Mindfulness

Living My Manifesto

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It seems many people have opinions on other peoples business model, and the two most common statements I get as it relates to my yoga business is 1) I’d never drive that far for a class or student, and 2) I would never teach a class for that little of a rate (usually followed by a laundry list of all the trainings and education they have).

Here’s the thing. I’m not in it for the money, but the money is always there. I’m not in it for the fame although I am booked solid week after week and literally have no room in my schedule for more. I’m not in it for the ego, yet I know that I make an incredible difference in the lives of many.

Why do I drive hundreds of miles a day only to find my student still in bed because staff didn’t bother to wake him up? Because I said I would and because when he did decide to get up, together we created a beautiful session that included him doing something he hasn’t done in decades. This incredibly special student was injured at age 25 and his college roommate continues to write him a letter every single week and they are now in their mid 50’s. My student actually wrote him a letter back! Remember, yoga is defined as union and it doesn’t have to include pretzel shapes with our bodies.

I do it because it is service—which to me is defined as doing something without an attachment to personal gain. I do it because it is my gift. It is purpose. I do it because this is the manifesto my business and life is structured around.

The minute I start calculating how much money I am going to make, I have stepped out of service.

And do you want to know what? The money is always there.

I’d much rather show up within the foundation of my manifesto than seek out fame and fortune. That isn’t what I am about. I am about service and becoming the best version of myself through those I humbly serve.

Follow me for more goodness!

When I Am Among the Trees

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This morning’s schedule change allowed me to have a long walk along a tree lined creek. I am certainly most grateful on these unexpected days where I have time to connect and be with myself and nature. Days like today are just one of the many benefits of being self employed. There certainly are some downsides to being your own boss, but time to get outside is a huge bonus! As I spent time watching hawks fly and bunnies hop, I found myself reciting this favorite poem of mine. Trees and time to commune with them often is something that is a must for me. I feel more connected, more energized and way more alive.

When I Am Among the Trees

When I am among the trees,

especially the willows and the honey locust,

equally the beech, the oaks and the pines,

they give off such hints of gladness.

I would almost say that they save me, and daily.

I am so distant from the hope of myself,

in which I have goodness, and discernment,

and never hurry through the world

but walk slowly, and bow often.

Around me the trees stir in their leaves

and call out, “Stay awhile.”

The light flows from their branches.

And they call again, “It’s simple,” they say,

“and you too have come

into the world to do this, to go easy, to be filled

with light, and to shine.”

~Mary Oliver

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Easy and Fun Chokecherry Jelly

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Ever since I started gardening a few years ago I have gotten a huge thrill out of watching something grow from a tiny seeds into something that sustains me. Nothing beats fresh produce right out of your own garden. I love the constant growth and it is such a good reminder to me of having patience, providing loving presence and attention to something and enjoying the abundance that always comes.

Trying new things has always been one of my strengths. I rarely shy away from learning new skills and when it comes to trying FUN new things, I am all in. I have two really large chokecherry bushes along my back fence and for the last three or four years I have muttered to myself that I should try making chokecherry jelly. Somehow each year that thought remained just a thought.

Until this year. Last night I grabbed a bowl and off I went to pick. A great memory I have is my sweet grandmother talking about making chokecherry jelly. While I was picking I felt her spirit as my hands got sticky and red. I had no idea how many cherries I needed to pick to get enough for jelly, but I kept picking. I ended up picking three pint size mason jars and told myself that if it was easy and fun to make jelly, I can always pick more.

Making the jelly was easy and fun. So much so that as soon as my batch was cooling, I took off with a bigger bowl to pick more!

The first thing you do is make the juice. After rinsing and discarding leaves and big stems (don’t worry about the little ones attached to the cherries) cover your cherries with water and boil for 30-35 minutes. You can use this right away for the jelly, or you can freeze it for later. To make the jelly, just follow this simple recipe!

Chokecherry Jelly

Ingredients:

  • 3.5 cups chokecherry juice
  • 1/2 cup fresh lemon juice
  • 1 teaspoon butter or margarine
  • 1 pkg dry pectin 1.75 oz
  • 4 1/2 cups of sugar
  • Optional—I added two drops of wild orange essential oil! Bam!

Instructions:

  1. Pour juices in kettle.
  2. Add pectin, stir.
  3. Bring to a boil, add sugar.
  4. Boil and stir for 2 minutes.
  5. Remove from heat, skim.
  6. Ladle into jars leaving 1/2 inch space. Add the top and the ring, twist just finger tight (not super tight).
  7. Process in hot water bath for 10 minutes. A hot water bath is when you add filled jars to pot of simmering water that covers the jars.
  8. Remove from bath and cool undisturbed for 24 hours.

Besides being fun and easy it is also gorgeous to look at! I cannot wait for a little toast and jelly with my coffee while sitting on the patio tomorrow morning. There is something SO satisfying about making your own food…and even more fun actually picking the ingredients to feed your people. Plus, how amazing will these little jars be for neighbor gifts come holiday time?

** update to original post. After making this two years in a row, I have some measurements that may help. You’ll need approximately 10 cups of berries to yield 4 cups juice. This recipe that calls for 3.5 cups juice yields 7 jars of jelly.

You can find some of my favorite DIY supplies and follow me for more inspiration below!

Always Enough

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I have come to realize again that our culture wants us to believe that there are not enough resources, not enough time, not enough love, not enough money, not enough opportunities, or whatever else we desire. Our minds want to keep telling the same old story that there isn’t enough which in turn causes us to act as if we live in a mindset of scarcity and lack. Spend an afternoon at Costco and you will agree with me! The overconsumption that happens within those four walls is startling. Also, think about the storage units on every corner, jumbo size everything, jammed packed big box stores where people get more, more, more, more.

Sickening isn’t it?

The truth is the human spirit and inner heart KNOWS that there is always, always, ALWAYS enough. When we sink into faith and trust that truth we can start to make more mindful choices. Aligning with the greater good of universal love we can actually feel that there IS indeed enough.

Always.

How many times have you been going through a really hard time and felt you’d never make it through? Or when you felt you didn’t have enough and suddenly random blessings show up.

Open your heart, open your mind and get ready to receive all that there is.

Trust that there is ALWAYS enough.

An Old Friend

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It has been awhile since a certain old friend of mine made a strong appearance in my life. Honestly, I can say that I have felt her presence for months. A decade ago she had stuck around for many years and then disappeared. Or maybe she just stepped into the shadows for a while. I always knew though that in a moment of vulnerability she could easily step back into my life.

This friend of mine is smart, as well as sneaky, in how she can slip into my life and easily take over. Her presence is big even though she has a tendency to come incognito and honestly, I didn’t really recognize her this time until the middle of the night whispers invited me to take off the blinders and see the truth.

My old friend has name and it is control with a middle name of addiction.

Last fall as I was starting to experience more physical pain than I liked. I also started walking far more than I normally do. My old friend convinced me that this was to manage pain. She told me that the more I walked the better I would feel. She was right. For months and months I walked further and further each day. Indeed the pain felt less. My mind felt clearer and I was more content. Being outside for a couple hours a day walking was balm to my pain.

At first my old friend cheered me on and celebrated with me the miles and miles I would walk. She was step by step with me and the conversations we had were about overcoming the physical pain and building confidence in my body while not letting the pain be the focus.

She told me instead to see and celebrate what my body could do.

In her incredibly manipulative way, soon the walks weren’t enough. She convinced me that I had to have more. My friend persuaded me to attach an outcome to a number of steps and if I wasn’t there, then I was shamed and begrudged for letting pain win. Years ago she had convinced me that if I could just walk a certain amount of steps a day I would be amazing and that anything less than that number was weakness. It took a real friend at a beautiful restaurant in Sedona to shed light on the fact that a silly number was stealing joy from my life. That day, I let my friend control go and she stayed away until last fall.

I have been teaching the yoga principles called yamas and niyamas this month. I realized in the quiet moments of the night that I was allowing this so called friend to blind me from ahimsa (non-harming) and asteya (non-stealing). In demanding my body to perform at a certain level each and every day, I was stealing joy from myself. My walks have become no longer about nature, quiet meditation, health or connection. Instead they became about speed, distance and numbers.

Control + Addiction = Stealing joy.

In doing this for months, I have also turned an eye to non-harming. Yes, walking is the best thing I can do for myself. It DOES reduce my pain greatly. It does clear my head and help my mood. But many of my recent walking has also become a space for shame, anxiety and unworthiness. The addiction to performance and outcomes has begun to overshadow the benefits. The panic that takes over when I am not close to the target increases my agitation and negative thoughts.

One the best feelings in the world is my ability to trust in my inner wisdom to acknowledge it, listen to it, share it and own it. This awareness is the antidote to control and addiction. It also helps to have the real and honest friends who rather than join the negativity and shame, just listen and give advice that is from the heart and from that space of truly seeing me.

This morning as I walked that old friend called control and addiction was thanked because I know that she shows up every once in a while to reel me back into living the authentic life I want to live.

She comes around occasionally to help me peel away another layer of self-worth and doubt to reveal an even clearer and brighter version of myself.

I will keep walking everyday to manage my pain and to bring me joy. I will no longer allow the numbers to steal my joy and harm my heart. Instead I will notice the birds, the changes of the season, the aliveness that is in and around me.

I told control and addiction thanks for the insights and until next time…

The Frequencies of Emotions

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Yogi’s have known for thousands of years that there is something magical and mystical inside of each of that is influenced by our thoughts, surroundings, foods, and even our emotions. These frequencies that we emit are measurable emotions. The mystics have known this a long time and now scientists are catching on. People are realizing that our emotional well-being and our energy, can be not just measured, but it can also be influenced with a few adjustments to our everyday habits and attitudes.

Good and not so good vibes

I learned about this frequency of emotions mindset many years ago, but I didn’t have the language to make sense of it or share it.. We all have met someone who seems to have really “good vibes”. And we we have all had people in our life that seem to bring us down. That is their energy and how our own energy interacts and received it.

The great wake up

Prior to my great wake-up, I was living in constantly very low vibrating emotions; fear, anger, disappointment, blame, and shame. The outward manifestation of this chronic mindset was that I was physically heavy. Depression snuck in and I had trouble sleeping. There was very little motivation and even less joy in my life. I had yet to discover a purpose and a passion.

Since my transformation in my mid-thirties, I live in a nearly constant state of happiness and abundance. Experiences that I have wanted to happen, seem to happen. I find the right people at the perfect time. I am inviting into my life amazing opportunities on a seemingly weekly, if not daily, basis. There seems to be little to my life that I wish was different, except perhaps having less physical pain. However, despite having a chronic pain disease I am able to compartmentalize that experience into a place of better understanding and usefulness for my life.

What do we do with what life is

Not that my life is unique to anyone’s because we all have situations in our life that are less than ideal, but it is what we do with it that changes the game. Here is what I have in my world that could send me down the spiral of blame and shame, if I chose to allow it; raising a disabled daughter day in and day out, multiple chronic pain diseases that cause pain and fatigue, the grueling self-employment lifestyle of being 100% dependent on myself to make money and survive, having raised three children alone and with one of them is disabled who still lives with me (which means I have technically been a 24/7 caregiver for 31 years with no break), I have never received a financial windfall, my father chose to completely opt out of my life, my children’s father died from self-neglect at a super young age leaving them without any chance of a turn around, I have had multiple orthopedic surgeries in the last 5 years that have taken a toll on my body, and my joints continue to deteriorate despite my greatest effort to be healthy. Pretty heavy, right?

With all that heavy emotion how do we manage our emotional frequencies (vibes) and how can we work to raise our vibration?

Let’s imagine for a moment the image of a ladder. The middle rung of the ladder represents contentment. Contentment is often thought of as a Zen like experience where all is well. It is something that most of strive for at certain times in our life and when we arrive there, we sigh heavily feel as though we have arrived. Hold on. One step under contentment is complacency. Yea, complacency. That emotion where we feel like, ehhh I don’t need to put that much effort into this, or try that hard. Complacency is that who gives a shit mindset where half effort becomes routine. One more step down the ladder we are living in boredom. Then creeps in loneliness, sadness, blame, shame, defensiveness, anger, and then fear.

Feel that heaviness?

Go back up the ladder to contentment. Imagine again what that feels like. Now, one step UP from contentment is hope. One of my favorite definitions of hope is to expect with confidence. To me hope is walking towards something positive and good with a knowing that it will become. Feels amazing, yes? Well, above hope is curiosity. Above that is joy. Then above that is happiness. Just above that is bliss. Keep going and you will reach the complete wholeness of feeling grateful.

A grateful being is a person who lives in a constant (or near constant) state of high vibes. When we live in that plane, we attract all great things into our life–people, experiences, opportunities, purpose, and love.

Here is where it gets even better.

Simply by shifting our attention up, lifting our chin, looking up, elevating our heart we immediately move up from contentment to hope. I mean literally look up. So much of our life is hunched over, head down either worrying or working. Carrying SO much emotion that can feel heavy it makes our physical body shift downward. Constant downward looking, we begin to sink into the spiral of low and often heavy vibration frequencies.

Interesting ideas

The frequency of abundance measures the same as the frequency of a wild orange. The higher up on the tree, the higher we feel. This is why certain essential oils have the ability to shift our emotional state simply by smelling them. You can learn more about the brain and aroma here.

A simple and powerful tool to keep yourself on the upside of the ladder is to literally look up and notice the tree tops, the clouds, the sky, how your heart lifts with the simple tilt of your chin, take mindful and complete breaths and fill your heart with gratitude. Smelling pure wild orange essential oil is just an added aspect to this magic that can powerfully shift your mood.

Are you ready to work on your emotional frequencies and start attracting experiences and people into your life that resonate with you and your highest vision?

I currently have some personal mentoring session times available if you’d like to learn more about how to shift your emotional frequencies, including the use of crystals and gemstones. Reach out to me, I would love to hear from you! Also, enjoy this upward spiral and downward spiral image to see and feel how good it is to live above contentment.

Embracing Spirit Yoga

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Eleven years ago I created my business known as Embracing Spirit Yoga. At that time I had been sharing yoga for awhile but hadn’t stepped into full time teaching. I decided to take the gigantic leap into the unknown, quit my j.o.b. and trust that my purpose would sustain me.

It never occurred to me to be a yoga teacher. I realized through my own awakening that there are many people who could not easily access a yoga class. Sharing mindfulness, body awareness and connection to the Self became my passion.

I also never wanted to be an entrepreneur. I dabbled with the idea of being a social worker. The funny thing is many of my social work friends now tell me my work is a beautiful version of social work. I spent years working in special education and raising my own unique kid sure paved some ways of understanding differences. Being an advocate for people with different abilities was also so important to me. Having all those pieces come together was a mystery.

Then it happened

People assume that teaching yoga full-time must be so “fun”. I would not describe it as fun. However it IS what I believe I am here to do. I believe 100% that I was given my special daughter to lead me down a path of teaching yoga to people with disabilities. The road with her hasn’t been easy. It is easier to see now that it certainly has gifted me with amazing compassion.

The beginning

Since I began my business in 2011, I have shared yoga in countless group homes and assisted living settings. Being a regular at nursing homes and beside in hospice has been so enlightening. I teach to all types of abilities in a variety of settings, including a small private studio. To some who witness a group of us huddled around a coffee table on leather furniture in a living room they may question if that is really a yoga class. Most of my settings are not perfectly curated yoga spaces with flickering candles, dimly lit room and soft comfortable pillows along the wall.

The classes I teach are designed to be accessible anywhere.

It has been a wonderful eleven years and I have grown so much as a person and as a teacher. I could not have succeeded and been able to touch so many lives without the support of others; my students, my family, my friends and those who have taken a chance on my offerings and who have seen first hand the dedication I give to my students. To some it may seem like I am frazzled and running like crazy. Those who love and respect me see that the hard work is a reflection of my passion for serving those with disabilities.

Every person who has generously said yes to my teachings has made the last eleven years magical and I am so thankful.

Grateful doesn’t even begin to capture what my heart feels.

If you are curious and want to learn more about what I do, check out this informative webpage and read about what I believe to be the foundation of any quality yoga class.

Inclusion Yoga

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Inclusion Yoga is a dynamic form of living and sharing the true essence of Yoga that embraces as its main focus the principles of inclusion.

The dim lights of the Yoga space were easy on the eyes.  The wood floors were cool to the feet that padded along in eager anticipation for the arrival of Yogis. Voices of fellow Yoga teachers whispered around the room.  Candles flickered with shared excitement.

The energy itself was touchable.

As I knelt on my mat prior to the first arrival I witnessed in myself an acknowledgement of what brought me to this day.  With sweet tears, I first saw my beautiful daughter.  Images of her sweet life from birth to this day.  Without her being in my life–exactly as she is–I would not be sitting on that mat preparing to meet my vision.

Next, I remembered my first Yoga class where I was the student.  I remembered my first teacher gently planting seeds that I would soon discover about myself and about Yoga.  I remembered my first Yoga conference when I was eager with excitement and driven to be doing it “right”.

Being told to just be yourself and teach from your heart were wise words given to me.

This moment was indeed divinely guided.

The room filled and people settled in.  Mats were placed in a circle; a circle of inclusion, of equality and of acceptance.

I dropped to my knees and felt the tears sting my eyes as I saw my friend in her wheelchair arrive.  She was the exact reason my heart knew that this calling was not to be ignored.

At that moment, I knew that I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

I spoke my truth and I taught from my heart.  There was inclusion and pure acceptance.  I got to see huge willingness and courage.  

Witnessing pure love.

I closed the class in complete wonder for what just occurred and with a reading of how it began.  There was deep gratitude for the faith people had in me. Also for the support from others and for the opportunity.

Years that the foundation of inclusion is the essence.

I am blessed to bring adaptive yoga into long term care centers, assisted living setting and group homes. To learn more about my services, check out this gorgeous webpage that explains it all.

Aligning Your Thoughts with Your Actions

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The teaching that I always return to is really so simple: align your thoughts with your actions and your life will change.

The month of March has been historically a month when where major changes occur in my own life. As I look back I see that I started the wakeup of my life that I refer to so often, I took my first Yoga class, did my first Yoga teacher training, taught my first Yoga class, and hosted my first community inclusion Yoga class where able bodied people practiced along side people in wheelchairs and other disabilities all in the month of March. You can see something fiery happens to me during the month of March and magic really starts to happen.

About seventeen years ago I woke up exhausted again and said to myself, “I am done being fat”.  I literally heard the words “I am done”. I had lived with extra weight since my first pregnancy when I was eighteen years old.  Within just four years of my first kiddo, there were three little babies and a bunch of added pounds.  Being fully invested in being a momma I had no idea that not investing in myself was actually a disservice to them.

Not the healthiest

Carrying the extra weight also meant that I was clearly eating foods that were not the healthiest and I was doing no exercise or self-care at all. There was every excuse in the world as to why I was unable to lose weight; healthy food costs so much, I don’t have time, I am too busy, I can’t afford a gym, etc.

Clearly my mind, body and spirit were so disconnected. 

The day in March that I woke up and decided that I was done was in alignment with the world around me where spring was just beginning. When I think back of that time, I realize that I too was in a rebirthing or awakening from a dark and long slumber. I was beginning the journey of my own form of blossoming.

My plan consisted of many things

The foundation of it all began not with the outer or my physical body. Instead it started with cleaning up my inner world. 

My thoughts.

Course of action

The first course of action was waking up up one hour earlier each morning and start my day with quiet, contemplative reading.  I journaled every single morning.  My journal entries at that time were not a recount of my day or diary-like at all. I wrote affirmative statements such as “I am worth it”.  I also wrote down all that I was grateful for in the present, and all that I was grateful for that was coming to me.  It was something like this: “I am grateful for the food I have chosen to eat.  I am grateful for my healthy body”. The quiet and contemplative time was like a drink of cold water on a hot day; refreshing, awakening and invigorating.

Mindfulness

The time spent still and quiet each morning began to stoke my inner fire of mindfulness.  As I became more aware of my thoughts and was purposeful for those sixty minutes, I began to train my brain to be more aware of my thoughts throughout the day.  I started to notice when my thoughts would shift to lack or negativity. I would immediately pause to reframe them to something that was positive. I found that many times I was attaching myself to a made up story or a future based fear.  For example, when my thoughts were something like, “I am so heavy….I am a pig…..I can’t afford that…..I wouldn’t look good in that…..I am broke…..I am a mess”, I would stop and tell myself that all of that was a story and the truth was/is “I am worth it….I have plenty of money….I am beautiful….I am amazing….”

Once I began to remove the heavy and sludge-filled thoughts that were literally weighing me down, I became more deliberate in my actions.  Through the act of being mindful, I interrupted the patterns that were contributing to my extra weight and replaced those actions with healthier ones.

Healthier habits

  • My walking shoes were placed on the steps that went from my garage to my house and every day when I came home from work and before ANYTHING, I slipped on my shoes and walked 40 minutes.
  • The dog’s leash was set out and every morning–rain or shine–I walked my dogs 40 minutes before work.  I slept less but as I moved more, my body was less fatigued and required less sleep that ended up actually being more restorative.
  • The kids snacks were put in the cabinet above the fridge so it literally took a step stool to get to them.  The extra work allowed time for me to really think about how much I wanted/needed cheetos.
  • Instead of going straight to the kitchen when I got done walking, I went straight to the bathtub.  Not only did this give me a self-care ritual, it interrupted a pattern of snacking before dinner.  By the time I got out of my bath, it was time to cook and I eliminated extra calories in mindless snacking.
  • I used small salad plates for every meal which tricked my brain into thinking I was eating more.
  • I taught the kids how to wash and load their own dishes because I was eating thousands of calories in leftover chicken nuggets and fries after I just ate my dinner.
  • I invested in measuring cups and a food scale.  I did this deliberately for a short time so that I would be more intentional with my choices.
  • I logged EVERY single calorie that passed through my lips.  I did this for two and a half years!  Eventually that was an obsession that I had to let go of because it was getting in the way of joy and pleasure with food, but for the time,  I needed to learn just how much food I was over-eating.  Portions and extra wasted calories were out of control.
  • I started to love who I was.  I became passionate about ME.  I was investing in myself and the results were astounding.  I was happier, my relationships improved and my life began to be incredibly vibrant.

When asked how I did it, my answer is this:

I woke up. 

I opened my eyes to my life and I said yes to me.  I cleaned up my inner world of thoughts and as a result my actions became more deliberate.  I began to see my self-worth and choose to love myself by honoring my thoughts and actions. You see, it was not a crazy diet that was restrictive or extreme and I wasn’t killing myself at the gym (although that did come later and had its own set of deep lessons).  I just woke up and put intent into my life.

The teaching that I always return to is really so simple: align your thoughts with your actions and your life will change.

Seeking Yoga Teachers

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There are some awesome heart centered Yoga teachers out there that are tired of the high focus on the physical form that our western culture emphasizes. They also have the heart to touch the lives of unique individuals.

I am seeking those Yoga teachers.

When I began my own personal practice of yoga I was doing it for all the reasons many of us do–increase flexibility, get leaner and stronger, and stretch the tight muscles. What I discovered in the process of learning and doing all of that is the true essence of Yoga–which is union; with myself and with others.

It was also at this time that I was embarking on a self-discovery quest that lead me down many paths, and ultimately opened some amazing doors for my own personal growth.

I had dove deep into my soul and realized that I am here to do great things and in order to do that, I had A LOT of healing in my heart to do. (A recent podcast explains it all). When I found the space in my heart that anger no longer was consuming, I filled it with life changing love.

Hustling

I have been hustling in and out of assisted living, rehab centers and group homes for over thirteen years, specializing in people with brain injuries. It is the most rewarding work I can ever imagine. It is SO needed in every community.

Let’s team up

I want to share this very special population with YOU so that you can go into your communities and feel confident teaching Yoga to individuals with disabilities.

I am currently taking applications for adaptive yoga teacher mentorship. Learn more!

Together we can do so much more.

Learn More
Embracing Spirit Yoga

Loving Myself

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We all think we know what love is and what the definition is, but I resonate the most with how Brené Brown defines love–

We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honour the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.

Love is not something we give or get, it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.

For the first 30 years of my life I thought I knew what love was and that I was living as an example of love—dependable, reliable, giving, and selfless. I’ve come to now see that what I was really offering was anything but that. I was clueless, unaware, oblivious and at times, destructive.

Not to others.

To myself.

Back when I was young, married and raising three people I was completely asleep when it came to self love. I have come to realize now however that I simply did not like who I was, so loving me was not even close to being on my radar. It is clear now that when you love yourself, you take actions that care for yourself.

Back then I had no awareness that the fast food I was consuming and the sedentary life I was living was contributing to my very large body. I never connected that the heaviness I was in my body was a direct link to the heaviness in my emotions. And then I realized that being an amazing mom wasn’t enough love. There was someone that love wasn’t shown.

Not to myself.

When I began to what I like to refer to as “wake up” and get healthy, I started to like me. I was finding dark shadows that were lurking in my heart that were asking to be let out. The beginning to many things that were literally weighing me down. I forgave others and accepted my circumstances. I began to care for me.

The logistics in which I lost weight are simple–I changed my habits. Recognizing what wasn’t working and learning to make a very conscious decision to change it was my new way.

Some of my strategies were:

  • Eating meals on small plates
  • Chewing gum while I cooked
  • Teaching others to do their dishes
  • Putting trigger foods out of sight
  • Making sure my walking shoes were always with me
  • Changing routines to avoid mindless eating (taking long baths, going for a walk, learning to garden)

You see these simple changes were to avoid be being unconscious. This influenced snacking, portions, and sedentary lifestyle choices. Many of these changes still remain part of my life.

By swapping out the mindless munching on snacks for bubble baths or a short walk, my mind was beginning to see the value in me. It is extraordinary what happens to a person’s soul when time is spent consistently alone on a walk. The changes that occurred both on the inside and outside were amazing.

I began noticing myself.

I have spent a decade and a half living like these habits; mindful eating and multiple daily walks. I even became a yoga and meditation teacher. Basically transformed myself from an angry obese woman to a healthy and happy woman.

A vibrant life was mine.

Then I got injured.

For the last seven years I have dealt with healing from four orthopedic surgeries and learning to live with chronic pain. This body that I had worked so hard to become healthy began to defile me. It was as if she was rebelling against this lifestyle of health and fitness.

Feelings of deep sadness came.

While I have maintained a healthy weight for over 20 years, I have struggled with trusting my body. The multiple diagnoses felt at times like a betrayal. In truth, I spent a solid 10 adult years living on double cheeseburgers, fries and chicken nuggets without a stitch of pain or health issues.

How did I begin to develop inflammatory issues when I was now living my best life? My body’s ability to climb mountains, race bicycles, practice endless hours of yoga, walk miles and miles each day was endless..

And yet, my body was struggling.

I have since learned to accept what is. Learning to continue on living an extraordinary happy and healthy life despite pain.Making daily choices around movement vs sitting. Or ice cream vs a single bite of dark chocolate. And binging on stupid tv vs a long bubble bath. I’ve been extremely happy with the self love I have discovered by nurturing myself.

Loving myself.

The game changed about six months ago when I stumbled onto a strength training program. I was completely content with my body and it’s strength and flexibility-and my size- but was intrigued by this idea of committing to something new.

Questions of worthiness immediately rose to the surface. The excuses were miles long. (I can’t do that because of my hip, that will hurt my ankle, I don’t need to do burpees, I don’t have enough weights, my body is “good enough”).

Deep down I knew that all of that internal dialogue didn’t sound much like loving myself. And I knew it.

So I began October 1st. A brand new love affair with myself. And like any new love there have bumps along the way—days I doubted myself and had some pretty bad words spoken, days I wanted to give up and go back to the inner narrative that I was “good enough”.

Those challenging days of the early love affair with my 51 year old self are gone. Now, I am in complete awe of what I have been able to do and overcome. I am happily shocked at the human body and it’s ability to transform. No longer held back by the story of age or injury, instead I am madly loving my ability and what I have achieved.

Amazing how much healing can happen when you say yes to YOU.

Whether it is food choices, walking, yoga, mindfulness or even getting down with lifting weights learning to love myself has been a journey I am so grateful for.

I have found trust in myself. And isn’t trust a much needed part of love?

This new love affair is destined to last a long, long time and I couldn’t be happier.

Mindset

/ embracingspirit / Leave a comment

Oh my gosh, YES!

Mindset is everything!

I mean face it, the last couple of years have been hard. The word pandemic was not everyday lingo and I don’t know about you, but I never thought about the impact a virus could make on the day to day. Before this pandemic, I had a basic understanding of political differences but the depth at which the country has gone the last few years is startling. The division is palpable in our cities and even in our homes.

Along with the collective challenges that we have all endured we each have our own unique challenges layered upon the big challenges. How we face them determines the quality of our lives. This isn’t to say that putting on a smiling face everyday will be the answer, but our ability to shift our mindset and not hold onto the things we have no control over can certainly help our happiness factor.

Mindset matters

Truth is for me personally, I am a self-employed yoga teacher who has had to navigate how to continue to earn an income during these hard times; going from full-time teaching in long term care facilities, my own studio and a large health club to virtual only was a huge hit financially and had a big impact on my ability to feel fulfilled teaching. It is doable, but hard to connect through a screen, especially with individuals with special needs. I am also a full time caregiver for my special needs daughter; so her programming went all virtual which meant not only was I her primary caregiver, I also became her primary friend/peer/teacher/support/transportation/provider, which was hard on both of us. My last major daily hurdle is I have three health conditions that cause me to experience tremendous pain and fatigue. Managing my pain and being able to show up for my students and my family takes grit some days.

Most of the time, my MINDSET allows me to handle it (somewhat) gracefully and I choose to make the best of this precious life. I have a few must-do practices to keep my mindset in the right place:

I am committed to my health and fitness.

I begin and end my day with a walk. I also walk on my lunch hour and anytime during the day I have sat too much or the burdens of life feels heavy. Some days I get over 25,000 steps and that is okay. It works for me. I find walking manages my pain better than anything else. I also practice yoga and do strength training 3-4 times per week.

I am committed to constantly changing my business model for the changing times and am open to always working hard.

I have learned to be flexible (haha, no yoga teacher joke intended). I navigate the demands of the audience and am constantly learning how to best utilize my skills in a virtual world. I also invite small groups into my studio and while the income may not be what a large group is, I feel connected and inspired and that fulfills me. I work nearly 7 days a week either teaching, marketing, following up, promoting, etc. I am committed to this gift.

I am committed to seeing the best in every situations.

Some people have told me that my rosy lenses aren’t accurate for the world, but I love them. I choose to look at both sides of the situation and try to find the small nuggets of wisdom that may be there to learn. I avoid situations that are filled with hatred, division, anger and judgment which means my circle of friends is small, I spend a lot of time by myself and I avoid the news.

I am committed to saying YES!

I have found that when we live in a state of pessimism (I spent decades there), we attract the very things we dislike. When we learn to say yes to the best possible outcomes, we attract that. If you don’t believe me, try it for a month. Say yes to new opportunities, to new experiences, to new friends, to abundance and then sit back and enjoy the ride.

I am committed to a daily Gratitude practice.

It is so easy to get sucked into the unfortunately popular culture that much of the world sees as not enough (time, money, resources, love). When we shift our attention to what we actually have plenty of, we get more (time, money, resources, love). Look around and notice the abundance of color, texture, living things, and feelings. There really is plenty to be thankful for.

It is a choice and although some days it can be harder to stay in a positive mindset given the status of the world, it is possible with a little changes to our thoughts. My mindset has served me incredibly well.

That’s my mindset, what is yours?