personal development

Competition

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I recently shared my strengths according to Gallup Strengths Finder and am still digging into that theme a bit. I loved learning my too strengths, but I was also fascinated to learn my bottom ones also. Competition is the second to the bottom strength! This means competition is pretty irrelevant to me and my life.

Competition is very low in my skill set personally and professionally. That is not a good thing or a bad thing, it just reinforces my top strengths. I highly recommend taking the strengths finder test if your curious how it impacts your personal and business life.

I did some digging on competition and found some fascinating thing. Harvard business review says this about competition-

While it can sometimes be productive, too often it is actually destructive to your overall goals. That’s why people who don’t have as much of a heart to compete have advantages in life and the opportunity to be more successful.

Non competing individuals are more motivated than most of the people around them.

Here is why:

•They aren’t as ego-driven.
People who compete often do so in large part to satisfy their egos. If you don’t have the heart to compete, then most likely you don’t have a big ego.

•They’re less stressed.
Competition in life adds a lot of unneeded frustration. If you’re not obsessed with competing, you’re largely free of that stress. That frustration is an almost overwhelmingly negative influence on your sense of self.

•They’re calmer.
A sense of calm comes over those who don’t endlessly think about how they’re going to get ahead in races of all kinds.

•They wish success on others.
The person who doesn’t obsess about competition often wants others to find success as well as themselves. What’s so great about that is how success begets success.

•They believe success can be shared.
Competitions are almost always win-lose situations. People who don’t want competition in their lives tend to believe in win-win scenarios. Instead of looking for ways they can outsmart their opponent, they search for methods to team up with them and overcome whatever obstacle that they face together instead of apart. By doing that, they double the chance for success.

•They have inner peace.
Obsession is unhealthy, whereas peace is just around the corner once you remove competition from the equation. By focusing on improving yourself instead of beating others, you are well on your way to the inner peace everyone craves, even if some of them don’t know it.

I’m telling you, learning about your strengths can lead to so much understanding in your relationships and professional life. I am so grateful I know these things about myself because I am able to see that I am unique and while others around me may be fed by competition I don’t have to try to fit in. I can be me and I can support them as they are then. Cool, huh?

Follow me for more goodness!

An Old Friend

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It has been awhile since a certain old friend of mine made a strong appearance in my life. Honestly, I can say that I have felt her presence for months. A decade ago she had stuck around for many years and then disappeared. Or maybe she just stepped into the shadows for a while. I always knew though that in a moment of vulnerability she could easily step back into my life.

This friend of mine is smart, as well as sneaky, in how she can slip into my life and easily take over. Her presence is big even though she has a tendency to come incognito and honestly, I didn’t really recognize her this time until the middle of the night whispers invited me to take off the blinders and see the truth.

My old friend has name and it is control with a middle name of addiction.

Last fall as I was starting to experience more physical pain than I liked. I also started walking far more than I normally do. My old friend convinced me that this was to manage pain. She told me that the more I walked the better I would feel. She was right. For months and months I walked further and further each day. Indeed the pain felt less. My mind felt clearer and I was more content. Being outside for a couple hours a day walking was balm to my pain.

At first my old friend cheered me on and celebrated with me the miles and miles I would walk. She was step by step with me and the conversations we had were about overcoming the physical pain and building confidence in my body while not letting the pain be the focus.

She told me instead to see and celebrate what my body could do.

In her incredibly manipulative way, soon the walks weren’t enough. She convinced me that I had to have more. My friend persuaded me to attach an outcome to a number of steps and if I wasn’t there, then I was shamed and begrudged for letting pain win. Years ago she had convinced me that if I could just walk a certain amount of steps a day I would be amazing and that anything less than that number was weakness. It took a real friend at a beautiful restaurant in Sedona to shed light on the fact that a silly number was stealing joy from my life. That day, I let my friend control go and she stayed away until last fall.

I have been teaching the yoga principles called yamas and niyamas this month. I realized in the quiet moments of the night that I was allowing this so called friend to blind me from ahimsa (non-harming) and asteya (non-stealing). In demanding my body to perform at a certain level each and every day, I was stealing joy from myself. My walks have become no longer about nature, quiet meditation, health or connection. Instead they became about speed, distance and numbers.

Control + Addiction = Stealing joy.

In doing this for months, I have also turned an eye to non-harming. Yes, walking is the best thing I can do for myself. It DOES reduce my pain greatly. It does clear my head and help my mood. But many of my recent walking has also become a space for shame, anxiety and unworthiness. The addiction to performance and outcomes has begun to overshadow the benefits. The panic that takes over when I am not close to the target increases my agitation and negative thoughts.

One the best feelings in the world is my ability to trust in my inner wisdom to acknowledge it, listen to it, share it and own it. This awareness is the antidote to control and addiction. It also helps to have the real and honest friends who rather than join the negativity and shame, just listen and give advice that is from the heart and from that space of truly seeing me.

This morning as I walked that old friend called control and addiction was thanked because I know that she shows up every once in a while to reel me back into living the authentic life I want to live.

She comes around occasionally to help me peel away another layer of self-worth and doubt to reveal an even clearer and brighter version of myself.

I will keep walking everyday to manage my pain and to bring me joy. I will no longer allow the numbers to steal my joy and harm my heart. Instead I will notice the birds, the changes of the season, the aliveness that is in and around me.

I told control and addiction thanks for the insights and until next time…

Intention to Faith

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Personal development has been a hobby of mine for the last 15 years.  What has come from this hobby has been truly amazing and I am grateful for the wake up. 

Over the last decade and a half, I have dug deep into healthy living. This includes meditation, yoga, spirituality, soul-searching and the gut wrenching-digging-out-the-crap-of-old-beliefs-and-stories.  I can say with honesty that I have also struggled to maintain my momentum without finding myself overly critical.  Self-loathing and microscopic analysis of all that I need to “work on” can be consuming for a habit-forming personality type like myself.  In contrast, there has been plenty of times when I have also neatly stacked all the self-help, goddess inspiring, soul inspiring books and walked away to take a breather.

I am in the midst of another cycle where I am looking at my stuff and balancing it with the confidence and self-assurance that I am really okay.  In fact, I am beyond okay.  I am an empowered and magnificently flawed human that is willing to grow.

And like all growing spurts, there is usually some pain. The deep aches that wake you in the middle night.  The stretching of the mind, body and soul to embark on a new way of seeing the world, and specifically myself in the world.

While I balance what needs to be examined; work patterns, where I put my energy, habits that don’t serve my greatest good, words that hurt, etc., with the understanding what I hold my faith in–and that is, ALL experiences are opportunities to grow.

ALL.

This includes the sticky experiences that are challenging and the opposing joy filled experiences that are exhilarating.  I believe in the deepest of my very essence that every experience is a lesson. I also hold confidence that embedded in each ‘lesson’ is the calling to fall back into your faith.  Lay softy down in the knowing that all is well.  I do this by consciously handing over to God what is showing up with a trusting that in the end, I will be okay.  In truth, I am far better than okay and whatever is showing up in my life, is temporary and by bringing more of my intention to my faith the more fearless I do become.

Deliberate (Word 2022)

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deliberate adjective; Done consciously and intentionally. Fully considered; not impulsive. Done or acting in a careful and unhurried way.

For many years I have chosen a word for my year. I often say that to me this is like a thread that gets woven into the tapestry of our lives. Some years the thread may be glittery and bright, and other years the thread may be a little heavier and denser in its unique makeup. Either way as I look at the tapestry of my life, I can see easily the threads that have been woven together to create something beautiful. I love to look at my bookshelf in my office and see eighteen years worth of journals and planners that have become the themes throughout much if my adult life.

My word for 2022 is DELIBERATE. 

I love words and I love to look at definitions. The definition that sticks with me the most is done consciously and intentionally. If you know me at all, you might see a very determined woman who rarely says no. I don’t think this is because I am a huge people pleaser, although maybe my gut is telling me that at some point I need to check in with that. I think I say yes to everything because I like to be the person who isn’t always “too busy, too tired, too overwhelmed, too stressed, too much in pain, too whatever”. I refuse (probably in an unhealthy way) to allow life’s challenges to dictate what I do. However, I am realizing that saying yes too quickly often leads me to feel frustrated and overwhelmed because in my heart I would rather be doing something else.

I also chose this word because I have a desire to shift my quick decision making and tendency for my abrupt communication style to one that exhibits a more thoughtful approach. I have a quick thinking mind and sometimes I can blurt out something without thinking through how it will be heard. I am tenacious in all of my efforts and learning to be more deliberate and temper my fast moving mind may be of benefit for more. I also have a tendency to say yes to everything and everyone, leaving myself at the bottom of the list. I want to be mindful of how I spend my time and say yes to things that really feed me, rather than commit to something for the sake of simply saying yes. I want to do better about filling up the margins of my own life, rather than with feeling overwhelmed come across as a need to have an impulse to create boundaries around things. To me the recent popularity of having boundaries feels like a fence that keeps things and people away, whereas margins are up to the person deciding for their own life how to fill that space. So I get to choose what goes within the margins of my life and I am going to choose goodness and things that feel right in my heart. Through conscious and intentional living, I intend to be more deliberate with my choices. I am laser sharp when it comes to my business and my personal health, but there is definitely space to grow in my choices and become more intentional with other areas of my life.

The practical ways that I plan to implement and welcome in the concept of being more deliberate includes blocking every Friday off as a day where I will choose how I fill it. I have gone through my planner and highlighted a block around every Friday for the year. That is at least 52 chances for me to pause, to check in and then decide how I fill my day. Another practical way that I am moving towards being more deliberate is I am wearing an amazonite mala necklace and a bracelet as a reminder. Amazonite is a stone of peace, truth, harmony, and communication. It’s been called the “peacemaker stone” due to its communicative abilities and will be a gentle reminder for me to communicate clearly, calmly and with intention. Amazonite also empowers and strengthens any intention that may be set in it, so this morning I held it closely and told it what it is here to remind me of. Finally, amazonite reminds us that we are in control of our own destiny and our decisions will affect our outcome.

The non-practical ways that I plan to use this thread in my life is I am going to make the space to be very open by feeling less impulsive and becoming more unhurried and slower in my life. I am planning to let go of the concept of hard-driven goals and instead have a sweet little map that will guide me to unknown outcomes. This in a very round-a-bout way feels more intentional to me. Slowing down, considering the course I want my year to lead me, and being conscious and awake in my decisions.

So often when we choose a word we can be inviting in some big challenges and hurdles and I am preparing myself that those will come. When they do, I may want to slip back into the old and very familiar ways of living. I hope that because I am speaking my word to anyone willing to listen when they see that old impulsive, always-saying-yes person, they will take a gentle hand and guide me back to being in alignment with my intention to become more deliberate.

Are you ready for 2022? Join me in a life of intention and awareness! What is your word?

My Lantern

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Although I feel like I have spent the last ten years or so doing tons of self-work and unpeeling of the layers and layers of ‘stuff’ that has accumulated in my life, I still love that I am willing to do deep soul work.

A few years ago was a definite year of courage and the willingness to listen to my inner voice.  As the dust began to settle from the major changes in my life, I took a month or so off from the heaviness that can come when you are in the labyrinth of self-improvement.  Establishing myself into my new home space and adjusting (again) was my focus. It felt so good to pause from the rigorous self development and instead just enjoy myself.

A course on courage.

Not soon after, I began an online course on Courage.  Brene Brown has been one of my favorite authors and speakers in the last few years and when the course was offered, I said a gigantic YES.  To be guided through courage, vulnerability and shame with a leading researcher and expert was an opportunity I was not going to pass on.

Knowing that I had spent the previous year in the ‘arena’, I was curious as to what I would find I would need to explore in the bravery realm, but willing I was to examine it.  Lesson one offered over one hundred values to identify just one that guides your way in life; everything from accountability to balance to faith to humility to love to optimism to spirituality to well-being.  Where do you hold your highest regard and when this value is not in place you know you are off your path? In my ego mind I wanted my chosen value to be something easy like compassion or kindness.  My soul said go deeper than that and asked what is it that I know for sure, when this is threatened, I am off my center?

Safety.

Safety?? Yea, like in the form of being judged, not being seen or understood for who I am, financial risks, being unorganized and chaotic, feeling unsure of decisions, having people in my life who are disrespectful or threatening, allowing fear to creep in, etc.

Safety.

I wear the armor to protect my safety.

So going into the ‘arena’ again, I had to be open to the rawness and vulnerability of the emotional exposure around this value of safety and to be willing to set the armor down.

The Lantern

Using the metaphor of a lantern, she explains that the flame that burns is the identified value. The glass that surrounds the flame illustrates the behaviors you display and people that you have in your life that protect that value.  The handle of the lantern symbolizes when you have set your value down and walked away allowing your ship to get off course.

My flame is safety. My glass (behaviors and people) that keep my flame protected include  boundaries, choices, self-respect, meditating, journaling, keeping a budget, being organized, people who support and honor me, a knowing and exploring of self.  When I have set this value down I am allowing fear to enter, I take risks, I allow people to speak or treat me in ways that hurt, I am not grounded and I worry irrationally.

Knowing that this value is held in such high regard to me, I can see why some life decisions I have made, and the experiences I have been offered, have caused me to feel such anguish. In addition to better understanding what it is that stokes my flame, I am way more armed with tolerance as to what makes me tick and then respond when the value is threatened.

Safety.

Indeed my highest value for my life is safety.  I know when it is threatened or I am off course because of the internal responses that I have that then lead to behaviors that diminish the flame.  It is so clear to me now.  While compassion or kindness may have been easier, I am so grateful for this new knowledge about myself and can move forward in my life with a strong flame and people and behaviors that will protect that part of me.

Preparing the Soil

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I think of early March as a time to prepare for growth. To toil the ground and prepare ourselves for deep growth.  I also love spring and the symbolism it represents.  It is during the spring time that we often think of beginnings, newness, and growth.  For some, this is a great time to begin to cultivate your “soil” to soon plant seeds of intention. One way to do this is to write down anything in your life you wish to increase–friendships, health, abundance or joy, are just a few ideas.  Be clear with your visions as this brings life to your “seeds”.

Next, it is so important to prepare your inner “soil” by eliminating and removing the old and now transpired blossoms of last year.  The memories of past that have come and go and no longer as vibrant as they were just a few short months ago. When we invest time in preparing ourselves for a season of growth (no matter what time of year, really) we must start with cleaning up the areas so that we are open to allow space for growth. When we spend time doing this we are investing time into right now.  We are dirtying our hands with the fertile soil that awaits.

As you do this, become aware of the subtle changes in Nature during this time of the year.  You might see the peeking of crocus bulbs emerging from the hardened winter ground.  Watch as the trees begin to grow tiny nubs that will soon break into full leaves.  Listen as the birds start to make song in the early mornings and the air has a scent of newness.  Use all of your senses to experience what is happening around you.

As we connect with Nature we also connect with ourselves. We realize that we too, are ever-changing and growing beings.  We can set the seeds of intention and begin to nurture and cultivate what we wish to have grown in our lives.

This month in my classes we will be exploring cleansing postures to eliminate the old and make space for new.  We will also be looking at ways our bodies can twist and unwind to come fully into the now.

Here is to growing, less pain, more joy and flourishing!  Happy Spring and while you are preparing your soul for growth it is never a bad idea to get your hands dirty in Mother Earth, either.

Learn more about this powerful process in this short video! 

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