Living Present

Losing and Lessons

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It is fair to say that every human on the planet has lost something or someone. We have all had events or people in our lives that invited us to feel loss. For some it has been the actual loss of a person, or perhaps the loss of an opportunity, or even the loss of a dream.

For this past month or so I have circled back as I do so often every year around my daughter’s birthday.

In my own process of evolving and working to be the best version of myself that I can be. I have given myself permission to feel anything and everything when it comes to her birthday. For years I stuffed the emotions that I thought some might see as an ungrateful and resentful mom. I have since learned that nobody’s opinion really matters when it comes to how I feel. My feelings are valid and real whatever they are.

I am able to now openly share with myself and others that there is indeed a loss when it comes to her.

She was born this little perfect sweet little baby girl but within a few years was identified with multiple developmental disabilities and the reality that my relationship with my only daughter was not going to be that of my friends you had a “typical” daughter. We were not going to have typical conversations and mother daughter outings. Instead, I would forever be her mode of transportation and decision maker. There would not be the moments to plan her dream wedding, but instead I would be arranging where she will live when I am too old to care for her. I wouldn’t be celebrating her college degree and career path. Instead I will be finding appropriate day programs for her to feel some resemblance of purpose and meaning in her life.

That is a huge loss.

Through the process of my wakeup years ago, I realized that within the loss is a great lesson.

I am now able to see all that I have gained. Learning to take the loss and create something amazing and powerful through the lesson of acceptance and grace has been amazing. You can hear my whole story here on this awesome podcast. I chose to accept and do something with this amazing gift I was given, through her and as her.

The point is the lesson I have learned was that life doesn’t always give us what we may see as the ideal, but if we open our hearts to seeing the lesson, it may just rock your world.

When my children’s father died in 2014 I experienced another huge life changing lesson through the process of loss. I had already lost him in many ways as we divorced when things got too much for him related to our daughter and the vastness of what our life had become. To be completely honest, he wasn’t the greatest dad and he definitely was not able to show up for himself, or the kids, however I was willing to see the lesson in his unfortunate death. One of the greatest days in my life as a mom was witnessing my boys show up for him, regardless of his inability to show up for them. You can read about that pivotal day in my life here.

When he died, he was alone. He had made decisions in the last year of his life that prompted his last few days to be that where he was not surrounded by anyone as he transitioned. The painful reality of his last few years was just too much for my kids once they had said their beautiful goodbye days before, and he was estranged from his friends and family.

That was a big loss. Not just for him, but for my children, and in a way myself.

The lesson I learned from that loss has become a huge part of my life and service work. Within a few months of his death, I had a mystical and powerful yearning to volunteer in hospice. Knowing that I had to serve those dying and that nobody should die alone became my mission.

This week, one of my yoga students whom I have been spending time with every two weeks fell gravely ill and when I arrived at his group home I was told he was intubated and in the ICU. Due to his previous injures our yoga sessions are essential me rubbing his feet and moving his paralyzed limbs. When I heard about his his current condition, it didn’t not occur to me to NOT go. I jumped in my car and off I went with my magic hands and open heart.

The smells of an ICU and the sensory overload within the space can easily overtake you, if you allow it. Tubes. Alarms. Machines. So much to be distracted by.

I walked in and he was awake but obviously unable to speak. Grabbing his hand I watched as his eyes twinkled with recognition. When I went to say goodbye a single tear fell from his eye.

All alone.

The lesson of acceptance and regardless-of-what-someone-did-or-didn’t-do-you-show-up came from those two losses in my life. I know with every fiber of my being that had my girl been born not as she was and had their father not been who he was and not died the way that he did, I would not have been there for my student, and the countless other strangers who I have had the honor to rub their feet.

I know that.

Loss? Yes, for sure.

Lesson? Absolutely.

An Old Friend

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It has been awhile since a certain old friend of mine made a strong appearance in my life. Honestly, I can say that I have felt her presence for months. A decade ago she had stuck around for many years and then disappeared. Or maybe she just stepped into the shadows for a while. I always knew though that in a moment of vulnerability she could easily step back into my life.

This friend of mine is smart, as well as sneaky, in how she can slip into my life and easily take over. Her presence is big even though she has a tendency to come incognito and honestly, I didn’t really recognize her this time until the middle of the night whispers invited me to take off the blinders and see the truth.

My old friend has name and it is control with a middle name of addiction.

Last fall as I was starting to experience more physical pain than I liked. I also started walking far more than I normally do. My old friend convinced me that this was to manage pain. She told me that the more I walked the better I would feel. She was right. For months and months I walked further and further each day. Indeed the pain felt less. My mind felt clearer and I was more content. Being outside for a couple hours a day walking was balm to my pain.

At first my old friend cheered me on and celebrated with me the miles and miles I would walk. She was step by step with me and the conversations we had were about overcoming the physical pain and building confidence in my body while not letting the pain be the focus.

She told me instead to see and celebrate what my body could do.

In her incredibly manipulative way, soon the walks weren’t enough. She convinced me that I had to have more. My friend persuaded me to attach an outcome to a number of steps and if I wasn’t there, then I was shamed and begrudged for letting pain win. Years ago she had convinced me that if I could just walk a certain amount of steps a day I would be amazing and that anything less than that number was weakness. It took a real friend at a beautiful restaurant in Sedona to shed light on the fact that a silly number was stealing joy from my life. That day, I let my friend control go and she stayed away until last fall.

I have been teaching the yoga principles called yamas and niyamas this month. I realized in the quiet moments of the night that I was allowing this so called friend to blind me from ahimsa (non-harming) and asteya (non-stealing). In demanding my body to perform at a certain level each and every day, I was stealing joy from myself. My walks have become no longer about nature, quiet meditation, health or connection. Instead they became about speed, distance and numbers.

Control + Addiction = Stealing joy.

In doing this for months, I have also turned an eye to non-harming. Yes, walking is the best thing I can do for myself. It DOES reduce my pain greatly. It does clear my head and help my mood. But many of my recent walking has also become a space for shame, anxiety and unworthiness. The addiction to performance and outcomes has begun to overshadow the benefits. The panic that takes over when I am not close to the target increases my agitation and negative thoughts.

One the best feelings in the world is my ability to trust in my inner wisdom to acknowledge it, listen to it, share it and own it. This awareness is the antidote to control and addiction. It also helps to have the real and honest friends who rather than join the negativity and shame, just listen and give advice that is from the heart and from that space of truly seeing me.

This morning as I walked that old friend called control and addiction was thanked because I know that she shows up every once in a while to reel me back into living the authentic life I want to live.

She comes around occasionally to help me peel away another layer of self-worth and doubt to reveal an even clearer and brighter version of myself.

I will keep walking everyday to manage my pain and to bring me joy. I will no longer allow the numbers to steal my joy and harm my heart. Instead I will notice the birds, the changes of the season, the aliveness that is in and around me.

I told control and addiction thanks for the insights and until next time…

Practicing Gratitude

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I think we get so caught up in life events needing to be extraordinary in order to be happy. Learning to pay attention and practicing gratitude is key for a fulfilling life.

I am with Brené Brown on this one.

Happiness is right in front of me when I am paying attention and practicing gratitude. ~Brene Brown

When I look back at my week I can say with certainty that it was a rollercoaster of emotions and experiences. It was also a week of ordinary moments in everyday life that can either be celebrated or denied. I had beautiful work, a profound experience with a dying woman, a pretty disappointing doctor’s appointment, amazing workouts, playing in my garden, driving over 750 miles for work, celebrating my sweet granddaughter’s birthday, and quiet moments on the patio.

Ordinary moments of life experiences.

Yet so amazing in many ways. I am grateful for my life in all of its craziness–the observing of joy and sorrow, celebrating small successes, experiencing humanness, giving and receiving love, and being the witness to the cycles of life. All of it deeply embedded in my heart.

Hope you find a moment to pause. To breathe. And to notice all that is good in your life.

Try paying attention and feeling gratitude.

It just may surprise you how ordinarily awesome your life is.

Nurture Essential Oil Blend

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Nothing say nurture more than a loving Mother’s energy. Plus, the renewal of spring reminds us that Mother Earth is soaking in the rain and nurturing her beautiful land and animals. 

This perfectly crafted blend is earthy, reassuring, soft, and feels like a giant hug. Applying this to your wrist and your heart so that you can smell the aromas all day long.

Did you know that Myrrrh essential oil is often referred to as the oil of the Divine Mother because it offers feelings of safety, healthy attachment, trust, feelings of being nurtured, loved and secure? Pretty amazing, right?

Adding myrrh first gives the bottom note of aroma a grounded element. Magnolia is often said to bring out feelings of compassion so gives you another layer of goodness at the end of this blend. Layered between these two essential oils are earthy, warm, love inducing essential oils with lavender petals and amethyst. Amethyst is a powerful and protective stone. It alleviates sadness and grief, and dissolves negativity. Amethysts are said to promote serenity and calm and is the perfect addition to this blend. 

Need some nurture in your life? Pop over here to grab one.

True Yoga

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One of my most treasured aspects of Yoga is how we go about with showing up for ourselves and others. True Yoga is often overlooked in our very physical posture based lens of Yoga. In the Western world it seems that Yoga is mostly asana and very little true Yoga.

What is true yoga?

True Yoga consists of the principles and attitudes known as the Sutras. The Sutras are a collection of text that guides us to live. Ahimsa (non-violence), the first and foremost of the five yamas(restraints) described in the Yoga Sutra, entreats us to live in such a way that we cause no harm in thought, speech, or action to any living being, including ourselves.

This is the essence of Pantajali’s non-harming Sutra known as Ahimsa.

Pausing to consider kindness (ahimsa) influences the choices you make and how you truly show up for yourself and for others. Ahimsa (pronounced “ah-heem-sah”) literally means “non-harming” or “non-violence” in Sanskrit. In it most basic level, it’s refraining from causing harm.

As we practice ahimsa in today’s modern life, there is more to this idea of non-harming than simply refraining from acts of physical violence.

We understand now that pain can be more than just physical – it can also be emotional and mental. The deepest pain we feel is often very emotional. It most often sprouts from our relationships with other human beings. It can be grief that we experience when we lose someone. Grief can also from a part of our life that meant so much to our identity. The loss of a relationship or a painful life change can bring about deep and soul-shattering pain.

When we practice ahimsa, we are thinking about how our actions could hurt others. Doing so invites us to take into consideration the potential physical, emotional, and relational consequences of our actions.

We pause to consider kindness.

Are you frustrated with the non-kind world that exists where division and opinions flood our everyday lives? The world feels sad at the lack of humanity and desperate need to be heard in what seems to be a constant “what about ME” mentality. There is exhaustion with the lack of kindness for fellow human beings.

Realizing that all we can do is change our own thoughts and actions, I am opting for kindness despite my own struggling emotions. Ahimsa is offered for the exhausted world. Together we must learn to pause, listen, see, feel and to give.

Kindness truly matters and it is the truest form of Yoga.

Simple Kindness

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About six years ago I had a new student come into my classes who later proved to become a sweet friend who never asked for recognition for his mysterious, and always anonymous generosity. He was the example of simple kindness.

If you knew him, you may have not been able to recognize that he was a person living with a traumatic brain injury or that he struggled with all types of pain. His outlook and hash tag on life was #lovemylife. He never complained and was always up for a positive spin on things.

Through the years, I shared yoga and mindfulness with him. I schooled him on the proper way to eat cold chicken (only with mustard). I proudly sent him pictures of my garden bounty and the hikes I took. He returned this with endless versions of simple kindness; countless bags of chocolates delivered to my door, things for my shoes so I don’t slip on ice, he would send his own pictures of amazing hikes, and we often compared notes on Saturday steak nights.

Our friendship was based on simple kindness between two people.

Despite very different lifestyles we connected. What was most intriguing was our communication was only through texting. We disagreed politically and on issues we are both passionate about. Rather than attempt to convince each other that our view was the right view, we chose instead to focus on kindness. We chose to share things with each other that embodied what it meant to live your best life. He cracked lame jokes and always asked me about my health. I made sure he knew I was around and that he was on my mind from time to time.

Simple kindness was the theme of our friendship.

A few weeks ago, I went to see him in person in the hospital as he battled for his life. I rubbed his feet and brought him lemonade. Words were minimal and not needed.

His illness, injuries and life of pain came to an end recently. I know that what he was facing was not living his best life. He also knew it. His need to escape society and head to the woods for months at a time was not something he would be able to do.

I knew his fear and his pain.

Taking a much needed a hike in the trees, I had little chat with him and wished him well on his soul path. As I finished saying my goodbyes, I snapped this photo of the hill I was climbing and the light beam was such an obvious sign.

Nicely done, Scott. I will treasure your spirit and the gift your life was on my path. Enjoy the trees, the hawks and the views.

Spring Equinox

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The Spring, or Vernal Equinox, occurs in the Northern Hemisphere between March 20-22 each year. Marking the end of winter, the equinox is indicated by the equal length of day and night all over the world. Trees and plants begin new cycles of growth. Butterflies emerge. Birds remember their songs. People leave scarves and winter coats at home in exchange for cardigans and brighter colors.

Creating an intentional ceremony can be a powerful practice for welcoming in this new season of growth. Breathing, scattering seeds, introspective questions, aromatherapy, and crystals are all great tools.

CONNECT TO THE CYCLE OF YOUR BREATH

Allow the slowness and intention to continue as you breathe a quiet meditation practice that connects the rhythm of your breath to the rhythm of the seasonal cycle.

The inhale — the beginning of the cycle — is spring.

The top of the breath — the peak of expansion and brightness — is summer.

The exhale — the release and letting go — is autumn.

The bottom of the breath — the end of the cycle — is winter.

As you breathe, consider how the 4 phases of breath feel in your body. Pay special attention to how the inhale, the beginning of the cycle, feels. Complete a minimum of 10 breaths in this quiet contemplation, trying your best to keep your awareness linked to your breathing.

SET YOUR INTENTION

Consider all of your dreams that you’d like to manifest, consider the season of spring and write out a simple intention that can guide you in this season. Begin your intention with the words I AM. Intentions are life-giving. They are creative. They birth something inside of you that resonates so deeply with this season. Rip off your intention and place it on the soil of the plant you placed on your altar. Allow this placing of intention on the soil to be a representation of planting your intention knowing it will grow and blossom. If you do not have a plant on your altar, place your intention and your altar and as you place it, imagine it as a seed you are planting.

TURN YOUR FACE TO THE SUN

To end, place one hand on your belly and one hand on your heart space. Connect back to your breath. Sit so you can turn your face towards the sun. Feel the warmth. Smile. Take 5 beautiful breaths paying particular attention to the inhale– the beginning of a new cycle, this moment where the light begins to outweigh the darkness, this moment of creation and growth. Turn the edges of your lips up towards your ears for a soft smile and express gratitude for what you have.

JOURNALING

Find a sunny spot to sit, either indoors or outdoors. Work through the following questions in your journal:

If I were to grow a garden to represent my awakening, what would it look like? Would it be a small area of pots, trellises, and containers? Would it be rows of plants burrowed into fertile soil in an individual garden, or nestled among the greenery of a community space? Play with options until you can clearly picture your garden. Sketch it in your journal if you’d like. Spend about 10 minutes on this section of the practice.

Aromatherapy & Crystals

Since this is the season of preparation, of planting, and of cleaning the aromas that match these vibes are fresh & earthy. These aromas inspire openness of the heart & mind as well as happiness with self.

Citrus Oils

Oils like lemon, lime, and grapefruit offer a fresh light scent that inspire happiness in us. Citrus oils work with the Solar Plexus Chakra where our center of joy and self acceptance is located. After the long winter, these oils give us hope for the coming warmth!

Herbaceous Oils

These hearty, earthy oils will open up the Heart Chakra. Using herbs you’re pouring your care and love into your creation & nurturing the ones you love! Plus spring is all about new growth & greenery! A lot of herbaceous oils – like Rosemary and Basil – can bring about feelings of renewal & transition. So just as we move through to a brand new season and brand new growth, these oils can help ease emotional transitions as well.

Florals & Firs

Fir oils can still have a little bit of a chest opening (so heart-centric) and also help with movement through emotion. For example Cypress is known as the oil of Motion and Flow and as we’re going through this new growth season, we’ll be breaking old habits, patterns, and beliefs! Florals are oils I like to associate with the Third Eye Chakra. Much like you’d want your third eye to bloom open to developing your intuition, you can imaging the flowers of these oils doing the same: opening to the sun, growing, and developing. Since Spring is when we start to see the flowers poke through the ground reaching out to their full potential so too can we use floral oils in the Spring to open up ourselves.

I’m going for this combo in my diffuser today:

Grapefruit-self love
Lime-zest for life
Rosemary-intuition and knowing
Cypress-motion and flow
Ylang ylang-inner child energy

My favorite crystal for Spring is Fluorite. Fluorite crystal healing properties fill your spirit with positive and high vibrational energy, which can encourage you to let go of inhibitions and dream big. This makes Fluorite one of the most powerful crystals for manifestation, as well as spiritual elevation. The Fluorite crystal stone meaning combines peace, positivity and heart-opening vibrations into one powerfully effective energy tool. By balancing and clearing your heart chakra and your third eye chakra and crown chakras, the Fluorite crystal meaning can cleanse your heart and your head of negative energy or limiting beliefs so you can live your life to the fullest without holding back.

How do YOU welcome in Spring?

Seeking Yoga Teachers

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There are some awesome heart centered Yoga teachers out there that are tired of the high focus on the physical form that our western culture emphasizes. They also have the heart to touch the lives of unique individuals.

I am seeking those Yoga teachers.

When I began my own personal practice of yoga I was doing it for all the reasons many of us do–increase flexibility, get leaner and stronger, and stretch the tight muscles. What I discovered in the process of learning and doing all of that is the true essence of Yoga–which is union; with myself and with others.

It was also at this time that I was embarking on a self-discovery quest that lead me down many paths, and ultimately opened some amazing doors for my own personal growth.

I had dove deep into my soul and realized that I am here to do great things and in order to do that, I had A LOT of healing in my heart to do. (A recent podcast explains it all). When I found the space in my heart that anger no longer was consuming, I filled it with life changing love.

Hustling

I have been hustling in and out of assisted living, rehab centers and group homes for over thirteen years, specializing in people with brain injuries. It is the most rewarding work I can ever imagine. It is SO needed in every community.

Let’s team up

I want to share this very special population with YOU so that you can go into your communities and feel confident teaching Yoga to individuals with disabilities.

I am currently taking applications for adaptive yoga teacher mentorship. Learn more!

Together we can do so much more.

Learn More
Embracing Spirit Yoga

Mindset Generosity

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I keep stumbling upon the word generous and I began to want to cultivate a deeper understanding of the definition.

Generous is defined as characterized by a noble or kindly spirit;  liberal in giving ; marked by abundance.

Recently during my times of walking or while spending time on the mat, I have been really looking at how generosity shows up in my life and how I can continue to bring awareness from the inward grasping of obtaining to an outward flow of giving.

If I am generous with my faith, there is no space for fear.

If I am generous with my love, there is no space for separation.

If I am generous with my money, there is no space for lack.

If I am generous with my presence, there is no space for distance.

If I am generous with my listening, there is no space for indifference.

If I am generous with my attentiveness, there is no space neglect.

If I am generous with my understanding, there is no space for ignorance.

If I am generous with my compassion, there is no space for judgment.

If I am generous with my patience, there is no space for frustration.

If I am generous with my time, there is no space for feeling overwhelmed.

If I am generous with my health, there is no space for illness.

If I am generous with my light, there is no space for dark.

Going into a much deeper level of the understanding of generous feels so free to be no longer in the mind-set of obtaining, but instead an outward flow of bestowing. My abundance allows and permits me to be generous.

How wonderfully simple.

Spring Symbolism

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Ahhhh….Can you believe that spring is just around the corner? Soon we will push our clocks forward and the longer days will be upon on us. I can’t wait! I love a good snowy day, but to see the beginnings of green growth popping out is so exciting to me! Last year I had a wonderful garden and look forward to an even better one this year. Something so wonderful about growing your own veggies. My backyard is already chirping with birds and it seems so alive already.

I love spring and the symbolism it represents.

It is during the springtime that we often think of beginnings, newness, and growth. I can recall at least four times in my life that major changes occurred in March. This is a great time to begin to cultivate your “soil” so that soon you can plant seeds of intention. One way to do this is to write down anything in your life you wish to increase—friendships, health, abundance or joy, peace, etc. Be clear about your visions, review your intentions often, and dream big!

While you are preparing yourself for a season of growth, this is also a time to eliminate the old stuff of the past season that is leftover–things like thoughts of limitation, fears or doubts. That kind of clutter can easily invade your precious garden of growth. I like to think of it much like my actual garden bed in my backyard where last years leaves, twigs, trash and growth clutter and cover the soil. If I want to give the new growth any chance to break through, I better take the time to clear away the old stuff. This blog post explains it so well.

The subtle changes in nature

Another great practice that brings us into the now is to become aware of the subtle changes in Nature during this time of the year. You might see the peeking of crocus bulbs emerging from the hardened winter ground. Watch as the trees begin to grow tiny nubs that will soon break into full leaves. Listen as the birds start to make a song in the early mornings and the air has a scent of newness. Use all of your senses to experience what is happening around you.

As we connect with Nature we also connect with ourselves. We realize that we too are ever-changing and growing beings. We can set the seeds of intention and begin to nurture and cultivate what we wish to have growing in our lives. It here we are reminded of the union that Life offers.

Loving Myself

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We all think we know what love is and what the definition is, but I resonate the most with how Brené Brown defines love–

We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honour the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.

Love is not something we give or get, it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.

For the first 30 years of my life I thought I knew what love was and that I was living as an example of love—dependable, reliable, giving, and selfless. I’ve come to now see that what I was really offering was anything but that. I was clueless, unaware, oblivious and at times, destructive.

Not to others.

To myself.

Back when I was young, married and raising three people I was completely asleep when it came to self love. I have come to realize now however that I simply did not like who I was, so loving me was not even close to being on my radar. It is clear now that when you love yourself, you take actions that care for yourself.

Back then I had no awareness that the fast food I was consuming and the sedentary life I was living was contributing to my very large body. I never connected that the heaviness I was in my body was a direct link to the heaviness in my emotions. And then I realized that being an amazing mom wasn’t enough love. There was someone that love wasn’t shown.

Not to myself.

When I began to what I like to refer to as “wake up” and get healthy, I started to like me. I was finding dark shadows that were lurking in my heart that were asking to be let out. The beginning to many things that were literally weighing me down. I forgave others and accepted my circumstances. I began to care for me.

The logistics in which I lost weight are simple–I changed my habits. Recognizing what wasn’t working and learning to make a very conscious decision to change it was my new way.

Some of my strategies were:

  • Eating meals on small plates
  • Chewing gum while I cooked
  • Teaching others to do their dishes
  • Putting trigger foods out of sight
  • Making sure my walking shoes were always with me
  • Changing routines to avoid mindless eating (taking long baths, going for a walk, learning to garden)

You see these simple changes were to avoid be being unconscious. This influenced snacking, portions, and sedentary lifestyle choices. Many of these changes still remain part of my life.

By swapping out the mindless munching on snacks for bubble baths or a short walk, my mind was beginning to see the value in me. It is extraordinary what happens to a person’s soul when time is spent consistently alone on a walk. The changes that occurred both on the inside and outside were amazing.

I began noticing myself.

I have spent a decade and a half living like these habits; mindful eating and multiple daily walks. I even became a yoga and meditation teacher. Basically transformed myself from an angry obese woman to a healthy and happy woman.

A vibrant life was mine.

Then I got injured.

For the last seven years I have dealt with healing from four orthopedic surgeries and learning to live with chronic pain. This body that I had worked so hard to become healthy began to defile me. It was as if she was rebelling against this lifestyle of health and fitness.

Feelings of deep sadness came.

While I have maintained a healthy weight for over 20 years, I have struggled with trusting my body. The multiple diagnoses felt at times like a betrayal. In truth, I spent a solid 10 adult years living on double cheeseburgers, fries and chicken nuggets without a stitch of pain or health issues.

How did I begin to develop inflammatory issues when I was now living my best life? My body’s ability to climb mountains, race bicycles, practice endless hours of yoga, walk miles and miles each day was endless..

And yet, my body was struggling.

I have since learned to accept what is. Learning to continue on living an extraordinary happy and healthy life despite pain.Making daily choices around movement vs sitting. Or ice cream vs a single bite of dark chocolate. And binging on stupid tv vs a long bubble bath. I’ve been extremely happy with the self love I have discovered by nurturing myself.

Loving myself.

The game changed about six months ago when I stumbled onto a strength training program. I was completely content with my body and it’s strength and flexibility-and my size- but was intrigued by this idea of committing to something new.

Questions of worthiness immediately rose to the surface. The excuses were miles long. (I can’t do that because of my hip, that will hurt my ankle, I don’t need to do burpees, I don’t have enough weights, my body is “good enough”).

Deep down I knew that all of that internal dialogue didn’t sound much like loving myself. And I knew it.

So I began October 1st. A brand new love affair with myself. And like any new love there have bumps along the way—days I doubted myself and had some pretty bad words spoken, days I wanted to give up and go back to the inner narrative that I was “good enough”.

Those challenging days of the early love affair with my 51 year old self are gone. Now, I am in complete awe of what I have been able to do and overcome. I am happily shocked at the human body and it’s ability to transform. No longer held back by the story of age or injury, instead I am madly loving my ability and what I have achieved.

Amazing how much healing can happen when you say yes to YOU.

Whether it is food choices, walking, yoga, mindfulness or even getting down with lifting weights learning to love myself has been a journey I am so grateful for.

I have found trust in myself. And isn’t trust a much needed part of love?

This new love affair is destined to last a long, long time and I couldn’t be happier.

Mindset

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Oh my gosh, YES!

Mindset is everything!

I mean face it, the last couple of years have been hard. The word pandemic was not everyday lingo and I don’t know about you, but I never thought about the impact a virus could make on the day to day. Before this pandemic, I had a basic understanding of political differences but the depth at which the country has gone the last few years is startling. The division is palpable in our cities and even in our homes.

Along with the collective challenges that we have all endured we each have our own unique challenges layered upon the big challenges. How we face them determines the quality of our lives. This isn’t to say that putting on a smiling face everyday will be the answer, but our ability to shift our mindset and not hold onto the things we have no control over can certainly help our happiness factor.

Mindset matters

Truth is for me personally, I am a self-employed yoga teacher who has had to navigate how to continue to earn an income during these hard times; going from full-time teaching in long term care facilities, my own studio and a large health club to virtual only was a huge hit financially and had a big impact on my ability to feel fulfilled teaching. It is doable, but hard to connect through a screen, especially with individuals with special needs. I am also a full time caregiver for my special needs daughter; so her programming went all virtual which meant not only was I her primary caregiver, I also became her primary friend/peer/teacher/support/transportation/provider, which was hard on both of us. My last major daily hurdle is I have three health conditions that cause me to experience tremendous pain and fatigue. Managing my pain and being able to show up for my students and my family takes grit some days.

Most of the time, my MINDSET allows me to handle it (somewhat) gracefully and I choose to make the best of this precious life. I have a few must-do practices to keep my mindset in the right place:

I am committed to my health and fitness.

I begin and end my day with a walk. I also walk on my lunch hour and anytime during the day I have sat too much or the burdens of life feels heavy. Some days I get over 25,000 steps and that is okay. It works for me. I find walking manages my pain better than anything else. I also practice yoga and do strength training 3-4 times per week.

I am committed to constantly changing my business model for the changing times and am open to always working hard.

I have learned to be flexible (haha, no yoga teacher joke intended). I navigate the demands of the audience and am constantly learning how to best utilize my skills in a virtual world. I also invite small groups into my studio and while the income may not be what a large group is, I feel connected and inspired and that fulfills me. I work nearly 7 days a week either teaching, marketing, following up, promoting, etc. I am committed to this gift.

I am committed to seeing the best in every situations.

Some people have told me that my rosy lenses aren’t accurate for the world, but I love them. I choose to look at both sides of the situation and try to find the small nuggets of wisdom that may be there to learn. I avoid situations that are filled with hatred, division, anger and judgment which means my circle of friends is small, I spend a lot of time by myself and I avoid the news.

I am committed to saying YES!

I have found that when we live in a state of pessimism (I spent decades there), we attract the very things we dislike. When we learn to say yes to the best possible outcomes, we attract that. If you don’t believe me, try it for a month. Say yes to new opportunities, to new experiences, to new friends, to abundance and then sit back and enjoy the ride.

I am committed to a daily Gratitude practice.

It is so easy to get sucked into the unfortunately popular culture that much of the world sees as not enough (time, money, resources, love). When we shift our attention to what we actually have plenty of, we get more (time, money, resources, love). Look around and notice the abundance of color, texture, living things, and feelings. There really is plenty to be thankful for.

It is a choice and although some days it can be harder to stay in a positive mindset given the status of the world, it is possible with a little changes to our thoughts. My mindset has served me incredibly well.

That’s my mindset, what is yours?