weight loss

Something

/ embracingspirit / Leave a comment

I have said before that March has been a powerful month for me historically. This is the month I took my very first yoga teacher training many years ago and it is also the month that I took specialized training to teach yoga to adults with disabilities. On a personal note, it was in March of 2005 that I woke up one day so tired of being 75+ pounds overweight that I took the first steps (literally) in changing my life. March is also when I have made major decisions about relationships that weren’t healthy for me and have met special and unique people that continue to influence who I am for the better. March for me has been a month of tremendous growth and a huge saying yes to life.

Each year I circle back to this and wonder what may have been the initial steps that I may have not even realized I was taking during what I call my great “wake up”. On that cold March day, I grabbed the dog leash and laced up my shoes determined to discover myself. I was tired of being the angry, judgmental, insecure woman that I had become. Something in me was yearning for more.

This morning as I was planning my month of lessons it occurred to me that there was indeed something that called to me to begin the wakeup, and then to step into the arena of teaching yoga.

Something.

What was the something? What was the the spark that led to me to unravel the tangled mess my life had become and to reveal the person I knew I wanted to be?

The something was self awareness. It was looking in the mirror and seeing the truth. It was hearing my voice speak to my children. It was observing the thoughts I had constantly flooding my mind. It was watching the destructive actions that I took.

This powerful practice of self awareness led me to the teaching that I circle back to year after year in the the month of March-preparing our soil. Imagining that our beautiful soul is much like a garden bed that is awaiting the warmth of spring. Self awareness is seeing that garden bed within our heart and looking at all the old leaves, trash and twigs that are cluttering our garden. We all know that if we were to try to plant or grow anything in a bed filled with old stuff, nothing is likely to grow.

My garden back then was filled with comparison, judgment, self-hatred, insecurities, fear, doubt, anger and deeply seeded thoughts that I was not enough. I realized that part of my great wakeup that day in March when I ventured out on a walk was the first step at purging and cleaning out my then, very toxic garden bed in my soul.

Days turned into weeks and soon by late spring I had found little tiny signs of hope popping up in my life. Tiny little shows of growth. It took months for the little shoots of newness to develop into anything substantial but the fact that my soil was now clean and uncluttered due to my diligence with self-awareness, the prospect of me blooming was just a matter of time.

And bloom I did.

March is a time to look inward through self-awareness and see what is left of the last year, or the last decade, that is cluttering your soul and ultimately preventing anything new from growing. It is a time to purge the old feeling and thought patterns that take up too much space in your heart and mind. It is right now that we prepare our soul/soil for the months ahead of growth.

Go get your hands dirty and start clearing out the old stuff because major changes and growth are available to you!

Follow me for more goodness!

No Shame

/ embracingspirit / Leave a comment

I had a recent conversation with someone about body shame. For many years of my adult life I was heavy and carried around an extra 80 or so pounds. I have experienced fat-girl shame. It isn’t fun. And yet, I have also experienced skinny-girl shame. That isn’t fun either. I wonder sometimes why we can’t just be kinder people.

The answer for me came in the way of self love. I didn’t love who I was—not because I was fat but because I was toxic and heavy in every area of my life.

It was exhausting so I decided to love instead.

Simply love myself. As I began to love myself it became inherently easy to love others, too.

With my found self love I came to know that I am an enneagram one. I am a perfectionist and I hold myself to high standards. I also am an overcomer of obstacles. I rarely see something as unobtainable or impossible. I see the good in most everyone and am exploding with positivity. It is unusual for me to be emotional (something I am trying to open myself up to). I am steady as steady can be. I thrive feeling safe.

Taking control of my health and my body fueled me and I began to thrive.

No shame in owning that.

I also struggle with daily chronic pain. It takes a ton of discipline to continue to work my body into its best health. I honor my body and refuse to let her down by focusing on pain or limitations. Instead I look her in the eye and tell her she can do it. I have a strong sense of self and am in awe of what my body can do.

No shame in owning that either.

As years go by, I continue to tenderly speak to the large sized woman I once was and thank her for being patient with me.

Being on both sides of the size spectrum and feeling both types of shame I am convinced we need to lose the shame game. Give people the grace to be who they are.

Deal?

Follow me for more goodness!

True Measurement

/ embracingspirit / Leave a comment

Over the course of the last eighteen years I have gone from being roughly 100 pounds heavier and oblivious of my health to obsessing on every calorie and every step.

And I mean every calorie and every step.

Both extremes were missing a huge and important aspect of health—joy and contentment.

When I was heavy I was so toxic in my mind, body and sprit that I spent my day just surviving. In that season of my life I was a really young mom, one kiddo with a significant and challenging disability, a marriage that was empty and I was consumed with giving to my family, not myself. I had no concept of balance.

When I was exercise and food obsessed I was equally toxic. I would log every crumb that passed my lips and I walked around my living room late at night countless times to reach my step goal. I overdid my body to the point of big time injuries and I completely lost joy in eating delicious foods and the nature around me while exercising.

Again, no joy, no contentment and no balance.

Now, I am free. I measure my happiness not by the size of my pants or the number on the scale. And I am working hard to not measure it by the steps on my watch—this is still a struggle for me.

I am working to measure it with the internal state of bliss I feel most days and by the purpose that I have discovered and the light that I share.

That is contentment and wellness of the mind, body and spirit.

Follow me for more goodness!

Aligning Your Thoughts with Your Actions

/ embracingspirit / Leave a comment

The month of March has been historically a month when where major changes occur in my own life. As I look back I see that I started the wakeup of my life that I refer to so often, I took my first Yoga class, did my first Yoga teacher training, taught my first Yoga class, and hosted my first community inclusion Yoga class where able bodied people practiced along side people in wheelchairs and other disabilities all in the month of March. You can see something fiery happens to me during the month of March and magic really starts to happen.

About seventeen years ago I woke up exhausted again and said to myself, “I am done being fat”.  I literally heard the words “I am done”. I had lived with extra weight since my first pregnancy when I was eighteen years old.  Within just four years of my first kiddo, I had three little babies and a bunch of added pounds.  I was fully investing in being a momma and unfortunately at that time I had no idea that not investing in myself was actually a disservice to them.

Carrying the extra weight also meant that I was clearly eating foods that were not the healthiest and I was doing no exercise or self-care at all. I had every excuse in the world as to why I was unable to lose weight; healthy food costs so much, I don’t have time, I am too busy, I can’t afford a gym, etc.

Clearly my mind, body and spirit were so disconnected.  I was so lost.

The day in March that I woke up and decided that I was done was in alignment with the world around me where spring was just beginning. When I think back of that time, I realize that I too was in a rebirthing or awakening from a dark and long slumber. I was beginning the journey of my own form of blossoming.

My plan consisted of many things but the foundation of it all began not with the outer or my physical body, but instead it started with cleaning up my inner world.  My thoughts.

My first course of action was that I chose to wake up one hour earlier each morning and start my day with quiet, contemplative reading.  I journaled every single morning.  My journal entries at that time were not a recount of my day or diary-like at all, instead I wrote affirmative statements such as “I am worth it”.  I also wrote down all that I was grateful for in the present, and all that I was grateful for that was coming to me.  It was something like this: “I am grateful for the food I have chosen to eat.  I am grateful for my healthy body”. The quiet and contemplative time was like a drink of cold water on a hot day; refreshing, awakening and invigorating.

The time spent still and quiet each morning began to stoke my inner fire of mindfulness.  As I became more aware of my thoughts and was purposeful for those sixty minutes, I began to train my brain to be more aware of my thoughts throughout the day.  I began to notice when my thoughts would shift to lack or negativity and I would immediately pause to reframe them to something that was positive, and true. I found that many times I was attaching myself to a made up story or a future based fear.  For example, when my thoughts were something like, “I am so heavy….I am a pig…..I can’t afford that…..I wouldn’t look good in that…..I am broke…..I am a mess”, I would stop and tell myself that all of that was a story and the truth was/is “I am worth it….I have plenty of money….I am beautiful….I am amazing….”

Once I began to remove the heavy and sludge-filled thoughts that were literally weighing me down, I became more deliberate in my actions.  Through the act of being mindful, I interrupted the patterns that were contributing to my extra weight and replaced those actions with healthier ones:

  • My walking shoes were placed on the steps that went from my garage to my house and every day when I came home from work and before ANYTHING, I slipped on my shoes and walked 40 minutes.
  • The dog’s leash was set out and every morning–rain or shine–I walked my dogs 40 minutes before work.  I slept less but as I moved more, my body was less fatigued and required less sleep that ended up actually being more restorative.
  • The kids snacks were put in the cabinet above the fridge so it literally took a step stool to get to them.  The extra work allowed time for me to really think about how much I wanted/needed cheetos.
  • Instead of going straight to the kitchen when I got done walking, I went straight to the bathtub.  Not only did this give me a self-care ritual, it interrupted a pattern of snacking before dinner.  By the time I got out of my bath, it was time to cook and I eliminated extra calories in mindless snacking.
  • I used small salad plates for every meal which tricked my brain into thinking I was eating more.
  • I taught the kids how to wash and load their own dishes because I was eating thousands of calories in leftover chicken nuggets and fries after I just ate my dinner.
  • I invested in measuring cups and a food scale.  I did this deliberately for a short time so that I would be more intentional with my choices.
  • I logged EVERY single calorie that passed through my lips.  I did this for two and a half years!  Eventually that was an obsession that I had to let go of because it was getting in the way of joy and pleasure with food, but for the time,  I needed to learn just how much food I was over-eating.  Portions and extra wasted calories were out of control.
  • I started to love who I was.  I became passionate about ME.  I was investing in myself and the results were astounding.  I was happier, my relationships improved and my life began to be incredibly vibrant.

When asked how I did it, my answer is this:  I woke up.  I opened my eyes to my life and I said yes to me.  I cleaned up my inner world of thoughts and as a result my actions became more deliberate.  I began to see my self-worth and choose to love myself by honoring my thoughts and actions. You see, it was not a crazy diet that was restrictive or extreme and I wasn’t killing myself at the gym (although that did come later and had its own set of deep lessons).  I just woke up and put intent into my life.

The teaching that I always return to is really so simple: align your thoughts with your actions and your life will change.

A Love Affair

/ embracingspirit / 1 Comment

We all think we know what love is and what the definition is, but I resonate the most with how Brené Brown defines love–

We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honour the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.

Love is not something we give or get, it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.

For the first 30 years of my life I thought I knew what love was and that I was living as an example of love—dependable, reliable, giving, and selfless. I’ve come to now see that what I was really offering was anything but that. I was clueless, unaware, oblivious and at times, destructive.

Not to others.

To myself.

Back when I was young, married and raising three people I was completely asleep when it came to self love. I have come to realize now however that I simply did not like who I was, so loving me was not even close to being on my radar. I know now that when you love yourself, you take actions that care for yourself.

Back then I had no awareness that the fast food I was consuming and the sedentary life I was living was contributing to my very large body. I never connected that the heaviness I was in my body was a direct link to the heaviness in my emotions. I thought by being an amazing mom and wife I was all about love. And then I realized.

Not to myself.

When I began to what I like to refer to as “wake up” and get healthy, I started to like me. I was finding dark shadows that were lurking in my heart that were asking to be let out. I healed many things that were literally weighing me down. I forgave others. I accepted circumstances. I began to care for me.

The logistics in which I lost weight are simple–I changed my habits. I recognized what wasn’t working and made a very conscious decision to change it. Some of my strategies were this:

  • Eating meals on small plates
  • Chewing gum while I cooked
  • Teaching others to do their dishes
  • Putting trigger foods out of sight
  • Making sure my walking shoes were always with me
  • Changing routines to avoid mindless eating (taking long baths, going for a walk, learning to garden)

You see these simple changes were to avoid be being unconscious with snacking, portions, sedentary lifestyle choices and emotional eating. Many of these changes still remain part of my life.

By swapping out the mindless munching on snacks for bubble baths or a short walk, my mind was beginning to see the value in me. It is extraordinary what happens to a person’s soul when time is spent consistently alone on a walk. The changes that occurred both on the inside and outside were amazing.

I began noticing myself.

I have spent a decade and a half living like these habits—mindful eating, multiple daily walks, I even became a yoga and meditation teacher, and basically transformed myself from an angry obese woman to a healthy and happy woman.

A vibrant life was mine.

Then I got injured.

For the last seven years I have dealt with healing from four orthopedic surgeries and learning to live with chronic pain. This body that I had worked so hard to become healthy began to defile me. It was as if she was rebelling against this lifestyle of health and fitness. I began to feel a deep sadness for her.

While I have maintained a healthy weight for over 20 years, I have struggled with trusting my body. The multiple diagnoses felt at times like a betrayal. I mean, I spent a solid 10 adult years living on double cheeseburgers, fries and chicken nuggets without a stitch of pain or health issues.

I wondered many times why I began to develop inflammatory issues when I was now living my best life? I was loving my body’s ability to climb mountains, race bicycles, practice endless hours of yoga, walk miles and miles each day.

And yet, my body was struggling.

I have since learned to accept what is and have continued on living an extraordinary happy and healthy life. I still make daily choices around movement vs sitting, ice cream vs a single bite of dark chocolate, and binging on tv vs a long bubble bath. I’ve been extremely happy with the self love I have discovered by nurturing myself.

Loving myself.

The game changed about six months ago when I stumbled onto a strength training program. I was completely content with my body and it’s strength and flexibility-and my size- but was intrigued by this idea of committing to something new.

Questions of value immediately rose to the surface. The excuses were miles long. (I can’t do that because of my hip, that will hurt my ankle, I don’t need to do burpees, I don’t have enough weights, my body is “good enough”).

Deep down I knew that all of that internal dialogue didn’t sound much like loving myself. And I knew it.

So I began October 1st. A brand new love affair with myself. And like any new love there have bumps along the way—days I doubted myself and had some pretty bad words spoken, days I wanted to give up and go back to the inner narrative that I was “good enough”.

Those challenging days of the early love affair with my 51 year old self are gone. Now, I am in complete awe of what I have been able to do and overcome. I am happily shocked at the human body and it’s ability to transform. I am no longer held back by the story of age or injury and instead I am madly loving my ability and what I have achieved.

Not the amount of weight I can lift or the pushups I can now easily complete, but the confidence in my physical body to overcome pain, injury and doubt.

Amazing how much healing can happen when you say yes to YOU. Whether it is food choices, walking, yoga, mindfulness or even getting down with lifting weights learning to love myself has been a journey I am so grateful for.

I have found trust in myself. And isn’t trust a much needed part of love?

This new love affair is destined to last a long, long time and I couldn’t be happier.

Photosensitive Oils

/ embracingspirit / Leave a comment

When I first started using essential oils I had no idea that some oils could cause a burn. Crazy, right?

As we head into warmer months and more outside time, remember that some oils are photosensitive and cause a reaction that is uncomfortable when combined with sunlight.

Be mindful when applying the following if you plan to be in the sun. You can still use them, just apply on the feet or a covered area or take internally (I only ingest pure, certified therapeutic grade oils that I am positive have been tested).

Check out this gorgeous ebook for the basics and be sure to drop me a message if you’re not sure which oils are safe  I’m happy to help.

508506CD-774E-4FF6-8AD2-439D072DF4FB

Weight Loss and Essential Oils

/ embracingspirit / Leave a comment

Despite all out great intentions with food, we can still struggle with cravings. When I lost all my weight I had some big ‘behavior’ changes that I was intentional about, and many that have remained. I learned that most of my weight was sticking around from mindless eating and bad habits.

Some of the patterns that I broke and the strategies that I began included:

*using small size plates to trick my mind I was eating more
*I taught the kids to do their own dishes so I wasn’t mindlessly grabbing the abandoned chicken nugget
*I put snacks in the cabinet above the fridge so it literally took getting a stool which gave me time to think about if I really needed the crackers
*I measured EVERYTHING I ate
* I logged EVERYTHING that passed through my lips for 2.5 YEARS—this eventually became a leak of joy so I no longer do this
*I put my walking shoes in the doorway leading to house from garage so I would walk before even going in the door
*Rather than going to kitchen when I came home and snacked, I went straight to the bath tub. By the time I was done, it was time to cook dinner and I just saved hundreds of calories
* I chose wine over ice cream
*I decided that I was DONE being heavy and I was worth health

When I started using essential oils, I was so happy to learn that they can also support my physical body. I used oils in the beginning for the good smells, without any idea that they could have a health benefit.

Today, I use lemon daily for internal cleansing. I use grapefruit often for reducing cravings and internal cleansing. I also use a great blend called Slim & Sassy. I put a few drops in water or in a capsule and take internally. BUT, the best way that I use the this blend is a HACK that I learned about a month or so ago.

I purchase a bottle of fractionated coconut oil (FCO) and a bottle of Slim and Sassy and I empty the entire bottle of EO into the FCO and everyday I apply the oil to my stomach and my “trouble areas”. Over the month time, I have noticed that my skin is is tighter and I am slimmer. I have heard about people actually losing weight and inches doing this! I get the internal benefit as the oils are absorbed and the external benefit of better looking skin! Double win!

Check out and bookmark this handy little ebook  on the basic uses and safety of essential oils.  There are so many uses for your entire life…and the greatest thing is you being to eliminate some of the less healthy things in your life, too.

Screen Shot 2021-10-10 at 12.22.59 PM

Waking Up

/ embracingspirit / Leave a comment

About twelve years ago I woke up and said to myself, “I am done being fat”.  I had lived with extra weight since my first pregnancy when I was eighteen years old.  Within just four years of my first kiddo, I had three little babies and a bunch of added pounds.  I was fully investing in being a momma and unfortunately at that time I had no idea that not investing in myself was actually a disservice to them.

Carrying the extra weight also meant that I was clearly eating foods that were not the healthiest and I was doing no exercise or self-care at all. I had every excuse in the world as to why I was unable to lose weight; healthy food costs so much, I don’t have time, I am too busy, I can’t afford a gym, etc.

Clearly my mind, body and spirit were so disconnected.  I was so lost.

The day that I woke up and decided that I was done was in the month of March where spring was just beginning. When I think back of that time, I realize that I too was in a rebirthing or awakening from a dark and long slumber. I was beginning the journey of my own form of blossoming.

My plan consisted of many things but the foundation of it all began not with the outer or my physical body, but instead it started with cleaning up my inner world.  My thoughts.

My first course of action was that I chose to wake up one hour earlier each morning and start my day with quiet, contemplative reading.  I journaled every single morning.  My journal entries at that time were not a recount of my day or diary-like at all, instead I wrote affirmative statements such as “I am worth it”.  I also wrote down all that I was grateful for in the present, and all that I was grateful for that was coming to me.  It was something like this: “I am grateful for the food I have chosen to eat.  I am grateful for my healthy body”. The quiet and contemplative time was like a drink of cold water on a hot day; refreshing, awakening and invigorating.

The time spent still and quiet each morning began to stoke my inner fire of mindfulness.  As I became more aware of my thoughts and was purposeful for those sixty minutes, I began to train my brain to be more aware of my thoughts throughout the day.  I began to notice when my thoughts would shift to lack or negativity and I would immediately pause to reframe them to something that was positive, and true. I found that many times I was attaching myself to a made up story or a future based fear.  For example, when my thoughts were something like, “I am so heavy….I am a pig…..I can’t afford that…..I wouldn’t look good in that…..I am broke…..I am a mess”, I would stop and tell myself that all of that was a story and the truth was/is “I am worth it….I have plenty of money….I am beautiful….I am amazing….”

Once I began to remove the heavy and sludge-filled thoughts that were literally weighing me down, I became more deliberate in my actions.  Through the act of being mindful, I interrupted the patterns that were contributing to my extra weight and replaced those actions with healthier ones:

  • My walking shoes were placed on the steps that went from my garage to my house and every day when I came home from work and before ANYTHING, I slipped on my shoes and walked 40 minutes.
  • The dog’s leash was set out and every morning–rain or shine–I walked my dogs 40 minutes before work.  I slept less but as I moved more, my body was less fatigued and required less sleep that ended up actually being more restorative.
  • The kids snacks were put in the cabinet above the fridge so it literally took a step stool to get to them.  The extra work allowed time for me to really think about how much I wanted/needed cheetos.
  • Instead of going straight to the kitchen when I got done walking, I went straight to the bathtub.  Not only did this give me a self-care ritual, it interrupted a pattern of snacking before dinner.  By the time I got out of my bath, it was time to cook and I eliminated extra calories in mindless snacking.
  • I used small salad plates for every meal which tricked my brain into thinking I was eating more.
  • I taught the kids how to wash and load their own dishes because I was eating thousands of calories in leftover chicken nuggets and fries after I just ate my dinner.
  • I invested in measuring cups and a food scale.  I did this deliberately for a short time so that I would be more intentional with my choices.
  • I logged EVERY single calorie that passed through my lips.  I did this for two and a half years!  Eventually that was an obsession that I had to let go of because it was getting in the way of joy and pleasure with food, but for the time,  I needed to learn just how much food I was over-eating.  Portions and extra wasted calories were out of control.
  • I started to love who I was.  I became passionate about ME.  I was investing in myself and the results were astounding.  I was happier, my relationships improved and my life began to be incredibly vibrant.

When asked how I did it, my answer is this:  I woke up.  I opened my eyes to my life and I said yes to me.  I cleaned up my inner world of thoughts and as a result my actions became more deliberate.  I began to see my self-worth and choose to love myself by honoring my thoughts and actions. You see, it was not a crazy diet that was restrictive or extreme and I wasn’t killing myself at the gym (although that did come later and had its own set of deep lessons).  I just woke up and put intent into my life.

The teaching that I always return to is really so simple: align your thoughts with your actions and your life will change.

23032339_1465712230130641_2925785976840658669_n