poem

Welcome to Holland

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“I am different, not less.” 

 Temple Grandin

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it and to imagine how it would feel. This poem was given to me when my girl was just eight years old and it changed my entire view of what I was given. In time this poem made more and more sense to me as I learned to not only accept the challenges that we had but also see that she was literally the little spark of goodness that opened so many doors for me to heal, and as a result it led me to do the magical work that I do with people with brain injuries and other disabilities in my community.

Today, I am proud to say my girl has grown into a sweet, kindhearted and somewhat independent young woman. She enjoys her volunteer job at the local animal shelter and loves caring for her dog, Emma. I was able to renovate my house a few years ago so that she has her own make shift apartment in my home where she lives with her dog as independently as possible. It has been my goal and focus that she become as self-sufficient as possible, not just for her own well-being but also because the reality is I will not live forever and I want her to either have success in supported living in the community, or be the least big of a burden to one of her brothers should they choose to have her live with them.

She has surpassed so much more than what anyone ever thought she’d be able to do. Of course, this came with decades of advocating, teaching and patience on my part and her willingness to do hard things.

This poem was the game changer for me and our life together navigating one of the hardest forms of parenting. Please feel free to pass this along to another parenting navigating this strange, yet beautiful experience.

Welcome to Holland

When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”

“Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”

But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…. and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills….and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy… and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away… because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things … about Holland.

Photo by Michal Knotek on Pexels.com

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The Invitation

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In these uncertain times I find myself longing for what I know and for what brings me a sense of feeling grounded. For many years I come back time and time again to this poem. I share it with those who I know are willing to meet me in the space of vulnerability and see me from the heart of compassion. For me this poem invites me into myself and reveals the truths of who I am, or who I strive to be.

The Invitation

By Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon…
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shriveled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

Follow me for more goodness!

When I Am Among the Trees

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This morning’s schedule change allowed me to have a long walk along a tree lined creek. I am certainly most grateful on these unexpected days where I have time to connect and be with myself and nature. Days like today are just one of the many benefits of being self employed. There certainly are some downsides to being your own boss, but time to get outside is a huge bonus! As I spent time watching hawks fly and bunnies hop, I found myself reciting this favorite poem of mine. Trees and time to commune with them often is something that is a must for me. I feel more connected, more energized and way more alive.

When I Am Among the Trees

When I am among the trees,

especially the willows and the honey locust,

equally the beech, the oaks and the pines,

they give off such hints of gladness.

I would almost say that they save me, and daily.

I am so distant from the hope of myself,

in which I have goodness, and discernment,

and never hurry through the world

but walk slowly, and bow often.

Around me the trees stir in their leaves

and call out, “Stay awhile.”

The light flows from their branches.

And they call again, “It’s simple,” they say,

“and you too have come

into the world to do this, to go easy, to be filled

with light, and to shine.”

~Mary Oliver

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Morning Offering

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I bless the night that nourished my heart
To set the ghosts of longing free
Into the flow and figure of dream
That went to harvest from the dark
Bread for the hunger no one sees.
All that is eternal in me
Welcome the wonder of this day,
The field of brightness it creates
Offering time for each thing
To arise and illuminate.
I place on the altar of dawn:
The quiet loyalty of breath,
The tent of thought where I shelter,
Wave of desire I am shore to
And all beauty drawn to the eye.
May my mind come alive today
To the invisible geography
That invites me to new frontiers,
To break the dead shell of yesterdays,
To risk being disturbed and changed.
May I have the courage today
To live the life that I would love,
To postpone my dream no longer
But do at last what I came here for
And waste my heart on fear no more.
~ John O’Donahue

The Journey

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I had a wonderful day turning 50 filled with love and goodness. I woke up with a sense of wonder and excitement for this beautiful next season. And the journey continues..

One day you
finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice—
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do—
determined to save
the only life you could save.

Photosensitive Oils

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When I first started using essential oils I had no idea that some oils could cause a burn. Crazy, right?

As we head into warmer months and more outside time, remember that some oils are photosensitive and cause a reaction that is uncomfortable when combined with sunlight.

Be mindful when applying the following if you plan to be in the sun. You can still use them, just apply on the feet or a covered area or take internally (I only ingest pure, certified therapeutic grade oils that I am positive have been tested).

Check out this gorgeous ebook for the basics and be sure to drop me a message if you’re not sure which oils are safe  I’m happy to help.

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The Invitation

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In these uncertain times I find myself longing for what I know and for what brings me a sense of feeling grounded. For many years I come back time and time again to this poem. I share it with those who I know are willing to meet me in the space of vulnerability and see me from the heart of compassion. For me this poem invites me into myself and reveals the truths of who I am, or who I strive to be.

The Invitation

By Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon…
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shriveled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

When Great Trees Fall

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“When Great Trees Fall

When great trees fall,
rocks on distant hills shudder,
lions hunker down
in tall grasses,
and even elephants
lumber after safety.

When great trees fall
in forests,
small things recoil into silence,
their senses
eroded beyond fear.

When great souls die,
the air around us becomes
light, rare, sterile.
We breathe, briefly.
Our eyes, briefly,
see with
a hurtful clarity.
Our memory, suddenly sharpened,
examines,
gnaws on kind words
unsaid,
promised walks
never taken.

Great souls die and
our reality, bound to
them, takes leave of us.
Our souls,
dependent upon their
nurture,
now shrink, wizened.
Our minds, formed
and informed by their
radiance,
fall away.
We are not so much maddened
as reduced to the unutterable ignorance
of dark, cold
caves.

And when great souls die,
after a period peace blooms,
slowly and always
irregularly. Spaces fill
with a kind of
soothing electric vibration.
Our senses, restored, never
to be the same, whisper to us.
They existed. They existed.
We can be. Be and be
better. For they existed.”
? Maya Angelou

The Fire

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It doesn’t interest me who you know

or how you came to be here.

I want to know if you will stand 

in the center of the fire

with me

and not shrink back.

The FIRE.

Not only is this fire the experiences that we have endured in our lives, but I believe this fire is also the burning passion within each of us that ignites our purpose.  And are you willing to listen and not shrink back?

In other words this fire is the times in our lives when we feel that scorch of heat and the painful burn of life’s tragedy, or the gnawing hunger inside that ignites something that leads to transformation.

In my personal life, I have stood in the center of many fires; from the broken marriages to the deep loss associated to having a child with a disability, to the facing of my own fears, and ultimately realizing my deepest value and then finding my life’s purpose.

I am so grateful that my life has included so many roaring blazes because it is through those times that I have truly transformed.  I also allowed the fire of burning desire that is within me and I did not allow myself to shrink back.  Over the years I have admired the scars from the licking of life’s flames and have with grace been able move on and keep going.

This week on the mat (or in the chair) we will be diving deep into the fire inside and tapping into our third chakra, the solar plexus.  It is there that we find our personal power and access to choice.  We find the fire in our spirit and use it to empower and transform ourselves to stand in the center of our own fires not shrink back.

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The Commitment

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It doesn’t interest me 

to know where you live or how much money you have.

I want to know if you can get up,

after a night of grief and despair, 

weary and bruised to the bone, 

and do what needs to be done

to feed the children.

Do you have it in you? Can you dig deep even on the days when you are exhausted, riddled with grief and despair and do what needs to be done?

Life cries out in its needs whether we feel good or not.  It cries out whether we are rich or poor, filled with excitement or anguish.

To take care of life and all its children; mother earth, animals, plants, our babies we must fall back onto our commitment to simply show up and do what needs to be done.  It may not always be our best, or the prettiest, but we must.

It is actually in the moments when surrender to what IS and we stop fighting with life when she calls us, we actually become lifted and often inspired.  It is in that inspiration that we find strength.  And it is there we go back to our commitment. It is often when whatever we are facing seems impossible, we let go of the grips of trying and instead just buckle under and do what needs to be done.

When we eventually move out of the troubling situation, the exhaustion, the anguish we can see that we actually did so with great strength, and at times even nobility.

Each of us has a commitment to feed “children”.  It is the way you care for your home, your community, your earth, and how you go about your life.

See the world and all the millions of people who are weary and tired and yet, somehow get up and do what needs to be done.  See yourself as the little child and someone in your life cared for you, whether it was a parent, grandparent, teacher or neighbor, see the times when your little body felt loved. See those in our world who are not able to feed their children; refugees, starving places of war and horror, a momma waiting for her boy who is lost in drugs and violence.  Feel their dreams coupled with desperation. See yourself now. See who you feed now.  Be aware of how everyone is so deserving of love and care.

Take a breath of willingness to commit. Commit your body into the pose.  Commit your thoughts to be in alignment with your vision. Commit your heart to be of love.

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