Fear is Big…Clarity is Bigger

If you’ve been following me you may have seen that I have chosen to put a little effort into being vulnerable this year. Looking at me from the distance – or sometimes even for those close to me – I appear to be unstoppable, strong, creative, successful, determined, and without a doubt a true overcomer. That is all true.

You may have also seen that I also opted to explore vulnerability in my life this year and dip my toes into a little “emotional exposure” as Brené Brown so eloquently says. Well, emotional exposure was proving to begin with a big bang.

Fear and uncertainity started to show up in big ways as soon as I declared I was ready to look vulnerability in the eye. It is one thing to feel these things, but I have a tendency to keep those big emotions to myself so the exposing of them was almost was big as feeling them.

So to be really open and honest, I have been fighting my way from slipping down into the depths of huge feelings of fear like I have never been over the last few weeks. Seems that since the declarative statement of what I was willing to improve in my life, vulnerability said “let’s just see how you can handle real big feelings”.

Thinking I am in complete readiness for my upcoming major hip overhaul, suddenly I was overcome with fear. Big time terror day after day. Waking up in the night fear. Shaking fear. Pit of the stomach fear. Gripping fear.

I told myself over and over that people get hip replacements all the time and yes most people do fine. But that is not a blanket statement my mind easily accepted. Of course we also hear about the 82 year old grandma who gets a new hip and is at the social club within a week which can make for some serious unhealthy comparison.

The fear began to battle comparison and I was questioning myself more than I ever have. Would my body and dysfunctional immune system accept the new hip? How much would my life be changed? How much will I have to rely on others to help me? How much time would I be away from work? Would I still be in pain? Would I ever be able to practice yoga the way I do? Will I get another blood clot? Will I get an infection? What if…? What if …? But what if…..? Over and over and over and over.

You see this isn’t a classic case of having bone on bone joint issue or severe arthritis. My joint is in perfect health and every doctor who has looked at the images scratches their head and wonders if that will address the pain. I have had three grueling tissue repairs on this previous hip and I still have a tremendous amount of pain and inflammation so the theory with my beloved surgeon whom I trust with my life is to remove the joint and closely surrounding tissue and give my body a clean, new joint which may greatly reduce my constant pain. The word “may” started to feel really scary as the days for closer.

I begged for silent moments of clarity. I pleaded with my conscious to give me insights. I walked and screamed at the sky to help me.

Is living in pain an option? Absolutely. Is enduring torturous fear an option? Hell no.

As I navigated this very unusual emotion over the course of the last few weeks I was startled at the physical changes that were occurring in my body. I am an incredibly steady and stable woman so to feel such intensity in an unfamiliar emotion was taking a toll. I had a racing heart all hours of the day, eating was incredibly hard, I felt like I had adrenaline running 24/7 through my veins, and I was experiencing deep pain in my belly every time I thought about laying on that stainless steel table for the 4th time. Of course the turmoil in my solar plexus was my first indication that my gut was telling me to listen. As the days ticked off I had more and more gut instinct knowing.

In my yogic thinking world what I was experiencing was a complete mind/body interaction where my intuition, or gut instinct, which is essentially our solar plexus where decisions are made and our personal power is being stoked like a fire. Feeling my personal power escape my body while making a life altering decision was sending my body into real time horror.

What if I chose to not listen to the language my body was speaking? What if I opted to ignore the screaming inside my body to pause and ask more questions? Despite the four second opinions there was still so much uncertainty about if this was truly the right direction to take, and yet my instinct knew it was not.

The moment that I stepped into my personal power and reclaimed clarity, it all stopped. I felt lighter. I felt myself gather up all that I know and feel about myself and feel empowered with clarity and much needed hope. A conversation with my surgeon late in the day where he reassured me that it was indeed a good decision to wait validated for me what I already knew.

I think we all have the capacity to know what our bodies need. We may not know the details to a solution like a complex surgery or diagnosis, but we do know when something feels off. We do know when our personal power is being threatened. We do know when we are right.

Vulnerability knocked on my door hard these first thirteen days of the year. But I welcomed her as a messenger and proudly reached out to a handful of safe people to pour my heart out. I revealed my fears and uncertainties. I spoke my vulnerability.

And when I did, sure enough clarity overtook fear.

I learned so much over the last few weeks about the subtle and not so subtle ways our body speaks to us, and that when we don’t feel something is right, to listen and then talk about it. Our voice is powerful and like anything, the more we do it the easier it becomes.

The hip surgery is on hold. Maybe forever but for sure in the near future. I am going to focus on the needs of my body that are determined with certainty like a quick knee scope, addressing some back issues with natural options and getting even healthier and stronger than I am—mind, body and spirit. Maybe the ol’ hip will calm itself down and all will be well.

Yay for vulnerability….round one complete.

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The Throat Chakra


The Throat chakra is the fifth chakra. Located at the center of the neck at the level of the throat, it is the passage of the energy between the lower parts of the body and the head. The function of the Throat chakra is driven by the principle of expression and communication. The fifth chakra is the center of your struggle with choice and the ability to release your will to Divine guidance. Its essence is faith – faith in our fears or faith in the Divine. The Throat Chakra is connected to the way you express your life with utmost authenticity. It is about communicating your thoughts, feelings, and intentions clearly and accurately.

Throat Chakra

LOCATION: within the throat

REPRESENTS: self expression and communication

ASSOCIATED ANATOMY: Thyroid, parathyroid, esophagus, neck, shoulders, arms, hands



COLOR: Blue or turquoise


Understanding the subtle changes in our physical body and emotions can lead us to understand more about who we are. By paying close attention we can find out throughout self discovery what we need to feel more balanced and harmonious.

Balanced: The primary fear of the throat chakra is feeling as though we have no authority or power of choice within our lives. From a psychological perspective of the throat chakra, a balance fifth chakra we begin to face our truth and see beyond illusion, we vocalize our authentic self and are no longer lying to ourselves. We remain clear and direct in speaking our personal truth when we say “I am not happy” or “This is who I am!”. When balanced, we speak clearly and effectively. We live in truth and make choices easily and we also listen and and actively engage with others.

Excessive: An overactive throat chakra can bring about a dogmatic persona, arrogance, a gossiping nature, excessive talking and/or complaining, self-righteousness and even an inability to listen to others (listening is also an act of communication). An overactive throat chakra leads us to use our voice in negative ways; tendencies toward lying, gossiping, and interrupting all reflect over-activity, as do speaking inappropriately and spending too much time trying to make oneself heard.

Deficient:A deficiency of this energy center can make a person become timid, afraid to speak up, and insecure about communicating their wants and needs. An underactive throat chakra might result in a loss of words when it’s your moment to say something. Excessive shyness, secretiveness, and an imperceptible voice, as well as being unable to express oneself, are the result of an underactive throat chakra. A blocked or unbalanced throat chakra leads to a variety of physical ailments, including laryngitis, thyroid disease, dental problems, TMJ, and neck pain, in addition to excessive or compulsive eating.


Apply the essential oils to the bottoms of the feet and/or roll along the throat.

Aromatically: apply the oils to your palms and cup your nose and take deep, long breaths.

Lavender encourages a calm mind and specifically the insecurities that are felt when one risks their true feelings. Lavender addresses a deep fear of being heard and seen. Lavender is a great choice for those who seek to release the tension that stems from fear of expressing themselves. This oil encourages emotional honesty to give the experience of unconditional love, acceptance and peace of mind. This calming and expressive oil is a great choice to bring about a feeling of being loved, seen and heard.

Bergamot has a cleansing effect on stagnant feelings and limiting belief systems. Bergamot is an excellent choice for those who feel hopeless as it reawakens the soul to courage and optimism. Bergamot helps individuals to let go of self-judgment and return to loving themselves unconditionally. This essential oil brings out confidence, feelings of hope, knowing self-worth and self-acceptance.

Spearmint inspires clarity if thought and confident verbal expression. Individuals in need of spearmint tend to withhold their ideas, thoughts, and opinions by withholding their voice. Spearmint promotes confidence in expressing oneself verbally and clarity to express values and opinions. This is a great choice for those who struggle with communicating clearly and to bring about articulate speech and clarity.

Cassia is a wonderful, warm essential oil to bring out courage and self-asssurance. Cassia helps individuals see their innate gifts and talents and invites the person to let their light shine and live from their True Self. This essential oil oil a great choice for those who fear making a mistake to overcome that fear with courage, confidence, and authenticity.

Peppermint essential oil brings out the bouyant heart in all of us. This is a great choice for those who tend to be controlled by fear. Peppermint essential oil is especially helpful during times of disappointment and despair, thus using peppermint when we feel heavy hearted or pessimistic will encourage us to have strength to speak and live in from our truest Self. The aroma of peppermint aids individuals to take a breath and provides a short reprieve from fear by uplifting the spirit and allowing space to then speak with confidence.

Eucalyptus gives individuals courage to face issues around physical health, negative belief patterns and feeling of powerless. This essential oil encourages individuals to take full responsibility for their own health and to claim wholeness. By using this essential oil, the person is making a stand about their well-being and supports feelings of being liberated and encouraged.


Sodalite unlocks your inner truth and enables self-expression. The calming and soothing energy of a Sodalite crystal also empowers you to be yourself. This calming crystal energy can clear away any unwanted feelings that prevent you from expressing yourself honestly and truthfully and being authentic to who you really are – not just with others, but also with yourself.


When we feel stuck, we often isolate ourselves or seek to escape. Unfortunately this creates a cycle of feeling alone and disconnected. A balanced solar plexus chakra can bring with it sense of positivity and connection to own’s personal power. Balance your solar plexus chakra with the following yoga postures.

Head Rolls and Neck Stretches: Head and neck rolls are tremendous for boosting your energy when an afternoon lull sets in! Neck rolls provide energy that has been stimulated and circulated in the spine upward to the neck area. This exercise releases the tension in the neck, allowing the energy to flow into the head. Remember however to be mindful about the neck and its delicate features–go slow and begin with simple side to side, up and down motion first. 

Supported Shoulderstand: When done correctly, this posture increases Self-Confidence. Practicing this posture consistently can s help you feel alive and confident. Shoulderstand has benefits to the nervous system as well. B.K.S Iyengar says, “Due to the soothing effect of the pose on the nerves, those suffering from irritation, shortness of temper, nervous breakdown and insomnia are relieved.” When we feel less irritated we are more likely to speak and live in our Truth. 

Supported Fish Pose: This postures invites a sense of feeling refreshed and alive. This restorative backbend can be renewing and relaxing while allowing the throat area to open. Fish pose regulates anxiety and stress while it helps to regulate emotions and stress. The practice of fish pose brings down the tensions and the stiffness at the neck and the shoulders. When in this posture there is an increased supply of blood to the cervical and thoracic regions of the back that helps tone the parathyroid, pituitary and pineal glands. 

Rabbit Pose: Emotionally, this posture helps in depression and insomnia. Physically, rabbit pose strengthens the abdomen, creating space in between as well as stimulating the intervertebral discs of the whole spine, ensuring proper alignment. Rabbit Pose is quite refreshing for the brain. It relieves mental fatigue, insomnia and depression. It also improves memory and focus. Rabbit Pose stretches out the spine slowly, helping to maintain mobility, flexibility and elasticity of the spine. This allows the nervous system to receive better nourishment to function at an optimum level. As you stretch your back vertebrae by vertebrae, you’re aligning your spine, and as you come out of the pose, you may feel that your spine is longer. This is great for improving posture which builds one’s confidence. 

Threaded Needle: Positioning your arms and shoulders below your heart encourages the blood flow downwards, improving circulation in arms, hands and fingers. During the pose, you might even feel a tingling sensation in your fingers. This posture helps to open the shoulder blades and is a great choice after a long, tension filled day. Threaded needle pose is calming, releases nervous tension, and can be a reflective pose, nurturing to the self.

To learn more about essential oils, yoga, and chakra balancing, check out my gorgeous page to learn more.