Authenticity has been on my mind for the last few weeks. I often ask myself how authencity shows up in my daily choices, especially lately.
Am I trying hard to be something I am not? Am I revealing the honest parts of myself?
Truth is I have been emotionally absent to many for quite some time. I haven’t taught my special students with dementia since January. I have been unable to host yoga in my studio and feel that human connection until just very recently.
I find myself overwhelmed with the demands of each day while simply trying to heal. The healing process has been so challenging and energetically consuming.
You might see that I am doing work, or creating things, and continuing on “as if”.
Truth is, the “as if” is what helps me cope. The major lifestyle change and everyday pain I experience overcomes me. The effects of the surgeries and medications are grueling. Every little task takes so much effort.
Each day I choose to function as best I can and put in a solid amount of time “working “ on other areas of my business and finding things that bring me joy.
By 2pm everyday I am shutting down. I don’t engage much with the world as I am trying my hardest to simple exist without agony.
From the outside looking in, I appear that I am doing so well. The inside however is grieving and scared.
Each invite is an emotional negotiation. If I say yes, I am risking overwhelm. If I say no, I am risking loss.
I want you to know I am sorry. I am simple acknowledging it and not justifying it.
I am truly doing my best. I am being my true self.
Hope is a function of struggle—we develop hope not during the easy or comfortable times, but through adversity and discomfort. Hope is forged when our goals, pathways, and agency are tested and when change is actually possible. ~Brené Brown
Hope isa wish for things to change for the better and sadly we have to be uncomfortable in order to have hope. Hope really doesn’t cultivate during times of ease and pleasure. Whether we hope our vacation is relaxing because our lives are stressful, or we hope we get better because we have fallen sick. Hope is hope and typically only comes when we are in a less than desired situation.
I have given it my all when it comes to looking this hip replacement recovery square in the eye and challenging it to knock me down. Each and every day I wake with hope and an attitude to go about as if.
As if my body will begin her sweet steps towards healing. Also as if the discomfort of constant pain will dissipate. And, we can’t forget the living as if everything is fine and dandy.
Elements of Hope
According to Dr. Randy Ross, hope is wildy misunderstood. It’s not wishful thinking or simply having a positive attitude. He has also isolated four elements of hope including positivity, responsibility, agility, and reality. These for elements have made up every day of my life long before the hip saga.
Raising three humans alone and navigating multiple disabilities in my daughter forced me for the last 30 years to remain positive, responsible, agile and have a great fortitude for the reality of my situation. Currently, my days are spent navigating the spectrum of reality and welcoming in the idea that my pain and recovery simply sucks. That is the reality.
So, as my BFF Brené says, I have been tested and I have changed. I believe in the end it will all be for the better because who wants to be the same person they were a year ago anyway?
Funny how the adversities of life can bring about the most pivotal changes in one’s life.
I have a little more to say about hope and you can watch it here.
I feel like I have done this before….Oh wait, I have. A little over a week ago I had my second hip replacement surgery in just two months and this time it was a revision to the replacement. Another hopeful smooth sailing surgery with positive outcomes was the intention.
Of course the intention of the surgeon, who I admire and believe in 100%, was to remove the fluid and hematoma and get my hip functional. My intention was to trust and heal. Period. Just trust and heal.
Hip Replacements and revisions are not all the same.
Maybe someone out there will hesitate to tell their loved one how easy they are going to have it or how the recovery will be such a breeze. I will keep saying that over and over despite driving people crazy.
Hip Replacements and revisions are not all the same.
I knew going into the surgery that I would also be getting a picc line placed. A picc line is a long term IV that basically gives easy access to get IV antibiotics delivered into the body without having to poke often or deal with a peripheral IV. Sounded easy enough, but I was nervous as to how my body would respond to a plastic tubing in my chest given that every plastic, tape, or tubing inflames my skin and I end up being a blistered mess or having the culprits removed early.
The day after the picc line was placed, I noticed that my arm was very swollen. In quick fashion I was soon learning that I had a blood clot in my arm likely from the poke of the picc line. Gah. I had already been on blood thinners so this was surprising and alarming, to me.
I was discharged the following day and ready to heal at home. Unfortunately, my first full day home was spent in the ER with a very swollen arm and more blood clots. It was such a scary and surreal experience. The picc line was removed and what a sigh of relief that was.
I will say it again.
Hip Replacements and revisions are not all the same.
So I am faced with an impasse. Do I react or do I respond to these challenges?
A reaction is typically done so with force and effort, whereas a response is a leaning into and surrendering. If I react to the fact my arm is swollen with anger, how would that help me? If I accept that I have clots causing the pain, how would that help me?
Reaction vs Response
Even though this experience has been incredibly hard, I still believe 100% that reacting in a blame/shame/anger way is so not useful. Those emotions will not heal my hip.
Will responding and surrendering heal my hip? Maybe and maybe not. What I do know is that my heart will be happier and my mental health will be intact if I respond in kindness to what is happening.
Hip Replacements and revisions are not all the same.
My plan for healing is to enjoy the sunshine and the sounds of spring. I am going to reevaluate my life and what fits into the scope of peace and healing, and what doesn’t. Sometimes we have to face really hard challenges that shine a light into an area that has been darkened for a long time.
Stick around while I unearth some long overdue areas of darkness by responding to what is and what it all might mean for me. Check out the details of the week here.
I have learned so much since my hip replacement surgery eight weeks ago. Some of the things I learned from the hip replacement process would be expected and others have been complete surprises.
My hip replacement on February 5th was much harder than I anticipated and it has been a true test of my patience and resiliency, so seeing the little shoots of green make their way through the hard winter soil is a good lesson for me to just stay the course. Sadly the course has made a major detour and I am heading back into surgery for a revision and to remove a large hematoma. I will be working closely with a team of doctors, including infectious disease, to make sure I am healthy and healing.
It is a devastating setback.
The major takeaways that I have learned from hip replacement surgery are:
Listen to your body
Trust yourself
Be patient
Fill your days with joy
Advocate for yourself
I head back into the throws of recovery from hip revision surgery this week so if it’s in your heart to send me some well wishes, I will gratefully accept them. If you’re curious about the details and would like to hear how the invitation to practice my word for the year — equanimity — is being played out. Take a listen to this.
My YouTube channel has a dedicated playlist of my hip replacement tips and tricks. I will be adding to them as we move along this time. I hope you find them useful.
“Rest and self-care are so important. When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.” —Eleanor Brownn
Self care Mastery
Over the years I have become a master at self care and what I once thought of as purely selfish or saved for the elite has long since diminished. When I had my great “wakeup” I realized that self-care is actually a necessity to living a whole and complete life. I learned that loving myself meant taking time for certain things that bring me joy and in doing that, I am able to more effectively give to others.
Self-care doesn’t have to be weekly (and often expensive) things like massages, facials or extravagant shopping sprees. Self-care should be simple in nature and definitely doesn’t need to cost a lot. It might be that taking the time to perfectly craft your coffee in the afternoon is your version of self-care–in fact, since I am not out and about as much while I recover from hip replacement, I have found sprinkling a little ground cinnamon on my afternoon coffee to be a fabulous substitute to my usual coffee shop Americano. It may be that your self-care is gardening, or baking bread (YES!), or a solo walk, or organizing your office, or a long shower with special smelling soap, or sitting in the sunshine, or the occasional binge on Netflix.
Self Care Before Surgery:
My self-care before surgery was long, long walks everyday and vigorous strength training sessions. It was also daily coffee(s), Yoga, and weekly massages. My self-care post surgery has changed quite a bit but I am still committed to making sure that I am loving on myself every single day. When I redirect my thoughts away from pain and towards something that brings me joy, I am practicing the best kind of self care there is. I am no longer taking long, long walks or hiking in the mountains. I am not getting on the floor for Yoga, or taking long bubble baths, or splurging on multiple trips to a coffee shop throughout my day. Since I am unable to do some of those things due to limitations in mobility, driving myself and being off work for two months, I have evolved my self-care to fit my current situation.
Self Care After Surgery:
Long hot showers instead of bubble baths
Daily affirmations (I have used affirmations for years, but being a bit more intentional about them)
Making anything and everything sourdough (who knew how fun that could be?)
Dabbling more in aromatherapy when I feel my mood changing to a negative one
Using and enjoying my crystals in a deliberate way
Jigsaw puzzles, digital planning and a lot of iPad goodness
I have come to realize that self-care is a constantly evolving practice. I know for me that being productive and using my creative nature to accomplish something everyday brings me joy. That something might be baking a gorgeous loaf of sourdough, or completing a challenging jigsaw puzzle, working on a new project, or finishing a juicy novel. Or, it might be whipping up a body butter for my skin or enjoying an extra long shower. Whatever it is, I am still loving on me and that is a must for all of us.
How do you self-care and how has it evolved in your changing seasons?
Stacie believes that it is her life purpose to share the gift of Yoga with anyone who is willing to say yes. In addition to raising a family and being an advocate for those with disabilities, Stacie is founder of Embracing Spirit Yoga which specializes in bringing adaptive Yoga into community centers and rehabilitation clinics. Bringing her depth of compassion to the mat–or the chair–she offers students the opportunity to grow as an individual in all aspects of their life.With over sixteen years experience, Stacie Wyatt is an experienced 500 hour Registered Yoga Teacher with Yoga Alliance, Certified Brain Injury Specialist, Certified Trauma Informed Coach, Life Wellness Coach, Senior YogaFit Instructor, Mind/Body Personal trainer, Stress Reduction and Meditation Instructor, Pilates Instructor, and Barre Instructor.
How can we maintain our strength and equilibrium in the face of our greatest challenge?
When we are going through a health challenge it is so important to remember that mindful healing is a big part of the successful outcome we wish for.
Tips & Tricks to Mindful Healing
Each morning I sit and read something with the intent to be inspired or at the minimum give me something to ponder throughout the day. This morning I reached for my Yoga 365 book and today’s passage was so aligned with a video I created yesterday. In the video I talk about the mindful ways we can bring an added element to our healing process.
For me specifically with my recent hip surgery, I am implementing a few strategies that doctors do not necessarily tell you when you are faced with a major surgery. While I greatly appreciate the practical things that a person needs, it is the nuances of daily living that I believe go quite far in the healing process.
Our mindset will greatly influence our mental health during any sort of healing process, whether it is a surgery, an illness or a major life upheaval.
These six mindful healing tips are perfect for anyone:
Keeping a daily routine.
If you have always been a person who gets up and reads, or meditates, or journals, or prays, then keep doing that. Don’t sacrifice your spiritual practice because your physical body is working hard to improve. Also, if you are a person that gets up every day and puts a little makeup on, then keep doing that. Taking care of yourself and helping yourself to feel somewhat “normal” during this temporary healing time will do wonders for your happiness factor. Finally, getting dressed everyday and getting out of your pajamas (even if you wear comfy house clothes), the simple act of getting up and dressed everyday will send a message to your brain that you are in fact getting better. Plus, you’ll look better and when we look better, we have a tendency to feel better. I am a huge fan of lipstick and mascara and not a single day has passed that I don’t take the five minutes to make myself feel beautiful.
Develop a mindset of gratitude.
Each day I spend a few minutes in deep gratitude for the surgeon and for the implant in my body. Even though I still have a lot of pain and mobility is hard, I am mindful each day to thank my body for accepting this new joint and welcoming it into my body. I am grateful for my cells moving around my body to encourage healing. I am grateful for my strong muscles that are working hard to regain their strength to support the new joint. When we shift our mindset from a pain point to a gratitude point, our entire mental outlook can shift. Sure, it would be easy to sit in my 3 days worn pajamas and mope that my body hasn’t healed as fast as what others have, and I could complain that the surgery must have somehow gone wrong, and my immune system is overactive causing extra pain, OR I could embrace this new challenge through the lens of gratitude and be intentional about loving this new body part.
Speak kindly to yourself and others.
We have all heard that kindness is the path to a better world. Speaking kindly about yourself and to yourself during this time of vulnerability is so important. Falling into the trap of self-pity, or worse self-defeating language will only slow your progress. For the people who are helping you, they are doing their very best to make sure that you are healing and comfortable and if you are a person who is usually very self-sufficient, it can be emotionally draining on your family and friends to see you in a different way. Be kind and thank them for every small thing that they are now doing for you. We have a tendency to be hardest on ourselves and those closest to us so remembering to speak kindly will be a huge asset to you.
Setting up your space.
The doctor will likely give you a few tips to get your home ready for when you come home from surgery–things like remove loose area rugs, move items to waist level, get your medications refilled, have a grabber for picking up dropped items, etc. These are all great and much needed suggestions, however I found a few more things that have helped me feel better. I made sure that the items I use regularly like essential oils, diffusers, herbal teas, supplements, hand lotion, and other self care items are accessible. I created a space in my house specifically for this healing process where I have a comfy chair, a basket of healthy snacks, a stash of essential oils, books, my iPad, beautiful plants, and plenty of chargers within one room. This eliminates the constant need for someone to run get something for me AND it gives my space the homey and comfortable feel. Imagine trying to heal in a cold, dark, sterile, or dingy environment. Yuck. Make your space pretty and just what YOU like because you are gonna be there a while.
You have to have movement.
Any type of movement to get circulation going is so imperative. If you have had hip surgery like me, move your upper body. If you have had shoulder surgery, move your lower body. At the minimum move your spine in all six directions once a day. It literally takes five minutes and will increase circulation, get your chi moving and make you feel good which are all good things when it comes to healing. Movement is medicine.
Start a new hobby.
You might be thinking that a new hobby right now is too overwhelming but the distraction will shift your awareness from hurting to something productive and potentially fun. If you have never been a big reader, now is a great time to download your free library app and start borrowing books, or ask to borrow books from friends. Maybe you have always wanted to learn how to knit or crochet. YouTube is filled with tutorials and Amazon delivers yarn and crochet hooks. Perhaps you have been wanting to take up writing your own blog on a topic you are passionate about. I have enjoyed crocheting, jigsaw puzzles on my iPad, digital planning, and making sourdough anything. The joy factor is increases while I am doing those activities and my mind is less focused on hurting.
Mindful Healing
These are easy ways to maintain your strength and equilibrium while faced with one of the hardest things you may ever go through. Mindful healing is something you can do! By redirecting my thoughts, speaking kindly, wearing my favorite shade of lipstick and clean clothes everyday, easy movements, eating healthy organic cashews and sipping tea, AND feeding my brain with wholesome hobbies while being SO grateful, I am on my way!
As human beings we are likely to have had a few times in our life where we longed for the greener grass that others seem to have. We might even spend some of our time filled with envy wishing that our experience is different than it is and that others have it better than we do. Comparison is indeed the thief of joy.
When I was a young mom I spent way too many days comparing myself and my kids to others. It was exhausting and I broke free of all of that during my great wake up in my early thirties. I dropped the desire to compare myself with others long ago for the most part, however, major life events typically bring out our vulnerability and we might find ourselves once again looking at other people’s experience and comparing ourselves to them.
This old feeling of comparing myself started to come back lately when it comes to my recent hip replacement surgery. If I had a nickel for everyone who has told me that their 80 year old whoever was walking in a week without a cane I probably wouldn’t have to go back to work. Seriously…how is that useful? Or the stories of young athletes getting back to their sport within weeks. I get it…those miracles and amazing stories do happen and that is awesome, but not everyone has that experience.
When I hear these examples it is hard to not compare myself with them and it is something I am working on daily while also finding the opportunity to remind others who share their fast healing stories with me that it isn’s always that way for everyone, although I am thrilled for them.
Awareness is the key to cultivating true compassion but that is another day’s blog post.
Instead of comparing myself to those stories I have decided instead to look for small daily wins and remember that this is a marathon and not a sprint. It might be that showering without any help is my win. Or getting out to my yoga studio to record a session is a win. Maybe making a simple dinner is a win. Definitely the sourdough English muffins this week were a win. ?
If I spent my days comparing myself to others I would lose my joy in those small, yet huge wins.
My surgeon and physical therapist were great this week at reminding me that my experience is vastly different than most. The factors that go into my own healing are unique to me, so breathe and be patient. Also look for those small wins each day to carry me through until I am back in the “normal” swing of things. And, I am reminding myself that “normal” may look very different for me compared to pre-surgery.
It is natural for people to compare themselves with others. I want to encourage the world to stop doing that. Many times people even compare themselves with me. Instead, I try to ask them to look at their own gifts and be proud of them. We are all special in some way. While it may seem to some that I have myself all together, I really don’t. I work at it each and every day.
Find the joy in YOU and in your own small victories. Comparing yourself will definitely steal your joy and life is simply too short to live a joy-less life.
I have also learned that although the grass may appear greener, there is always some other species of “weeds” that have taken space in the seemingly green space and my own green is perfect for me, weeds and all.
Stacie believes that it is her life purpose to share the gift of Yoga with anyone who is willing to say yes. In addition to raising a family and being an advocate for those with disabilities, Stacie is founder of Embracing Spirit Yoga which specializes in bringing adaptive Yoga into community centers and rehabilitation clinics. Bringing her depth of compassion to the mat–or the chair–she offers students the opportunity to grow as an individual in all aspects of their life.
