Losing and Lessons

It is fair to say that every human on the planet has lost something or someone. We have all had events or people in our lives that invited us to feel loss. For some it has been the actual loss of a person, or perhaps the loss of an opportunity, or even the loss of a dream.

For this past month or so I have circled back as I do so often every year around my daughter’s birthday. In my own process of evolving and working to be the best version of myself that I can be, I have given myself permission to feel anything and everything when it comes to her birthday. For years I stuffed the emotions that I thought some might see as an ungrateful and resentful mom. I have since learned that nobody’s opinion really matters when it comes to how I feel, as my feelings are valid and real, regardless of what they are. I am able to now openly share with myself and others that there is indeed a loss when it comes to her. She was born this little perfect sweet little baby girl but within a few years was identified with multiple developmental disabilities and the reality that my relationship with my only daughter was not going to be that of my friends you had a “typical” daughter. I was not going to have (easily) conversations and mother daughter outings. Instead, I would forever be her mode of transportation and decision maker. I would not be helping her to plan her dream wedding, but instead I would be planning where she would live when I am too old to care for her. I wouldn’t be celebrating her college degree and career path but instead finding appropriate day programs for her to feel some resemblance of purpose and meaning in her life.

That is a huge loss.

Through the process of my wakeup years ago, I realized that within the loss is a great lesson.

I am now able to see all that I have gained. I have taken the loss and created something amazing and powerful through the lesson of acceptance and grace. You can hear my whole story here on this awesome podcast. I chose to accept and do something with this amazing gift I was given, through her and as her.

The point is the lesson I have learned was that life doesn’t always give us what we may see as the ideal, but if we open our hearts to seeing the lesson, it may just rock your world.

When my children’s father died in 2014 I experienced another huge life changing lesson through the process of loss. I had already lost him in many ways as we divorced when things got too much for him related to our daughter and the vastness of what our life had become. To be completely honest, he wasn’t the greatest dad and he definitely was not able to show up for himself, or the kids, however I was willing to see the lesson in his unfortunate death. One of the greatest days in my life as a mom was witnessing my boys show up for him, regardless of his inability to show up for them. You can read about that pivotal day in my life here.

When he died, he was alone. He had made decisions in the last year of his life that prompted his last few days to be that where he was not surrounded by anyone as he transitioned. The painful reality of his last few years was just too much for my kids once they had said their beautiful goodbye days before, and he was estranged from his friends and family.

That was a big loss. Not just for him, but for my children, and in a way myself.

The lesson I learned from that loss has become a huge part of my life and service work. Within a few months of his death, I had a mystical and powerful yearning to volunteer in hospice. I woke one morning from a deep sleep knowing that I had to serve those dying and that nobody should die alone. I also had another deliberate truth that my service would be rubbing people’s feet while they were making their journey. I am not even a foot person! But, I knew it was what I had to do. So I did.

This week, one of my yoga students whom I have been spending time with every two weeks fell gravely ill and when I arrived at his group home I was told he was intubated and in the ICU. Due to his previous injures our yoga sessions are essential me rubbing his feet and moving his paralyzed limbs. When I heard about his his current condition, it didn’t not occur to me to NOT go. I jumped in my car and off I went with my magic hands and open heart.

The smells of an ICU and the sensory overload within the space can easily overtake you, if you allow it. Tubes. Alarms. Machines. So much to be distracted by.

I walked in and he was awake but obviously unable to speak. I grabbed is hand and watched as his eyes twinkled with recognition. I did my thing and when I went to say goodbye a single tear fell from his eye.

All alone.

The lesson of acceptance and regardless-of-what-someone-did-or-didn’t-do-you-show-up came from those two losses in my life. I know with every fiber of my being that had my girl been born not as she was and had their father not been who he was and not died the way that he did, I would not have been there for my student, and the countless other strangers who I have had the honor to rub their feet.

I know that.

Loss? Yes, for sure.

Lesson? Absolutely.

Living Ahimsa

One of my biggest gripes as a Yoga teacher is the assumption that Yoga is about the ability to touch your toes, or gain flexibility, or needing to being “good” at it in order to practice. Truth is it has really nothing to do with that at all..

One of my most treasured aspects of Yoga is how we go about with showing up for ourselves and others. This is the essence of Pantajali’s non-harming Sutra known as Ahimsa. Pausing to consider kindness (ahimsa) influences the choices you make and how you truly show up for yourself and for others. Ahimsa (pronounced “ah-heem-sah”) literally means “non-harming” or “non-violence” in Sanskrit. In it most basic level, it’s refraining from causing harm. In the ancient time in which the yamas were first written down, this idea was a pretty big deal. The ancient world was rather violent, so what seems like a relatively simple instruction in the developed modern world (not to hurt anybody) was a revolutionary idea 3000 years ago. Crazy, right?

As we practice ahimsa in today’s modern life, there is more to this idea of non-harming than simply refraining from acts of physical violence. We understand now that pain can be more than just physical – it can also be emotional and mental. The deepest pain we feel is often very emotional and it most often sprouts from our relationships with other human beings. The grief that we experience when we lose someone or a part of our life that meant so much to our identity. The loss of a relationship or a painful life change can bring about deep and soul-shattering pain.

When we practice ahimsa, we are thinking about how our actions could hurt others and doing so invites us to take into consideration the potential physical, emotional, and relational consequences of our actions. We pause to consider kindness.

This is Yoga.

This week my teaching and sharing Yoga varies from fit and active high school hockey players (with incredibly tight hamstrings), to the average middle aged woman seeking self-love, to the athletic man wanting to wind down, to the dear friend grieving the painful decision she made, to the many people in assisted living who have traumatic brain injuries.

Every single person that I was in front of learned about ahimsa. They also got to feel ahimsa in action.

Want to know how I know this? Because I witnessed the relief in their tired hearts from trying so hard to maintain their emotions, I watched the tears flow, I saw with my own eyes confidence rise simply with one word, I felt with my hands their muscles relax, I exchanged smiles, and I received the magic of knowing that my work matters. The foot rub for the man who receives no touch was ahimsa. And his ahimsa back to me was a twinkle in his eye as he thanked me.

I am frustrated with the non-kind world that exists where division and opinions flood our everyday lives. I am saddened at the lack of humanity and desperate need to be heard in what seems to be a constant “what about ME” mentality. I am exhausted with the lack of kindness for fellow human beings.

But, I chose kindness despite my own struggling emotions. I offered ahimsa for the exhausted world in which I get to share Yoga. I pause. To listen. To see. To feel. To give.

Kindness.

Follow me for more goodness!

Human Touch

Wellness Wednesday!

“To touch is to give life”~ Michelangelo

Did you know there is some significant research looking at the benefits of human touch?

Three Positive Health Manifestations from Touch:

?Inspires positive thinking and expand trust. Known as the “feel good” hormone oxytocin which helps inspire positive thinking and maintaining an optimistic outlook on the world

?Reduces social anxiety and stress

?Boosts immune system and lower blood pressure

I LOVE to touch people–in fact, one of my other “jobs” is to provide touch to those in need.  I love pulling out some oils and rubbing feet or hands.  It truly is one of my favorite things to do.

Additionally, I am also a big believer in massage and other healing touch modalities.  I am a level 1 Healing Touch practitioner and can provide body/energy work.  Balancing chakras through hands is an amazing thing.

I have recently begun to incorporate the Symphony of Cells Protocol into my practice. Symphony of the Cells™ Spinal Technique is a collection of massage protocols formulated to create harmony physically, emotionally and spiritually within the body. Each protocol is specific to a system (ie. digestive, lymphatic) of the body allowing you to target ailments. Receiving oils on the spine is a heavenly experience.

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