No Shame

I had a recent conversation with someone about body shame. For many years of my adult life I was heavy and carried around an extra 80 or so pounds. I have experienced fat-girl shame. It isn’t fun. And yet, I have also experienced skinny-girl shame. That isn’t fun either. I wonder sometimes why we can’t just be kinder people.

The answer for me came in the way of self love. I didn’t love who I was—not because I was fat but because I was toxic and heavy in every area of my life.

It was exhausting so I decided to love instead.

Simply love myself. As I began to love myself it became inherently easy to love others, too.

With my found self love I came to know that I am an enneagram one. I am a perfectionist and I hold myself to high standards. I also am an overcomer of obstacles. I rarely see something as unobtainable or impossible. I see the good in most everyone and am exploding with positivity. It is unusual for me to be emotional (something I am trying to open myself up to). I am steady as steady can be. I thrive feeling safe.

Taking control of my health and my body fueled me and I began to thrive.

No shame in owning that.

I also struggle with daily chronic pain. It takes a ton of discipline to continue to work my body into its best health. I honor my body and refuse to let her down by focusing on pain or limitations. Instead I look her in the eye and tell her she can do it. I have a strong sense of self and am in awe of what my body can do.

No shame in owning that either.

As years go by, I continue to tenderly speak to the large sized woman I once was and thank her for being patient with me.

Being on both sides of the size spectrum and feeling both types of shame I am convinced we need to lose the shame game. Give people the grace to be who they are.


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