Self Study

The term Svadhyaya literally means ‘one’s own reading’ or ‘self-study’. It is the fourth Niyama of Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras and has the potential to deepen our yoga practice way beyond the mat, or in the case of many of my students the chair.

The word itself is made up of Sva, meaning own, self, or the human soul, and Adhyaya, meaning lesson, lecture, or reading, and can imply the practice of studying scriptures, as well as a practice of studying the Self.

And the Self I am speaking of is the divine Self, the true Self, not the labels and attachments we have about who we think we are, or the ego. When we listen to the ego, we often do things that don’t always align with our true beliefs, values or intuition. The ‘I’ or small ‘self’ is mostly concerned with survival, which usually entails getting what it wants in all situations, and proving it is indeed ‘the best’. The small self judges, criticizes, fears, conditions, doubts and is essentially the cause of the chitta vrittis, or ‘fluctuations of the mind’. That ol’ monkey mind that constantly floods our thoughts.

By paying attention to, or ‘studying’ our ‘self’, we become more aware of the things we do that harm us, and also those which serve us and bring us closer to that process of ‘yoking’ or ‘uniting’ with the true Self. The ultimate purpose in Yoga is the yoke or find union.

So many of my students lost who they identified with prior to their accident or diagnosis. The job titles, letters after their signature that represented their years of schooling, the size of their bank account, their successes, etc. These amazing people have been forced into deep self study, and I am in constant awe as they step fully into the Self. The willingness to look at their behaviors and thoughts are outstanding and inspiring. Their courage invites me to do the same.

Self Study requires a willingness to read the some of the ancient texts of Yoga that lead us towards a direction to the Self. We do the work, but the texts are a roadmap. The Yoga Sutras are the framework in which we actually live yoga off the mat or outside of the chair.

Studying our habits on the yoga mat (or chair) can go a long way towards recognizing our habits outside of the physical practice. The way in which we practice yoga is actually very reflective of the way we practice life…. and a person’s physical yoga practice often reveals a lot more about them than they may think.

When we’re on the mat or in our chair there’s nowhere else to go and hide behind. The daily distractions of phones, chores, emails, and TV are no longer there to take our minds away from ourselves. We have the chance to ask and then listen.

We also actually have to pay attention…. This can be a little intimidating at first, and a yoga practice can sometimes reveal more about where our problems are rather than how perfect we are – which as we know, is very good for destroying the ego.

In a Yoga session it is imperative to ask yourself where am I holding tension? The jaw, forehead, neck, shoulders and upper back are common places we tend to store our fears and worries. Ask yourself why this tension might be present, and how often does it arise during your practice? How often does a negative commentary about your abilities (or lack of) enter your mind? How many times do you compare or compete with who you think you should be? Where does your mind go in an attempt to distract the sensation of breath and body?

Watch your thoughts, they become words; watch your words, they become actions; watch your actions, they become habits; watch your habits, they become character; watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.

Unknown

Svadhyaya in the sense of studying our selves in daily life though, requires us to really take our yoga practice off the mat or out of the chair.

Knowing what we’re doing in each moment requires us to pay attention, but asking the question “why am I doing this?” requires us to be aware and fully present, which is ‘paying attention’ on a whole other level. Questioning our actions is something we may often avoid, as it is usually a catalyst for change, and as humans we don’t often like change. We prefer the static way of predictability in our daily lives so much that even changing the slightest thing can cause a ripple effect of angst.

I encourage students to practice this willingness by not always choosing the same spot to set up their mat or chair. I offer movements that are not predictable and not always a traditional way of teaching. We may turn to the rear of the mat rather than face the front to actually practice doing something that isn’t the same old routine. For my adaptive yoga students I am constantly challenging them with small changes as it increasing mental resilience and flexibility of the mind and shows them that the minor emotional deregulation in the safety of a Yoga class actually builds confidence that they can in fact handle changes and apply them to their life in the community which is constantly changing.

I often say to students we practice here what we will apply there.

The practice of taking a proverbial step back and observing and questioning our actions can eventually allow us to disentangle ourselves from those aspects of our lives that are harmful to our wellbeing.

Observe yourself as though you were watching someone else; observe the way you speak to friends and family, the way you react when plans change, the way you hold yourself when walking or sitting, or even just the way in which you get dressed each morning… it all tells the story of who and how we are in this moment.

The practice of svadhyaya requires satya (honesty) in order to view ourselves from an honest standpoint, tapas (discipline) – because taking an honest look at ourselves isn’t always something we like doing…. And ahimsa (non violence) which reminds us to look at ourselves without judgement or criticism.

That is the beauty of self study. A peek inside of ourselves at the Self level and then polishing off the smudges that take away our light. Ideally this study happens both in a practice and in every moment of our lives. Seriously, who wouldn’t want to be a better version of themselves each day?

The first step is looking inward and removing all the things you think you are and looking at Truth. From there we see the habits, the patterns, the nonsense and we gracefully remove the things that are getting in the way of the true Self.

Feel like taking a deep dive into your self by practicing some Svadhyaya?

Yoga is the journey of the self, through the self, to the Self”

The Bhagavad Gita

Stacie believes that it is her life purpose to share the gift of Yoga with anyone who is willing to say yes. In addition to raising a family and being an advocate for those with disabilities, Stacie is founder of Embracing Spirit Yoga which specializes in bringing adaptive Yoga into community centers and rehabilitation clinics. Bringing her depth of compassion to the mat–or the chair–she offers students the opportunity to grow as an individual in all aspects of their life. Stacie is currently contracted across the country in a variety of residential programs for adults with traumatic brain injuries and other disabilities.

With over sixteen years experience, Stacie Wyatt is a E-RYT 500 hour Registered Yoga Teacher with Yoga Alliance, a Certified Brain Injury Specialist, Life Wellness Coach, Senior YogaFit Instructor, Mind/Body Personal trainer, Stress Reduction and Meditation Instructor, Pilates Instructor, and Barre Instructor. Stacie is also certified in Integrative Movement Therapy™and is also a believer in the power and application of essential oils for health and wellness and proudly shares doTERRA essential oils.

Stacie brings her personal life experience of raising a daughter with a disability and over 12 years working in special education to her everyday Yoga classes. In addition to teaching classes in her studio and in the community, Stacie also continues to offer Yoga and Wellness coaching individually to those seeking private sessions.

Calling Your Energy Back

How can you live without knowing what your spirit is doing and what your spirit is saying to you?”

Caroline Myss

Learning to be in touch with who you are at the deepest level is the GREATEST gift you can give yourself in this lifetime. If you don’t know who you are, there is no chance you will live your best life, and that is a tragedy. One of the very first ah-ha moments when I had my great wake up was realizing that I was not my anger or my sadness or my physical form. I was learning that I was something much more powerful than that.

Part of being human is the tendency to want to control things. The trouble with this is that there is a whole Universe that exists outside of the realms of your control, and if you spend your whole life clinging to your PLANS you miss out on receiving what may often be a far better option than what you could have ever mustered up alone. When this clicked for me, my life truly changed. When I released the control, I began to flow with life and was open to the lessons and whatever was showing up in my life rather than holding so tight to the control of how I thought life should be.

I learned early on that in order for me to be my very best I had to create time each day to prepare my spirit for what was to lie ahead and at the end of the day to call my spirit back. This practice helps you to discern what you’re engaging in that either feeds your spirit, or takes away your spirit. When we connect to ourselves on this deeper level, we realize that we are not all the labels that have been stuck to us and we are not the outward expression of our body. We come to realize that our spirit is fed with being aligned with love and that some things steal that love, and steal our spirit.

Remember that each day is a new beginning. Your task each day is to learn the practice of consciously entering your body and your day. Begin by focusing attention on your entire day from morning to evening. Take a few moments to review where you need to go, and who you need to see. Ask yourself if you have expectations about the day and notice if you feel stressed or comfortable. Are you prepared? Then sit with yourself for a few moments and open yourself up to whatever comes during the day.

We go about our day so often asleep and unconscious. W go through the motions, allowing ourselves to get caught up in the whirlwind of expectations, judgments, and ultimately disappointments. We invest our energy into other people’s dysfunction and often hop on the familiar “what if” train. Sometimes we also give so much of ourselves that we feel unbalanced and drained.

This can all be exhausting.

Just as the morning practice of welcoming in and opening yourself is so important, the evening ritual is equally important. As you prepare to enter sleep, review how you used your energy during the day, how you invested your spirit, what you learned about the investments you should or shouldn’t have made. I like to imagine that I left tiny little sparks of light with each step, with each moment of eye contact, with each smile or touch. I think about my reactions to things that were not mine to react to. Did I waste energy in gossip, complaining, comparison or judgment? Those are all energy drainers. I watch my day in my mind and see where there was light left and where I contributed to a lesser energy that takes away the goodness of my spirit.

And finally, as you close out your review of the day, ask yourself, “How do I open myself to receive guidance as I sleep?”

Then listen.

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Divine Feminine Energy and Aromatherapy

Spring is the perfect time to dive into personal growth right alongside of nature. The month of May is perfect for tapping into the divine feminine energy to foster some nurturing for the growth ahead.

if you’ve been following along with the the last few months, you may have caught my theme of personal growth. Back in March we learned how to prepare our “soil” in the garden in our heart by removing the trash, twigs and weeds that take can take over when left unattended. In April, we took some intentions into our hearts and planted them within with hopes that we will grow in an area of ourselves that we may be lacking. I personally chose to grow some acceptance after I worked hard on removing some disappointments.

Nurturing the Seeds

Now, this month we continue on by looking at how do we nurture these “seeds”? What types of things will act as sunshine and water for the precious intentions we have cultivated in our spirits? 

One of my favorite ways to work with the energy of nurturing is to really tap into the divine feminine energy.

Divine feminine energy is of receptivity and stillness.

Divine feminine energy is of non-doing.

Feminine energy dwells in the shadows and is connected the the lunar energy. Feminine energy is the receptive side of us that is softer, slower, still, and welcoming of ideas and thoughts.

Slowing down in general especially on the days where you do not have to be doing and going. Society glorifies busy. Then burnout happens.

How to work towards the still, peaceful moments that connect you to a deeper part of yourself.

Also attempting to tap more into your intuition is another aspect to living more in the divine energy flow of life. Having daily rituals is important to stay connected to this energy. Mastering self care rituals which include bubble baths and time alone in the garden. Waking early and spending some quiet time alone. These little moments in a busy day help to keep the divine feminine energy there.

This month in my personal practice as well as my teachings, I intend to move on my mat in ways that nurture this energy. Coming into flowing and graceful movements while then holding postures in stillness and looking inward. Slowing down my body on the mat to lean into the stillness within will transfer to my life which is the true purpose of yoga.

Aromatherapy and Divine Feminine Energy

Also part of my slowing down softening the edges of myself, and being more intuitive and intentional about things includes using aromatherapy. I love to use essential oils to help the process of connecting. It sounds crazy, but essential oils and plant therapy have been used for centuries in various forms and during rituals. Most modern medicine is derived from the properties of plants and I love using the purest form of the plant.

In my experience, the higher noted citrus oils or flower-scented oils offer a strong connection to the divine feminine.

Once you have experimented with scents and their effects, you may like to also integrate yoga and crystals into your practices to tap into the divine feminine. It took me some experimenting to find what I love, and what I need.

Suggested Essential Oils for Awakening the Divine Feminine:

  • Bergamot — The oil of self-acceptance and self-love. Also promotes self-confidence and the knowing that you are enough.
  • Geranium — The oil of love and trust. Geranium helps us forgive, become more tolerant and gentle. It eases heavyhearted emotions and feelings of abandonment.
  • Lavender — Oil of Balance. If all else fails, this oil is one of the most versatile. If you’re up and not grounded, lavender is the anchor. Conversely, if you’re down, lavender is the sunshine to shift the clouds.
  • Ylang Ylang —The oil to release. This oil helps us feel playful, free, intuitive and emotionally connected. Ylang Ylang helps us release bottled up emotions. This plant also opens up our playful side and inner child.
  • Clary Sage — The oil of clarity and vision. This beautiful oil helps develop spiritual clarity, intuition and open-mindedness. It teaches us how to use our divinely given feminine gifts. It also helps balance hormones.
  • Rose-The oil of divine love. It supports you as a queen and symbolises pure divine universal love. Rose dissolves fear and awakens our inner goddess. Rose helps us feel more compassionate, tenderhearted and accepting, drawing out those feminine qualities. Rose allows us to choose to receive divine love. 
  • Cedarwood — Oil of Community. Cedarwood inspires the feeling of belonging and assists the heart in opening to receive the love and support of other people.”
  • Magnolia — Oil of Compassion. Magnolia encourages all individuals on a profoundly spiritual level to interact without causing pain or suffering and to refrain from seeing others as somehow less than oneself.
  • Thyme — Oil of Releasing & Forgiving. This herbal essential oil is beautiful for becoming more openhearted and understanding. Thyme “assists in addressing trapped feelings which have been buried for a long time.”

Ideally when we use essential oils to support feminine energy, we are looking to feel all the feelings we’ve likely been suppressing–self love, acceptance, intuition, and the softness of our spirit.

Using these oils will gently soften and bring out the feminine side of you. They are a lovely way to self empower and value add to any self-care activity you are undertaking to better your life and mindset. I love to make a roller blend with these oils during this month to tap into the feelings of nurturing my divine feminine and start to really give the seeds in my heart that I’ve been working on planting the last month or so.

I have a gorgeous free ebook that walks you through the use of essential oils in everyday life for your family. Whether you opt for the more energetic and emotional uses or the practical everyday remedies, you can check it out here.

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Morning Routine

What are your morning rituals? What does the first hour of your day look like?

Many years ago I would get out of bed and just start “doing”…. I was asleep living my life and just going through the motions of existing.

Then I started a ritual of being quiet and still. I made a commitment to getting up a little earlier before the house woke up and began making time for myself. I say this a lot, but when I WOKE UP to living, I became a better person. Part of the waking up process was cultivating a morning ritual. 

The results were amazing; I yelled less, I reacted less, I was angry less, and I was peeling off all the garbage I had accumulated through my life. It was clear to me that anger had eroded every cell of my being and I was a perfect example of what that looked like.

I was toxic mess in every aspect of my life. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. A toxic, heavy mess.

And then I began this simple morning ritual. I started the great wake up of my life where I went from unconscious living to conscious and deliberate living.

The rest is history ?

Here is how I start my day: I usually take 30 minutes to do some of these things before the day gets busy.

  • I am a big intention-for-the-day person and I almost always pull a positive card that gives me something to think about throughout the day.
  • I note all the goodness in my life and welcome in the day with an open heart by breathing mindfully for 5-10 minutes and sitting with all that IS.
  • I enjoy my coffee with mindfulness. I practice the art of tasting it, smelling it, and enjoying the warmth.

After this part of my morning is complete and my spirit is cared for, I go and take care of my physical body with movement. Right now I am enjoying short walks and time on my yoga mat or pilates reformer.

Once I have had a little time for myself I can be ready to give to others. You know the old saying you cannot pour from an empty cup.

What’s your morning routine like?

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April Inspiration

AWAKEN; verb (used with or without object) to awake; waken.

As I walk each day, I am happy to be reminded that nature calls us to be awake and aware. The first signs of green are starting to pop up and I believe it teaches us about resiliency and the rhythms of nature. It is such a great season to notice Life. My knee surgery has been much harder than I anticipated and it has been a true test of my patience and resiliency so seeing the little shoots of green make their way through the hard winter soil is a good lesson for me.

As we enter into April, despite what is going on around us, we are reminded of the cycles of life that exist in all forms. This is a beautiful time to look to nature for the lessons and to welcome your own season of growth. Springtime is a great time to scatter seeds within yourself to create the beautiful blossoms in your life that you desire. Simply noticing and then cultivating growth within yourself will do wonders as you blossom this season.

Some great ideas for personal growth include increasing tolerance, having patience, loving yourself more, laughing daily, or slowing down to enjoy life.

Once you set your intention and scatter your seeds, it is time to nurture these powerful thoughts and water them with love and tenderness. Keeping weeds away through positive thoughts and affirmations are a sure way to have a great harvest in the coming months.

What seeds will you scatter this season? I am planning to plant some seeds of acceptance and really working at seeing what IS.

I have been teaching yoga for over fifteen years in the community and back in April of 2011, I decided to create the vision that has become known as Embracing Spirit Yoga. I am so blessed to share Yoga with people of ALL abilities in the community and in my studio. I am beyond grateful for those who have supported and loved me all these years.

Blessings to you as you scatter seeds in your life and AWAKEN from the season of slumber.

Also, check out this amazing AWAKEN blend to inspire you to live your best life!

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Stacie believes that it is her life purpose to share the gift of Yoga with anyone who is willing to say yes. In addition to raising a family and being an advocate for those with disabilities, Stacie is founder of Embracing Spirit Yoga which specializes in bringing adaptive Yoga into community centers and rehabilitation clinics. Bringing her depth of compassion to the mat–or the chair–she offers students the opportunity to grow as an individual in all aspects of their life.

With over fourteen years experience, Stacie Wyatt is an E-500 hour Registered Yoga Teacher with Yoga Alliance, Life Wellness Coach, Senior YogaFit Instructor, Mind/Body Personal Trainer, Stress Reduction and Meditation Instructor, Pilates Instructor, and Barre Instructor. Stacie is also certified in Integrative Movement Therapy™and is also a believer in the power and application of essential oils for health and wellness and proudly shares doTERRA essential oils.

Stacie brings her personal life experience of raising a daughter with a disability and over 12 years working in special education to her everyday Yoga classes.

Japa Meditation

Have you ever used a Mala and practiced Japa meditation? Malas — also known as yoga beads or japamalas — are necklaces that usually have 108 beads. Mala, in Sanskrit means “garland”. Malas are meant to help you focus your mind during meditation. While Japa meditation is my favorite way to meditate, the beads themselves hold a powerful visual reminder throughout the day of the statement I meditated on and the tactile sensation brings me right back. When my mind wanders throughout the day, I can simply touch my mala and I am reminded of what statement I chose.

In meditation practice, Japa meditation holds a special place. It is the process of mentally repeating a mantra or speaking a phrase while meditating using a mala. The word Japa means muttering in Sanskrit. The meditative practice of Japa keeps the human mind steady and resistant to disturbance.

Meditation could mean different things to different people. I have written and taught how to transform meditation into mindfulness and how learning to live each moment in the state of mindfulness can change your life. While sometimes I have a “formal” meditation practice, it is often that my meditation/mindfulness practice takes shape in other ways.n

Many consider meditation as a quiet observation, wherein others often consider it a practice of self-awareness or reflection upon themselves. Either way, stillness and introspection is an amazing insight to your daily life.

I love to practice Japa meditation because for me it helps me to focus on a powerful statement, 108 times. It embeds in my spirit something positive and powerful. Plus the tactile use of the mala adds an element to the meditation that my mind enjoys. I have several Malas—some are made of stones like jasper and agate but my favorite is a sandalwood mala that has become richer over times as I use it.

The practice of Japa creates beneficial mental pathways and is a strong technique for focusing the mind and harnessing the subtle powers of the body/mind. I have seen this practice in my students many times as we learn Japa together. Some have even purchased mala beads to continue on their own.

How to practice Japa meditation:

Japa meditation is practiced by moving your fingers along a mala or the strings of beads known as Japa mala. There are many types of Japa that include speaking the mantra aloud, whispering the mantra or silently repeating the mantra. I prefer to be silent. There is also a technique you can use if you don’t have a string of mala beads. You can see that technique in this video.

Now that you know how to practice Japa, choose a powerful statement and try it.

Here are some positive affirmations to try:
  • I am calm
  • I am centered
  • I am in control
  • I am loved
  • I am grateful
  • am worthy of what I do and speak
  • I am valued and loved
  • I am allowed to put myself first
  • I am safe
  • I am secure
  • I release all my shame that I am holding
  • I love my body and what it does for me.

Most often, I simply say “I am____” and follow it with a variety of words like patient, strong, healthy, resilient, powerful, etc.

Are you going to give it a try?

* this is my sandalwood mala and a Sanskrit word Shanti tattoo which translates to peace

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Twigs and Trash

In order to grow we must first remove what it is in the way.

For many years I have been teaching the concept that much like a garden we have outside, before we can plant anything and expect it to grow, we first have to remove all the old stuff, the trash and the things that are cluttering the soil. Today, as I was doing that exact literal thing in my backyard raking leaves and removing last years dead plants that were once so vibrant, I was reminded of the conversation I had this week with a group of men who have traumatic brain injures.

I teach this topic every March, regardless of who is in my classes because I think no matter who you are and what your life experience is, we all have something that is cluttering up our heart and therefore limiting the potential we have to grow. This might be something like fear, disappointment, regret, guilt, shame, resentment, anger or any other feeling and emotion that we have carried around for days or decades.

As I was guiding a meditation about visualizing a garden and seeing the old growth, the twigs and the trash, I asked them each to see a garden in their heart that may also have some things that could be getting in the way of growth.

I shared with my ‘frat house’ that they have fondly referred to themselves as, that I have some disappointment that is taking up space in my own heart. I carry it day after day, year after year and despite all my attempts to pull it out, it seems to have a root system that is deep and new shoots pop up and take over my heart at times.

As we had a discussion about this, they called me out on it and the wise man who developed a life changing brain tumor at age 23 gave me the best insight on how to manage all the little twigs and trash that take up space. He is turning 60 in a a few weeks and following his diagnosis while in his final year of college his life has been a series of assisted living settings and long term support. He lost his independence and so much more, and yet is so wise.

Are you ready for this? In my humbleness, I asked how does one remove all the “twigs and trash” from our hearts. I asked how do I remove the disappointment?

He shared that you can never fully rid of every twig or piece of trash that has landed in the garden, instead you have to learn to manage and grow around them.

Huh, I said.

Tell me more, I said.

He went on to say that the remnants of the the “twigs” and “trash” will likely always be there and sometimes they may stick out of the soil and poke you but our job is to plants things around them so the beauty takes over.

Again, I asked how.

The wise teacher said:

  • forgiveness
  • acceptance
  • gratitude

When we forgive ourselves and others we remove so much of the garbage that fills our heart. This removes resentment, bitterness, and what-if thinking. When we accept was IS we no longer grieve for what might have been which brings presence to growing today. And finally, when we focus on being grateful we see all that we have, not all that we do not have.

How’s that for insightful?

It’s not so much about removing the parts of our heart that impede growth, but rather moving them aside through forgiveness, acceptance and gratitude so that we make space for something far more amazing to grow.

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The Invitation

In these uncertain times I find myself longing for what I know and for what brings me a sense of feeling grounded. For many years I come back time and time again to this poem. I share it with those who I know are willing to meet me in the space of vulnerability and see me from the heart of compassion. For me this poem invites me into myself and reveals the truths of who I am, or who I strive to be.

The Invitation

By Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.


It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon…
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shriveled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.


I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me

is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.

And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”


It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.


It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.


It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.


I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

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Simply a Reflection

The beauty you see in me is a reflection of you.

rumi

Tell me what do you love or admire about yourself?

I asked this question in all of my adaptive and traditional Yoga classes last week as we delved into the idea of Self-Love. The answers often are so sad when it comes to my students with brain injuries. You see these people have lost what most of us value and are having to rediscover the aspects of themself that they actually like. Most have lost their livelihood, their purpose, their families, their independence, their freedom to come and go, and oso much more. When they look in the mirror they often see the challenges and the impact of the injury so finding the qualities within can usually be really challenging. I also have enjoyed asking my group of students that are all over the age of 85 and living in assisted living. I am startled that so few of them can proclaim something that they love about themselves. Perhaps it is a generational thing where they didn’t spend as much time as younger people these days who seem consumed with the Self.

The answer seem to be so hard for them to find.

I ask the question anyway and the answer is usually that they are blank on what they love about themselves.

I keep asking, though.

On one particular day in a class that included a range of ages and abilities, I asked a woman living with a brain injury who is close to my age and is often very down on herself the question. When I asked her what she liked about herself her eyes dropped down to the ground and she quietly said, “nothing”. She was hunched over with her arms on her legs looking so hopeless and sad. This woman is so kind, so willing, so sweet and is so beautiful.

I knelt down so that I was in her eye gaze and asked again. And again, I got the same response.

I knew that I was about to open a beautiful can of worms and an opportunity to teach exactly what Rumi was saying.

I turned the question around. I asked this woman what she liked about me. She looked at me and easily said, “You are brave, and strong and so beautiful”.

We smiled at each other and I looked into her eyes.

My response was this—I am simply a reflection of you. What exists in me is also in you otherwise you would not recognize it. We are indeed a mirror reflection of each other.

She sat tall and said, “really?” Yes my sweet friend, really.

I learned this concept many years ago and try to always remember it, especially when I am with someone who feels that they are not enough or someone who struggles with identifying what makes them special. I ask them to think about someone they admire and what qualities do they see in them that they like? It is those qualities that also exist in ourselves.

Consider that. What you see in others exists in you. Kindness, integrity, compassion, love, bravery, beauty, honesty, humor, etc. If it was not part of you and familiar, you would not recognize it.

The tricky and often sticky part about this is that when we also see a quality within others that we find less appealing, it is because that too is familiar in us. When this happens to me I say, “ahhhhhh yes, there you are to remind me what I am here to work on”.

When we stumble through those ordinary days of self doubt and wondering what is really good about ourselves this can be an amazing concept to return to. When we feel burdened by life’s hardness and separate from the ideals in which the world has attempted to create, and we feel so less than, simply look into the eyes of someone you admire and know that the only way you can see those qualities is because they also exist in you.

It is familiar. It is a mirror reflection of yourself.

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The Way

As you start to walk on the way, the way appears.

Rumi

Over the years I have shared my story and the path that has lead me to who I am and what I do as my purpose in the world. We all have a story that has put us on the path, or maybe you’re still seeking the path?

Here is what I know and believe wholeheartedly—the path is there, we choose to take the steps or turn away.

The way is right there. We know it in our gut, and yet like myself for many years we deny the way. We look elsewhere for love, joy, purpose, and contentment but when we take that first committed step on the path that is appearing, and despite the fear and unknown, we keep going and sure enough in time that path becomes the way.

I’m forever grateful for the hard years of my life because it led me here. I am here. I am on my way. I am.

If you’re feeling lost and without purpose or love I encourage you to stop. Close your eyes. Breathe. Listen.

You already know.

Take that first step. Open up to your life and your happiness and your purpose. It’s yours. Own it.

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No Shame

I had a recent conversation with someone about body shame. For many years of my adult life I was heavy and carried around an extra 80 or so pounds. I have experienced fat-girl shame. It isn’t fun. And yet, I have also experienced skinny-girl shame. That isn’t fun either. I wonder sometimes why we can’t just be kinder people.

The answer for me came in the way of self love. I didn’t love who I was—not because I was fat but because I was toxic and heavy in every area of my life.

It was exhausting so I decided to love instead.

Simply love myself. As I began to love myself it became inherently easy to love others, too.

With my new found self love I came to know that I am an enneagram one. I am a perfectionist and I hold myself to high standards. I also am an overcomer of obstacles. I rarely see something as unobtainable or impossible. I see the good in most everyone and am exploding with positivity. It is unusual for me to be emotional (something I am trying to open myself up to). I am steady as steady can be. I thrive feeling safe.

Taking control of my health and my body fueled me and I began to thrive.

No shame in owning that.

I also struggle with daily chronic pain. It takes a ton of discipline to continue to work my body into its best health. I honor my body and refuse to let her down by focusing on pain or limitations. Instead I look her in the eye and tell her she can do it. I have a strong sense of self and am in awe of what my body can do.

No shame in owning that either.

As years go by, I continue to tenderly speak to the large sized woman I once was and thank her for being patient with me.

Being on both sides of the size spectrum and feeling both types of shame I am convinced we need to lose the shame game. Give people the grace to be who they are.

Deal?

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Word 2022 in Review (Deliberate)

Deliberate is defined as done consciously and intentionally.


I chose DELIBERATE as my word for 2022 because I wanted to be more in tune with the choices I was making and what I was saying yes to. It has become a it overused to say “boundaries” and I wanted a softer approach to how I began to create some space in my life. I opted to think of my choices as filling the margins rather than having boundaries around my time or myself. I knew that after my previous year of refining my life I was ready to take it to the next level with pausing before I said yes to anything, and also being very intentional with my communication.

Early in the year I decided to carve out Friday as my day to only choose things that led to life I was trying to create. Previously I had a tendency to say yes to everything and everyone except myself which led to me often feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and at times resentful.

I am amazed at how setting an intention, pausing before saying yes and acting with a more conscious approach to life has become now a lifestyle. Of all the years I have been choosing a single word (about 18), this one had the most evident change in several different areas of my life.

Of course one of the biggest changes to my life was choosing that one day a week to be fully aware of what I put into the margins of my day. However, there were subtle changes to my style of communicating with others, especially under emotional strain. I took the same principle of pausing before speaking and the results were a much more peaceful commutation style and way more listening happening. I found that by slowing down I was able to clearly communicate my feelings and needs without sounded ungrateful or demanding. This was across people and situations. It was really amazing to see the shift in my communication enhancing my relationships.

I also found that as I commuted twice a week, driving sometimes up to 300 miles, I was very deliberate on the road and it became a very calm, focused almost meditation. The results were that as I became more intentional of my own driving, I was far less reactive to other peoples. This created delightful drives to work and I entered into my job with a very peaceful state.

As I flip back through my planner for the year I smile as I see how many great things happened on Fridays. Some of the adventures included:

•picking up golf clubs again and doing surprisingly well!

•hiking in my old favorite spots and rediscovering some of my old trails.

•lingering coffee shop dates alone where I could write or think or simply enjoy my coffee.

•mastering a pull up and a chin up became a late in the year goal and I claimed it! So fun!

•reading books during the day instead of just before bed where I usually read only a sentence or two before my eyes became too heavy.

•crocheting a few easy hats for myself and others is a great happy hour at home pastime.

•miles and miles of walks filled each day but I was able to log longer ones on Fridays.

•developing a deeper yoga practice was important to me this year and I found having a little more time allowed me to linger a bit on my mat.

•cultivating an amazing garden has been a pleasure of mine for years and each year it gets better! Fridays were weeding days and it is so soulful.

•massages are so important for my wellness and I found Friday afternoons to be the prime time for getting one.

•strength training became a must-do habit and I could not be more thrilled. I am so much stronger and have successfully achieved a pull up! I will never not life weights again.

I am so proud of myself for making this word stick and for the essence of what it means to be deliberate and to have it become a habit. I am way more balanced and definitely happier. I intend to continue my deliberate Fridays into next year and beyond.

Did you choose a word for your year? How did it play out in your world?

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