autism

Welcome to Holland

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“I am different, not less.” 

― Temple Grandin

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it and to imagine how it would feel. This poem was given to me when my girl was just eight years old and it changed my entire view of what I was given. In time this poem made more and more sense to me as I learned to not only accept the challenges that we had but also see that she was literally the little spark of goodness that opened so many doors for me to heal, and as a result it led me to do the magical work that I do with people with brain injuries and other disabilities in my community.

Today, I am proud to say my girl has grown into a sweet, kindhearted and somewhat independent young woman. She enjoys her volunteer job at the local animal shelter and loves caring for her dog, Emma. I was able to renovate my house a few years ago so that she has her own make shift apartment in my home where she lives with her dog as independently as possible. It has been my goal and focus that she become as self-sufficient as possible, not just for her own well-being but also because the reality is I will not live forever and I want her to either have success in supported living in the community, or be the least big of a burden to one of her brothers should they choose to have her live with them.

She has surpassed so much more than what anyone ever thought she’d be able to do. Of course, this came with decades of advocating, teaching and patience on my part and her willingness to do hard things.

This poem was the game changer for me and our life together navigating one of the hardest forms of parenting. Please feel free to pass this along to another parenting navigating this strange, yet beautiful experience.

Welcome to Holland

When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”

“Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”

But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…. and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills….and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy… and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away… because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things … about Holland.

Photo by Michal Knotek on Pexels.com

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Truth

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Many of you know I have a daughter with a disability. To be specific it is a rare chromosome anomaly with feature of autism and cognitive delay. She is a delight in many ways, but the truth is, many of the “typical” interactions of having a daughter were lost. Out life consisted of therapists, learning to talk and cope and much more.

Having a granddaughter has brought such a joy to my heart through the simple things like painting nails.

While my girl means so much to me, the truth is there is a loss. The honesty in saying that is real. And in that honesty, there is redemption. Her same is Sawyer.

And she loves purple and she loves sparkles.

The Pot (repost)

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This beautiful tale comes from my other, more personal blog but it is worth reading here. Being real and raw can invite such a healing.

For many, many years I have often thought of my internal state being that of a boiling pot of water.  Sometimes the water simmers and sometimes it is a raging boil.  The lid may slip off from time to time to allow some steam to release but for the most part I have keep the lid tightly sealed.

A lifetime of experiences and years of conscious choices to see the good and the potential in all situations has served me well and yet, the boiling water remained.  Always there under the surface of acceptance and gratitude.

Disability. Autism. Fear. Shame. Conditional love. Solitude. Survival. Abandonment. Fatigue. Gut-wrenching sadness. Grief.

Recently the day came when the pot erupted into an over-boil and the water scalded me and the all that raged inside me.  As if I was taking the lid off and pouring the wretched water out, I stepped into the deepest darkest caverns of my soul. I allowed any and all emotions to flood out as I poured this enormous pot of water out. Hot and blistering in its sensation, I conceded to its pain.

I cried. I sobbed. I yelled. I stomped.

I questioned God.

And then I withdrew into the emptiness of a pot no longer holding a lifetime of pain.  I sat in the stillness of a depleted and vacant space within my soul. Weakened by the rage and invigorated by the freedom of no longer holding the lid on tight, I felt empty.

In the space of barren feelings, I realized that being pissed off at the cards I was dealt is okay.  Certainly seeing the good in what the cards have offered me is healthy and a beautiful practice that I enjoy living, but denying myself to feel the pain has been destructive.  No more.

The vessel is dry and awaits to be filled with love and happiness.

Freedom

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We have all heard of the metaphors of feeling stuck in a cage and not able to be free to fly, or the imprisoning walls that have been built around us. The brick and mortar is often what we place around ourselves that create our own version of prison.  These can include negativity, questions of worthiness, regrets of the past and worries of the future. Similarly the key to the cage that we so often feel trapped in resides in our own hands. It is our choice to stay in the cage or take the key and unlock it.  No matter what circumstance we are in, we ultimately have choice in what we do with it.

We are not our circumstances, instead we are our possibilities. 

As I was planning this month’s classes around the concept of freedom and being liberated, I received a message from a dear friend whose young daughter was just diagnosed with autism. Heartbreaking as those initial words were, I saw within a few short days a woman take on this experience like that of a true champion.  Sure, she cried her eyes out and felt fear for the unknown.  We all do when we hear those words.  The first thing I did was send her the Welcome to Holland Poem.  Then we talked awhile about what may lie ahead as she leaned on my experience to help her navigate the first few steps on this new and scary journey. Then she got busy.

She certainly could have felt like this news was a giant reason to give up and stay stuck.  Many do.  She however, in her warrior spirit, immediately saw a need to advocate and start asking questions about services and community integration for her sweet little girl.  She took this as a chance to make a difference in the lives of her daughter and others.

That is what freedom is.

Freedom is defined as the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint. My friend refuses to feel imprisoned by this diagnosis and she will use the power of her light to act and speak without restraint.

This is just one of a million examples of how we can feel stuck, trapped, locked in, or caged.  Whether it is a relationship, a job, a location or a belief you have about yourself, WE have the power to act, speak and think without restraint and hindrance.  We are in control of what we do with our circumstances.

Do you feel imprisoned?  Are you the one laying the bricks down and filling them with mortar?  Do you hold the key in your hand and refuse to unlock the door?

What would freedom feel like? This month we are going to chisel away the beliefs and fear that build a wall around ourselves.  We are going to slip the key into the lock and learn to fly. We are going to feel free.

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DIY Bubble Bath

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I am a gal who takes a bubble bath soak everyday…it is part ritual of letting my day go and part soaking my tired bones.
That store bought bubble bath has so many things that are harsh to skin and as we know, our skin absorbs everything.
Check out this easy and fun bubble bath! My fave essential oils to add are lavender and siberian fir.

DIY Bubble Bath

Ingredients

1 cup unscented castile soap

½ cup vegetable glycerin

2 tablespoons water

15 drops preferred doTERRA essential oil

Instructions

1 Combine castile soap, glycerin, and water into glass bowl

2 Add essential oils

3 Stir until well combined

4 Pour into glass container.

5 To use, add ¼–½ cup of the essential oil bubble bath mixture to warm, running bath water.

Note: These bubbles are not going to provide big fluffy bubbles that last a long time since it doesn’t contain the synthetic ingredients that create the high amounts of lather or foam. However, this chemical-free bath will provide enough bubbles for a relaxing and therapeutic bath you will enjoy even more.

Blue Magic

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See ya later chronic pain and inflammation.

💧💧yarrrow/Pom. (It’s the prettiest blue)

💧💧 tumeric

💧💧 copaiba.

💥 boom!

If you don’t have a wholesale account, it’s super easy to get! You get wholesale pricing for one year! You get either pay the $35 for the account (like Costco) and choose your oils, or if you grab a starter kit that comes with your membership!

1) Go to my.doterra.com/staciewyatt

2) Click Become a Member

3) Fill in your personal information (If needed, my enroller/sponsor id is 1200119)

4) Choose a Starter Kit or select the Wholesale Membership Fee option

5) Add oils and products

6) Complete payment & process

7) Message me and I will get your welcome gift in the mail