Mindfulness

Belonging

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I was sipping my coffee this morning while reading Atlas of the Heart written by Brene Brown and was captured by this quote.

When I ventured out into the yoga world as a teacher I spent a few years trying to “fit in” to the culture of what I thought a yoga teacher was. I played the role and yet it never felt authentic.

As I gained confidence in myself and began to return home to my heart and found the deepest values that I hold dear to myself as a human, I stepped into my authentic self and realized belonging begins with me. I no longer strive to “fit in” or become someone I am not.

Instead, I am me. And I am outspoken and an advocate for others and I teach yoga from my heart, not from a book or a culture that promotes “perfection”.

I sat with a student yesterday who desperately wants to return home to her daughter but has no direction or plan to get there. She struggles with daily independent living and needs support to do the little things most of us overlook. The desperation in her eyes to find her purpose, to work and feel valued, and ultimately return to being a mom shook me. As I listened and reminded her that she has human rights to become her dreams and ambitions I realized that there I was living in my values. I was showing her what belonging means and in no way was I worried about what yoga is “supposed” to be.

Our yoga was pure union. Her and I were in union. I was in union with myself. And she was demonstrating grit in wanting to find her wholeness again and to find that belonging within herself.

That was my spiritual practice of belonging.

Dedication and Release

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Last fall I started to increase my daily steps from an average of 18,000 (ish) a day to above 20,000. By mid spring and early summer I was hitting more like 25,000 steps a DAY walking. Many days l topped 30,00 steps and sometimes that was multiple days in a row.

I sustained that number for nearly 10 months and I am realizing a couple things by walking that many steps per day.

1) it takes on average 2.5 hours a day of deliberate walking to sustain that amount. I love walking probably more than anyone but giving up over two hours a day of my work and family life to reach that goal has been a lot.

2) I feel the same whether I walk 15,000 steps or 23,000. My body literally feels the same. Is more always better?

3) I let several balls drop these last 10 months. Some of them needed to be dropped but others have felt the impact of me not having that extra hour to give. I try to work while I walk—listen to podcasts, plan lessons, write blogs posts but the truth is while I am excellent at multitasking, is multitasking excellent for me?

4) Other areas of my life have been left dry because of my lack of attention to them while I have focused on steps. Meal prep, social connection, down time to name a few. It’s basically really hard to work full time, commute hours at a time and still find 2-4 hours a day to walk two to four hours a day that and strength train multiple times a week.

I was planning to finish this year with the same tenacity but my heart is saying to let it go. My body has trimmed up and toned up. I am leaner than I have ever been in my adult life. But, it’s time to celebrate ten months of incredible dedication and now, stop. Breathe. Let it go. Release the grip. Walk when I want to walk. Unroll a yoga mat instead. Read a book. Sit.

I am so proud of my body. So proud of all she has overcome. I will never take for granted a mile or a even a step again.

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The Honeysuckle

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This little lady gave me quite a smile this morning when I sat out on my back porch for coffee. The color! This beautiful honeysuckle was a last minute purchase about a month ago since the gardening season is just about over here in Colorado. When I walk between classes near one of the group homes I teach at there is a house with a few growing along the fence and I decided I needed one. ?

I didn’t realize that honeysuckles can be so pink in color—I have only seen yellow or orange ones, and I didn’t know they would keep blooming past springtime.

I did some digging and this is what I found out about them—

The honeysuckle is a symbol of pure happiness. In addition, it conveys messages of sweetness and affection, thanks to the sweet smelling aroma it gives off. At its heaviest interpretation, the honeysuckle represents the flames of love, and the tenderness for love that has been lost. The honeysuckle will literally cling to whatever it is growing next to, resembling a lover’s embrace, and therefore giving the appropriate symbolism.

Honeysuckle can be used for abundance, learning, concentration, affection, protection, devoted love, wishes, wealth, intuition, clarity, clairvoyance, fidelity, attraction, divination, physical ability, prosperity, secrets, calm, change, confidence, creativity, the mind, peace, generosity, destiny, breaking hexes, honesty, inspiration, and balance.

I’ll take it! What a sweet surprise!

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Searching Among the Branches

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Do you know the most important part of a house? What about a tree?

Is it the big windows and fancy backyard? Is it the glorious leaves and fruit? Or is it the foundation and the roots?

What’s the most important part of YOU? I believe it isn’t the material gains, titles, how much you weigh, how fast you can run, the size of you bank account, the size of your home, how much weight you can lift, your boundaries or how smart your kids are.

What is it then?

It’s the depth of WHO you are and how you show up in the world. It’s your values that lead you down the path. It’s the beliefs you hold most dear to yourself. It’s the way you treat yourself and others.

Not sure what values make up your foundation or your roots? If you don’t know yourself that well, it’s likely your behaviors and choices aren’t aligning with your best self and you’re often struggling in relationships and in life. A few years ago I wrote my ten principles that guide my decisions. These values make up my tree roots that sustain me during trying times.

Truth.

Thanks for reading my #tedtalk of the day and reach out if your life can’t seem to withstand the storms. It’s likely you have a rotten root or a weak foundation wall.

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Living My Manifesto

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It seems many people have opinions on other peoples business model, and the two most common statements I get as it relates to my yoga business is 1) I’d never drive that far for a class or student, and 2) I would never teach a class for that little of a rate (usually followed by a laundry list of all the trainings and education they have).

Here’s the thing. I’m not in it for the money, but the money is always there. I’m not in it for the fame although I am booked solid week after week and literally have no room in my schedule for more. I’m not in it for the ego, yet I know that I make an incredible difference in the lives of many.

Why do I drive hundreds of miles a day only to find my student still in bed because staff didn’t bother to wake him up? Because I said I would and because when he did decide to get up, together we created a beautiful session that included him doing something he hasn’t done in decades. This incredibly special student was injured at age 25 and his college roommate continues to write him a letter every single week and they are now in their mid 50’s. My student actually wrote him a letter back! Remember, yoga is defined as union and it doesn’t have to include pretzel shapes with our bodies.

I do it because it is service—which to me is defined as doing something without an attachment to personal gain. I do it because it is my gift. It is purpose. I do it because this is the manifesto my business and life is structured around.

The minute I start calculating how much money I am going to make, I have stepped out of service.

And do you want to know what? The money is always there.

I’d much rather show up within the foundation of my manifesto than seek out fame and fortune. That isn’t what I am about. I am about service and becoming the best version of myself through those I humbly serve.

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When I Am Among the Trees

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This morning’s schedule change allowed me to have a long walk along a tree lined creek. I am certainly most grateful on these unexpected days where I have time to connect and be with myself and nature. Days like today are just one of the many benefits of being self employed. There certainly are some downsides to being your own boss, but time to get outside is a huge bonus! As I spent time watching hawks fly and bunnies hop, I found myself reciting this favorite poem of mine. Trees and time to commune with them often is something that is a must for me. I feel more connected, more energized and way more alive.

When I Am Among the Trees

When I am among the trees,

especially the willows and the honey locust,

equally the beech, the oaks and the pines,

they give off such hints of gladness.

I would almost say that they save me, and daily.

I am so distant from the hope of myself,

in which I have goodness, and discernment,

and never hurry through the world

but walk slowly, and bow often.

Around me the trees stir in their leaves

and call out, “Stay awhile.”

The light flows from their branches.

And they call again, “It’s simple,” they say,

“and you too have come

into the world to do this, to go easy, to be filled

with light, and to shine.”

~Mary Oliver

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Easy and Fun Chokecherry Jelly

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Ever since I started gardening a few years ago I have gotten a huge thrill out of watching something grow from a tiny seeds into something that sustains me. Nothing beats fresh produce right out of your own garden. I love the constant growth and it is such a good reminder to me of having patience, providing loving presence and attention to something and enjoying the abundance that always comes.

Trying new things has always been one of my strengths. I rarely shy away from learning new skills and when it comes to trying FUN new things, I am all in. I have two really large chokecherry bushes along my back fence and for the last three or four years I have muttered to myself that I should try making chokecherry jelly. Somehow each year that thought remained just a thought.

Until this year. Last night I grabbed a bowl and off I went to pick. A great memory I have is my sweet grandmother talking about making chokecherry jelly. While I was picking I felt her spirit as my hands got sticky and red. I had no idea how many cherries I needed to pick to get enough for jelly, but I kept picking. I ended up picking three pint size mason jars and told myself that if it was easy and fun to make jelly, I can always pick more.

Making the jelly was easy and fun. So much so that as soon as my batch was cooling, I took off with a bigger bowl to pick more!

The first thing you do is make the juice. After rinsing and discarding leaves and big stems (don’t worry about the little ones attached to the cherries) cover your cherries with water and boil for 30-35 minutes. You can use this right away for the jelly, or you can freeze it for later. To make the jelly, just follow this simple recipe!

Chokecherry Jelly

Ingredients:

  • 3.5 cups chokecherry juice
  • 1/2 cup fresh lemon juice
  • 1 teaspoon butter or margarine
  • 1 pkg dry pectin 1.75 oz
  • 4 1/2 cups of sugar
  • Optional—I added two drops of wild orange essential oil! Bam!

Instructions:

  1. Pour juices in kettle.
  2. Add pectin, stir.
  3. Bring to a boil, add sugar.
  4. Boil and stir for 2 minutes.
  5. Remove from heat, skim.
  6. Ladle into jars leaving 1/2 inch space. Add the top and the ring, twist just finger tight (not super tight).
  7. Process in hot water bath for 10 minutes. A hot water bath is when you add filled jars to pot of simmering water that covers the jars.
  8. Remove from bath and cool undisturbed for 24 hours.

Besides being fun and easy it is also gorgeous to look at! I cannot wait for a little toast and jelly with my coffee while sitting on the patio tomorrow morning. There is something SO satisfying about making your own food…and even more fun actually picking the ingredients to feed your people. Plus, how amazing will these little jars be for neighbor gifts come holiday time?

** update to original post. After making this two years in a row, I have some measurements that may help. You’ll need approximately 10 cups of berries to yield 4 cups juice. This recipe that calls for 3.5 cups juice yields 7 jars of jelly.

You can find some of my favorite DIY supplies and follow me for more inspiration below!

Always Enough

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I have come to realize again that our culture wants us to believe that there are not enough resources, not enough time, not enough love, not enough money, not enough opportunities, or whatever else we desire. Our minds want to keep telling the same old story that there isn’t enough which in turn causes us to act as if we live in a mindset of scarcity and lack. Spend an afternoon at Costco and you will agree with me! The overconsumption that happens within those four walls is startling. Also, think about the storage units on every corner, jumbo size everything, jammed packed big box stores where people get more, more, more, more.

Sickening isn’t it?

The truth is the human spirit and inner heart KNOWS that there is always, always, ALWAYS enough. When we sink into faith and trust that truth we can start to make more mindful choices. Aligning with the greater good of universal love we can actually feel that there IS indeed enough.

Always.

How many times have you been going through a really hard time and felt you’d never make it through? Or when you felt you didn’t have enough and suddenly random blessings show up.

Open your heart, open your mind and get ready to receive all that there is.

Trust that there is ALWAYS enough.

An Old Friend

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It has been awhile since a certain old friend of mine made a strong appearance in my life. Honestly, I can say that I have felt her presence for months. A decade ago she had stuck around for many years and then disappeared. Or maybe she just stepped into the shadows for a while. I always knew though that in a moment of vulnerability she could easily step back into my life.

This friend of mine is smart, as well as sneaky, in how she can slip into my life and easily take over. Her presence is big even though she has a tendency to come incognito and honestly, I didn’t really recognize her this time until the middle of the night whispers invited me to take off the blinders and see the truth.

My old friend has name and it is control with a middle name of addiction.

Last fall as I was starting to experience more physical pain than I liked. I also started walking far more than I normally do. My old friend convinced me that this was to manage pain. She told me that the more I walked the better I would feel. She was right. For months and months I walked further and further each day. Indeed the pain felt less. My mind felt clearer and I was more content. Being outside for a couple hours a day walking was balm to my pain.

At first my old friend cheered me on and celebrated with me the miles and miles I would walk. She was step by step with me and the conversations we had were about overcoming the physical pain and building confidence in my body while not letting the pain be the focus.

She told me instead to see and celebrate what my body could do.

In her incredibly manipulative way, soon the walks weren’t enough. She convinced me that I had to have more. My friend persuaded me to attach an outcome to a number of steps and if I wasn’t there, then I was shamed and begrudged for letting pain win. Years ago she had convinced me that if I could just walk a certain amount of steps a day I would be amazing and that anything less than that number was weakness. It took a real friend at a beautiful restaurant in Sedona to shed light on the fact that a silly number was stealing joy from my life. That day, I let my friend control go and she stayed away until last fall.

I have been teaching the yoga principles called yamas and niyamas this month. I realized in the quiet moments of the night that I was allowing this so called friend to blind me from ahimsa (non-harming) and asteya (non-stealing). In demanding my body to perform at a certain level each and every day, I was stealing joy from myself. My walks have become no longer about nature, quiet meditation, health or connection. Instead they became about speed, distance and numbers.

Control + Addiction = Stealing joy.

In doing this for months, I have also turned an eye to non-harming. Yes, walking is the best thing I can do for myself. It DOES reduce my pain greatly. It does clear my head and help my mood. But many of my recent walking has also become a space for shame, anxiety and unworthiness. The addiction to performance and outcomes has begun to overshadow the benefits. The panic that takes over when I am not close to the target increases my agitation and negative thoughts.

One the best feelings in the world is my ability to trust in my inner wisdom to acknowledge it, listen to it, share it and own it. This awareness is the antidote to control and addiction. It also helps to have the real and honest friends who rather than join the negativity and shame, just listen and give advice that is from the heart and from that space of truly seeing me.

This morning as I walked that old friend called control and addiction was thanked because I know that she shows up every once in a while to reel me back into living the authentic life I want to live.

She comes around occasionally to help me peel away another layer of self-worth and doubt to reveal an even clearer and brighter version of myself.

I will keep walking everyday to manage my pain and to bring me joy. I will no longer allow the numbers to steal my joy and harm my heart. Instead I will notice the birds, the changes of the season, the aliveness that is in and around me.

I told control and addiction thanks for the insights and until next time…

The Frequencies of Emotions

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Yogi’s have known for thousands of years that there is something magical and mystical inside of each of that is influenced by our thoughts, surroundings, foods, and even our emotions. These frequencies that we emit are measurable emotions. The mystics have known this a long time and now scientists are catching on. People are realizing that our emotional well-being and our energy, can be not just measured, but it can also be influenced with a few adjustments to our everyday habits and attitudes.

Good and not so good vibes

I learned about this frequency of emotions mindset many years ago, but I didn’t have the language to make sense of it or share it.. We all have met someone who seems to have really “good vibes”. And we we have all had people in our life that seem to bring us down. That is their energy and how our own energy interacts and received it.

The great wake up

Prior to my great wake-up, I was living in constantly very low vibrating emotions; fear, anger, disappointment, blame, and shame. The outward manifestation of this chronic mindset was that I was physically heavy. Depression snuck in and I had trouble sleeping. There was very little motivation and even less joy in my life. I had yet to discover a purpose and a passion.

Since my transformation in my mid-thirties, I live in a nearly constant state of happiness and abundance. Experiences that I have wanted to happen, seem to happen. I find the right people at the perfect time. I am inviting into my life amazing opportunities on a seemingly weekly, if not daily, basis. There seems to be little to my life that I wish was different, except perhaps having less physical pain. However, despite having a chronic pain disease I am able to compartmentalize that experience into a place of better understanding and usefulness for my life.

What do we do with what life is

Not that my life is unique to anyone’s because we all have situations in our life that are less than ideal, but it is what we do with it that changes the game. Here is what I have in my world that could send me down the spiral of blame and shame, if I chose to allow it; raising a disabled daughter day in and day out, multiple chronic pain diseases that cause pain and fatigue, the grueling self-employment lifestyle of being 100% dependent on myself to make money and survive, having raised three children alone and with one of them is disabled who still lives with me (which means I have technically been a 24/7 caregiver for 31 years with no break), I have never received a financial windfall, my father chose to completely opt out of my life, my children’s father died from self-neglect at a super young age leaving them without any chance of a turn around, I have had multiple orthopedic surgeries in the last 5 years that have taken a toll on my body, and my joints continue to deteriorate despite my greatest effort to be healthy. Pretty heavy, right?

With all that heavy emotion how do we manage our emotional frequencies (vibes) and how can we work to raise our vibration?

Let’s imagine for a moment the image of a ladder. The middle rung of the ladder represents contentment. Contentment is often thought of as a Zen like experience where all is well. It is something that most of strive for at certain times in our life and when we arrive there, we sigh heavily feel as though we have arrived. Hold on. One step under contentment is complacency. Yea, complacency. That emotion where we feel like, ehhh I don’t need to put that much effort into this, or try that hard. Complacency is that who gives a shit mindset where half effort becomes routine. One more step down the ladder we are living in boredom. Then creeps in loneliness, sadness, blame, shame, defensiveness, anger, and then fear.

Feel that heaviness?

Go back up the ladder to contentment. Imagine again what that feels like. Now, one step UP from contentment is hope. One of my favorite definitions of hope is to expect with confidence. To me hope is walking towards something positive and good with a knowing that it will become. Feels amazing, yes? Well, above hope is curiosity. Above that is joy. Then above that is happiness. Just above that is bliss. Keep going and you will reach the complete wholeness of feeling grateful.

A grateful being is a person who lives in a constant (or near constant) state of high vibes. When we live in that plane, we attract all great things into our life–people, experiences, opportunities, purpose, and love.

Here is where it gets even better.

Simply by shifting our attention up, lifting our chin, looking up, elevating our heart we immediately move up from contentment to hope. I mean literally look up. So much of our life is hunched over, head down either worrying or working. Carrying SO much emotion that can feel heavy it makes our physical body shift downward. Constant downward looking, we begin to sink into the spiral of low and often heavy vibration frequencies.

Interesting ideas

The frequency of abundance measures the same as the frequency of a wild orange. The higher up on the tree, the higher we feel. This is why certain essential oils have the ability to shift our emotional state simply by smelling them. You can learn more about the brain and aroma here.

A simple and powerful tool to keep yourself on the upside of the ladder is to literally look up and notice the tree tops, the clouds, the sky, how your heart lifts with the simple tilt of your chin, take mindful and complete breaths and fill your heart with gratitude. Smelling pure wild orange essential oil is just an added aspect to this magic that can powerfully shift your mood.

Are you ready to work on your emotional frequencies and start attracting experiences and people into your life that resonate with you and your highest vision?

I currently have some personal mentoring session times available if you’d like to learn more about how to shift your emotional frequencies, including the use of crystals and gemstones. Reach out to me, I would love to hear from you! Also, enjoy this upward spiral and downward spiral image to see and feel how good it is to live above contentment.

Embracing Spirit Yoga

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Eleven years ago I created my business known as Embracing Spirit Yoga. At that time I had been sharing yoga for awhile but hadn’t stepped into full time teaching. I decided to take the gigantic leap into the unknown, quit my j.o.b. and trust that my purpose would sustain me.

It never occurred to me to be a yoga teacher. I realized through my own awakening that there are many people who could not easily access a yoga class. Sharing mindfulness, body awareness and connection to the Self became my passion.

I also never wanted to be an entrepreneur. I dabbled with the idea of being a social worker. The funny thing is many of my social work friends now tell me my work is a beautiful version of social work. I spent years working in special education and raising my own unique kid sure paved some ways of understanding differences. Being an advocate for people with different abilities was also so important to me. Having all those pieces come together was a mystery.

Then it happened

People assume that teaching yoga full-time must be so “fun”. I would not describe it as fun. However it IS what I believe I am here to do. I believe 100% that I was given my special daughter to lead me down a path of teaching yoga to people with disabilities. The road with her hasn’t been easy. It is easier to see now that it certainly has gifted me with amazing compassion.

The beginning

Since I began my business in 2011, I have shared yoga in countless group homes and assisted living settings. Being a regular at nursing homes and beside in hospice has been so enlightening. I teach to all types of abilities in a variety of settings, including a small private studio. To some who witness a group of us huddled around a coffee table on leather furniture in a living room they may question if that is really a yoga class. Most of my settings are not perfectly curated yoga spaces with flickering candles, dimly lit room and soft comfortable pillows along the wall.

The classes I teach are designed to be accessible anywhere.

It has been a wonderful eleven years and I have grown so much as a person and as a teacher. I could not have succeeded and been able to touch so many lives without the support of others; my students, my family, my friends and those who have taken a chance on my offerings and who have seen first hand the dedication I give to my students. To some it may seem like I am frazzled and running like crazy. Those who love and respect me see that the hard work is a reflection of my passion for serving those with disabilities.

Every person who has generously said yes to my teachings has made the last eleven years magical and I am so thankful.

Grateful doesn’t even begin to capture what my heart feels.

If you are curious and want to learn more about what I do, check out this informative webpage and read about what I believe to be the foundation of any quality yoga class.

Inclusion Yoga

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Inclusion Yoga is a dynamic form of living and sharing the true essence of Yoga that embraces as its main focus the principles of inclusion.

The dim lights of the Yoga space were easy on the eyes.  The wood floors were cool to the feet that padded along in eager anticipation for the arrival of Yogis. Voices of fellow Yoga teachers whispered around the room.  Candles flickered with shared excitement.

The energy itself was touchable.

As I knelt on my mat prior to the first arrival I witnessed in myself an acknowledgement of what brought me to this day.  With sweet tears, I first saw my beautiful daughter.  Images of her sweet life from birth to this day.  Without her being in my life–exactly as she is–I would not be sitting on that mat preparing to meet my vision.

Next, I remembered my first Yoga class where I was the student.  I remembered my first teacher gently planting seeds that I would soon discover about myself and about Yoga.  I remembered my first Yoga conference when I was eager with excitement and driven to be doing it “right”.

Being told to just be yourself and teach from your heart were wise words given to me.

This moment was indeed divinely guided.

The room filled and people settled in.  Mats were placed in a circle; a circle of inclusion, of equality and of acceptance.

I dropped to my knees and felt the tears sting my eyes as I saw my friend in her wheelchair arrive.  She was the exact reason my heart knew that this calling was not to be ignored.

At that moment, I knew that I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

I spoke my truth and I taught from my heart.  There was inclusion and pure acceptance.  I got to see huge willingness and courage.  

Witnessing pure love.

I closed the class in complete wonder for what just occurred and with a reading of how it began.  There was deep gratitude for the faith people had in me. Also for the support from others and for the opportunity.

Years that the foundation of inclusion is the essence.

I am blessed to bring adaptive yoga into long term care centers, assisted living setting and group homes. To learn more about my services, check out this gorgeous webpage that explains it all.