In order to grow we must first remove what it is in the way.
The Eight Limbs of Yoga–the Niyamas
Patanjali, creator of the Yoga Sutra, wrote about how the practice of Yoga contains 8 “limbs”. These principles of Yoga have become the map for which we direct our lives. The Yamas and the Niyamas are the first two limbs and help guide us to being the best version of ourselves. The yamas are guidelines for how to operate in society, while the niyamas show how to elevate our inner being.
The principle Suacha is the second Niyama. It is loosely defined as cleanliness or purity. I believe this is a time more than ever for Suacha. The post pandemic opinions that run rampant AND it being a presidential election year this may be a LOUD cry for a radical practice of Suacha, (that may be a little dramatic…). Sometimes we get so clouded by the opinions of others and the internal response that it gives us, that we struggle to remember what is our own truth because it becomes so muddied with clutter and then uncertainty.
What is the principle called Suacha?
Suacha is a principle in which we literally clean up our lives, and I believe this all starts with our thoughts. If our inner landscape is a mess, it is likely the rest of life follows suit. Relationships are probably splintered, and our general happiness may be clouded if our inner world is cluttered. This principle encourages us to watch the unclean thoughts that enter into our mind–fear, worries, competition, anger and more.
Of course this also can mean making time for cleaning up our environment. When our living space is orderly and tidy, it is likely we will feel more grounded and clear. The level of tidiness in our outer world can also make a substantial difference in how you feel. When your rooms are tidy, it has an influence on your unconscious. I love to think about a garden this time of year. We might see the beginnings of green shoots but we also see all of last years growth laying on top and around the attempt of new growth. In order for the green stuff to grow into amazing beauty, we must first pull out and throw away all of the old material that is in the way. Imagine if we got rid of the old stuff in our and heads and hearts? Feelings like bitterness, old hurts, regrets, shame and even the past. Without all that “stuff” in the way, it is likely you may have some amazing growth!
This is a pivotal time in our own responsibility to ask ourselves hard questions.
Ask your self this:
What is seeking to be released or cleansed from the very essence of our beings? What mental and emotional patterns are no longer serving us? Is there something seeking to be cleansed on a micro (individual) and macro (global) level? How can we get curious about this deeper meaning?
Here are some tips to allow the principle of Suacha to become part of your practice for living your best life:
To cleanse the mind, meditate, pray and/or journal for 10–20 minutes each day
To purify the body, Practice yoga for 30+ minutes few times a week
Sweat out those toxins–go for a hike, ride your bicycle, MOVE
Doodle in a journal and let your creative side process your feelings
Clean your entire home at least once a week
Burn incense, lay your crystals out in the moon, diffuse oils
Acknowledge all your emotions, positive and negative write them down, then tear the paper and release it.
Trust your intuition, it will guide you on what are the best Suacha practices for YOU
The principle suacha invites each of us to look at practicing a deep, soul cleansing. This is a time to ask ourselves what is bringing clutter into our hearts and minds. Is it the media? The gossiping and negativity? The division we witness in our current world is evident as an apparent onslaught of emotions that clog the veins that lead to our spiritual self. And in turn we have become hardened, angry, tarnished souls with little compassion for each other.
This is not a one time thing or even a springtime thing. Suacha, like Yoga, is a way of being.
With over sixteen years experience, Stacie Wyatt is an experienced 500 hour Registered Yoga Teacher with Yoga Alliance, Certified Brain Injury Specialist, Certified Trauma Informed Coach, Life Wellness Coach, Senior YogaFit Instructor, Mind/Body Personal trainer, Stress Reduction and Meditation Instructor, Pilates Instructor, and Barre Instructor. Stacie is also certified in Integrative Movement Therapy™and is also a believer in the power and application of essential oils for health and wellness and proudly shares doTERRA essential oils.
We have all heard it before, but I am here to tell you there is so much truth to it. Movement truly is medicine in its most natural form.
For years and years I have struggled with the effects of fibromyalgia and I have learned the more I move, the less I hurt. Many people who live with fibromyalgia—me included—would probably rather lay on a heating bad and hope the exhausting pain goes away, but the reality is movement will in fact make you feel better.
When we live the yoga lifestyle and endure challenges like this it’s imperative to pull our awareness into the sutras, or principles that enhance how we show up in the world. For examples, living with truth means we listen to our bodies and only do what truthfully feels right. It’s about not stealing from ourselves by overdoing (or under doing) it and taking away from healing process. It’s also about non-harming and being intentional with what we say yes to.
Each day since coming home from the hospital I have made a deliberate and mindful choice to move my body. It may be that my six directions of the spine is my max, or a simpler morning sequence, or I might add onto my physical therapy exercises by grabbing my dumbbells for some upper body endorphins.
Besides the intentional ways to get movement, it’s so important to realize the simple everyday tasks that count towards movement! Think back to your first few days home from surgery, or when you were struggling with illness, and the small victories that came with making your own meal or even showering! I am so thrilled that I am not as exhausted showering and getting dressed as I was just a week ago.
All the ways we navigate our day also count as movement!
Showering and getting dressed
Preparing an easy meal
Walking to the mail box
Emptying the dishwasher
Doing a load of laundry
Making the bed
Walking around the yard
Tidying up your space
A short trip to the market
Of course deliberate and intentional movement is important, but during this recovery time be sure to pat yourself on the back for the small everyday tasks that require movement and congratulate yourself on a job well done. Try to incorporate the yoga principles into your daily life and opt for staying aligned with who you are, and not what you happen to be going through.
With over sixteen years experience, Stacie Wyatt is a E-500 hour Registered Yoga Teacher with Yoga Alliance, Certified Brain Injury Specialist, Certified Trauma Informed Coach, Life Wellness Coach, Senior YogaFit Instructor, Mind/Body Personal trainer, Stress Reduction and Meditation Instructor, Pilates Instructor, and Barre Instructor. Stacie is also certified in Integrative Movement Therapy™and is also a believer in the power and application of essential oils for health and wellness and proudly shares doTERRA essential oils.
As human beings we are likely to have had a few times in our life where we longed for the greener grass that others seem to have. We might even spend some of our time filled with envy wishing that our experience is different than it is and that others have it better than we do. Comparison is indeed the thief of joy.
When I was a young mom I spent way too many days comparing myself and my kids to others. It was exhausting and I broke free of all of that during my great wake up in my early thirties. I dropped the desire to compare myself with others long ago for the most part, however, major life events typically bring out our vulnerability and we might find ourselves once again looking at other people’s experience and comparing ourselves to them.
This old feeling of comparing myself started to come back lately when it comes to my recent hip replacement surgery. If I had a nickel for everyone who has told me that their 80 year old whoever was walking in a week without a cane I probably wouldn’t have to go back to work. Seriously…how is that useful? Or the stories of young athletes getting back to their sport within weeks. I get it…those miracles and amazing stories do happen and that is awesome, but not everyone has that experience.
When I hear these examples it is hard to not compare myself with them and it is something I am working on daily while also finding the opportunity to remind others who share their fast healing stories with me that it isn’s always that way for everyone, although I am thrilled for them.
Awareness is the key to cultivating true compassion but that is another day’s blog post.
Instead of comparing myself to those stories I have decided instead to look for small daily wins and remember that this is a marathon and not a sprint. It might be that showering without any help is my win. Or getting out to my yoga studio to record a session is a win. Maybe making a simple dinner is a win. Definitely the sourdough English muffins this week were a win. ?
If I spent my days comparing myself to others I would lose my joy in those small, yet huge wins.
My surgeon and physical therapist were great this week at reminding me that my experience is vastly different than most. The factors that go into my own healing are unique to me, so breathe and be patient. Also look for those small wins each day to carry me through until I am back in the “normal” swing of things. And, I am reminding myself that “normal” may look very different for me compared to pre-surgery.
It is natural for people to compare themselves with others. I want to encourage the world to stop doing that. Many times people even compare themselves with me. Instead, I try to ask them to look at their own gifts and be proud of them. We are all special in some way. While it may seem to some that I have myself all together, I really don’t. I work at it each and every day.
Find the joy in YOU and in your own small victories. Comparing yourself will definitely steal your joy and life is simply too short to live a joy-less life.
I have also learned that although the grass may appear greener, there is always some other species of “weeds” that have taken space in the seemingly green space and my own green is perfect for me, weeds and all.
Stacie believes that it is her life purpose to share the gift of Yoga with anyone who is willing to say yes. In addition to raising a family and being an advocate for those with disabilities, Stacie is founder of Embracing Spirit Yoga which specializes in bringing adaptive Yoga into community centers and rehabilitation clinics. Bringing her depth of compassion to the mat–or the chair–she offers students the opportunity to grow as an individual in all aspects of their life.
I thought I had it all figured out when it came to anticipating changes and challenges.
I chose the word vulnerability for 2023 and I thought I was done with being exposed emotionally, having to ask for help and all that other stuff that is so hard for me. Leaving 2023 behind, I was feeling pretty good about my progress in learning to be a little more exposed and willing to ask and receive help.
Little did I know that it was all just practice for the BIG time vulnerability.
For 2024, I opted to work on being okay regardless of what was going on. To be neutral in the midst of chaos and to not waiver when life gets challenging. I want to practice equanimity.
One week ago I had total hip replacement. I opted to go into the process solo knowing that I would be required to have a lot of help at home. My intention while at the hospital for three days was focusing on me. I felt pretty confident going home that I had myself ready. Preparing my house for time spent mostly on one level that has a bathroom and space for me to relax, ice and heal was key. Making sure I had snacks, books, pillows and all the things I felt I would need to limit the constant asking people to get things. I thought I was set.
In many ways I was and am set. Having done seven orthopedic surgeries in seven years prior to this one, I felt fairly confident in my ability to navigate pain, crutches and living in a tri-level house.
I had lots of things however that I did not anticipate. You can read all the articles on what to expect but until you are in it, there really isn’t a true frame of reference. And I will say again, hearing that 80 year olds have this procedure all the time and do great is so not helpful. Part of the gift of living a Yoga lifestyle is learning to truly practice not comparing yourself to anyone, including the 80 year olds that have been sedentary and usually already dependent on others and who will continue to be sedentary and dependent on others. Not the super active, busy changing lives, walking machine like me.
Anticipation is a great thing, until you miss a few things.
What I didn’t anticipate was the fracture in my femur that occurred during installation of my new hip joint. This meant my weight bearing status would be different and the need for that to heal, along with my new hip, would be harder and slower. Adding in the greatest fear ever of dislocation that can occur with one wrong move, I am on hyper alert when it comes to movement.
I also didn’t anticipate the helplessness that would come with the precautions of a total hip replacement. No bending or sitting part a 90 degree bend, no crossing the legs, no twisting the leg or hip internally. So that means pulling up your pants, putting on socks, shaving your legs, reaching for a blanket, dropping your phone, scratching an itch, lifting your leg onto the bed, and so much more. For someone who gets it all done effortlessly this is an abrupt stop to my life.
The simplest of things seem like an ordeal.
Then the WEDGE. The surgeon is very adamant about post-op precautions, especially with a fracture, and sleeping is the craziest thing ever. Between my legs is a large foam wedge that I have secured with four velcro straps to prevent any internal rotation. I also have my blood clot prevention pumpers pushing air in and out around my legs all night. Add in the compression socks that are so tight and itchy. All of this means that I am basically on my back, secured into one position for the night that I cannot get in or out by myself.
Talk about vulnerability.
Lying in bed while I am completely immobilized is the purest of vulnerability. What an opportunity to sit with equanimity and be neutral in the midst of emotional and physical restraint.
I also had no idea the volume of pain I would experience with this. I knew of course there would be pain but the deep, stabbing and burning pain around the joint is unreal. The fracture adds to the pain and the swelling has taken my once toned and slim leg back two decades when I weighed 80 pounds more. Looking down at my leg and seeing the size of my thigh is startling, but it is also temporary.
I know that this week has brought me so much in the form of grace and letting go. It has also invited me to receive like I have never received in my life.
For now, I am icing, walking, resting, and working on allowing the vulnerability to flood my daily experience while also accepting the equanimity that brings a steadiness to me.
“Disappointment is a stepping stone to resilience. It toughens you up and prepares you for the challenges that lie ahead.” ~ Michelle Obama
Disappointment is such a strange thing. In my mind I know that all disappointments lead to some sort of lesson or growth, if we choose to look for it. It may be that we learn our own value, how to walk away, or even deep acceptance. Regardless of the lesson, it usually comes after experiencing some version of disappointment.
Most people already know of some pretty major disappointments that I’ve experienced in my life that have led me to greatness.
I’ve taken one of the biggest disappointments in my life and turned it in to my purpose and my passion.
What a lot of people don’t know is that for over 20 years I have struggled with the disappointment of my body. I have sat in pain management clinics for that duration trying spinal injections, varieties of medications, alternative methods, and eventually facing the pain with resiliency and movement. The disappointment fueled me to be stronger and stronger. It guided me to places I didn’t know I had in me. I faced the disappointment of many diagnosis with the fire to fight back.
The early weeks of January 2016 I experienced a new pain. A horrific pain. Within a few weeks I learned I had torn tissue in my hip. Three surgeries over the course of 18 months, and once again I am ten days away from yet another hip surgery.
I have needed this surgery for over a year but put it off last February because the timing wasn’t right. It’s right now.
In my preparation to get my body at its best form and fullest strength going into this big one. I have been consistently strength training five times a week for over two years. Refining my muscles and gaining strength and confidence has been empowering.
But, disappointment shows up again.
The familiar pain that grinds deeps into the lower back. That pain that prevents movement. Startling pain that makes my breath short and shallow. Pain that has brought me to the hospital twice unable to move in the past. The pain that makes my world shatter.
Not now. It can’t be now.
I need to be strong.
I need to be healthy.
I need to not hurt this much.
I need my back to settle down so I’m strong for my new hip and I need this disappointment to move along.
Or, is this disappointment inviting more resilience than I knew I had? Is it showing me what I have in me to face the challenge?
Maybe it’s both. I need to not hurt like this AND I need to be reminded of my strength and ability to overcome.
Since I am a newer sourdough fanatic I have quite a bit of extra sourdough. Honestly, I try not to eat the whole loaf in a couple days so I usually have a quarter of loaf hanging around and found the perfect use of stale sourdough.. Sourdough CROUTONS!
Sourdough croutons provide the perfect crunch to a fresh salad. This homemade version of sourdough croutons does not contain any extra ingredients.
INGREDIENTS
6-8 cups cubed sourdough bread (at least one day old, or sliced and dried; ¾-1 inch cubes)
4 tablespoons olive oil
3 garlic cloves, minced
½ – 1 teaspoon kosher salt
1 teaspoon dried parsley flakes
¼ teaspoon black pepper
INSTRUCTIONS
How to Make Sourdough Croutons:
Preheat your oven to 400ºF and line a baking sheet with parchment paper. Set aside.
If you haven’t already, cut your sourdough bread into ½-1″ cubes.
Add the olive oil, garlic, salt, dried parsley, and black pepper to a very large bowl. Whisk to combine.
Add the cubed dried bread cubes and toss them until they are lightly coated with oil.
Spread the sourdough bread cubes out onto the prepared baking sheet in a single layer.
Bake until browned, 12-18 minutes (mine were done at 15), tossing halfway through baking to ensure even browning.
Allow your sourdough croutons to cool completely before transferring to an airtight storage container or ziploc bag.
In a tradition I typically save for my personal journal on the eve of my birthday, I usually write a letter to myself to celebrate, and encourage the constant evolving that I choose to do. These are the words that came today as I reflected on my year and as I turn 53.
Dear beautiful self,
Another year wiser and with a few more wrinkles, I’ve seen you grow in your willingness to reach out and ask (and receive) help. I’ve seen you overcome challenges that were unexpected, and do it with grace and gratitude. I watched you grow your business and become more confident and more self-assured in what you’re here to do. I’ve seen you stay consistent with your strength training program, sometimes battling the pain like wielding a sword against an enemy. I’ve seen you be generous and kind to those who may not have always deserved it. I watched you demonstrate bravery in extremely challenging situations.
As you continue to age, I see you learning to ride the waves of the process of the body changing. I see you worry about the things that you may not have control over and I hope that you remember that like fine wine and good cheese, the aging process just gets better.
I hope that this coming year you will continue to embrace all of you. You will navigate what life hands you with tremendous courage, and also an openness to staying with vulnerability. Your determination to find equanimity—or the balance between effort and ease—will be something that becomes quite easy for you if you stay the course.
Margin is the space between our load and our limits. It is the amount allowed beyond that which is needed. It is something held in reserve for contingencies or unanticipated situations. Margin is the gap between rest and exhaustion, the space between breathing freely and suffocating.
I stumbled across this and it hit me right in the heart.
We’ve all heard the term “having a boundary.” In fact, these days it common lingo when it comes to self care. Several years ago a dear friend of mine talked to me about the word boundaries versus margins. A boundary is something that keeps someone or certain things away from you. Whereas, a margin is what you choose to allow in.
We need boundaries to obviously at times. Here is where:
To keep away things that are dangerous to us or could be harmful.
To keep toxic people away from us.
Around our personal and work time.
Those are important things for sure. But I’m really looking at the difference between what I protect and keep away, to what I invite and allow in.
What I choose to put inside my margins feels empowering unlike a boundary which feels harsh and cold.
As I begin this new year with seeking equanimity in my life, I’m really paying close attention to what I put inside the margins. As a person who gives so much all the time, I’m learning to give to myself a little, too. Over the last year, I really learned to listen to the things in my life that feed me or drain me. My intention is never to hurt someone while navigating these margins. It can be challenging as I tend to put others needs first. The chronic people pleaser syndrome. I’m committed to putting me a little higher on the pleasing list.
In order to be deliberate with my time and energy, I’ve first identified a few key things. I needed to be really clear as to what drains me and what feeds me.
The things that drain me:
People. I say that with a hint of joking and quite a bit of truth. Considering that I am with people all day every day and again when I get home I’m with more people, it is imperative that I learn to listen to how much people can drain me. If given a choice to be alone or with people, it’s 99% certain that I’m going to choose to be alone.
Mindlessly walking through a department store for the sake of shopping. If I don’t know exactly what I need, there’s no way I’m going to walk into a store just to look. In fact, most of my shopping is done online. I have no interest in being in stores just to kill time.
Spending time in crowded places, unless it’s a crowded coffee shop by myself. Again, partially joking here and a lot of truth. I love being in a crowded coffee shop if I’m by myself. Are we getting a theme here?
Loud and noisy places with lots of people. I’m not a huge fan of crowded spaces and I definitely don’t like to just be in a group of people for no purpose.
Loud music. Loud people. Loud environments.
The things that feed me:
Being alone.
Setting goals and creating action plans.
Making sourdough bread.
Spending time in my garden.
Long, solitary walks.
A jigsaw puzzle that allows my mind to wander.
Before saying yes to anything these days, I am learning to stop and ask myself the following—
Does the serve me today?
Will this feed me or drain me?
Am I saying yes to please someone else?
Does this feel good to me?
Margin is the space between load and limit. It is the amount allowed beyond that which is needed.
If it’s going to push me past my limit, then it’s a no. I’m trying really hard to recognize when my load is full and not add on anything that would break that limit. As I do things that feed me, my load reduces and I have space for more. Tuning inward to myself is key, then listening, and then choosing wisely.
noun; evenness of mind especially under stress… a calm mental state and without hurried movement…right disposition or balance
Let’s define equanimity:
According to Merriam Dictionary, if you think “equanimity” looks like it has something to do with “equal,” you are right. Both “equanimity” and “equal” are derived from “aequus,” a Latin adjective meaning “level” or “equal.” “Equanimity” comes from the combination of “aequus” and “animus” (“soul” or “mind”) in the Latin phrase aequo animo, which means “with even mind.” English speakers began using “equanimity” early in the 17th century with the now obsolete sense “fairness or justness of judgment,” which was in keeping with the meaning of the Latin phrase. Equanimity quickly came to suggest keeping a cool head under any sort of pressure, not merely when presented with a problem, and eventually, it developed an extended sense for general balance and harmony.
I learned last year that my life needed to make a subtle shift.?I definitely do not want to lose my edge or momentum, so I knew my new word and intention for 2024 needed to be just right. I also knew I needed to find the word that captured the balance between effort and ease.?We use the term equanimity in Yoga often to describe our bodies in a posture and seeking that same balance through the physical effort and the mental fluctuations. I want that same balance, or equanimity, in all areas of my life.
Equanimity As An Intention:
Sankalpa is a Sanskrit term in yogic philosophy that refers to a heartfelt desire, a solemn vow, an intention, or a resolve to do something. It is similar to the English concept of a resolution, except that it comes from even deeper within and tends to be an affirmation.
Choosing a word or sankalpa for your year gives you direction and an internal compassion in which to lead your life. For 24 years I have chosen many different words and have taken action and it is a very important practice in my life. I have worked on some great things over that time span and all of it has lead to some greatness! A few of my recent favorites have been: refinement, deliberate, bold, reverence,and limitless. Vulnerability of 2023 did not make my favorite list. Or the year I chose peace. Sometimes we have to be ready for some big opportunities to face and practice these intentions, so I recommend choosing wisely.
I am all for creating action when it comes to intentions. It is one thing to say you’re going to be healthy and then down a couple donuts pretty regularly. Or opt to be more tolerant and continue to judge or complain about people or things you have zero control over.
In my own words and intention, or sankalpa, I feel I would like to embrace equanimity by transcending some personal biases or in my case high personal standards, self-prejudices, and self-judgments, leading to having a more inclusive and harmonious outlook on my own life. Basically cutting myself some slack and offering my sweet self some grace, especially during the challenges and bringing more balance to my life by nurturing myself and my Yin side of living. Let’s be honest, I tend to live 99.99% in the yang action side of life, which although it has served me well, I am exhausted. I also give and give and give, and while I learned a little bit how to receive, I still need to learn to give to myself without feeling guilty. I want to function in a non hurried way and soak in tiny moments of stillness to counter balance the extreme amount of constant yang/drive energy. I want know the balance between effort and ease in my day to day and lower the bar I have been reaching for.
So what does all that mean??
Words + action = intentional living. I have spent a month or more imagining what equanimity will feel like and as a result I have figured out some tangible actions that will promise to lead me towards a more balanced and grace filled life.
To cultivate an evenness in my mind, body and spirit and a calm mental state without being hurried, I am going to make some changes. I am going to live in equanimity by:
take one week off per quarter where I do not teach at all (first quarter is a pass since I am taking two months off post-hip replacement)
get on my yoga mat 3x a week (or a chair)
enjoy my “sacred space” / office at least 5x a week to journal, read, pull cards, and basically tune out the world and tune in to me
begin, enjoy, and finish a year long mindfulness daily practice book
say no to anyone or anything that does not support the balanced life I am committed to creating
let go of anyone or anything that steers me into “busy” coping strategies
continue with therapy and learning how to better handle the heavy weights I carry
give myself permission to rest, read, restore anytime
release the high standard I have on my physical movement
allow myself to splurge on things I have worked hard to afford without any reasoning or judgment
Stacie believes that it is her life purpose to share the gift of Yoga with anyone who is willing to say yes. In addition to raising a family and being an advocate for those with disabilities, Stacie is founder of Embracing Spirit Yoga which specializes in bringing adaptive Yoga into community centers and rehabilitation clinics. Bringing her depth of compassion to the mat–or the chair–she offers students the opportunity to grow as an individual in all aspects of their life.
With over sixteen years experience, Stacie Wyatt is an experienced 500 hour Registered Yoga Teacher with Yoga Alliance, Certified Brain Injury Specialist, Certified Trauma Informed Coach, Life Wellness Coach, Senior YogaFit Instructor, Mind/Body Personal trainer, Stress Reduction and Meditation Instructor, Pilates Instructor, and Barre Instructor. Stacie is also certified in Integrative Movement Therapy™and is also a believer in the power and application of essential oils for health and wellness and proudly shares doTERRA essential oils.
Stacie brings her personal life experience of raising a daughter with a disability and over 12 years working in special education to her everyday Yoga classes.
Vulnerability is defined as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.” It’s that unstable feeling we get when we step out of our comfort zone or do something that forces us to loosen control.
Brene Brown
For 2023 I gave myself permission to fail or to succeed. I gave myself permission to not do it all alone. I gave myself permission to reveal and unfold in a way that stays in alignment with my soul but also welcome risk. I gave myself permission to be seen.
A year ago I thought that I should break out of my comfort zone and expose myself to being more vulnerable. I chose the word vulnerability as my word for 2023 with the intent of being more emotionally open and to expose myself a little more, rather than staying within my private little world. I also wanted to learn how to better ask for (and receive) from others as well as take a few risks and put myself out there a bit more. I tend to thrive when I am humbly doing my work and not paying much attention to the rest of the world.
I honestly don’t even know where to begin. To simply say that vulnerability has kicked my ass would probably suffice but there has also been moments where vulnerability was also a stepping stone to something great.
I jotted down twelve things I wanted to do that would stretch my vulnerability and ask me to truly act on my intentions. Of those twelve things, all but one was completed. The majority of what did come my way in terms of asking me to take risks, deal with uncertainty and expose my emotions was not even on the list.
I started out in the early months of the year with just becoming aware of what it means to be vulnerable. I prided myself on embarking on this new feeling as was pretty jazzed for it to all start to roll.
As my upcoming hip replacement got closer and closer, I became more and more fearful. I am not typically a person who fears anything so this was new to me. Something was telling me that I should not proceed so two weeks before the surgery, I cancelled. I figured I needed more time to prepare myself and I would just wait a bit. Making that decision was scary for me because I generally do not go against “doctors orders” and to cancel meant I had to open up to being brave in a big way.
If you’ve hung around me awhile you know I have a crazy mad love affair with Bruce Springsteen. Seeing him in concert is the best experience however since I had hip surgery scheduled in February, I wasn’t planning to see him when he came to my city of Denver. Literally the day I cancelled my surgery, a longtime friend texted me that she had two tickets in Tulsa….what?? Heck yes. I was going to go! Two days before the concert my friend had a death in the family which meant I was going solo. I hesitated about going all by myself, but in the end opted to do something super scary (to me) and fly to a strange city alone, and attend a concert alone. It ended up being the BEST concert I have ever been to and I danced 27,000 steps that night and will remember it forever. I’d like to believe he was as happy to see me as I was to see him. Honestly, he came to Tulsa to meet me and there were just a few other thousand people nearby. ?
Not too long after I cancelled my hip surgery and met up with Bruce, one night in the middle of the night, I missed the corner of the bed and whacked my knee so hard on the bed frame that it was nearly impossible to hobble. Weeks went by and still no real relief so I went to the doctor. Tests later revealed a pretty badly torn cartilage and lots of yuck behind the knee cap. Huh. This was not how I wanted vulnerability to be tested. Early March I went ahead and had my knee scoped and dealt with weeks and weeks of very slow healing.
Early spring the “good” vulnerability came in me getting super crazy and buying myself a Jeep Wrangler as a second/weekend car. This was so hard for me because it felt so unnecessary and saving money has always been my go-to. Spending money on myself feels so reckless and unnecessary. Weeks of deciding and I finally did it. She is a beaut!
I got asked to be a guest speaker at a grief group and while I am very comfortable with speaking and people in front of people, I am not so comfortable sitting in a large group of incredibly sad people. I am never really sure what to say or how to say it, so I just trusted myself to say the right thing in the right way from my heart. Turns out being emotionally available and exposing yourself to emotions isn’t so bad. ?
My knee pain finally resolved early May and one day I was walking and felt a strange sensation coming from the bottom of my foot. It worsened. Walking was very very difficult and if you know me, you know that walking is my world. Three doctors later, series of tests and lots and lots of pain, the only real hope is nothing. There is an extensive foot surgery that “may” correct the deformity but the recovery is grueling according to the surgeon. When a surgeon recommends not doing surgery, you know it must be awful.
With all the limping of my foot that postponed hip of mine began to scream pretty loudly at me as the summer progressed. I wondered if this vulnerability thing was all the physical stuff I was facing or if something else was seeking to be seen.
One of my favorite married couple yoga students moved out of their assisted living home I had been seeing them in and I happening to casually ask a staff person where they moved to. Next thing you know, I am sitting in my car crafting an email to the agency they moved to and within an hour, I am contracted with ten homes. Two weeks later they asked if I would add sixteen more homes. That meant I had to forego my beloved Fridays off which meant I had to ask myself some hard questions. I ended up saying yes to all the homes and it has been nothing short of amazing. Taking risks for myself and putting my skills out there hasn’t ever been hard for me so this act of vulnerability was easy. Years ago when I didn’t have confidence I would never have had to guts to approach an agency like that.
After a month or so of teaching more adaptive yoga classes than I ever have, I came across a Facebook forum of yoga teachers asked (for the hundredth time) about the “peak pose” or “how do I teach___”. In one of my more rare salty moods I commented on the ridiculousness of that and the “pose” isn’t the purpose. Yikes, did that ever start a vulnerability wildfire. I tend to go about my business quietly and humbling doing my work, rarely engaging in the yoga world and never combating with others about it. This outward moment for me to stick my neck out and expose my style of yoga teaching to a very large group was gutsy and very much against my usual quiet way of being. What came from that day long banter session was I got extremely frustrated and more disheartened with the western view of yoga so rather than stew in the slime, I created a new Facebook forum geared towards learning how to teach adaptive yoga in any setting and how to bring yoga to people who are most unlikely to ever be able to achieve a “peak pose”. The group has been slow to start but like anything that is worth it, consistency and time will bear the fruit. My intent with the group is to expose my experience to others and hopefully inspire other like minded teachers to consider getting out of the studio and sequence mindset and into the heart. Time will tell. It was very outside my norm to speak out, especially about something so sacred and controversial as yoga, unless I can hide behind a blog post. ?
Late July I was feeling a tad bit like I wasn’t spending much time on my yoga mat and decided to publicly announce that I needed help with accountability. I created a 30 days of yoga program where I was actually practicing with the recorded class. Gulp. That meant 30 days of being on the mat and publicly being accountable. It turned out to be an amazing thing! I gained several new students and friends and I am way more consistent in my personal practice. My YouTube library continues to grow and I have realized that it’s not so scary after all. It even prompted me to explain my feelings about perfectly curated videos versus the real, raw way of teaching I feel is way more down to earth and reachable for all types of people.
As my foot continued to give me trouble I also had to deal with an extensive amount of skin cancer cut out of my collarbone. The sutures and scarring was painful and a wake up call to being a lifelong ginger who isn’t always so mindful about sunscreen.
My annual mammogram came in the fall and like most medical things, I easily roll with them. Until they call you back, and until you are squished into a mammogram machine having the suspected tissue extracted from your body. Then, the waiting three day for results was downright horrible. Having no control and seemingly wide open to emotional exposure was the tipping point of my vulnerability quest. By now, I had had enough. Thankfully the results came back benign and life carried on.
Vulnerability of waiting for healing and tests and not having control of the outcome was challenging for me. I tend to check things off a list and carry on. The wait time for some of these experiences was tedious.
Just two weeks after the biopsy event, I came across a breast cancer support group that chooses to be active in the support groups rather than sitting in a hospital board room to meet. Having gone through the biopsy procedure and emotions my heart felt very open to extend my yoga studio to the group and I now teach monthly to these amazing breast cancer “thrivers”.
Some of the opportunities to be vulnerable were having to be very open with friendships and the outstretching I felt I had to be with some of them. Partly, I was recognizing what serves me and the other part was my resistance to having closer and more emotionally charged friendships. I thrive on working and moving, so slowing down to feel still remains a work in progress. The vulnerability came in having to be open and honest with myself, and with my friends.
I have tried hard in recent years to stop being so amazing at multitasking, but it has served me so well that why stop, right? Well, sometimes when we refuse to stop or refuse to learn something we are given another opportunity to.
I was flying fast through my day and thought I could quickly mix up a batch of bath bombs. Ya know, it takes about five minutes max. I grabbed the Costco sized fourteen pound bag of baking soda and then the game changed. The baking soda was not only hardened into one compact block of cement like texture, it was also really really cold. I jammed my hand into the bag and rather than stop and grab a tool to break up the hard baking soda I fought against it until my fingers bent the wrong way and the baking soda won. The following day I was at urgent care, and then the hand surgeon, and would you believe baking soda caused a completely and severely torn ligament to require surgery?
Perhaps all the multitasking and going too fast actually caused it. Go figure.
Being that I am not one to appreciate or strive towards competition or the limelight it was shocking to me to put myself out there for a nomination for the “best of”. I remain adamant that this contest is purely to highlight the students I serve in hope to bring awareness to the community so perhaps others may feel inclined to use their own unique gifts to help others thrive.
I have jokingly said for years that being a parent is the hardest job ever and sometimes I wonder why do we subject ourselves to such stress? I get the whole cute baby desires but once they are past age eight or so it is no longer about being cute but rather simple parental survival. I tell young moms all the time that be glad you can stuff them in pajamas and into bed because when they are adults and you have no control, and minimal influence, it is pure hell. This has been a rough year for one of my kids and being the parent of an adult who is struggling is so painful. I’d give anything to be able to put the pajamas on and tuck them into bed assuring them that everything will be okay, but I can’t. So I deal with the emotions and communicate clearly with true vulnerability.
The year continued to move along with minor infractions that at times I asked “what the hell is this here to teach me” Such as three cracked windshields in a couple months time, a new furnace needed, hail damage that turned out to be costly, and many other financially challenging episodes.
Uncertainty = vulnerability.
I lost some special students this year and that invited me to look at my work and my heart. It asked me to feel and to allow myself sadness. Their lives have also prompted me to inquire and learn more about frontal lobe dementia and why we are seeing such an increase. Information to me feels safe.
Finally, as I close the chapter I am being faced with some hard looks in the mirror. Having hand surgery soon and the rescheduled hip replacement coming in just seven weeks, I am having to take a really deep inventory on my choices as it relates to the amount of movement I have been consistently putting my body through over the last several years. I am having to look at and take responsibility for perhaps not being as kind to her as I could have been.
That’s a tough one to swallow.
I have said that I will be glad when this whole vulnerability thing is over so I can go back to being closed off and in control. I hope that I can allow the sliver of vulnerability to remain intact because I do feel that being more emotionally exposed has served me well, most of the time.
To capture it all most simply, I’ve had a major shift in my business that has been due to the risk taking and I have deepened some relationships by allowing myself to receive while also by giving myself permission to feel more than things just in the neutral zone.
Onward to 2024. (Big breath taken).
Stacie believes that it is her life purpose to share the gift of Yoga with anyone who is willing to say yes. In addition to raising a family and being an advocate for those with disabilities, Stacie is founder of Embracing Spirit Yoga which specializes in bringing adaptive Yoga into community centers and rehabilitation clinics. Bringing her depth of compassion to the mat–or the chair–she offers students the opportunity to grow as an individual in all aspects of their life.
With over sixteen years experience, Stacie Wyatt is an experienced 500 hour Registered Yoga Teacher with Yoga Alliance, Certified Brain Injury Specialist, Certified Trauma Informed Coach, Life Wellness Coach, Senior YogaFit Instructor, Mind/Body Personal trainer, Stress Reduction and Meditation Instructor, Pilates Instructor, and Barre Instructor. Stacie is also certified in Integrative Movement Therapy™and is also a believer in the power and application of essential oils for health and wellness and proudly shares doTERRA essential oils.
Stacie brings her personal life experience of raising a daughter with a disability and over 12 years working in special education to her everyday Yoga classes.
To choose a path and walk it well is the best path to walk.
Sometimes we spend years or even decades on a path that may not be where we want to actually be, but because of responsibilities we may have, we stay walking down the same path, looking at the same landscape year after year. The proverbial path might be a miserable job that is meaningless, a relationships that is not fulfilling, or a lifestyle that doesn’t lend itself to vitality.
During a major upheaval to my life, I learned that whatever path I chose to walk, I better walk it well.
During the pandemic many of us had the opportunity to reevaluate our lives and perhaps even get off the path we were on, at least for awhile. Perhaps if you were like me, you made radical changes to your life. I went from being scattered, overly scheduled and often overwhelmed to being more intentional and deliberate with what and who I said yes to. I reduced my list of “friends” as I rolled with the impacts of all the societal changes. In doing that, I changed the “landscape” of my life and the results have been mesmerizing.
While we are no longer in a global pandemic, we are in the midst of change through the seasons as we lean into fall and the cold and hibernating months of winter are right around the corner.
It is not uncommon that we might feel a slight pull towards a change or shift this time of year. Nature is so obvious in showing us that it is okay to do just that, especially this time of year when we see the trees so effortlessly let go of the season’s growth. Some of us resist that pull, and end up staying stagnant and even miserable, when we could be feeling liberated. Or at the least, we could be aligned with our deepest selves as we welcome in the offering a change may bring.
If we opt to be on the path, why not choose to at least walk it well?
The season of work and health for me is coming to a change as I feel and listen to the pull to complete some projects that I have begun and been too scared to finish. This is my final push of vulnerability. Part of the reason to walk this path is to complete some big projects that I have been working on, and the other part of me is listening to the interior landscape of my soul asking me to align my actions with its deepest truth so that I can truly walk it well. If you know me at all, you know that I rarely put less than 100% effort into every opportunity I say yes to.
Today, look at the path you are on and ask yourself if are you walking it well?
If health is important to you, are you giving it all to maintain a healthy life? If love is your path, are you allowing unloving actions to come your way? If your job doesn’t feed your soul, are you willing to stay?
If a change, like the seasons is calling you, then take the other path. Just be sure that whatever path you take, walk it well.
is being honest about my pain that makes me invincible.
Nayyirah Waheed
Most times when we do experiences pain, we deny it for a multitude of reasons. In my case I used to deny my pain so that I was always viewed as strong. I am still not super open about my personal pain but I am realizing more and more that may not be the way. Finding fellowship with others can add value to our lives and sometimes it’s nice to not feel alone.
Usually when we talk about pain, we talk about how much pain impacts us negatively. I mean, there is truth in that. Typically when we are experiencing pain, either emotional pain or physical pain, it doesn’t lend itself to creating the best life. And feeling weak is also not a fun feeling and sadly, it usually goes hand in hand with pain.
Over the years I have been on both sides of that spectrum. I have felt deep, emotional pain and deep loss and I have endured incredible physical pain that few really know about. I have minimized and usually have kept quiet about much of my pain. I have also created an amazing life and career that I believe would not have evolved without pain.
Certainly, at times I wish I didn’t have pain.
However for the most part, the pain that I have endured in my adult life has been nothing short of fuel to help me become the best that I can be.
Some of my first pain came when I realized that my beautiful daughter, who I dreamt of having a normal relationship with, (and doing all the things moms and daughters do), was born disabled. When realizing I would not be having those type of experiences with her, I was angry. I was deeply saddened and felt incredibly alone. I felt cheated and that life was unfair. I lived in an area of town that had a relatively upscale school system where the focus was on perfection, and her being different did not lend itself to being included. While other little girls were being invited to birthday parties, my little girl was being shunned, and people were leading their children away from her because she was different. Around the same time, this was happening, my marriage was falling apart, and soon I was a single mom with three kids and no job. Having opted to have children instead of going to college, I didn’t have many skills, other than being an incredible advocate for my daughter. I could’ve chosen to wallow in the crappy cards that I was dealt, and sit in sorrow for the loneliness and view what seemed like an insurmountable mountain that I was faced to climb all alone. Or, I could tighten up my hiking boots and get it done.
Long after my divorce when my children’s father died, I went through a similar feeling of isolation and loneliness. Even though I was in a supportive relationship at that time, his death put any last hope that I was not going to be the only parent that my children had. There was no longer any far fetched wish that he would decide one day to be involved.
A couple of marriages could be seen as failures, or they could be seen as amazing opportunities to see my part in the dysfunction of relationships, and begin to do differently. The breakups were grueling and I probably would still have pain if I chose to be the victim in them. Sure, I could give you a laundry list of all the things that they did wrong, but that would be another version of the same story where pain isn’t useful. Instead I learned to look at my part on the dysfunction and my own abandonment and anger issues. I chose to resolve the deep wounds and allow them to scar over.
I’ve lived with chronic pain for nearly 25 years. I first began to see a pain management specialist to manage my ongoing pain all the way back in 2007. At the same time, I was developing a deep love affair with Yoga. While I was hoping that the Yoga practice itself would help me manage my pain, and it has in many ways, it wasn’t the end all. Many failed surgeries and many failed attempts to reduce my pain could easily cause me to break. I could be sitting at home and complaining about what my body cannot do anymore, or I could be taking as many walks a day that I have time for while feeling the sun on my face and the breeze on my skin and feeling completely and totally alive. I could spend my days complaining about my pain or I could spend my days having compassion for those who also have pain. I could use my pain as an attention seeking tool to have people feel sorry for me, or I could use my pain in a humble way to inspire people to live their best life.
You see, we all have pain. And the way that you and I handle pain is individual. This isn’t a blast on those who maybe don’t see through the same lens that I do. I just know that my pain is what inspires me to get up every day and be the best I can for my students, my kids, those who I love, and mostly for myself.
One thing that I do know for certain is this – my experience with pain has shown me just how strong I really am. It is showing me how adaptable and innovative I am. It has shown me the very essence of my spirit. Had I not experienced the pain, I may not have ever witnessed this amazing woman who writes this post. Without becoming this amazing woman, I would not developed beautiful connections in the community where I could use the pain that I once experienced with my daughter to be an advocate for those who can’t advocate for themselves. I would not be able to sit with someone else’s physical pain because I wouldn’t understand it if I didn’t have my own.
Pain is not the enemy here. Pain is actually the gift.
My pain has made me invincible.
Here is how I used pain to turn it into some useful in my life:
I let go of expectations of others
I learned to love myself
I made time for me
I chose me
I let go of people who did not align with my greatest potential
I released negativity in my life
I surrounded myself with love
I began to pay attention to my thoughts, words and actions
I stopped complaining and gossiping
I let go of competition with others
I accepted myself and the choices I had previously made
I practiced daily gratitude which made me actively seek out good in my life
I forgave others and myself
I stopped doubting myself
Not sure where to start? I would begin by listening to the thoughts you have and the words you speak, especially about yourself. You might just see that shifting those two things to something more loving with start the process.
