From “Have To” to “Choose To”: Reclaiming Your Power
I caught myself the other day saying it.
“I have to do this real fast.”
“I have to get this done.”
“I have to show up.”
Have to.
Have to.
Have to.
The words were coming out automatically — rushed, tight, urgent.
And I paused.
Who, exactly, is telling me I have to do anything?
The question stopped me.
Because most of the time, no one is standing over us demanding.
There isn’t an emergency.
There isn’t a threat.
There is simply a story running in the background — one we’ve repeated so often it sounds like truth.
The Energy of “Have To”
“Have to” carries weight.
It feels heavy.
Contracted.
Pressured.
It activates the nervous system as if something is chasing us.
It subtly removes our agency.
When I say “I have to,” my body tightens. My breath shortens. My mind rushes ahead.
But when I pause and ask,
Do I really have to?
something shifts.
Because the honest answer is almost always:
No.
I am choosing to.
The Power of “Choose To”
What if instead of “I have to write this,”
we said, “I am choosing to write this”?
Instead of “I have to go to work,”
“I am choosing to go to work.”
Instead of “I have to exercise,”
“I am choosing to move my body.”
The external action may not change.
But the internal experience does.
“Choose to” restores authorship.
It reminds us that even within responsibility, there is choice.
We choose to work because we value stability.
We choose to show up because we care.
We choose to rest because we respect our body.
Choice softens resistance.
Choice invites alignment.
Choice creates spaciousness.
Getting Curious About the Voice
The next time you hear yourself say “have to,” try this:
Pause.
Ask gently:
- Who is telling me I have to?
- Is this urgency real or imagined?
- What would it feel like to say “I am choosing to…” instead?
Sometimes the voice behind “have to” is old conditioning.
Sometimes it’s fear of disappointing others.
Sometimes it’s perfectionism whispering that rest isn’t allowed.
Curiosity loosens the grip.
There is no need to shame yourself for the language. Just notice it.
Awareness is the shift.
When “Have To” Might Actually Be True
There are realities in life. Responsibilities. Commitments. Consequences.
But even then, there is still choice.
You may choose to pay the bill.
Choose to attend the appointment.
Choose to follow through.
Or you may choose differently — and accept what follows.
Choice does not remove responsibility.
It restores integrity.
A Gentle Practice
For one day, notice every time you say “have to.”
Don’t correct it immediately.
Just observe.
Then, when it feels natural, experiment with replacing it:
“I am choosing to…”
Notice your breath.
Notice your posture.
Notice the subtle return of power.
A Closing Reflection
You do not have to live in urgency.
You do not have to obey every internal demand.
You do not have to surrender your agency to old patterns of speech.
You are allowed to choose your life — moment by moment.
Even in the smallest things.
And sometimes the most radical shift begins with changing just two words.
