personal growth

Breaking the Cycle: How Repeated Complaining Drains Us — and How Repeated Gratitude Heals

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We’ve all been there—caught in the loop of saying the same frustrating things over and over. The stress, the pain, the overwhelm, the “why me?” moments. Repetitive complaining is surprisingly natural… and surprisingly draining. It doesn’t make us bad or ungrateful; it just means we’re human.

But here’s the truth I’ve learned through mindfulness, yoga, and healing:
What we repeat becomes what we reinforce.

And while complaining might feel like release, gratitude is what creates actual relief.

Why We Fall Into Repetitive Complaining

When something is hard — your body hurts, life feels heavy, you’re tired, or you’re juggling more than anyone realizes — the mind wants to loop. It’s trying to make sense of discomfort. But when we repeat the same story too often, it keeps us stuck in the same emotional place.

Repetitive complaining can…

  • increase stress hormones
  • shrink our perspective
  • drain our energy
  • make challenges feel bigger than they really are
  • prevent healing (emotionally and physically)

The hard moments deserve acknowledgment — absolutely. But they don’t deserve ownership over your entire inner world.

The Shift: Replacing Repetition With Intention

Instead of repeating the pain, we can repeat the gratitude.

Not the toxic positivity kind.
Not the “pretend everything’s fine” kind.

But the grounded, honest, heart-centered gratitude that reminds us:

There is still some good here.
There is still something working.
There is still something steady beneath the struggle.

This shift isn’t about silencing your pain — it’s about changing the soundtrack of your inner world.

Why Repeated Gratitude Works

Practicing gratitude repeatedly — especially in small, simple ways — can:

  • soften emotional tension
  • support nervous system regulation
  • expand your perspective
  • create new thought pathways
  • bring your attention back to what is supporting you
  • help you feel less alone
  • anchor you in hope, even during hard seasons

It’s the repetition that matters.
Just like complaining reinforces stress…
gratitude reinforces resilience.

A Simple Daily Practice to Try

If you catch yourself repeating a complaint (it happens!), try this gentle shift:

  1. Pause.
    Notice the loop without shame.
  2. Acknowledge the truth.
    “This is really hard right now.”
  3. Add one small gratitude.
    Just one.
    “And I’m grateful I’m learning to take better care of myself.”
    “I’m grateful for the support I do have.”
    “I’m grateful for the strength I didn’t even know I had.”
  4. Repeat the gratitude instead of the complaint.
    This is where your healing gains momentum.

A Repeated Gratitude Mantra to Use All Week

“Even in the hard moments, there is something supporting me. I choose to notice that.”

Say it as many times as you need.
Let it become your new repetition.
Let it anchor you back into compassion — especially compassion for yourself.

Closing Reflection

We all slip into repeating our pain. But with awareness and intention, we can choose a new pattern — one that restores instead of drains, one that lifts instead of weighs down.

A life rooted in gratitude doesn’t ignore the hard things.
It simply refuses to let them be the only things.

Living Mary Oliver’s Wisdom: Paying Attention, Being Astonished, and Sharing Your Story

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Living Mary Oliver’s Wisdom Through Healing, Teaching, and Everyday Wonder**

There are some quotes that stay with us, not because they’re clever or inspiring, but because they feel like a compass pointing us back to ourselves. Mary Oliver’s simple yet profound guidance has been one of those touchstones for me:

“Instructions for living a life:
Pay attention.
Be astonished.
Tell about it.”

I return to these words again and again — especially during seasons of change, healing, or uncertainty. They’ve shaped the way I teach, the way I write, and the way I share my story with the world. And the more life I live, the more I realize how true they are.

Pay Attention

Paying attention is an act of devotion.
It’s choosing presence over autopilot.
It’s noticing the way your breath settles your nervous system.
It’s honoring the wisdom of your body — even when it’s hurting, even when it’s asking you to slow down.

In my own healing journey, paying attention has been my teacher. It’s also what inspired so many of the reflections and weekly practices in 52 Weeks of Wisdom & Wellness. When we pause long enough to notice the subtle shifts within us, we create space for renewal.

Be Astonished

Life asks us to be astonished — not in a loud, dramatic way, but in the soft moments that catch our breath.

A sunrise after a difficult night.
The way community gathers and holds us.
The resilience that keeps rising even when we feel worn down.
The capacity for joy that still lives in us, quietly waiting.

Being astonished is not about pretending everything is perfect. It’s about allowing ourselves to be moved, touched, awakened by the small wonders that sustain us.

Tell About It

This is the part of the quote that has shaped my work the most.

Telling about it — through writing, teaching, mentoring, or public speaking — is how we weave connection. It’s how we share our healing in a way that encourages others to find their own. It’s why I wrote my book. It’s why I continue to speak to caregivers, yoga teachers, and communities who need support.

Storytelling is healing.
Storytelling is service.
Storytelling is how we whisper to one another, “You’re not alone.”

Every time I stand in front of a group, turn on a camera, or sit down at my keyboard, I carry Mary Oliver’s words with me. They help me stay rooted in what matters: presence, awe, and truth.

A Gentle Reminder for Your Day

Wherever you are in your own season of life, may these words remind you to slow down, breathe deeper, and return to what is real and meaningful.

Pay attention to the small things.
Let yourself be astonished.
And tell your story — because your voice, your wisdom, and your lived experience matter more than you know.

The Power of Authenticity: Staying True to Yourself in a World of Comparison

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We live in a world that constantly invites us to compare — our bodies, our homes, our achievements, our happiness. The quiet scroll through social media can easily become a spiral of self-doubt, leaving us wondering if we measure up or if we’re enough.

But here’s the truth: you are not meant to be a copy of anyone else. The beauty of your life lies in the uniqueness of your story — your rhythms, your seasons, your way of seeing and being in the world.

Authenticity Over Approval

At our core, we all crave acceptance. It’s part of our human design — to be seen, to belong, to be loved. Yet, the line between being accepted and abandoning our authenticity can blur easily. We start shaping ourselves to fit expectations, dimming what makes us different in hopes of being liked or understood.

Authenticity asks something much deeper of us. It asks for courage. The courage to stand in our truth even when it feels uncomfortable or uncertain. It’s the willingness to show up — imperfectly, honestly, and wholly — and to trust that who we are is already enough.

Balancing Belonging and Being Real

Being authentic doesn’t mean rejecting connection or community. It means participating fully as yourself. It’s the sweet balance between honoring your truth and allowing others to honor theirs.

When we practice mindfulness, we learn to witness comparison as it arises — not with judgment, but with compassion. We can acknowledge the part of us that longs to belong, and gently remind it: belonging built on pretending isn’t belonging at all.

True connection comes when we bring our full selves to the table — our stories, scars, and quirks included.

Mindful Reflection: Coming Home to You

Take a quiet moment today to reflect:

  • When do you feel most like yourself?
  • Where in your life are you trying to fit in rather than be real?
  • What would authenticity look like — even in small ways — this week?

Allow your answers to guide you toward alignment.

The Freedom of Being You

When we stop comparing and start embracing, life softens. The noise quiets. We begin to live with more ease, purpose, and joy.

Authenticity doesn’t require us to be perfect — it simply invites us to be present and honest. And that is where peace truly lives.

Authenticity as a Yoga Practice

Yoga teaches us to return to our breath, to our bodies, and to the truth of the present moment. On the mat, there is no need to perform — only to feel and listen. Each breath becomes an invitation to come home to ourselves, just as we are.

When we carry that awareness off the mat, authenticity becomes a way of living — a mindful practice of choosing truth over image, compassion over comparison, and alignment over approval.

So, as you move through this season, may you permit yourself to be beautifully, unapologetically you. That is the most authentic gift you can give — to yourself and to the world.

Why 52 Weeks of Wisdom & Wellness Makes the Perfect Holiday Gift

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Finding the right gift isn’t always easy. The best gifts are those that stay with us — the ones that remind us to slow down, breathe, and appreciate life.

That’s exactly what 52 Weeks of Wisdom & Wellness: A Year of Mindful Living was created to do. This book offers more than words on a page. It’s a gentle guide for anyone seeking to live with more awareness, gratitude, and balance.

A Gift That Keeps Giving

Each week brings a short reflection, a mindful practice, and an affirmation. These simple moments of awareness encourage readers to pause and reconnect. The practices are inspired by the changing seasons and the wisdom of nature.

In spring, you’ll be invited to explore new beginnings.
In summer, you’ll find joy and expansion.
In fall, you’ll reflect on letting go and change.
In winter, you’ll rest and return inward.

Through these themes, 52 Weeks of Wisdom & Wellness helps you stay grounded in life’s natural rhythms.

Simple Practices for Everyday Mindfulness

You don’t need much time or space to begin. The book offers easy practices like mindfulness practices, wekly affirmations, and relfections. Each one helps you notice beauty in everyday life and cultivate presence with ease.

These practices are not about doing more. They are about being more — more aware, more open, and more connected.

A Meaningful Gift for Any Season

This book makes a heartfelt gift for:

  • Yoga and mindfulness lovers
  • Caregivers and healers
  • Friends seeking calm or clarity
  • Anyone ready to begin a mindful journey

It’s also a wonderful gift for yourself — a reminder to take time for what truly matters.

Give the Gift of Mindfulness

52 Weeks of Wisdom & Wellness is a year-long invitation to live with intention, gratitude, and joy. As each week unfolds, readers discover simple ways to feel more balanced and inspired.

This holiday season, share a gift that lasts. Give someone you love the opportunity to find stillness, connection, and meaning through mindful living.

Find 52 Weeks of Wisdom & Wellness: A Year of Mindful Living here.

A year of wisdom begins with one small act of mindfulness — perhaps this book is that beginning.

Want to explore more mindfulness practices? Visit the Yoga and Wellness section of my blog for simple, seasonal ways to nurture your spirit. Would you like to add my top selling Gratitude Blend to your gift giving? Here it is!

Embracing Change: Finding Strength in the Seasons of Life

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Embracing Change: Finding Strength in the Seasons of Life

The Truth About Change

This time of year, we often hear about the importance of embracing change and letting go. It sounds beautiful and effortless, doesn’t it? But one of my greatest teachers once reminded me: not all change can be embraced, and sometimes change is painfully hard.

So true, right?

Even when we can’t welcome change with open arms, we can lean into the process. In doing so, we often discover a deeper strength within ourselves. Change—no matter how uncomfortable—has a way of clearing space, making room for something new to enter our lives.

Listening to the Pull of a New Season

As the seasons shift, I’ve been feeling the tug of change in my own life. Part of that comes from completing some big projects I’ve poured my heart into. The other part comes from listening more carefully to the interior landscape of my soul—the voice that whispers for alignment, truth, and authenticity.

The Universe has been sending gentle reminders, asking me to pause, look, and learn. Maybe even to slow down a little and refuel. My hope is that with a lighter heart and more space inside, I’ll shine more brightly in the ways that matter most. Isn’t that what we’re all here to do?

New Roles, New Paths

Many of you know me as a yoga and mindfulness teacher, a role I’ve cherished for the past 18 years, especially working with adults in assisted living and brain injury programs. That work will always be at the center of who I am.

But I’m also thrilled to share that I’ve stepped into an additional role as a Qualified Behavioral Health Assistant (QBHA). This allows me to support individuals in new and meaningful ways—through advocacy, skills training, wellness education, treatment plan support, and group or individual recovery-focused sessions. It feels like a natural extension of my heart’s work.

A Dream Realized: My First Book

Another huge shift has been bringing a dream to life: publishing my very first book!

 52 Weeks of Wisdom & Wellness: A Year of Mindful Living is now available in both Kindle and paperback.

This book is designed as a companion for your mindful living journey, with reflections, practices, and rituals to guide you through the year.

? Purchase 52 Weeks of Wisdom & Wellness here

Welcoming the Season of Letting Go

As summer fades and the air turns crisp, many of us feel the bittersweet ache of transition. We dig out warm sweaters, prepare for shorter days, and maybe even grumble at the thought of snow shovels.

But here’s an invitation: allow yourself to feel the disappointment and then open the door to curiosity. What might this new season bring you? What gift could be hidden inside the shift?

For the rest of the month, I encourage you to:
Take in the beauty of the changing leaves
Breathe in the fall air
Let go of something weighing on your heart
Release an old belief that no longer serves you
Shed what doesn’t elevate you

And most importantly, remember: all is well.

Much love,
Stacie

Valentine’s Day Gifts

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It’s that time of year when the shops fill up with hearts and roses. But is Valentine’s just for the romantics? More and more people are choosing to see Valentine’s Day as a celebration of love. Whether it is for a friend, a pet or loved one. You don’t have to be in a relationship to celebrate. And you certainly don’t have to do it with hearts and roses. But celebrating love can’t be such a bad thing, can it?

Unconditional Love Blend

These make fantastic little valentine’s love gifts for all your special people. These are packed with powerful essential oils and beautiful rose quartz. Plus, I add a few rose petals for the pretty sake.

What is inside:

  • Rose: Opens the heart chakra and allows you to feel unconditional love. Creates a sense of well-being and calmness while awakening your ability for self-compassion, nurturing, and love.
  • Lemon: Opens the heart chakra to self-love and self-nurturing. lightens while uplifting your spirit and bringing clarity into your life.
  • Neroli: A natural tranquilizer and regulator of the nervous system that opens the heart chakra, uplifts your spirit, and encourages confidence, joy, and peace.
  • Marjoram: Restores warmth, self-compassion, and self-nurturing when feeling lonely or isolated.
  • Lavender: Helps you to relax, let go of the stress, and release fear, which fosters connect with the heart center and opens you up to more love.
  • Jasmine: Uplifting and joyous oil that balances the emotional system, soothes anxiety, and helps with depression and apathy.
  • Geranium: This emotional healing oil restores confidence and trust in others. It can help to heal a broken heart and open one up to love.
  • Ylang Ylang: This is a powerful remedy for the heart and releasing trauma from the past. This oil helps to release bottled up emotions that weigh heavy on the heart which allows for a more playful, carefree, emotionally connected and loving experience of life.
  • Tranquility Blend (Serenity): Includes Lavender Flower, Cedarwood, Ho Wood Leaf, Ylang Ylang Flower, Marjoram Leaf, Roman Chamomile Flower, Vetiver Root, Vanilla Bean Absolute, Hawaiian Sandalwood. Encourages individuals to first reconnect with themselves and discover peace that lies within, and then to reconnect with the humanity in others. This brings a calm, tranquil, peaceful, relaxed, compassionate and connection person.
  • Rose quartz: Rose Quartz is the stone of universal love. It restores trust and harmony in relationships, encouraging unconditional love. Rose Quartz purifies and opens the heart at all levels to promote love, self-love, friendship, deep inner healing and feelings of peace. Calming and reassuring, it helps to comfort in times of grief. Rose Quartz dispels negativity.

Ready to get yours?

Buy Your Unconditional Blend Here

Stacie believes that it is her life purpose to share the gift of Yoga with anyone who is willing to say yes. In addition to raising a family and being an advocate for those with disabilities, Stacie is founder of Embracing Spirit Yoga which specializes in bringing adaptive Yoga into community centers and rehabilitation clinics. Bringing her depth of compassion to the mat–or the chair–she offers students the opportunity to grow as an individual in all aspects of their life.

Margins

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Margin is the space between our load and our limits. It is the amount allowed beyond that which is needed. It is something held in reserve for contingencies or unanticipated situations. Margin is the gap between rest and exhaustion, the space between breathing freely and suffocating.

I stumbled across this and it hit me right in the heart.

We’ve all heard the term “having a boundary.” In fact, these days it common lingo when it comes to self care. Several years ago a dear friend of mine talked to me about the word boundaries versus margins. A boundary is something that keeps someone or certain things away from you. Whereas, a margin is what you choose to allow in.

We need boundaries to obviously at times. Here is where:

  • To keep away things that are dangerous to us or could be harmful.
  • To keep toxic people away from us.
  • Around our personal and work time.

Those are important things for sure. But I’m really looking at the difference between what I protect and keep away, to what I invite and allow in.

What I choose to put inside my margins feels empowering unlike a boundary which feels harsh and cold.

As I begin this new year with seeking equanimity in my life, I’m really paying close attention to what I put inside the margins. As a person who gives so much all the time, I’m learning to give to myself a little, too. Over the last year, I really learned to listen to the things in my life that feed me or drain me. My intention is never to hurt someone while navigating these margins. It can be challenging as I tend to put others needs first. The chronic people pleaser syndrome. I’m committed to putting me a little higher on the pleasing list.

In order to be deliberate with my time and energy, I’ve first identified a few key things. I needed to be really clear as to what drains me and what feeds me.

The things that drain me:

  • People. I say that with a hint of joking and quite a bit of truth. Considering that I am with people all day every day and again when I get home I’m with more people, it is imperative that I learn to listen to how much people can drain me. If given a choice to be alone or with people, it’s 99% certain that I’m going to choose to be alone.
  • Mindlessly walking through a department store for the sake of shopping. If I don’t know exactly what I need, there’s no way I’m going to walk into a store just to look. In fact, most of my shopping is done online. I have no interest in being in stores just to kill time.
  • Spending time in crowded places, unless it’s a crowded coffee shop by myself. Again, partially joking here and a lot of truth. I love being in a crowded coffee shop if I’m by myself. Are we getting a theme here?
  • Loud and noisy places with lots of people. I’m not a huge fan of crowded spaces and I definitely don’t like to just be in a group of people for no purpose.
  • Loud music. Loud people. Loud environments.

The things that feed me:

  • Being alone.
  • Setting goals and creating action plans.
  • Making sourdough bread.
  • Spending time in my garden.
  • Long, solitary walks.
  • A jigsaw puzzle that allows my mind to wander.

Before saying yes to anything these days, I am learning to stop and ask myself the following—

  • Does the serve me today?
  • Will this feed me or drain me?
  • Am I saying yes to please someone else?
  • Does this feel good to me?

Margin is the space between load and limit. It is the amount allowed beyond that which is needed.

If it’s going to push me past my limit, then it’s a no. I’m trying really hard to recognize when my load is full and not add on anything that would break that limit. As I do things that feed me, my load reduces and I have space for more. Tuning inward to myself is key, then listening, and then choosing wisely.

Selfish? Maybe.

Radical self care? Absolutely.

Alignment Blend

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When we combine our thoughts, our bodies and our minds with the magical gifts of mother nature, we reveal wisdom.

The wisdom of our true Selves. The wisdom of the Earth. The wisdom held in the vibration of every living cell.

Last month we dove into discovering what our true values are that sustain us during hard times or simply how we navigate our everyday. Knowing our values is step one, living in alignment with those values is step two.

Our actions and the words we speak, and even the thoughts we have, all must strive to be in alignment with those values. When we step into daily living in alignment we become our best selves.

I try to look at my values daily. I try to pause before I respond. I think before I speak. And, I try to ask myself if what I am about to do going to help me create the life I want.

I also love my body everyday with intention. I try to eat mindfully. I also find time every day for moments of stillness.

This beautiful blend I perfectly crafted and named Alignment helps me to stay in living within my values. This blend includes Frankincense–Oil of Truth, Rosemary–Oil of Knowledge, Lavender–Oil of Communication, Roman Chamomile–Oil of Spiritual Purpose, Sandalwood–Oil of Sacred Devotion, and Tiger Eye which is a stone of protection. Tiger Eye may also bring good luck to the wearer. It has the power to focus the mind, promoting mental clarity, assisting us to resolve problems objectively and unclouded by emotions.

This blend is perfect for creating a sense of alignment with yourSelf and with others. Grab yours HERE!

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Japa Meditation

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Have you ever used a Mala and practiced Japa meditation? Malas — also known as yoga beads or japamalas — are necklaces that usually have 108 beads. Mala, in Sanskrit means “garland”. Malas are meant to help you focus your mind during meditation. While Japa meditation is my favorite way to meditate, the beads themselves hold a powerful visual reminder throughout the day of the statement I meditated on and the tactile sensation brings me right back. When my mind wanders throughout the day, I can simply touch my mala and I am reminded of what statement I chose.

In meditation practice, Japa meditation holds a special place. It is the process of mentally repeating a mantra or speaking a phrase while meditating using a mala. The word Japa means muttering in Sanskrit. The meditative practice of Japa keeps the human mind steady and resistant to disturbance.

Meditation could mean different things to different people. I have written and taught how to transform meditation into mindfulness and how learning to live each moment in the state of mindfulness can change your life. While sometimes I have a “formal” meditation practice, it is often that my meditation/mindfulness practice takes shape in other ways.n

Many consider meditation as a quiet observation, wherein others often consider it a practice of self-awareness or reflection upon themselves. Either way, stillness and introspection is an amazing insight to your daily life.

I love to practice Japa meditation because for me it helps me to focus on a powerful statement, 108 times. It embeds in my spirit something positive and powerful. Plus the tactile use of the mala adds an element to the meditation that my mind enjoys. I have several Malas—some are made of stones like jasper and agate but my favorite is a sandalwood mala that has become richer over times as I use it.

The practice of Japa creates beneficial mental pathways and is a strong technique for focusing the mind and harnessing the subtle powers of the body/mind. I have seen this practice in my students many times as we learn Japa together. Some have even purchased mala beads to continue on their own.

How to practice Japa meditation:

Japa meditation is practiced by moving your fingers along a mala or the strings of beads known as Japa mala. There are many types of Japa that include speaking the mantra aloud, whispering the mantra or silently repeating the mantra. I prefer to be silent. There is also a technique you can use if you don’t have a string of mala beads. You can see that technique in this video.

Now that you know how to practice Japa, choose a powerful statement and try it.

Here are some positive affirmations to try:
  • I am calm
  • I am centered
  • I am in control
  • I am loved
  • I am grateful
  • am worthy of what I do and speak
  • I am valued and loved
  • I am allowed to put myself first
  • I am safe
  • I am secure
  • I release all my shame that I am holding
  • I love my body and what it does for me.

Most often, I simply say “I am____” and follow it with a variety of words like patient, strong, healthy, resilient, powerful, etc.

Are you going to give it a try?

* this is my sandalwood mala and a Sanskrit word Shanti tattoo which translates to peace

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Scattering Seeds

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The first signs of green are starting to pop up and I believe it teaches us about resiliency and the rhythms of nature. It is such a great season to notice Life.

As I walk each day, I am happy to be reminded that nature calls us to be awake and aware.

Spring time is a great time to be reminded of the cycles of life that exist in all forms. This is a beautiful time to look to nature for the lessons and to welcome your own time of growth.

Springtime is a great time to scatter seeds within yourself to create the beautiful blossoms in your life that you desire.

Take time to notice the changes around you as you see the trees begin to bud. Perhaps you see the crocus flowers pop open and the bright yellow daffodils smile at you. Simply noticing and then cultivating growth within yourself will do wonders for your spirit as you blossom this season.

If we look at seeds as a symbol for our growth we can see that some great ideas for personal growth. What about increasing tolerance, having patience, loving yourself more, laughing daily, or slowing down to enjoy life? How about planting some of those seeds in your heart?

Once you set your intention and scatter your seeds, it is time to nurture these powerful thoughts and water them with love and tenderness. Keeping weeds away through positive thoughts and affirmations are a sure way to have a great harvest in the coming months.

What seeds will you scatter this season?

I am planning to plant more seeds of kindness to all beings this year. Spreading kindness is something I feel the world needs more of. One of my favorite acts of kindness is to give packets of wildflower seeds to random people. The smile that comes on their face when give you something so simple as a packet of potential beauty brings me so much happiness.

One of my biggest seeds I ever grew was the vision I had for my business.

I knew my seed had to have the intention of service at its heart. Way back in April of 2011, I decided to create the vision that has become known as Embracing Spirit Yoga. I am so blessed to share Yoga with people of ALL abilities in the community and in my studio for nearly two decades.

Like all strong plants, the seeds naturally sow themselves year after year and my business is thriving.

It truly does all start with a vision. A seed. Then with mindful attention to the seed, or vision, in time it will indeed grow into something amazing. Sure, there have been seasons where things needed to be replanted and readjusted, but in time it all grew into something that I am so proud of.

Now is the time to gather up your seeds and be ready to scatter them.

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Twigs and Trash

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In order to grow we must first remove what it is in the way.

For many years I have been teaching the concept that much like a garden we have outside, before we can plant anything and expect it to grow, we first have to remove all the old stuff, the trash and the things that are cluttering the soil. Today, as I was doing that exact literal thing in my backyard raking leaves and removing last years dead plants that were once so vibrant, I was reminded of the conversation I had this week with a group of men who have traumatic brain injures.

I teach this topic every March, regardless of who is in my classes because I think no matter who you are and what your life experience is, we all have something that is cluttering up our heart and therefore limiting the potential we have to grow. This might be something like fear, disappointment, regret, guilt, shame, resentment, anger or any other feeling and emotion that we have carried around for days or decades.

As I was guiding a meditation about visualizing a garden and seeing the old growth, the twigs and the trash, I asked them each to see a garden in their heart that may also have some things that could be getting in the way of growth.

I shared with my ‘frat house’ that they have fondly referred to themselves as, that I have some disappointment that is taking up space in my own heart. I carry it day after day, year after year and despite all my attempts to pull it out, it seems to have a root system that is deep and new shoots pop up and take over my heart at times.

As we had a discussion about this, they called me out on it and the wise man who developed a life changing brain tumor at age 23 gave me the best insight on how to manage all the little twigs and trash that take up space. He is turning 60 in a a few weeks and following his diagnosis while in his final year of college his life has been a series of assisted living settings and long term support. He lost his independence and so much more, and yet is so wise.

Are you ready for this? In my humbleness, I asked how does one remove all the “twigs and trash” from our hearts. I asked how do I remove the disappointment?

He shared that you can never fully rid of every twig or piece of trash that has landed in the garden, instead you have to learn to manage and grow around them.

Huh, I said.

Tell me more, I said.

He went on to say that the remnants of the the “twigs” and “trash” will likely always be there and sometimes they may stick out of the soil and poke you but our job is to plants things around them so the beauty takes over.

Again, I asked how.

The wise teacher said:

  • forgiveness
  • acceptance
  • gratitude

When we forgive ourselves and others we remove so much of the garbage that fills our heart. This removes resentment, bitterness, and what-if thinking. When we accept was IS we no longer grieve for what might have been which brings presence to growing today. And finally, when we focus on being grateful we see all that we have, not all that we do not have.

How’s that for insightful?

It’s not so much about removing the parts of our heart that impede growth, but rather moving them aside through forgiveness, acceptance and gratitude so that we make space for something far more amazing to grow.

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Competition

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I recently shared my strengths according to Gallup Strengths Finder and am still digging into that theme a bit. I loved learning my too strengths, but I was also fascinated to learn my bottom ones also. Competition is the second to the bottom strength! This means competition is pretty irrelevant to me and my life.

Competition is very low in my skill set personally and professionally. That is not a good thing or a bad thing, it just reinforces my top strengths. I highly recommend taking the strengths finder test if your curious how it impacts your personal and business life.

I did some digging on competition and found some fascinating thing. Harvard business review says this about competition-

While it can sometimes be productive, too often it is actually destructive to your overall goals. That’s why people who don’t have as much of a heart to compete have advantages in life and the opportunity to be more successful.

Non competing individuals are more motivated than most of the people around them.

Here is why:

•They aren’t as ego-driven.
People who compete often do so in large part to satisfy their egos. If you don’t have the heart to compete, then most likely you don’t have a big ego.

•They’re less stressed.
Competition in life adds a lot of unneeded frustration. If you’re not obsessed with competing, you’re largely free of that stress. That frustration is an almost overwhelmingly negative influence on your sense of self.

•They’re calmer.
A sense of calm comes over those who don’t endlessly think about how they’re going to get ahead in races of all kinds.

•They wish success on others.
The person who doesn’t obsess about competition often wants others to find success as well as themselves. What’s so great about that is how success begets success.

•They believe success can be shared.
Competitions are almost always win-lose situations. People who don’t want competition in their lives tend to believe in win-win scenarios. Instead of looking for ways they can outsmart their opponent, they search for methods to team up with them and overcome whatever obstacle that they face together instead of apart. By doing that, they double the chance for success.

•They have inner peace.
Obsession is unhealthy, whereas peace is just around the corner once you remove competition from the equation. By focusing on improving yourself instead of beating others, you are well on your way to the inner peace everyone craves, even if some of them don’t know it.

I’m telling you, learning about your strengths can lead to so much understanding in your relationships and professional life. I am so grateful I know these things about myself because I am able to see that I am unique and while others around me may be fed by competition I don’t have to try to fit in. I can be me and I can support them as they are then. Cool, huh?

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