noun; evenness of mind especially under stress… a calm mental state and without hurried movement…right disposition or balance
Let’s define equanimity:
According to Merriam Dictionary, if you think “equanimity” looks like it has something to do with “equal,” you are right. Both “equanimity” and “equal” are derived from “aequus,” a Latin adjective meaning “level” or “equal.” “Equanimity” comes from the combination of “aequus” and “animus” (“soul” or “mind”) in the Latin phrase aequo animo, which means “with even mind.” English speakers began using “equanimity” early in the 17th century with the now obsolete sense “fairness or justness of judgment,” which was in keeping with the meaning of the Latin phrase. Equanimity quickly came to suggest keeping a cool head under any sort of pressure, not merely when presented with a problem, and eventually, it developed an extended sense for general balance and harmony.
I learned last year that my life needed to make a subtle shift.?I definitely do not want to lose my edge or momentum, so I knew my new word and intention for 2024 needed to be just right. I also knew I needed to find the word that captured the balance between effort and ease.?We use the term equanimity in Yoga often to describe our bodies in a posture and seeking that same balance through the physical effort and the mental fluctuations. I want that same balance, or equanimity, in all areas of my life.
Equanimity As An Intention:
Sankalpa is a Sanskrit term in yogic philosophy that refers to a heartfelt desire, a solemn vow, an intention, or a resolve to do something. It is similar to the English concept of a resolution, except that it comes from even deeper within and tends to be an affirmation.
Choosing a word or sankalpa for your year gives you direction and an internal compassion in which to lead your life. For 24 years I have chosen many different words and have taken action and it is a very important practice in my life. I have worked on some great things over that time span and all of it has lead to some greatness! A few of my recent favorites have been: refinement, deliberate, bold, reverence,and limitless. Vulnerability of 2023 did not make my favorite list. Or the year I chose peace. Sometimes we have to be ready for some big opportunities to face and practice these intentions, so I recommend choosing wisely.
I am all for creating action when it comes to intentions. It is one thing to say you’re going to be healthy and then down a couple donuts pretty regularly. Or opt to be more tolerant and continue to judge or complain about people or things you have zero control over.
In my own words and intention, or sankalpa, I feel I would like to embrace equanimity by transcending some personal biases or in my case high personal standards, self-prejudices, and self-judgments, leading to having a more inclusive and harmonious outlook on my own life. Basically cutting myself some slack and offering my sweet self some grace, especially during the challenges and bringing more balance to my life by nurturing myself and my Yin side of living. Let’s be honest, I tend to live 99.99% in the yang action side of life, which although it has served me well, I am exhausted. I also give and give and give, and while I learned a little bit how to receive, I still need to learn to give to myself without feeling guilty. I want to function in a non hurried way and soak in tiny moments of stillness to counter balance the extreme amount of constant yang/drive energy. I want know the balance between effort and ease in my day to day and lower the bar I have been reaching for.
So what does all that mean??
Words + action = intentional living. I have spent a month or more imagining what equanimity will feel like and as a result I have figured out some tangible actions that will promise to lead me towards a more balanced and grace filled life.
To cultivate an evenness in my mind, body and spirit and a calm mental state without being hurried, I am going to make some changes. I am going to live in equanimity by:
take one week off per quarter where I do not teach at all (first quarter is a pass since I am taking two months off post-hip replacement)
get on my yoga mat 3x a week (or a chair)
enjoy my “sacred space” / office at least 5x a week to journal, read, pull cards, and basically tune out the world and tune in to me
begin, enjoy, and finish a year long mindfulness daily practice book
say no to anyone or anything that does not support the balanced life I am committed to creating
let go of anyone or anything that steers me into “busy” coping strategies
continue with therapy and learning how to better handle the heavy weights I carry
give myself permission to rest, read, restore anytime
release the high standard I have on my physical movement
allow myself to splurge on things I have worked hard to afford without any reasoning or judgment
Stacie believes that it is her life purpose to share the gift of Yoga with anyone who is willing to say yes. In addition to raising a family and being an advocate for those with disabilities, Stacie is founder of Embracing Spirit Yoga which specializes in bringing adaptive Yoga into community centers and rehabilitation clinics. Bringing her depth of compassion to the mat–or the chair–she offers students the opportunity to grow as an individual in all aspects of their life.
With over sixteen years experience, Stacie Wyatt is an experienced 500 hour Registered Yoga Teacher with Yoga Alliance, Certified Brain Injury Specialist, Certified Trauma Informed Coach, Life Wellness Coach, Senior YogaFit Instructor, Mind/Body Personal trainer, Stress Reduction and Meditation Instructor, Pilates Instructor, and Barre Instructor. Stacie is also certified in Integrative Movement Therapy™and is also a believer in the power and application of essential oils for health and wellness and proudly shares doTERRA essential oils.
Stacie brings her personal life experience of raising a daughter with a disability and over 12 years working in special education to her everyday Yoga classes.
Vulnerability is defined as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.” It’s that unstable feeling we get when we step out of our comfort zone or do something that forces us to loosen control.
Brene Brown
For 2023 I gave myself permission to fail or to succeed. I gave myself permission to not do it all alone. I gave myself permission to reveal and unfold in a way that stays in alignment with my soul but also welcome risk. I gave myself permission to be seen.
A year ago I thought that I should break out of my comfort zone and expose myself to being more vulnerable. I chose the word vulnerability as my word for 2023 with the intent of being more emotionally open and to expose myself a little more, rather than staying within my private little world. I also wanted to learn how to better ask for (and receive) from others as well as take a few risks and put myself out there a bit more. I tend to thrive when I am humbly doing my work and not paying much attention to the rest of the world.
I honestly don’t even know where to begin. To simply say that vulnerability has kicked my ass would probably suffice but there has also been moments where vulnerability was also a stepping stone to something great.
I jotted down twelve things I wanted to do that would stretch my vulnerability and ask me to truly act on my intentions. Of those twelve things, all but one was completed. The majority of what did come my way in terms of asking me to take risks, deal with uncertainty and expose my emotions was not even on the list.
I started out in the early months of the year with just becoming aware of what it means to be vulnerable. I prided myself on embarking on this new feeling as was pretty jazzed for it to all start to roll.
As my upcoming hip replacement got closer and closer, I became more and more fearful. I am not typically a person who fears anything so this was new to me. Something was telling me that I should not proceed so two weeks before the surgery, I cancelled. I figured I needed more time to prepare myself and I would just wait a bit. Making that decision was scary for me because I generally do not go against “doctors orders” and to cancel meant I had to open up to being brave in a big way.
If you’ve hung around me awhile you know I have a crazy mad love affair with Bruce Springsteen. Seeing him in concert is the best experience however since I had hip surgery scheduled in February, I wasn’t planning to see him when he came to my city of Denver. Literally the day I cancelled my surgery, a longtime friend texted me that she had two tickets in Tulsa….what?? Heck yes. I was going to go! Two days before the concert my friend had a death in the family which meant I was going solo. I hesitated about going all by myself, but in the end opted to do something super scary (to me) and fly to a strange city alone, and attend a concert alone. It ended up being the BEST concert I have ever been to and I danced 27,000 steps that night and will remember it forever. I’d like to believe he was as happy to see me as I was to see him. Honestly, he came to Tulsa to meet me and there were just a few other thousand people nearby. ?
Not too long after I cancelled my hip surgery and met up with Bruce, one night in the middle of the night, I missed the corner of the bed and whacked my knee so hard on the bed frame that it was nearly impossible to hobble. Weeks went by and still no real relief so I went to the doctor. Tests later revealed a pretty badly torn cartilage and lots of yuck behind the knee cap. Huh. This was not how I wanted vulnerability to be tested. Early March I went ahead and had my knee scoped and dealt with weeks and weeks of very slow healing.
Early spring the “good” vulnerability came in me getting super crazy and buying myself a Jeep Wrangler as a second/weekend car. This was so hard for me because it felt so unnecessary and saving money has always been my go-to. Spending money on myself feels so reckless and unnecessary. Weeks of deciding and I finally did it. She is a beaut!
I got asked to be a guest speaker at a grief group and while I am very comfortable with speaking and people in front of people, I am not so comfortable sitting in a large group of incredibly sad people. I am never really sure what to say or how to say it, so I just trusted myself to say the right thing in the right way from my heart. Turns out being emotionally available and exposing yourself to emotions isn’t so bad. ?
My knee pain finally resolved early May and one day I was walking and felt a strange sensation coming from the bottom of my foot. It worsened. Walking was very very difficult and if you know me, you know that walking is my world. Three doctors later, series of tests and lots and lots of pain, the only real hope is nothing. There is an extensive foot surgery that “may” correct the deformity but the recovery is grueling according to the surgeon. When a surgeon recommends not doing surgery, you know it must be awful.
With all the limping of my foot that postponed hip of mine began to scream pretty loudly at me as the summer progressed. I wondered if this vulnerability thing was all the physical stuff I was facing or if something else was seeking to be seen.
One of my favorite married couple yoga students moved out of their assisted living home I had been seeing them in and I happening to casually ask a staff person where they moved to. Next thing you know, I am sitting in my car crafting an email to the agency they moved to and within an hour, I am contracted with ten homes. Two weeks later they asked if I would add sixteen more homes. That meant I had to forego my beloved Fridays off which meant I had to ask myself some hard questions. I ended up saying yes to all the homes and it has been nothing short of amazing. Taking risks for myself and putting my skills out there hasn’t ever been hard for me so this act of vulnerability was easy. Years ago when I didn’t have confidence I would never have had to guts to approach an agency like that.
After a month or so of teaching more adaptive yoga classes than I ever have, I came across a Facebook forum of yoga teachers asked (for the hundredth time) about the “peak pose” or “how do I teach___”. In one of my more rare salty moods I commented on the ridiculousness of that and the “pose” isn’t the purpose. Yikes, did that ever start a vulnerability wildfire. I tend to go about my business quietly and humbling doing my work, rarely engaging in the yoga world and never combating with others about it. This outward moment for me to stick my neck out and expose my style of yoga teaching to a very large group was gutsy and very much against my usual quiet way of being. What came from that day long banter session was I got extremely frustrated and more disheartened with the western view of yoga so rather than stew in the slime, I created a new Facebook forum geared towards learning how to teach adaptive yoga in any setting and how to bring yoga to people who are most unlikely to ever be able to achieve a “peak pose”. The group has been slow to start but like anything that is worth it, consistency and time will bear the fruit. My intent with the group is to expose my experience to others and hopefully inspire other like minded teachers to consider getting out of the studio and sequence mindset and into the heart. Time will tell. It was very outside my norm to speak out, especially about something so sacred and controversial as yoga, unless I can hide behind a blog post. ?
Late July I was feeling a tad bit like I wasn’t spending much time on my yoga mat and decided to publicly announce that I needed help with accountability. I created a 30 days of yoga program where I was actually practicing with the recorded class. Gulp. That meant 30 days of being on the mat and publicly being accountable. It turned out to be an amazing thing! I gained several new students and friends and I am way more consistent in my personal practice. My YouTube library continues to grow and I have realized that it’s not so scary after all. It even prompted me to explain my feelings about perfectly curated videos versus the real, raw way of teaching I feel is way more down to earth and reachable for all types of people.
As my foot continued to give me trouble I also had to deal with an extensive amount of skin cancer cut out of my collarbone. The sutures and scarring was painful and a wake up call to being a lifelong ginger who isn’t always so mindful about sunscreen.
My annual mammogram came in the fall and like most medical things, I easily roll with them. Until they call you back, and until you are squished into a mammogram machine having the suspected tissue extracted from your body. Then, the waiting three day for results was downright horrible. Having no control and seemingly wide open to emotional exposure was the tipping point of my vulnerability quest. By now, I had had enough. Thankfully the results came back benign and life carried on.
Vulnerability of waiting for healing and tests and not having control of the outcome was challenging for me. I tend to check things off a list and carry on. The wait time for some of these experiences was tedious.
Just two weeks after the biopsy event, I came across a breast cancer support group that chooses to be active in the support groups rather than sitting in a hospital board room to meet. Having gone through the biopsy procedure and emotions my heart felt very open to extend my yoga studio to the group and I now teach monthly to these amazing breast cancer “thrivers”.
Some of the opportunities to be vulnerable were having to be very open with friendships and the outstretching I felt I had to be with some of them. Partly, I was recognizing what serves me and the other part was my resistance to having closer and more emotionally charged friendships. I thrive on working and moving, so slowing down to feel still remains a work in progress. The vulnerability came in having to be open and honest with myself, and with my friends.
I have tried hard in recent years to stop being so amazing at multitasking, but it has served me so well that why stop, right? Well, sometimes when we refuse to stop or refuse to learn something we are given another opportunity to.
I was flying fast through my day and thought I could quickly mix up a batch of bath bombs. Ya know, it takes about five minutes max. I grabbed the Costco sized fourteen pound bag of baking soda and then the game changed. The baking soda was not only hardened into one compact block of cement like texture, it was also really really cold. I jammed my hand into the bag and rather than stop and grab a tool to break up the hard baking soda I fought against it until my fingers bent the wrong way and the baking soda won. The following day I was at urgent care, and then the hand surgeon, and would you believe baking soda caused a completely and severely torn ligament to require surgery?
Perhaps all the multitasking and going too fast actually caused it. Go figure.
Being that I am not one to appreciate or strive towards competition or the limelight it was shocking to me to put myself out there for a nomination for the “best of”. I remain adamant that this contest is purely to highlight the students I serve in hope to bring awareness to the community so perhaps others may feel inclined to use their own unique gifts to help others thrive.
I have jokingly said for years that being a parent is the hardest job ever and sometimes I wonder why do we subject ourselves to such stress? I get the whole cute baby desires but once they are past age eight or so it is no longer about being cute but rather simple parental survival. I tell young moms all the time that be glad you can stuff them in pajamas and into bed because when they are adults and you have no control, and minimal influence, it is pure hell. This has been a rough year for one of my kids and being the parent of an adult who is struggling is so painful. I’d give anything to be able to put the pajamas on and tuck them into bed assuring them that everything will be okay, but I can’t. So I deal with the emotions and communicate clearly with true vulnerability.
The year continued to move along with minor infractions that at times I asked “what the hell is this here to teach me” Such as three cracked windshields in a couple months time, a new furnace needed, hail damage that turned out to be costly, and many other financially challenging episodes.
Uncertainty = vulnerability.
I lost some special students this year and that invited me to look at my work and my heart. It asked me to feel and to allow myself sadness. Their lives have also prompted me to inquire and learn more about frontal lobe dementia and why we are seeing such an increase. Information to me feels safe.
Finally, as I close the chapter I am being faced with some hard looks in the mirror. Having hand surgery soon and the rescheduled hip replacement coming in just seven weeks, I am having to take a really deep inventory on my choices as it relates to the amount of movement I have been consistently putting my body through over the last several years. I am having to look at and take responsibility for perhaps not being as kind to her as I could have been.
That’s a tough one to swallow.
I have said that I will be glad when this whole vulnerability thing is over so I can go back to being closed off and in control. I hope that I can allow the sliver of vulnerability to remain intact because I do feel that being more emotionally exposed has served me well, most of the time.
To capture it all most simply, I’ve had a major shift in my business that has been due to the risk taking and I have deepened some relationships by allowing myself to receive while also by giving myself permission to feel more than things just in the neutral zone.
Onward to 2024. (Big breath taken).
Stacie believes that it is her life purpose to share the gift of Yoga with anyone who is willing to say yes. In addition to raising a family and being an advocate for those with disabilities, Stacie is founder of Embracing Spirit Yoga which specializes in bringing adaptive Yoga into community centers and rehabilitation clinics. Bringing her depth of compassion to the mat–or the chair–she offers students the opportunity to grow as an individual in all aspects of their life.
With over sixteen years experience, Stacie Wyatt is an experienced 500 hour Registered Yoga Teacher with Yoga Alliance, Certified Brain Injury Specialist, Certified Trauma Informed Coach, Life Wellness Coach, Senior YogaFit Instructor, Mind/Body Personal trainer, Stress Reduction and Meditation Instructor, Pilates Instructor, and Barre Instructor. Stacie is also certified in Integrative Movement Therapy™and is also a believer in the power and application of essential oils for health and wellness and proudly shares doTERRA essential oils.
Stacie brings her personal life experience of raising a daughter with a disability and over 12 years working in special education to her everyday Yoga classes.
I have never been one to get wound up over popularity contests and certainly have never put myself in the running for a “best of” anything. Instead, I humbly go about my life doing what I believe I am here to do. I am the least competitive person you might ever meet, unless I am competing with myself. I generally pay very little attention to what other people are doing as it relates to comparing myself to them.
Each year our city offers a “best of” contest. For many this is a time for their businesses to be recognized as a great place to go and the awards are often hung up in establishments.
In my quest for to be more vulnerable this year, I decided to toss my name in the hat, but NOT as a yoga studio. I opted to steer away from the yoga studio category since my small studio hosts just a handful of. classes per month and the rest work is out in the community taking yoga into the world of assisted living settings. When I saw the category of “person who makes a difference” I decided that felt much more aligned with me and I decided to go for it.
When people ask the specifics of what I do, most people are surprised if not shocked that nearly every neighborhood in every community has homes that have been adapted to accommodate sometimes up to eight individuals with disabilities that require 24/7 care. These people might be living with a traumatic brain injury, dementia or other neurological condition that requires constant care.
Within that care system, I am blessed to bring yoga to them. I load up my car with straps, blocks, scarves and other tools and off I go. I currently serve over 50 different homes and see close to 375 people per month who are living in these homes.
Most of the time these residents have minimal outside world connection. They occasionally have a community outing but for the most part, they are isolated and with isolation comes loneliness.
Each day that I get in my car to commute (sometimes 200-300 miles), I am filled with excitement. I get so much from them that I often say that one day I will return to my beginning roots when I taught yoga for free and just do it because it is so rewarding. Thankfully I am very fortunate and blessed that I earn a living doing something that I love so very much.
What I do not love is the lack of awareness the world has for people who could be your neighbors. The lack of neighborly love and a desire to engage with others is maddening. Most of the homes that I visit have never met their neighbors. Imagine how fulfilled these people might be if you took your passion or hobby or gift and shared it with them? What if more people included them in the neighborhood cookie exchange or even an email list to offer the occasional help? Can you imagine the mutual joy that would come by sharing an audio book or a game of cards?
I want people to realize that as we all age there is a likelihood we will one day be having the same lonely experience in the last chapter of our lives. How can we as a world make a difference?
This is not about ME being the best of anything. This is about the BEST people I get to serve each day.
I want THEIR stories to be known. Please consider voting for me so that as the awareness grows on the lives living in assisted living, perhaps more people will choose to serve them.
**go to city life and scroll to “person making a difference” find my name (Stacie Wyatt, Embracing Spirit Yoga)
About Stacie
Stacie believes that it is her life purpose to share the gift of Yoga with anyone who is willing to say yes. In addition to raising a family and being an advocate for those with disabilities, Stacie is founder of Embracing Spirit Yoga which specializes in bringing adaptive Yoga into community centers and rehabilitation clinics. Bringing her depth of compassion to the mat–or the chair–she offers students the opportunity to grow as an individual in all aspects of their life.She is currently contracted in over 50 assisted living settings.
With over sixteen years experience, Stacie Wyatt is an E-500 hour Registered Yoga Teacher with Yoga Alliance Certified Brain Injury Specialist, Life Wellness Coach, Senior YogaFit Instructor, Mind/Body Personal trainer, Stress Reduction and Meditation Instructor, Pilates Instructor, and Barre Instructor. Stacie is also certified in Integrative Movement Therapy™and is also a believer in the power and application of essential oils for health and wellness and proudly shares doTERRA essential oils.
Stacie brings her personal life experience of raising a daughter with a disability and over 12 years working in special education to her everyday Yoga classes making them accessible and enjoyable for all abilities.
In addition to teaching classes at a variety of local centers and health clubs, Stacie also continues to offer Yoga and Wellness coaching individually to those seeking private sessions.
“Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.” Mahatma Gandhi
Strength training pushes me beyond my limits, and I love it.
I love to be active and thrive when I am in constant motion, but I never thought I would say that strength training is a must for me. I learned this week that without the dopamine rush of consistently lifting weights my mood and overall well-being is not great. I walk a bunch every day and practice some sort of Yoga or stretching but until I began strength training there was never any rhyme or reason to what I did.
Two years ago I stumbled onto a YouTube trainer that clicked with me. For some reason I always had a bazillion or more excuses as to why I didn’t lift weights. The same ol’ “not enough” time was usually the front runner of excuses. Since I started October 1st 2021, I have added 4-5 days a week of weight training to my wellness routine. I can now say that I am shocked that up until age 51, I had not found the love for the feeling I get (and the sustained feelings) following a training session.
I recently completed another 10 weeks of training and thought I would take one week off.
In taking that week off, I experienced worse sleep, elevated irritability, overall sadness, and a much gloomier outlook on life. Could it be the lack of strength training? I wanted to say it was my recent hand I injury while wrestling a bag of baking soda that resulted in a torn ligament. (do not even ask). As I look back on the week off, I do believe with certainty it was the lack of training (and dopamine) that allowed my injury and the rest of my pain to take a hold on my attitude.
When I am lifting weights I am amazed and in awe of my strength and my chronic pain takes a back seat. I am confident and empowered as I do lunges and chest presses. I thrive when I am shaking after a good session. My uplifted mood takes me through my day with ease and I am filled with unstoppable energy.
Harvard found in a study that the mental benefits of exercise has a neurochemical basis. Exercise reduces levels of the body’s stress hormones, such as adrenaline and cortisol. It also stimulates the production of endorphins, chemicals in the brain that are the body’s natural painkillers and mood elevators. Endorphins are responsible for the “runner’s high” and for the feelings of relaxation and optimism that accompany many hard workouts — or, at least, the hot shower after your exercise is over.
Behavioral factors also contribute to the emotional benefits of exercise. As your waistline shrinks and your strength and stamina increase, your self-image will improve. You’ll earn a sense of mastery and control, of pride and self-confidence. Your renewed vigor and energy will help you succeed in many tasks, and the discipline of regular exercise will help you achieve other important lifestyle goals.
So there it is.
Proof is in the pudding. Without the added adrenaline rush from strength training I found that walking 20,000 steps just isn’t enough for me anymore.
The made up belief that I didn’t have enough time was just that–a grossly false made up belief. I have the will to get out there and do it. I do have time. I make the time. By choosing to wake up just 30 minutes earlier I have time to be still, walk, workout, and be out the door by 8am. So simple.
This week begins the next 10 week session and that will take me right up to my total hip replacement where I will then focus on healing.
“Physical fitness is the first requisite of happiness.”
To choose a path and walk it well is the best path to walk.
Sometimes we spend years or even decades on a path that may not be where we want to actually be, but because of responsibilities we may have, we stay walking down the same path, looking at the same landscape year after year. The proverbial path might be a miserable job that is meaningless, a relationships that is not fulfilling, or a lifestyle that doesn’t lend itself to vitality.
During a major upheaval to my life, I learned that whatever path I chose to walk, I better walk it well.
During the pandemic many of us had the opportunity to reevaluate our lives and perhaps even get off the path we were on, at least for awhile. Perhaps if you were like me, you made radical changes to your life. I went from being scattered, overly scheduled and often overwhelmed to being more intentional and deliberate with what and who I said yes to. I reduced my list of “friends” as I rolled with the impacts of all the societal changes. In doing that, I changed the “landscape” of my life and the results have been mesmerizing.
While we are no longer in a global pandemic, we are in the midst of change through the seasons as we lean into fall and the cold and hibernating months of winter are right around the corner.
It is not uncommon that we might feel a slight pull towards a change or shift this time of year. Nature is so obvious in showing us that it is okay to do just that, especially this time of year when we see the trees so effortlessly let go of the season’s growth. Some of us resist that pull, and end up staying stagnant and even miserable, when we could be feeling liberated. Or at the least, we could be aligned with our deepest selves as we welcome in the offering a change may bring.
If we opt to be on the path, why not choose to at least walk it well?
The season of work and health for me is coming to a change as I feel and listen to the pull to complete some projects that I have begun and been too scared to finish. This is my final push of vulnerability. Part of the reason to walk this path is to complete some big projects that I have been working on, and the other part of me is listening to the interior landscape of my soul asking me to align my actions with its deepest truth so that I can truly walk it well. If you know me at all, you know that I rarely put less than 100% effort into every opportunity I say yes to.
Today, look at the path you are on and ask yourself if are you walking it well?
If health is important to you, are you giving it all to maintain a healthy life? If love is your path, are you allowing unloving actions to come your way? If your job doesn’t feed your soul, are you willing to stay?
If a change, like the seasons is calling you, then take the other path. Just be sure that whatever path you take, walk it well.
is being honest about my pain that makes me invincible.
Nayyirah Waheed
Most times when we do experiences pain, we deny it for a multitude of reasons. In my case I used to deny my pain so that I was always viewed as strong. I am still not super open about my personal pain but I am realizing more and more that may not be the way. Finding fellowship with others can add value to our lives and sometimes it’s nice to not feel alone.
Usually when we talk about pain, we talk about how much pain impacts us negatively. I mean, there is truth in that. Typically when we are experiencing pain, either emotional pain or physical pain, it doesn’t lend itself to creating the best life. And feeling weak is also not a fun feeling and sadly, it usually goes hand in hand with pain.
Over the years I have been on both sides of that spectrum. I have felt deep, emotional pain and deep loss and I have endured incredible physical pain that few really know about. I have minimized and usually have kept quiet about much of my pain. I have also created an amazing life and career that I believe would not have evolved without pain.
Certainly, at times I wish I didn’t have pain.
However for the most part, the pain that I have endured in my adult life has been nothing short of fuel to help me become the best that I can be.
Some of my first pain came when I realized that my beautiful daughter, who I dreamt of having a normal relationship with, (and doing all the things moms and daughters do), was born disabled. When realizing I would not be having those type of experiences with her, I was angry. I was deeply saddened and felt incredibly alone. I felt cheated and that life was unfair. I lived in an area of town that had a relatively upscale school system where the focus was on perfection, and her being different did not lend itself to being included. While other little girls were being invited to birthday parties, my little girl was being shunned, and people were leading their children away from her because she was different. Around the same time, this was happening, my marriage was falling apart, and soon I was a single mom with three kids and no job. Having opted to have children instead of going to college, I didn’t have many skills, other than being an incredible advocate for my daughter. I could’ve chosen to wallow in the crappy cards that I was dealt, and sit in sorrow for the loneliness and view what seemed like an insurmountable mountain that I was faced to climb all alone. Or, I could tighten up my hiking boots and get it done.
Long after my divorce when my children’s father died, I went through a similar feeling of isolation and loneliness. Even though I was in a supportive relationship at that time, his death put any last hope that I was not going to be the only parent that my children had. There was no longer any far fetched wish that he would decide one day to be involved.
A couple of marriages could be seen as failures, or they could be seen as amazing opportunities to see my part in the dysfunction of relationships, and begin to do differently. The breakups were grueling and I probably would still have pain if I chose to be the victim in them. Sure, I could give you a laundry list of all the things that they did wrong, but that would be another version of the same story where pain isn’t useful. Instead I learned to look at my part on the dysfunction and my own abandonment and anger issues. I chose to resolve the deep wounds and allow them to scar over.
I’ve lived with chronic pain for nearly 25 years. I first began to see a pain management specialist to manage my ongoing pain all the way back in 2007. At the same time, I was developing a deep love affair with Yoga. While I was hoping that the Yoga practice itself would help me manage my pain, and it has in many ways, it wasn’t the end all. Many failed surgeries and many failed attempts to reduce my pain could easily cause me to break. I could be sitting at home and complaining about what my body cannot do anymore, or I could be taking as many walks a day that I have time for while feeling the sun on my face and the breeze on my skin and feeling completely and totally alive. I could spend my days complaining about my pain or I could spend my days having compassion for those who also have pain. I could use my pain as an attention seeking tool to have people feel sorry for me, or I could use my pain in a humble way to inspire people to live their best life.
You see, we all have pain. And the way that you and I handle pain is individual. This isn’t a blast on those who maybe don’t see through the same lens that I do. I just know that my pain is what inspires me to get up every day and be the best I can for my students, my kids, those who I love, and mostly for myself.
One thing that I do know for certain is this – my experience with pain has shown me just how strong I really am. It is showing me how adaptable and innovative I am. It has shown me the very essence of my spirit. Had I not experienced the pain, I may not have ever witnessed this amazing woman who writes this post. Without becoming this amazing woman, I would not developed beautiful connections in the community where I could use the pain that I once experienced with my daughter to be an advocate for those who can’t advocate for themselves. I would not be able to sit with someone else’s physical pain because I wouldn’t understand it if I didn’t have my own.
Pain is not the enemy here. Pain is actually the gift.
My pain has made me invincible.
Here is how I used pain to turn it into some useful in my life:
I let go of expectations of others
I learned to love myself
I made time for me
I chose me
I let go of people who did not align with my greatest potential
I released negativity in my life
I surrounded myself with love
I began to pay attention to my thoughts, words and actions
I stopped complaining and gossiping
I let go of competition with others
I accepted myself and the choices I had previously made
I practiced daily gratitude which made me actively seek out good in my life
I forgave others and myself
I stopped doubting myself
Not sure where to start? I would begin by listening to the thoughts you have and the words you speak, especially about yourself. You might just see that shifting those two things to something more loving with start the process.
Eyes that look are common; eyes that see are rare.
He sits on the end of the sofa with a warm blanket and foam boots to keep his ankles from hitting each other as his body uncontrollably shakes.
He watches every move I make. He cannot speak or move voluntarily.
He attempts to smile at my horrible jokes. I am certain on my bad hair days when I acknowledge that I just didn’t have time to deal with my hair, he is laughing.
While I teach the adaptive yoga class to the other residents, he watches every move I make.
When I hold his hand and we talk about how horrible the football season has been or the beautiful changing weather, his eyes stare into mine.
There is an inaudible language that is spoken. His eyes see and express so much.
This week as we were chatting, I mentioned that I believe the eyes see into the true spirit or a person.
Just then something amazing happened. Watch this…
Think Yoga is all about asana (postures) and touching your toes?
I love people—I really do. But I also love taking care of my introverted self and my favorite way to do that is to go into the forest. To commune with the trees and be totally at peace and in oneness by the sights and sounds.
Research is showing that visiting a forest has real, quantifiable health benefits, both mental and physical. Even five minutes around trees or in green spaces may improve health. Think of it as a prescription with no negative side effects that’s also free.
Health Benefits From Forests
Exposure to forests and trees:
boosts the immune system
lowers blood pressure
reduces stress
improves mood
increases ability to focus, even in children with ADHD
accelerates recovery from surgery or illness
increases energy level
improves sleep
Usually on Saturday mornings I take off on a solo hike and find that silent, yet so alive space. I usually visit one of my favorite tree friends I have ever known. She has been a friend for many years and though I haven’t gone to say hello in a long time, she still greets me with the same wonderful welcome. Over the years on this trail, I have played on the icy trails and I basked in the warm sun. I love to cross over the miles of Mother Earth and it usually is just what I need to refuel and get clarity on a few things weighing on me.
I love how the sound of my feet crunching the earth somehow brings the answers I have been seeking. It’s like the world stops for a moment and I can listen.
I am often reminded again just how blessed I am and how grateful I am that my life has unfolded in perfection. Just like the trees and how they know exactly when to let go and when to grow, I find myself in the same cycle.
During these solo walks I reconnect with the truth of myself. I find the quiet space between my thoughts. I receive all the goodness the trees offer.
Of course putting my hands on my favorite tree friend never hurts.
When we combine our thoughts, our bodies and our minds with the magical gifts of mother nature, we reveal wisdom.
The wisdom of our true Selves. The wisdom of the Earth. The wisdom held in the vibration of every living cell.
Last month we dove into discovering what our true values are that sustain us during hard times or simply how we navigate our everyday. Knowing our values is step one, living in alignment with those values is step two.
Our actions and the words we speak, and even the thoughts we have, all must strive to be in alignment with those values. When we step into daily living in alignment we become our best selves.
I try to look at my values daily. I try to pause before I respond. I think before I speak. And, I try to ask myself if what I am about to do going to help me create the life I want.
I also love my body everyday with intention. I try to eat mindfully. I also find time every day for moments of stillness.
This beautiful blend I perfectly crafted and named Alignment helps me to stay in living within my values. This blend includes Frankincense–Oil of Truth, Rosemary–Oil of Knowledge, Lavender–Oil of Communication, Roman Chamomile–Oil of Spiritual Purpose, Sandalwood–Oil of Sacred Devotion, and Tiger Eye which is a stone of protection. Tiger Eye may also bring good luck to the wearer. It has the power to focus the mind, promoting mental clarity, assisting us to resolve problems objectively and unclouded by emotions.
This blend is perfect for creating a sense of alignment with yourSelf and with others. Grab yours HERE!
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference
Dear life,
Grant me the courage To change what I am capable of changing And the grace To accept what is beyond my control And choose my battles wisely.
Please help me to fix what has fallen apart and is broken in my life That would benefit from being mended And accept what would not And move on accordingly.
Grant me the strength To fully seize each day And make the most of each moment Savouring the ones that provide me with joy, meaning and fulfilment
And remind me to treasure time spent with those I love And pursue my passions and what uplifts and energises me And focus on all that lies ahead of me Rather than all that lies behind me.
Please help me to embody love And radiate it to all whom I encounter Regardless of whether they remain in my life Or are no longer with me.
Please help me to remain calm and at peace During the chaos and shifting seasons of life And flow with it Understanding that everything is fleeting and temporary But that the true nature of who I am is eternal And more than this limited body And transitory physical experience
Please show me how to let go of fear, pain and resentment So I can feel light, unburdened and free And prioritise what is important While disregarding what is not.
Please comfort me in my grief And reassure me with the knowledge That I will one day be reunited with those I love who have left this reality But remain in spirit with me
And in the times when I am hurt May you show me how to heal and move forward
In the times when I feel small and fragile May you remind me of my inner strength
In the times when I feel weak May you remind me of my inner power
In the times when I feel lost May you help me rediscover purpose and meaning
In the times when I feel lonely and isolated May you remind me that everything is interconnected
And in the times when I have lost confidence and trust in myself May you help me remember who I am.
Words by Tahlia Hunter
(Inspired by the Serenity Prayer by Dr Reinhold Niebuhr)
When you hear the word “yoga” what do you think of? Is yoga just another form of exercise? Is yoga a religion?
The Myths of Yoga
A year or so ago I reacted to the frustration I feel at times for the yoga culture we have seemed to create in the western world. I opened my mouth in a fit of grievance and spoke truthfully about this publicly. Some heard it with curiosity and grace, while others were dismayed at my seemingly arrogant stance on this.
In our western yoga culture there seem to be so much focus on the physical body, and it’s honestly so disheartening, especially since Yoga teacher trainings capture the philosophy and other aspects of Yoga over the course of the 200 or 300 hours of learning. At least they should.
Let me be clear, of course the sensations we feel while putting our body into a certain shape can be a stepping stone for awareness and so much more, BUT it is also so overly misguided and misunderstood that I find myself saddened that so many people are not having the access to the deep philosophy and way of being that the practice offers.
I am in a variety of social media forums for Yoga teachers and every single day there are questions on how to build a sequence, or how to create a “peak pose”, or how to teach an arm balance that is probably obtainable to 3% of the population. Why??
Let’s back up to simply defining Yoga.
The word ‘Yoga’ is derived from the Sanskrit root ‘Yuj’, meaning ‘to join’ or ‘to yoke’ or ‘to unite’. As per Yogic scriptures the practice of Yoga leads to the union of individual consciousness with that of the Universal Consciousness, indicating a perfect harmony between the mind and body.
Yoga is alsoa balanced state of the body and mind.Yoga is a balanced state of emotions.Yoga is a balanced state of thoughts and intellect.Yoga is a balanced state of behavior.
That is not touching your toes or being on the floor in contorted positions or standing on one leg.
Let me share with you the Yoga students I got to share Yoga with today and how they got to practice.
I entered into an assisted living setting to find a group of woman sitting in a living room. I scanned the area for what I was soon facing and “read the room” as we are trained to do.
Here is where the essence of Yoga was in this moment–I “united” with a woman suffering from confusing dementia and lack of word recall. She was agitated, angry, and utterly confused. I was able to get her to sit back down as I gently held her hands. I moved her arms in circles and gently pulled her into a soft forward bend. I rubbed her feet with lavender as I responded to every single irrational statement that she made that was her reality. I asked her questions about the incoherent story she was living and sharing with me. I heard her.
Within a few moments of receiving the lavender foot rub, her language became less erratic and she relaxed into her easy chair.
Was that considered Yoga? Was she experiencing a balanced state of emotions? Absolutely.
A lovely woman who was sitting across the room in a catatonic state, quietly asked for some of the “stuff that smelled good.”. A few minutes of a loving hand massage and she too softened into herself.
Was that considered Yoga? Was she experiencing a balanced state of thought? Absolutely.
As a Yoga teacher of 16+ years I am still astounded that our world doesn’t see that moments like this IS Yoga. It IS human connection. It IS a desire to help people experience balance of mind and emotions. It IS a desperate attempt to bring unity to their spirits.
I could care less about a sequence or a peak pose.
Perhaps that is why it has been impossible to find a Yoga teacher willing to get out of their physically focused way and truly share the entire essence Yoga, from the heart. This is about the greater good and a selfless offering that changes the lives of those in their final chapter of life. Some perhaps, in their final pages.
If I sound bitter and frustrated, I am. All I can do with this is walk it off, know that I served well today and the right person will come into my life to share this with.
