Have you ever used a Mala and practiced Japa meditation? Malas — also known as yoga beads or japamalas — are necklaces that usually have 108 beads. Mala, in Sanskrit means “garland”. Malas are meant to help you focus your mind during meditation. While Japa meditation is my favorite way to meditate, the beads themselves hold a powerful visual reminder throughout the day of the statement I meditated on and the tactile sensation brings me right back. When my mind wanders throughout the day, I can simply touch my mala and I am reminded of what statement I chose.
In meditation practice, Japa meditation holds a special place. It is the process of mentally repeating a mantra or speaking a phrase while meditating using a mala. The word Japa means muttering in Sanskrit. The meditative practice of Japa keeps the human mind steady and resistant to disturbance.
Meditation could mean different things to different people. I have written and taught how to transform meditation into mindfulness and how learning to live each moment in the state of mindfulness can change your life. While sometimes I have a “formal” meditation practice, it is often that my meditation/mindfulness practice takes shape in other ways.n
Many consider meditation as a quiet observation, wherein others often consider it a practice of self-awareness or reflection upon themselves. Either way, stillness and introspection is an amazing insight to your daily life.
I love to practice Japa meditation because for me it helps me to focus on a powerful statement, 108 times. It embeds in my spirit something positive and powerful. Plus the tactile use of the mala adds an element to the meditation that my mind enjoys. I have several Malas—some are made of stones like jasper and agate but my favorite is a sandalwood mala that has become richer over times as I use it.
The practice of Japa creates beneficial mental pathways and is a strong technique for focusing the mind and harnessing the subtle powers of the body/mind. I have seen this practice in my students many times as we learn Japa together. Some have even purchased mala beads to continue on their own.
How to practice Japa meditation:
Japa meditation is practiced by moving your fingers along a mala or the strings of beads known as Japa mala. There are many types of Japa that include speaking the mantra aloud, whispering the mantra or silently repeating the mantra. I prefer to be silent. There is also a technique you can use if you don’t have a string of mala beads. You can see that technique in this video.
Now that you know how to practice Japa, choose a powerful statement and try it.
Here are some positive affirmations to try:
I am calm
I am centered
I am in control
I am loved
I am grateful
am worthy of what I do and speak
I am valued and loved
I am allowed to put myself first
I am safe
I am secure
I release all my shame that I am holding
I love my body and what it does for me.
Most often, I simply say “I am____” and follow it with a variety of words like patient, strong, healthy, resilient, powerful, etc.
Are you going to give it a try?
* this is my sandalwood mala and a Sanskrit word Shanti tattoo which translates to peace
Think essential oils just smell good? Back when I first started using them, I did too. I have learned through the years that they are actually working inside your brain and body to support every cell within our body. Crazy, eh?
Think about it. Long before pharmacies came to town, our ancestors used plants to help our bodies. Peppermint plants, homemade salves from herbs and tree parts, teas and much more. We strayed from these methods but I think more and more people are coming back to them.
People often get overwhelmed when learning about essential oils and I admit, it can be confusing at forest. But, using essential oils is really pretty simple.
Stop for a second.
Ask yourself what you are feeling. (Stressed, tired, overwhelmed, in pain, etc)…..then ask yourself what you WANT to feel. (Happy, calm, energized, peaceful, content, etc), then grab an oil that will offer that.
The simplest terms of beginning to learn about aromatherapy is to think of a tree. The higher up on the tree you go, the more uplifted and energized you’ll feel (citrus), the lower to the ground and close to the tree the more grounded and calm you’ll feel. (trees, roots, barks, flowers). Mints and herbs are low growing and provide unique properties. Mints will be both soothing and uplifting and herbs are typically used for ailments and brain support (basil and rosemary and excellent brain supports).
Pick one.
Put a few drops in your hands. Cup your nose and breathe. Apply the extra to the back of your neck and chest.
There ya go. Aromatherapy 101! I have a great downloaded ebook that explains it all. Once you get started, I will hook you up with education and mentoring plus a fabulous welcome gift.
In order to grow we must first remove what it is in the way.
For many years I have been teaching the concept that much like a garden we have outside, before we can plant anything and expect it to grow, we first have to remove all the old stuff, the trash and the things that are cluttering the soil. Today, as I was doing that exact literal thing in my backyard raking leaves and removing last years dead plants that were once so vibrant, I was reminded of the conversation I had this week with a group of men who have traumatic brain injures.
I teach this topic every March, regardless of who is in my classes because I think no matter who you are and what your life experience is, we all have something that is cluttering up our heart and therefore limiting the potential we have to grow. This might be something like fear, disappointment, regret, guilt, shame, resentment, anger or any other feeling and emotion that we have carried around for days or decades.
As I was guiding a meditation about visualizing a garden and seeing the old growth, the twigs and the trash, I asked them each to see a garden in their heart that may also have some things that could be getting in the way of growth.
I shared with my ‘frat house’ that they have fondly referred to themselves as, that I have some disappointment that is taking up space in my own heart. I carry it day after day, year after year and despite all my attempts to pull it out, it seems to have a root system that is deep and new shoots pop up and take over my heart at times.
As we had a discussion about this, they called me out on it and the wise man who developed a life changing brain tumor at age 23 gave me the best insight on how to manage all the little twigs and trash that take up space. He is turning 60 in a a few weeks and following his diagnosis while in his final year of college his life has been a series of assisted living settings and long term support. He lost his independence and so much more, and yet is so wise.
Are you ready for this? In my humbleness, I asked how does one remove all the “twigs and trash” from our hearts. I asked how do I remove the disappointment?
He shared that you can never fully rid of every twig or piece of trash that has landed in the garden, instead you have to learn to manage and grow around them.
Huh, I said.
Tell me more, I said.
He went on to say that the remnants of the the “twigs” and “trash” will likely always be there and sometimes they may stick out of the soil and poke you but our job is to plants things around them so the beauty takes over.
Again, I asked how.
The wise teacher said:
forgiveness
acceptance
gratitude
When we forgive ourselves and others we remove so much of the garbage that fills our heart. This removes resentment, bitterness, and what-if thinking. When we accept was IS we no longer grieve for what might have been which brings presence to growing today. And finally, when we focus on being grateful we see all that we have, not all that we do not have.
How’s that for insightful?
It’s not so much about removing the parts of our heart that impede growth, but rather moving them aside through forgiveness, acceptance and gratitude so that we make space for something far more amazing to grow.
When I first started using essential oils, I mostly used a diffuser or I would slap the oils on my body with random intent. I liked how good the essential oils made my house smell, and I loved the aromatherapeutic benefits I was experiencing, like lavender helping me sleep better at night, or peppermint helping soothe a headache. I loved how my body smelled, also. At that time, I had no idea that there are benefits to using essentials in a physical well-being way. Once I dug deeper into the natural world and had been using essential oils over time I learned that it is beneficial to apply essential oils directly on the body, like when trying to ease an upset stomach or when treating thinning hair. Once I realized that plant medicine came long before drug-store medicine I was hooked on learning more. I got a giant resource book and began learning everything I could and started to swap out over the counter stuff for these precious little plants.
I needed to learn when to put essential oils on the body, where to apply them, and how to dilute oils properly so they are effective without causing harm. I committed to learning about essential oils much like a person grabs a cookbook and learns how to cook. In time, it became intuitive, much like cooking.
Where Is the Best Place on the Body to Apply Essential Oils?
There is no single perfect place on the body to apply essential oils.
If it’s a localized issue like stomachache or sore muscles, then apply the essential oils directly to the part of the body where the issue is occurring.
However, if it’s a more generalized issue like lack of focus, trouble sleeping, or anxiety, then apply essential oils at your pulse points: wrists, temples, behind the ears, neck, chest, or inner elbow. Pulse points are the parts of the body where major arteries run closest to the skin. Applying essential oils at pulse points gets the essential oils into the bloodstream the fastest, and you start feeling the benefits of the essential oils sooner. This is because pulse points of the body are like roots of a plant. When feeding or watering a plant, you target the roots because that is where the plant absorbs nutrients and distributes them to the rest of the plant.
If you’ve been researching aromatherapy, you might have come across pulse points. These are places on the body that provide a direct route for essential oils to access your bloodstream and, in turn, your brain.
Pulse points in aromatherapy refer to a few specific locations on the body where major arteries run closest to the surface of the skin. This means that anything applied to the skin at these points diffuses more quickly into the bloodstream than anywhere else.
So, if you’re planning to apply essential oils topically, it’s best to do so at one of your pulse points.
How Do You Apply Essential Oils Directly to the Skin?
When applying essential oils topically to skin, always dilute them with a carrier oil ( coconut oil, sweet almond oil, jojoba, or olive oil). Essential oils are very powerful, so it’s better to be safe than sorry. My favorite carrier oil is generally fractionated coconut oil, but for my face I love rosehip oil. Recently I had a horrific stomach bug and in my desperation for relief I was dumping oils straight on my skin and I sure paid the price. On day two of the stomach bug, my belly had broke out in a horrible rash. So, USE a carrier! Believe me, I know this and I still screw up.
I came across this chart and it is a must have.
Using essential oils with intention has been a part of my practice (aside from the desperate stomach bug mishap) for many years. I try to tune into what my body is wanting to feel, and then choose the plants accordingly. Once you have a general idea of which essential oils support which area of our body then we can choose which oils more deliberately. You grab the essential oil that most closely fits what you are wanting to feel and then apply!
For people just getting started using essential oils, I recommend this gorgeous ebook and then I supply education and mentoring along the way as part of my VIP community.
Here’s a healthy shamrock shake recipe for you to enjoy this St.Patrick’s Day instead the sugary, dyed version from the drive thru. It’s all fun until you actually look at the ingredients and calories. Have you ever looked up the ingredients for McDonald’s shamrock shake? Do a quick Google search. I promise you’ll never want to eat another one again after you see what’s in it.
This version takes the same amount of time to make as it would take you to sit in the drive thru and it is packed with nutrients and the perfect amount of healthy fat and protein.
This lightened up version with the pure Peppermint essential oil will definitely help you feel amazing and might even bring some luck your way!
Here is a homemade version of the Shamrock Shake that tastes great and is so much healthier.
Please be sure to use an essential oil that is safe to consume. Many are not. The bottle will have a supplements facts label on it if it is safe to eat. It’s also not recommended to consume any essential oil you’ve bought from Amazon or other unknown sources. Even if it has a tamper proof cap on it. Many are adulterated a posed to look like the legit thing. Crazy, I know.
Whip this up for some shamrock fun!
Ingredients • 1 ripe Avocado • ½ cup milk of choice Almond, Coconut, etc • ½ cup frozen banana • 1 scoop active stacks Vanilla protein powder • ¼ cup ice • 2 drops Peppermint Essential Oil. Make sure to use one that is labeled safe for consumption. I use doTERRA brand. • 1 scoop doTERRA Greens. Or use your favorite dried greens. Leave it out if you don’t have it.
Instructions • Combine all ingredients in your blender and blend well. Add more liquid if necessary.
Amazing and way better for you than the sugar filled green treat! Plus, you might get some extra luck on your side! ?
Let’s face it, life can be hard at times. Between the demands of everyday living and the added pressures of tax season, health issues, and the climate of the world it is a wonder we aren’t all exploding at the seams.
I rarely get to worked up about things I cannot control but I still feel the pressure of my life at times. One of the tools that I have adopted in the last twelve years or so is using techniques like deep breathing and the use of aromatherapy. There is quite a bit of research on the efficacy of aromatherapy and the response in the brain’s area of coping and I can personally attest that breathing in something powerful can have a profound effect on my mood.
Did you know that your sense of smell is 10,000 times more responsive than any of your other senses? And that an aroma reaches your brain and stirs up emotions within just seconds of you breathing it in?
I see it professionally, too. Once I was passing oils around my group of adults with traumatic brain injuries and one young man stated that he could no longer smell. I told him that is okay because the brain remembers the aroma. This particular class I was passing around cedarwood essential oil which is a powerful tree aroma that is grounding and also provides a sense of connection and community to those who smell it. I like to use this one in group settings where people often feel disconnected. I passed the essential oil around and instructed them to take three breaths into their hands. After a few minutes had passed, the young man who stated he could no longer smell spoke loudly and said, “For some reason I am thinking about a job I had once had at a logging company where I shredded trees into mulch”. Boom. The brain knows.
I came up with this little combo during a time recently when I was feeling overly compacted with stress. I am typically not a huge fan of florals but something was calling me to them, so I listened. The added punch of citrus gives my nervous system such a calm, relaxed feeling. I did some digging and found some pretty awesome benefits to these oils.
Check it out:
Bergamot: a citrus oil known as the Oil of Self-Acceptance. Bergamot is uplifting and brigtening in nature. Smelling the oil is an invitation to clear away constricting thoughts while welcoming self-acceptance and self-love. As the oil of self-acceptance, it is said to relieve feelings of self-judgement and low self-esteem. Bergamot Essential Oil inhalation improves positive feelings in the waiting room of a mental health treatment center. At a mental health treatment center in Utah, 57 participants were included for analysis. 15-minutes of exposure to Bergamot essential oil improved the exposed group’s feelings compared with control group, by 17%. I like this one because it is an earthy citrus oil.
Ylang Ylang: Ylang Ylang helps us connect to our heart and become balanced by releasing negative emotions and deep emotional sadness. It calms the heart and balances emotions during times of high stress, crisis, tension, or depression. As a reflection of Ylang Ylang’s ability to restore a healthy flow of positivity in the heart, the essential oil helps encourage a healthy circulatory system. It improves blood flow, fights inflammation, and assist with other heart problems. It is also an effective agent in controlling blood pressure.
Lavender: Lavender essential oil has enormously powerful calming and relaxing properties which can help ease away all that stress, tension and worry. A study also found that people exposed to the scent of lavender experienced stress relief plus an energy boost. What’s more, once inhaled, it enters the bloodstream within seconds so gets to work immediately. I love to use lavender in my skin care products because of its naturally calming properties and helps me sleep sound.
Patchouli: Patchouli oil is commonly used in aromatherapy because of its depressant remedyingproperties. Because of the impact that inhaling patchouli oil has on our hormones, it encourages the release of serotonin and dopamine; these hormones ease feelings of anger, anxiety and anxiousness. Rich in the chemical component patchoulol, Patchouli essential oil is known to have a grounding and harmonizing effect on the emotions. Patchouli creates a calming and grounding environment when diffused or inhaled.
Wild Orange: Wild Orange is great for feelings of anxiousness or managing stress. It’s very uplifting and encouraging. So if you’re dealing with sadness, loss of hope, just going through a really dark time, this could be a great oil to help lift you through that. The reason that it’s good for all of these things is because it really stimulates our sense of abundance and possibility. As the oil of abundance, it opens a person’s mind and heart to the possibilities that surrounds them, and their ability to accept the goodness that life is offering. Wild Orange also reconnects us to our inner child and helps us be more spontaneous, fun, creative, playful in our lives as adults. It will lend support by uplifting and promoting a positive attitude while calming our spirit. I just love it so much.
Pretty amazing, eh? Not only do I smell amazing (and get random daily compliments), but my nervous system is calm and my mood is steady. Stress has nothing on me! I apply this one behind my ears, along my spine, under my nose and on my wrists. I have a blend in my car and in my kitchen so I am never without it. It has truly become my ‘signature scent’. It is cool since I wear it everyday, the association with this aroma and me is powerful. My grand babies know this aroma and will likely have formed a deep connection to this aroma that will last a lifetime. Aroma is in fact associated with out strongest sense of memories.
You can learn about how to use essential oils and the versatility of them here in this gorgeous ebook. You’ll see that these oils are so versatile you will soon be using them for sleep support, skin and hair support, and even household cleaning and relieving aches and pains!
If you want to grab this combo of essential oils, just pop over here and then when you do, I will add you to my exclusive education and mentoring group and send you an amazing welcome gift! Plus, you’ll have wholesale prices for a year, just like me! Don’t worry though, you don’t have a monthly purchase requirement or anything like that, just big savings!
In the last six years, I have had four orthopedic surgeries. Tomorrow, I have my fifth. Previous to my recent round of multiple hip surgeries and ankle tendon repair, I had two foot surgeries and a knee scope. It’s crazy! Almost as crazy as having an arrival toe joint ?!
Over the years I have tried many things to help with post operative pain and things to expedite healing. Icing, elevating and passive movements are great for keeping things lubricated and moving (of course with the guidance of your physician and specific needs). I love to ice and hand with a good book while my body rests.
I have also found that some topical remedies work great for aches and pains following surgery. For muscle pain and tightness, I love this muscle rub. It’s packed with natural and pure essential oils and doesn’t have the nasty stuff that some other blue rubs have.
Since our joints are composed of bones and soft tissue this blend of essential oils has been my go-to for all my joint surgeries. I apply it around the incision sight as often as I need. It really does help to reduce the discomfort and because of the unique properties of the essential oils, they also help my bones and soft tissue become stronger with each application.
Check this out:
To a 10ml glass roller bottle I add 8 drops each of these essential oils—helichrysum, lemongrass, frankincense, and sandalwood. Occasionally I might add marjoram for some added muscle relief. Fill the rest of the bottle with fractionated coconut oil and you’re good to go! You can grab everything you need here!
Besides this bone supporting blend, these essential oils are so versatile and you can use them to also support skin, sleep, mood, and surface cleaning to make a few! But if you opted to only use these oils for this blend, it would make over 20 roller bottles, which last for months anyway! So while the investment is big, it’s so worth it.
This gorgeous ebook explains all the ways you can safely use essential oils in your home. Once you grab the oils, I will reach out to you and schedule a free wellness consultation and send you an awesome welcome package to get you going.
No matter what the situation, remind yourself, “I Have A Choice.”
Deepak Chopra
Think about it for a moment and see the possibility that this may be truth. I know for me I made a a series of conscious choices many years ago that I DO believe led me on the path of creating this beautiful life.
Certainly, the double edge sword comes when things show up that we cannot change, like chronic pain and disease, HOWEVER, we can chooose how we approach and deal with those obstacles. That we can choose.
My first lesson of choice was when realizing that my daughter born with a rare genetic disease was going to be a lifelong challenge that I would have to face. Being a caregiver for life felt daunting. My husband made his choice to leave me with three little kids to raise and no true sense of income. What do I choose? Bitterness? Giving up? Or grit?
I chose grit.
Spending my twenties and half of my thirties overweight, toxic and angry was a choice. At age thirty-five I chose different. I chose intentional eating, gratitude, movement and life.
I chose life.
I once had a job that was somewhat fulfilling. I was an advocate for adults with disabilities. I helped them navigate the adult world and find opportunities for them to grow. It was good, but not everything that I wanted. I took a giant leap and left security to teach adaptive and traditional yoga full time. I deliberately stepped into being self employed and trusting that I would succeed. I chose to listen to my calling.
I chose purpose.
Since I was thirty years old I have dealt with ongoing chronic pain, multiple autoimmune diseases, surgery after surgery to repair joints and tissue. I could choose to identify as that. Or I could choose to master the art of pull-ups, walk everyday no matter what, lift weights, practice yoga, be in nature, move my body, eat well and live a life beyond identifying as a disease. I could choose illness or I could choose health.
This quick little remedy is a must for every household. It is simple to make and way better for you than the store bought stuff. Did you know that the stuff in the little blue jar actually contains some pretty nasty chemicals that have been shown to be carcinogens? Crazy, right?
* add hard coconut oil to a bowl, add 5-6 drops each of these essential oils and using a hand mixer whip up your very own “Vicks” vapor rub…the good news is this version doesn’t have all the nasty chemicals in it
*add 4-5 drops each in a diffuser and breathe easy, especially at night
*add 5-6 drops each to a 10ml glass roller and apply under the nose and on the chest
Easy peasy! The coolest part is these oils can be used for a variety of uses like head tension, belly aches, focus, hair growth, and cleaning cold and mildew! Check out this gorgeous ebook to see how to use them!
I am SO not a morning eater. Or a midday eater for that matter. I get busy doing my life and skip eating more times than not. I am trying to get a handle on upping my intake and specifically my protein since I work out and walk so much. I prefer to eat my meals so smoothies are a no go for me.
I have made these many times and always tweak them a little each time depending on my mood. Sometimes I add ham or bacon and sometimes I go with all veggie.
These are so easy and keep nice in the fridge for the week. Whip them up on a Sunday and you’re good for the week!
BASE:
12 large eggs
½ cup milk
2 TBSP fresh parsley, chopped
2 TBSP fresh basil, chopped (or other herb)
¼ tsp. salt
¼ tsp. pepper
Veggies*:
1 cup broccoli, cut into teeny tiny florets
1 cup fresh spinach, roughly chopped
1 red bell pepper, chopped small
¼-1/2 cup onion, diced fine
1 jalapeno pepper, seeds and veins removed, diced fine (optional)
Add-ins (optional):
1½ cups cheddar, gruyere, mozzarella, or other cheese, divided
1 lb. bacon, sausage, or other meat, fully cooked
INSTRUCTIONS:
If using meat (bacon, sausage, etc.), cook it fully first. Set it aside to cool, then cut into small pieces.
Preheat oven to 375 degrees F., and thoroughly grease (butter, coconut oil, or non-stick spray) a muffin tin. (NOTE: I recommend using a non stick muffin pan or silicone mold even easier removal.)
In a large bowl, whisk together the eggs, cream, milk, parsley, basil, salt, and pepper. Set aside.
Get all your veggies diced up and ready to go. Optionally, you can saute your onion with a bit of olive oil to soften it up and take away some of its bite. Set aside and allow to cool.
Add all the veggies to the bowl with the egg mixture, and stir to combine. Stir in half of the cheese, and all of the meat, if using.
Using an ice-cream scoop or ¼ cup measure, scoop the mixture into the prepared muffin pan. Fill to about ¼ inch from the top, then sprinkle a small amount of reserved cheese over each. Place in the oven, and bake for 20-25 minutes, or until the egg is fully set and the cheese has just started to turn golden on top.
Remove from the oven and let cool for 5-10 minutes before running a butterknife around each muffin, and gently removing from the pan. Enjoy while warm, or let cool completely before storing in an airtight container in the fridge. Leftovers can be reheated for several seconds in the microwave (time will vary depending on your microwave), or a few minutes in a preheated oven or toaster oven.
In these uncertain times I find myself longing for what I know and for what brings me a sense of feeling grounded. For many years I come back time and time again to this poem. I share it with those who I know are willing to meet me in the space of vulnerability and see me from the heart of compassion. For me this poem invites me into myself and reveals the truths of who I am, or who I strive to be.
The Invitation
By Oriah Mountain Dreamer
It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love for your dream for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon… I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain mine or your own without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.
Iwant to know if you can be with joy mine or your own if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful to be realistic to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure yours and mine and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes.”
It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back. It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.
Tell me what do you love or admire about yourself?
I asked this question in all of my adaptive and traditional Yoga classes last week as we delved into the idea of Self-Love. The answers often are so sad when it comes to my students with brain injuries. You see these people have lost what most of us value and are having to rediscover the aspects of themself that they actually like. Most have lost their livelihood, their purpose, their families, their independence, their freedom to come and go, and oso much more. When they look in the mirror they often see the challenges and the impact of the injury so finding the qualities within can usually be really challenging. I also have enjoyed asking my group of students that are all over the age of 85 and living in assisted living. I am startled that so few of them can proclaim something that they love about themselves. Perhaps it is a generational thing where they didn’t spend as much time as younger people these days who seem consumed with the Self.
The answer seem to be so hard for them to find.
I ask the question anyway and the answer is usually that they are blank on what they love about themselves.
I keep asking, though.
On one particular day in a class that included a range of ages and abilities, I asked a woman living with a brain injury who is close to my age and is often very down on herself the question. When I asked her what she liked about herself her eyes dropped down to the ground and she quietly said, “nothing”. She was hunched over with her arms on her legs looking so hopeless and sad. This woman is so kind, so willing, so sweet and is so beautiful.
I knelt down so that I was in her eye gaze and asked again. And again, I got the same response.
I knew that I was about to open a beautiful can of worms and an opportunity to teach exactly what Rumi was saying.
I turned the question around. I asked this woman what she liked about me. She looked at me and easily said, “You are brave, and strong and so beautiful”.
We smiled at each other and I looked into her eyes.
My response wasthis—I am simply a reflection of you. What exists in me is also in you otherwise you would not recognize it. We are indeed a mirror reflection of each other.
She sat tall and said, “really?” Yes my sweet friend, really.
I learned this concept many years ago and try to always remember it, especially when I am with someone who feels that they are not enough or someone who struggles with identifying what makes them special. I ask them to think about someone they admire and what qualities do they see in them that they like? It is those qualities that also exist in ourselves.
Consider that. What you see in others exists in you. Kindness, integrity, compassion, love, bravery, beauty, honesty, humor, etc. If it was not part of you and familiar, you would not recognize it.
The tricky and often sticky part about this is that when we also see a quality within others that we find less appealing, it is because that too is familiar in us. When this happens to me I say, “ahhhhhh yes, there you are to remind me what I am here to work on”.
When we stumble through those ordinary days of self doubt and wondering what is really good about ourselves this can be an amazing concept to return to. When we feel burdened by life’s hardness and separate from the ideals in which the world has attempted to create, and we feel so less than, simply look into the eyes of someone you admire and know that the only way you can see those qualities is because they also exist in you.
It is familiar. It is a mirror reflection of yourself.
