and individuals with disabilities. I also was teaching yoga in a fancy health club as well as my own studio. I was basically living and breathing Yoga each and everyday. When I wasn’t in front of people sharing Yoga, I was peddling essential oils and helping people change their lives through health, wellness and personal empowerment. Then, I would come home and turn into the primary caregiver for my adult special needs daughter. This went on week after week. Month after month. Year after year.

On March 7th that all changed. My daughter was no longer able to attend her adult day program and every long term care center and health club closed or stopped allowing visitors.

Boom. Just like that.

Thankfully I not just have a strong Capricorn spirit but I also have no other means to survive financially. I have to hustle.

The first four months of switching all my teaching to virtual programming, I was soaking in the complete life change and loving every single day. Recording videos took about 80% less time than driving all over town and I was actually able to enjoy my days. I was home everyday and taking on all the goodness that comes with having time. True time. Before this, I was rarely home and would usually collapse in a heap at the end of the day and not really even enjoy my life. Now, I was building gardens, riding my bicycle, getting to know my neighbors and basically living. My students were more generous with donations for my videos than I could ever imagine. My income more than doubled and my personal happiness more than quadrupled. Big silver lining.

Summer came and went and even though my donations started to drop a bit, I was finding new online agencies to contract with and I was gaining a few new students for my donation videos. I tossed in some summer yoga in the park classes which brought a nice change to isolation. I was still thriving with my new found joyful living and my bursting-at-the-seams-garden was a reflection of my time to nurture things other than my teaching. Another silver lining.

During the fall season I switched gears slightly and started to offer some virtual classes in addition to the ongoing videos. I wanted to keep feeding that hunger for connection with people and reduce just looking at myself on my laptop. I was hanging in there financially and found my rhythm with teaching more, recording videos, and settling into the cooler temperatures with cooking and a slower pace. My major ankle surgery came and was a time to heal and reflect. Yep, a silver lining.

As I entered into 2021 I wanted to refine myself both personally and professionally. Refinement became my focus and that meant making some subtle, yet powerful changes to my life. Through this time I lost a couple contracts for virtual yoga and my donations had dwindled to a handful of dedicated students. And that is perfectly okay. As things began to return to normal, and zoom fatigue had taken over many people’s lives, I got it. I also understood the desire to meet with people at a studio or a gym. I also understood the initial shock to the world which brought the initial heartfelt generosity to me. For that, I am deeply grateful and is a huge silver lining.

As I move into this next quarter, I am looking deeply at all of the good that has come to me, and how I will discover my footing on solid ground for the next quarter, and beyond. I find myself asking some hard questions.

Do I want to keep recording myself teaching Yoga and Pilates and compete with the thousands and thousands of virtual Yoga teachers online? Am I fulfilled teaching this way? Am I doing my best for my students? Am I supposed to be doing this? Is there something in me searching for more? Does any of it matter?

What does this all mean for the coming months? I do not know the answer to that. For now, I plan to sit with the choices ahead of me. To have the time to do that is a definite silver lining.

Of course the biggest silver lining of this year has been accepting the unconditional love and support by people all over the country who subscribe to my videos. The bonus friendships that I have gained are priceless.

Although my life is very different, I am extremely grateful. I have had the space and time to rediscover a relationship with my daughter since her life came to a screeching halt as well. As I sit in my empty, yet very beautiful studio that overlooks my yard, I am reminded that no matter what changes were made, or what changes will be made, I am blessed with an abundance of silver linings.

Photo by Tobias Bju00f8rkli on Pexels.com

Changing Beautifully

I stumbled across this leaf the other day and I knew immediately that there was a divine lesson available to me.

I have been going through some pretty big life events and with the energy of the world being what it is, I needed this little reminder that despite whatever changes we have, we can still show up in all of our beauty. A reminder that I can transform from one season of my life to another with grace and boldness.

Sometimes we have to let go of people, situations, and even some of our dreams, but we can do so beautifully.

Lucky?

Over the last few weeks, more and more people have mentioned to me that they think  I am lucky.  People have said thing like I am lucky because I have an amazing house, lucky I have my own studio, lucky I can still make a living during the COVID outbreak, lucky I have amazing sons, and lucky I am active, thin and healthy.

Lucky? How about instead I made choices.  I made really important, life-changing, courageous choices. These choices were made with the Divine guidance of Spirit consistently nudging me along. There were many times that I was not able to see the clear path, but somewhere deep inside of me, I had faith, even when I did not know it existed. When I chose to commit to becoming the best version of myself and to be of service to my family and the world, the things that might appear to others as luck, became my well-deserved life that continues to be in alignment with Spirit.

First of all, I never got a penny of alimony following my divorce and I received child support for about a year. The inheritance I got when my father died was simply $100. I paid the full listing price for the house I bought from my mom.  Nothing was handed to me. I have earned every single amazing lucky thing that I have. I chose to create this lucky life.

Here is how:

My first major choice came when I was facing a divorce with three young children, one of whom is disabled.  I chose to commit to being the best mom (and dad) I could be.  I chose to keep the stability of my home for my kids at the cost of eating way too much french toast and hamburger helper sans hamburger.  I chose to stand my ground when it came to raising them with integrity and values. No matter how strapped we were for food, I can see now that something much greater than me was operating and we were always provided for and somehow, we made it. My grown men are amazing people and luck has nothing to do with it.

The second major choice came on an early spring day.  I woke up one day knowing that I was tired of being heavy.  I was done with eating unconsciously and I was done self-loathing my size 16 body. So, I chose to get a weightloss book and take action.  I stopped the habits of mindless snacking and afternoons lazily laying on the sofa.  I even gave up ice cream and wine!  I chose to create new habits; daily walks twice a day, preparing healthy snacks, using smaller plates, putting the kid’s snacks in a high cabinet that required serious thought to scramble with a chair for a goldfish cracker, I taught them to wash their own dishes so that I no longer cleaned their plate while I loaded the dishwasher, I chewed gum while I cooked so I would not be tempted to taste-test each step.  I chose health.  I chose to love myself enough to stop unhealthy habits and instead make new habits.

The third major choice I made was on another spring day when someone recommended that I read the book Anatomy of the Spirit by Caroline Myss.  I remembered the day I was listening to her audio version while I was out for a second walk, and the moment I felt as if God was speaking directly to me, I got it.  I chose to wake up.  I chose to live in alignment with who I wanted to be.  I chose to live with the right thought, right actions, and right words. I chose to feel the indwelling Spirit as me become, and radiate, the Light I had always been, rather than hide behind the chronic complaining and blaming.  I chose to let go of anger and disappointment and welcome in forgiveness.  I chose love.

The fourth major choice I made was investing myself into radical personal development books and courses.  I immersed myself in therapy.  I gave myself the gift of learning boundaries and self-love practices.  I began taking yoga classes.  I got back on a bicycle.  I surrounded myself with people who uplifted me. I said yes to joy. I committed to a rigorous financial plan that set me on course to someday own a home, be financially self-sufficient and stable, and save each and every month. I chose to take ownership of my life.

The fifth major choice I made was to listen to the longing in my soul and share yoga and the process of waking up with anyone willing to say yes.  And, this included my heart and passion of reaching those with disabilities or other barriers to a traditional practice.  I said yes to my purpose.  I said yes to the gift Spirit chose for me to share. I chose to listen and take action.  I left a j.o.b. and I ended a relationship that gave me financially security, but left me empty and alone. I chose to be free.

You see none of what I have is luck.  None of what I have was given to me by another human.  Nobody saved me and nobody did this for me.  I did it.

I co-created through Divine Love the life I wanted and then with an open heart, I said yes!

That is a choice, not one bit of luck.

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The Gifts of the Present Moment

Can you recall a time recently that you felt completely in the moment? Not thinking about the future, the what-if’s, the pulling away into the chasm of unknowns?

For me, it was this morning.

I have recently reconnected with an old and dear friend, my bicycle.  Since my recent years included multiple hip surgeries I have been unable to really enjoy my bike riding, and I had said a painful goodbye to her years ago. Or so I thought.

I had forgotten how bicycling for me is much different than walking in the sense of presence. The intensity that is required to ride a bike on a bumpy trail, paired with the rhythm of pedal strokes and controlled breathing I found I had the perfect combination to allow the sorrows of recent days and weeks to fade, and to be completely in the now.

This was exactly what I needed.

I discovered while in the spaciousness of being totally present the range of emotion that I have stuffed over the last couple of months.  For a strong-willed person who rarely loses control or allows emotion to take front and center, I simply said yes. I watched as tears fell from my eyes and blurred my vision of the trail, I felt the consuming love only a mom understands, and I let my heart fill with compassion and grace, that at times took the breath right from my lungs.

I stopped.  I took in what was around me.  I let it all sink in.  I welcomed and allowed the emotions that were sunk deep into the cells of my body to the surface.

I said yes. I said yes to what has been ruminating in me since late March.

Not unlike others in recent weeks, you may have heard people sharing how COVID has changed their outlook on life, even in the middle of what seems like a constant division.  Not just a division politically or socially, but sometimes a division within even the dynamics of a family or close circle of friends.  It appears that people are seeming to realize that there are priorities that need to be adjusted and that the things we may have held important need to be reevaluated. I am not any different in taking an inventory of my own life and determining what may need to change.

For me, I have honestly loved the pace of my life that COVID has offered me.  Since I have a hard time saying no to things, this has been an opportunity to have no said for me and I believe wholeheartedly that I will be able to move out of this season with a strong voice that says no to that which does not align with the vision of my life I want to create.

I have also learned to look at the reasons behind saying yes to everything, except myself.  Many of my yes’s were based on fear and some crazy need to be that person who does it all and does it all with perfection.  To the point of exhaustion.

I have enjoyed the space of my home and being deliberate with how I spend my time.  I have a schedule that I stick to and it contains many sections of time devoted to reading, resting, being in my garden, on my bike, or enjoying a french press coffee on my patio. Not racing from facility to facility, cursing at drivers who were driving too slow because I was always late, often because I kept saying yes to something else. I never seemed to have enough time, I was always late and always stressed.

I have also come to see that life isn’t all about work. In fact, I have adjusted my work so much that I don’t know that it will ever resemble what it was.  And, I am more than okay with that. I will return to the things that feed my soul, rather than drain my soul, and I won’t be working to exhaustion–ever again.  I trust that I have built a solid foundation to take my work into the platform it has been proven to be successful the last two months and continue to build from there, but with a thread of honor and deliberate action.

I learned quickly to let go of many people in my life that have an obvious view that is in direct incongruency of who I want to surround myself with. I have seen characteristics of people I would have never guessed that frankly, I don’t have any interest in being around.  Again, more choice and less yes.

I trust in this new time and I know that in the emotions there are also windows of clarity.  I also know the gifts that come in the space of presence.  I welcomed this morning’s gift and promised myself to say yes to this unprecedented time with an open heart and a new path ahead of me.

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Photosensitive Oils

When I first started using essential oils I had no idea that some oils could cause a burn. Crazy, right?

As we head into warmer months and more outside time, remember that some oils are photosensitive and cause a reaction that is uncomfortable when combined with sunlight.

Be mindful when applying the following if you plan to be in the sun. You can still use them, just apply on the feet or a covered area or take internally (I only ingest pure, certified therapeutic grade oils that I am positive have been tested).

Check out this gorgeous ebook for the basics and be sure to drop me a message if you’re not sure which oils are safe  I’m happy to help.

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The Joy

I want to know if you can be with joy, 

mine or your own, 

if you can dance with wildness

and let ecstasy fill you to the tips of your

fingers and toes

without cautioning us

to be careful, 

to be realistic, 

to remember the limitation of being human.

This week on the mat (or in the chair) we will be looking at joy and the choice we have to feel the smallest and greatest moments of joy in life without cautioning us to be realistic or careful or limited. To actually FEEL the joy that is within and who we are.  To say yes to the moments in life that bring complete joy.

Are you paying attention to joy? Tell me about a moment of joy in your life.

The moments of joy that stop you and pull you from the daily tasks that have become mundane and automatic.  Those moments that fill you with ecstasy and consume your entire being.

“…..Moments of mystical union can tempt us to spend our lives searching for those peak experiences and leave us unable or willing to receive the same joy where it is offered in the simpler experiences…” (Oriah Mountain Dreamer)

Joy finds us in the moments of elation when we feel a connection; to another, to ourselves, to the world and to the greater Mystery of life.  When we touch that part of ourselves that brings us directly into the face of our purpose.

And yet, as humans we so often deny our joy.  Our lives have so accustomed to feeling pain in the form of disappointments, resentments and past hurts.  We have lost the connection to the inner joy that is who we are. And what is our divine birthright.

For me, I want to cultivate and grow a deeper sense of joy in my life.  If it comes in the beauty of the sunrise or the sensation of another person’s touch, I don’t want to miss a second of joy.  I want to savor the moments of joy and fully embrace the pleasures of being alive.

I also know for me one source of  deep joy is found in my work.  Somehow we have been taught that to have too much of sense of greatness we will not have the concept of humility.  I disagree.  I choose to not diminish my abilities and my gifts.  I refuse to shrink back again.  I refuse to play small.

Small and joy do not coincide.

Sometimes we find that we expect too little joy in life and we settle for less.  In doing this, our soul is stifled.  Our soul becomes submerged in the litany of excuses that make up reasons as to why we can’t, or shouldn’t.

But life is so incredibly short.  And ultimately joy is a choice.

So tell me about a joy in your life.  Maybe one that came unexpectedly. A moment that you did not know was coming. The joy that caught you by surprise.

This is the work of the soul.  To find those inner caverns of ourselves and be willing to seek how we fit into the world.  It is searching to find that which we are made for and to say yes to joy.

DIY Bubble Bath

I am a gal who takes a bubble bath soak everyday…it is part ritual of letting my day go and part soaking my tired bones.
That store bought bubble bath has so many things that are harsh to skin and as we know, our skin absorbs everything.
Check out this easy and fun bubble bath! My fave essential oils to add are lavender and siberian fir.

DIY Bubble Bath

Ingredients

1 cup unscented castile soap

½ cup vegetable glycerin

2 tablespoons water

15 drops preferred doTERRA essential oil

Instructions

1 Combine castile soap, glycerin, and water into glass bowl

2 Add essential oils

3 Stir until well combined

4 Pour into glass container.

5 To use, add ¼–½ cup of the essential oil bubble bath mixture to warm, running bath water.

Note: These bubbles are not going to provide big fluffy bubbles that last a long time since it doesn’t contain the synthetic ingredients that create the high amounts of lather or foam. However, this chemical-free bath will provide enough bubbles for a relaxing and therapeutic bath you will enjoy even more.