In order to grow we must first remove what it is in the way.
For many years I have been teaching the concept that much like a garden we have outside, before we can plant anything and expect it to grow, we first have to remove all the old stuff, the trash and the things that are cluttering the soil. Today, as I was doing that exact literal thing in my backyard raking leaves and removing last years dead plants that were once so vibrant, I was reminded of the conversation I had this week with a group of men who have traumatic brain injures.
I teach this topic every March, regardless of who is in my classes because I think no matter who you are and what your life experience is, we all have something that is cluttering up our heart and therefore limiting the potential we have to grow. This might be something like fear, disappointment, regret, guilt, shame, resentment, anger or any other feeling and emotion that we have carried around for days or decades.
As I was guiding a meditation about visualizing a garden and seeing the old growth, the twigs and the trash, I asked them each to see a garden in their heart that may also have some things that could be getting in the way of growth.
I shared with my ‘frat house’ that they have fondly referred to themselves as, that I have some disappointment that is taking up space in my own heart. I carry it day after day, year after year and despite all my attempts to pull it out, it seems to have a root system that is deep and new shoots pop up and take over my heart at times.
As we had a discussion about this, they called me out on it and the wise man who developed a life changing brain tumor at age 23 gave me the best insight on how to manage all the little twigs and trash that take up space. He is turning 60 in a a few weeks and following his diagnosis while in his final year of college his life has been a series of assisted living settings and long term support. He lost his independence and so much more, and yet is so wise.
Are you ready for this? In my humbleness, I asked how does one remove all the “twigs and trash” from our hearts. I asked how do I remove the disappointment?
He shared that you can never fully rid of every twig or piece of trash that has landed in the garden, instead you have to learn to manage and grow around them.
Huh, I said.
Tell me more, I said.
He went on to say that the remnants of the the “twigs” and “trash” will likely always be there and sometimes they may stick out of the soil and poke you but our job is to plants things around them so the beauty takes over.
Again, I asked how.
The wise teacher said:
forgiveness
acceptance
gratitude
When we forgive ourselves and others we remove so much of the garbage that fills our heart. This removes resentment, bitterness, and what-if thinking. When we accept was IS we no longer grieve for what might have been which brings presence to growing today. And finally, when we focus on being grateful we see all that we have, not all that we do not have.
How’s that for insightful?
It’s not so much about removing the parts of our heart that impede growth, but rather moving them aside through forgiveness, acceptance and gratitude so that we make space for something far more amazing to grow.
It’s not joy that makes us grateful, it’s gratitude that makes us joyful.
Brené Brown
Think about that. So often we misunderstand that if we had all the things and our life is packed with goodness, we would then be grateful.
Actually it is not that way.
I have read and even taken a course with Brené Brown and yet I still continue to learn and soak in more every time I hear her speak.
Last night I was watching a talk she gave to teachers and other leaders. She was describing what happens when we think that we cannot be happy with what we have and we are constantly seeking joy through external things. We have all heard “when I take that vacation” or “if I could have that ____”, then my life would be good. This is called scarcity thinking. Scarcity thinning is when we think what we have is not enough or what we have will be taken from us.
Huh.
Years ago I had that mindset. Thankfully through the work I’ve done I no longer have that reaching for something. If a moment sneaks up on me and I do start to feel that what I have isn’t enough, I just have to go to my office and grab one of EIGHTEEN years worth of gratitude journals to see that my life is really quite full.
For some a gratitude journal feels daunting. That’s okay. There are countless ways to cultivate a genuine gratitude practice. Here are some great ideas:
pause before eating to recognize all that took place to bring you that plate of food
step outside and look at the sky and just breathe for two to three minutes
look at a stranger through the eyes of peace
say thank you throughout the day as doors get opened, people say hello, words are exchanged
smile more
before you begin your busy day sit for five minutes and gaze around your space and not see the tasks undone, but see instead your roof, your furniture, your safety
exchange gratitudes of the day with your family or friends before eating
Research shows that with a genuine gratitude practice, we can shift from scarcity thinking to joy. Imagine your life shifting from disappointment to deep appreciation. Think about how your relationships and business could flourish with an attitude of enough.
Over the years I have shared my story and the path that has lead me to who I am and what I do as my purpose in the world. We all have a story that has put us on the path, or maybe you’re still seeking the path?
Here is what I know and believe wholeheartedly—the path is there, we choose to take the steps or turn away.
The way is right there. We know it in our gut, and yet like myself for many years we deny the way. We look elsewhere for love, joy, purpose, and contentment but when we take that first committed step on the path that is appearing, and despite the fear and unknown, we keep going and sure enough in time that path becomes the way.
I’m forever grateful for the hard years of my life because it led me here. I am here. I am on my way. I am.
If you’re feeling lost and without purpose or love I encourage you to stop. Close your eyes. Breathe. Listen.
You already know.
Take that first step. Open up to your life and your happiness and your purpose. It’s yours. Own it.
“All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
Part of my wellness coaching is offering my clients an alternative to address common everyday ailments like sleep trouble, mood support, and general detox. These simple tools are appropriate for most populations and can be used with or without medications. I can almost guarantee tho that when you see how simple and easy (and natural) it is to treat common things you wont be reaching for the over-the-counter stuff that is packed with side effects. Here are my most requested and popular samples. I hope that you will soon see all of the versatile ways you can use essential oils in your home. It is hard to choose my favorites and keep it simple and approachable but let’s go! Just click on the highlighted text to learn about each one!
Using Essential Oils
Safety Precautions:
• doTERRA essential oils are extremely potent and some should not be applied directly on the skin without diluting them first (Cassia, Cinnamon, Clove, Thyme & Oregano to name a few)
• All citrus oils are photosensitive and should not be used on the skin for 12-24 hours prior to sun exposure
• Some but not all doTERRA essential oils are safe for internal use. Do not ingest an oil without triple checking if it is safe for dietary use
• Babies & the elderly are more sensitive to oils and extra dilution may be required
Balance (grounding blend). This powerful blend promotes tranquility, connectedness and well-being and has a powerful effect on the central nervous system. I like to apply to the back of my neck and under my nose throughout the day and before bed.
The warm, woody aroma of doTERRA Balance Grounding Blend creates a refreshing environment. We perfectly blend Spruce, Ho Wood, Frankincense, Blue Tansy, and Blue Chamomile with Fractionated Coconut Oil to offer an enticing fragrance that creates a tranquil and relaxing atmosphere. Spruce, one of the oils in doTERRA Balance, was used by Native Americans for health and spiritual reasons and is still used today to bring harmony to the mind and body.
Primary Benefits
Adds to a relaxing massage
Creates a calming atmosphere
When diffused, provides a tranquil aroma
Directions for Use
Diffusion: Use three to four drops in the diffuser of your choice.
Direct Inhalation: add two drops to your palms, cup your nose and breathe.
Topical use: Apply one to two drops to desired area. I love to add to unscented lotion and apply to my shoulders and neck. This is also lovely in the bath.
Lavender: Sourced from France + Bulgaria this is often considered the ‘swiss army knives’ of essential oils because of its versatile uses and safety for all ages, and animals. Lavender is a beautifying and calming oil.
Lavender oil has been used and cherished for centuries for its unmistakable aroma and variety of benefits. In ancient times, the Egyptians and Romans used Lavender for bathing, relaxation, cooking, and as a perfume. Its calming and relaxing qualities, when taken internally, continue to be Lavender’s most notable attributes. Applied topically, Lavender oil is frequently used to reduce the appearance of skin imperfections. Add to bath water to soak away stress or apply to the temples and the back of the neck. Add a few drops of Lavender oil to pillows, bedding, or bottoms of feet to relax and prepare for a restful night’s sleep. Due to Lavender’s versatile properties, it is considered the must-have oil to have on hand at all times.
Primary Benefits
Soothes occasional skin irritations
Taken internally, Lavender oil reduces anxious feelings and promotes peaceful sleep
Helps ease feelings of tension when used internally
Directions for Use
Diffusion: Use three to four drops in the diffuser of your choice.
Direct Inhalation: add two drops to your palms, cup your nose and breathe.
Internal use: Dilute one drop in 4 fl. oz. of liquid.
Topical use: Apply one to two drops to desired area (feet are a favorite place for this at bedtime), or on any scrape, bruise, cut, burn or abrasion. This is also great added to epsom salt in the tub.
Wild Orange: Sourced from Greece and Brazil the essential oil is expressed from the peel. It’s powerful aroma is energizing and uplifting when diffused or added to the palm of your hand to breathe in. I like to add one drop to sparkling water, smoothies and greek yogurt to flavor without having additional sugar. It supports toxin elimination from the body and stimulates the lymphatic system. It’s also excellent for disinfecting – whether you add a few drops to your diffuser to cleanse the air or add 10 drops to 1/2c vinegar + 1/2c water and voila – instant all purpose cleaner!
Packed with antioxidants, Wild Orange oil offers many benefits. Taken internally, Wild Orange essential oil supports digestion and cleanses the body. When diffused, Wild Orange refreshes and purifies the air with its bright and energizing aroma. Diffuse throughout the day during periods of low energy. It can be helpful and invigorating while studying or doing tedious tasks. You can also make a Wild Orange spritzer to freshen the air and cheer you up and to dispel fatigue and tension.
Primary Benefits
Diffuse, or inhale the aroma directly with help with anxious feelings
Topically apply on the belly for help with digestion
Diffuse or Topically for trouble sleeping
Topical use for nervousness
Internal use supports healthy immune function
Uplifting to the mind and body
Directions for Use
Diffusion: Use three to four drops in the diffuser of your choice.
Direct Inhalation: add two drops to your palms, cup your nose and breathe.
Internal use: Dilute one drop in 4 fl. oz. of liquid or in a plain yogurt, added to brownies or a smoothie are a few of my favorites
Topical use: Apply one to two drops to desired area. This is a great oil for belly aches, especially in children. Apply with a carrier oil.
Peppermint: Sourced from Washington where the highest amount of menthol is found in the peppermint leaves. My favorite essential oil for relieving tension headaches. Simply apply 1 drop to your hand and rub hands together. Take a deep inhale and then massage into temples being mindful too avoid the eyes. It is also fantastic to add a drop to your drinking water especially if you feel bloated/gassy.
The peppermint plant is a hybrid of watermint and spearmint and was first described by Carl Linneaus in 1753. A high menthol content—like that found in the doTERRA Peppermint essential oil—distinguishes the best quality Peppermint from other products. Frequently used in toothpaste and chewing gum for oral hygiene, Peppermint also helps alleviate occasional stomach upset and promotes healthy respiratory function when taken internally. Peppermint continues to be one of the bestselling favorites among doTERRA essential oils.
Primary Benefits
When ingested, promotes healthy respiratory function and clear breathing .
Promotes digestive health when taken internally.
Repels bugs naturally. You can put around the doorways and windows where ants and other insects enter.
Helps relieve occasional tension, aches and pains
Directions for Use
Diffusion: Use three to four drops in the diffuser of your choice.
Direct Inhalation: add two drops to your palms, cup your nose and breathe.
Internal use: Dilute one drop in 8-10oz of warm water to aid in digestion.
Topical use: Apply one to two drops to desired area. I love to apply this to my neck and jaw if I am having head tension, and I LOVE to use this in my shampoo, body wash and even a bubble bath.
Deep Blue (soothing blend). This is a game changer for anyone who experiences sore, tired, aching muscles and joints. The chemical constituents penetrate deep into the tissues to reduce discomfort. I just add 1-2 drops to a 1 tsp of carrier oil and massage into the area.
doTERRA Deep Blue is perfect for a soothing massage after a long day of work. Wintergreen, Camphor, Peppermint, Ylang Ylang, Helichrysum, Blue Tansy, Blue Chamomile, and Osmanthus work together to soothe and cool. After long hours on the computer, try rubbing Deep Blue proprietary blend on your fingers, wrists, shoulders, and neck. A few drops of Deep Blue Soothing Blend diluted in doTERRA Fractionated Coconut Oil can be part of a cooling and comforting massage.
Primary Benefits
Soothing and cooling oil blend
Comforting part of a massage
Excellent choice for aches and pains
Directions for Use
Topical use: Apply to desired area. Dilute with a lotion or carrier oil to get best coverage and absorption.
Adaptiv Calming Blend oil is perfect for life’s most stressful moments. Useful when a big meeting is coming up, or for other important events, Adaptiv Calming Blend helps improve sustained attention while easing the body and mind.
When stress and tension seem to be relentless, Adaptiv Calming Blend is the precise solution. Use Adaptiv to help get comfortable with new surroundings or situations. When a big meeting is coming up, or for other important events, keep Adaptiv Calming Blend on hand. In preliminary studies, the scent of Lavender, a main ingredient of Adaptiv, has been found to contribute to an environment conducive to performing tasks requiring sustained attention. Lavender, Magnolia, Neroli, and Sweetgum provide stress-relieving effects while Wild Orange and Spearmint energize and uplift. Copaiba and Rosemary soothe anxious feelings to round out the calming blend. Whether you’re feeling fatigued or restless, indecisive or irritable, Adaptiv Calming Blend is part of the toolbox to help the body and mind to stay balanced. Use Adaptiv Calming Blend in combination with the Adaptiv capsules for synergistic results.
Primary Benefits
Helps boost mood
Complements effective work and study
Increases feelings of tranquility
Soothes and uplifts
Calming and relaxing aroma
Directions for Use
Diffusion: Use three to four drops in the diffuser of your choice.
Direct Inhalation: add two drops to your palms, cup your nose and breathe. I like to swipe this under my nose and behind my neck.
Topical: this blend makes a great bath bomb or added to epsom salt.
There are over 200 different essential oil companies in North America – but they vary greatly in their chemical constituents. In fact about 98% of these other companies are only interested in the aromatic effects of their oils – many of them using synthetics to create that aroma. There are 3 reasons I chose to use doTERRA in my home + coaching:
All doTERRA oils are independently tested through 54 processes to ensure that the CPTG label represents the purest and most potent oils on the market today.
The oils are sourced across the globe where the plant grows abundantly as that is where the highest chemical constituent will be found for that plant.
The company culture is incredible. This was what drew me the most – I feel very aligned with the vision they have and the impact they are having on the world. I believe that your ‘vibe attracts your tribe’ and this is so evident in doTERRA.
It’s because of these 3 things that they became the largest essential oil company in the world. They have the respect of both the growing community across the globe & the medical community where the opportunity to use a therapeutic grade oil is evident in research and practice.
I know once you take the caps off – you’ll see the difference right away.
In addition to supplying the highest quality essential oils doTERRA is committed to making a positive difference in the lives of farmers, harvesters, and distillers who contribute to doTERRA’s oil production.
Co-Impact Sourcing creates shared value for all stakeholders in the supply chain by being at the source and intentionally implementing environmental stewardship and/or social impact initiatives. Co-Impact Sourcing seeks to develop long-term, mutually beneficial supplier partnerships while creating sustainable jobs and providing reliable income in underdeveloped areas. doTERRA is committed to the ethical treatment of its suppliers by providing on-time payments at fair prices. Growers and harvesters are encouraged to form cooperative groups to share collective benefits and bargaining power while improving skills and capacity.
Additionally, the doTERRA Healing Hands Foundation® helps support development projects in sourcing communities. Projects include schools, health clinics, improved infrastructure and clean water systems.
What I love so much about Co-Impact Sourcing is that I know that when I use a drop of oil or share samples with people like you, I am also helping families all over the world. How awesome is that?
Embracing Spirit Essential Oil Community
There is something so powerful when like-minded people come together to learn and grow together. I realize that you can choose to buy your essential oils from anyone, but I hope you will resonate with my energy and vibe and feel like you fit and belong. I have a great community and opportunities to not just learn about essential oils and wellness, but a chance to grow as an individual and be encouraged to be the best version of yourself. In addition to essential oils, I also teach topics like gemstones, meditation and mindfulness, and yoga. Feel free to check out my other services and learn a little bit more about me. I would love to link arms with you.
In addition to the ongoing support and mentoring that you will receive in your essential oil and wellness journey, you will become part of a beautifully soulful tribe of women who are all linked in bringing light to the world.
Plus when you get started with me you will get a wonderful welcome package from me that includes resources, glass bottles and other fun things to get you started.
How Would You Like to Change Your Life?
Now you know how and why plant medicine is so powerful, but how would you like for that to create change for YOU and your family?
Would you like to feel more energy? Would you like to experience less pain? Would you like to feel happier and more joyful? Would you like to feel less anxious? Would you like to breathe better? Would you like to have a stronger immune system? Would you like to sleep better? Take just a minute and jot down your top health concerns…All the areas you would like to see improve!
If you’d like to personally connect with me, go over your health concerns and create a wellness plan with essential oils just click the button below! I look forward to connecting with you!
You have two options that I recommend the most to get essential oils into your home. You can buy essential oils at retail price, or you can become a wholesale customer (think along the lines of how SAM’s and Costco work…) and get 25% off retail prices!
The wholesale customer fee is only $35 to join, but if you get a kit that membership fee is waived! I love these kits because they are a sampling of the most widely used essential oils. It gives you the opportunity to get a bundle of essential oils at a huge discount.
This is my favorite bundle and covers everything you’ll need to get started.
$160 WHOLESALE
doTERRA Healthy Start Kit (5 mL Bottles)
Lavender
Lemon
Peppermint
Tea Tree
Oregano
Frankincense
Deep Blue®
doTERRA Breathe®
doTERRA On Guard®
Brevi® Stone Diffuser
Wellness Advocate Introductory Packet
FREE Wholesale Membership
Welcome Gift
The biggest mistake is investing in essential oils and then not knowing how to use them. I will make sure that you have everything you need to get started.
Your welcome package will include a resource book, a few glass bottles to start making your own blends, and a few other goodies.
Once you get your essential oils in your hands we will set up a personal meeting (virtual or in person) to answer questions and go over some initial protocols for getting started using your oils.
Plants are our food, oxygen, and medicine. Some even say they are one of the most pleasurable experiences on earth! From the flowers to the trees and the seas filled with coral dreams; the earth’s natural flora has inspired and enhanced humans for as long as time can tell. That’s why the power of plants is the key to unlocking our enjoyment of life.” ― Natasha Potter
Essential Oils are similar to other things we try to help ourselves feel better in the fact that each oil is not going to have the exact same effect on every single person. So if you use an oil and don’t get the results you are looking for, that’s OK, we can try something else. I like to say that learning to use essential oils is much the same as learning to cook–some trial and error, a good book and someone you can ask questions is the way we learn! Check out this free downloadable ebook to get the basics!
Stacie believes that it is her life purpose to share the gift of Yoga with anyone who is willing to say yes. In addition to raising a family and being an advocate for those with disabilities, Stacie is founder of Embracing Spirit Yoga which specializes in bringing adaptive Yoga into community centers and rehabilitation clinics. Bringing her depth of compassion to the mat–or the chair–she offers students the opportunity to grow as an individual in all aspects of their life.
With over fourteen years experience, Stacie Wyatt is a E-500 hour Registered Yoga Teacher with Yoga Alliance, Certified Brain Injury Specialist, Life Wellness Coach, Senior YogaFit Instructor, Mind/Body Personal trainer, Stress Reduction and Meditation Instructor, Pilates Instructor, and Barre Instructor. Stacie is also certified in Integrative Movement Therapy™and is also a believer in the power and application of essential oils for health and wellness and proudly shares doTERRA essential oils.
Stacie brings her personal life experience of raising a daughter with a disability and over 12 years working in special education to her everyday Yoga classes.
In addition to teaching a variety of Yoga and Wellness classes, Stacie also continues to offer Yoga and Wellness coaching individually to those seeking private sessions.
If you’ve been following me you may have seen that I have chosen to put a little effort into being vulnerable this year. Looking at me from the distance – or sometimes even for those close to me – I appear to be unstoppable, strong, creative, successful, determined, and without a doubt a true overcomer. That is all true.
You may have also seen that I also opted to explore vulnerability in my life this year and dip my toes into a little “emotional exposure” as Brené Brown so eloquently says. Well, emotional exposure was proving to begin with a big bang.
Fear and uncertainity started to show up in big ways as soon as I declared I was ready to look vulnerability in the eye. It is one thing to feel these things, but I have a tendency to keep those big emotions to myself so the exposing of them was almost was big as feeling them.
So to be really open and honest, I have been fighting my way from slipping down into the depths of huge feelings of fear like I have never been over the last few weeks. Seems that since the declarative statement of what I was willing to improve in my life, vulnerability said “let’s just see how you can handle real big feelings”.
Thinking I am in complete readiness for my upcoming major hip overhaul, suddenly I was overcome with fear. Big time terror day after day. Waking up in the night fear. Shaking fear. Pit of the stomach fear. Gripping fear.
I told myself over and over that people get hip replacements all the time and yes most people do fine. But that is not a blanket statement my mind easily accepted. Of course we also hear about the 82 year old grandma who gets a new hip and is at the social club within a week which can make for some serious unhealthy comparison.
The fear began to battle comparison and I was questioning myself more than I ever have. Would my body and dysfunctional immune system accept the new hip? How much would my life be changed? How much will I have to rely on others to help me? How much time would I be away from work? Would I still be in pain? Would I ever be able to practice yoga the way I do? Will I get another blood clot? Will I get an infection? What if…? What if …? But what if…..? Over and over and over and over.
You see this isn’t a classic case of having bone on bone joint issue or severe arthritis. My joint is in perfect health and every doctor who has looked at the images scratches their head and wonders if that will address the pain. I have had three grueling tissue repairs on this previous hip and I still have a tremendous amount of pain and inflammation so the theory with my beloved surgeon whom I trust with my life is to remove the joint and closely surrounding tissue and give my body a clean, new joint which may greatly reduce my constant pain. The word “may” started to feel really scary as the days for closer.
I begged for silent moments of clarity. I pleaded with my conscious to give me insights. I walked and screamed at the sky to help me.
Is living in pain an option? Absolutely. Is enduring torturous fear an option? Hell no.
As I navigated this very unusual emotion over the course of the last few weeks I was startled at the physical changes that were occurring in my body. I am an incredibly steady and stable woman so to feel such intensity in an unfamiliar emotion was taking a toll. I had a racing heart all hours of the day, eating was incredibly hard, I felt like I had adrenaline running 24/7 through my veins, and I was experiencing deep pain in my belly every time I thought about laying on that stainless steel table for the 4th time. Of course the turmoil in my solar plexus was my first indication that my gut was telling me to listen. As the days ticked off I had more and more gut instinct knowing.
In my yogic thinking world what I was experiencing was a complete mind/body interaction where my intuition, or gut instinct, which is essentially our solar plexus where decisions are made and our personal power is being stoked like a fire. Feeling my personal power escape my body while making a life altering decision was sending my body into real time horror.
What if I chose to not listen to the language my body was speaking? What if I opted to ignore the screaming inside my body to pause and ask more questions? Despite the four second opinions there was still so much uncertainty about if this was truly the right direction to take, and yet my instinct knew it was not.
The moment that I stepped into my personal power and reclaimed clarity, it all stopped. I felt lighter. I felt myself gather up all that I know and feel about myself and feel empowered with clarity and much needed hope. A conversation with my surgeon late in the day where he reassured me that it was indeed a good decision to wait validated for me what I already knew.
I think we all have the capacity to know what our bodies need. We may not know the details to a solution like a complex surgery or diagnosis, but we do know when something feels off. We do know when our personal power is being threatened. We do know when we are right.
Vulnerability knocked on my door hard these first thirteen days of the year. But I welcomed her as a messenger and proudly reached out to a handful of safe people to pour my heart out. I revealed my fears and uncertainties. I spoke my vulnerability.
And when I did, sure enough clarity overtook fear.
I learned so much over the last few weeks about the subtle and not so subtle ways our body speaks to us, and that when we don’t feel something is right, to listen and then talk about it. Our voice is powerful and like anything, the more we do it the easier it becomes.
The hip surgery is on hold. Maybe forever but for sure in the near future. I am going to focus on the needs of my body that are determined with certainty like a quick knee scope, addressing some back issues with natural options and getting even healthier and stronger than I am—mind, body and spirit. Maybe the ol’ hip will calm itself down and all will be well.
If we want to reclaim the essential emotional part of our lives and reignite our passion and purpose, we have to learn how to own and engage with our vulnerability and how to feel the emotions that come with it. – Brené Brown
It is not like I didn’t know this. I mean, I took a semester long course with Brené Brown and stepped into the world of Daring Greatly and succeeded on many levels. And it’s not like I have not practiced being vulnerable—I left a toxic relationship, quit my job to pursue my passion, bought a house knowing it is all on me and more. I nailed it and became super empowered in the process.
Vulnerability seemed to be a thing I thrive at. Give me a life altering challenge and I will without a doubt do well. But is that really all vulnerability is?
According to Brené vulnerability is uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure.
Huh.
For the last couple months I have been listening to these little soul taps to look under vulnerability. To take a closer look that isn’t about becoming a badass and destroying a challenge. There was a whispering of something softer and different.
And also incredibly scary. I denied those little whispers and wanted desperately to choose a word that was easier and likely something I am already good at.
Seems to me I am able to easily handle uncertainty and risk on some levels but emotional exposure—never.
Maybe it’s my tendency to lean towards Capricorn strength and tenacity while also being a fiery redhead that gives me an unstoppable approach to life’s challenges. I don’t think raising three kids successfully alone could have been achieved any other way, but this is deeper than action. This is way deeper.
Control has always been something that brings me safety. Controlling my environment and the people I let in. Controlling my business and finances with a sharp eye. Controlling my physical health despite lots of pain by working my body to its best health. Controlling my emotions by not putting myself into situations where I might cry (or laugh). Controlling what I need by never asking for help. Exhausting maybe?
Huh.
That all sounds like emotional exposure. Doing something anyway not knowing what the response or outcome might be. Sticking my neck out and hoping for the best.
Being seen.
This is about not just being seen for what I have overcome or what I do. It will require me to being willing to reveal parts of myself that are tucked safely deep down and to do what is uncomfortable and out of my comfort zone.
I did a little exercise in my journal over the last week and here is how I see it:
Vulnerability is —failing, making a mistake, exposing myself publicly, crying, screwing up, feeling scolded, asking for help, not perfecting something, feeling needy or dependent on others, asking for what I need or want and feeling out of control.
Vulnerability feels like—crushing sensation in chest, upset stomach, short breath, panic to flee, racing heart, avoidance.
Vulnerability lookslike— finishing and publishing the book that has been written, asking for help, receiving help, communicating openly with others, asking to be on more podcasts, letting go of some of my high self standards (not failing), finding resolution and peace with pain, being okay with my emotions and letting my emotions be seen.
For 2023 I give myself permission to fail or to succeed. I give myself permission to not do it all alone. I give myself permission to reveal and unfold in a way that stays in alignment with my soul but also welcomes risk. I give myself permission to be seen.
Deliberate is defined as done consciously and intentionally.
I chose DELIBERATE as my word for 2022 because I wanted to be more in tune with the choices I was making and what I was saying yes to. It has become a it overused to say “boundaries” and I wanted a softer approach to how I began to create some space in my life. I opted to think of my choices as filling the margins rather than having boundaries around my time or myself. I knew that after my previous year of refining my life I was ready to take it to the next level with pausing before I said yes to anything, and also being very intentional with my communication.
Early in the year I decided to carve out Friday as my day to only choose things that led to life I was trying to create. Previously I had a tendency to say yes to everything and everyone except myself which led to me often feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and at times resentful.
I am amazed at how setting an intention, pausing before saying yes and acting with a more conscious approach to life has become now a lifestyle. Of all the years I have been choosing a single word (about 18), this one had the most evident change in several different areas of my life.
Of course one of the biggest changes to my life was choosing that one day a week to be fully aware of what I put into the margins of my day. However, there were subtle changes to my style of communicating with others, especially under emotional strain. I took the same principle of pausing before speaking and the results were a much more peaceful commutation style and way more listening happening. I found that by slowing down I was able to clearly communicate my feelings and needs without sounded ungrateful or demanding. This was across people and situations. It was really amazing to see the shift in my communication enhancing my relationships.
I also found that as I commuted twice a week, driving sometimes up to 300 miles, I was very deliberate on the road and it became a very calm, focused almost meditation. The results were that as I became more intentional of my own driving, I was far less reactive to other peoples. This created delightful drives to work and I entered into my job with a very peaceful state.
As I flip back through my planner for the year I smile as I see how many great things happened on Fridays. Some of the adventures included:
•picking up golf clubs again and doing surprisingly well!
•hiking in my old favorite spots and rediscovering some of my old trails.
•lingering coffee shop dates alone where I could write or think or simply enjoy my coffee.
•mastering a pull up and a chin up became a late in the year goal and I claimed it! So fun!
•reading books during the day instead of just before bed where I usually read only a sentence or two before my eyes became too heavy.
•crocheting a few easy hats for myself and others is a great happy hour at home pastime.
•miles and miles of walks filled each day but I was able to log longer ones on Fridays.
•developing a deeper yoga practice was important to me this year and I found having a little more time allowed me to linger a bit on my mat.
•cultivating an amazing garden has been a pleasure of mine for years and each year it gets better! Fridays were weeding days and it is so soulful.
•massages are so important for my wellness and I found Friday afternoons to be the prime time for getting one.
•strength training became a must-do habit and I could not be more thrilled. I am so much stronger and have successfully achieved a pull up! I will never not life weights again.
I am so proud of myself for making this word stick and for the essence of what it means to be deliberate and to have it become a habit. I am way more balanced and definitely happier. I intend to continue my deliberate Fridays into next year and beyond.
Did you choose a word for your year? How did it play out in your world?
The word “solstice,” in Latin, means sun standing still, so in a sense, we could say the soul stands still on the solstice—maybe even long enough for you to catch a glimpse of it, as some legends say you can at this divine time of year. The darkest night contains the most magnetic power, too; this is a time to draw forth what you want, to incubate your best intentions.
As you enjoy the longest night and the brightest lights of the season, please remember this: your soul is the light of the world. You carry the light within you. You shine.
We cannot change the fact that life has heartbreaking challenges any more than we can change that winter has storms. Viktor Frankl wrote in his quintessential book, Man’s Search for Meaning, “When we are no longer able to change a situation we are challenged to change ourselves.”
When we or someone we love are in a storm, try to recognize the good alongside the bad, and find your inner resilience.
I recently shared my strengths according to Gallup Strengths Finder and am still digging into that theme a bit. I loved learning my too strengths, but I was also fascinated to learn my bottom ones also. Competition is the second to the bottom strength! This means competition is pretty irrelevant to me and my life.
Competition is very low in my skill set personally and professionally. That is not a good thing or a bad thing, it just reinforces my top strengths. I highly recommend taking the strengths finder test if your curious how it impacts your personal and business life.
I did some digging on competition and found some fascinating thing. Harvard business review says this about competition-
While it can sometimes be productive, too often it is actually destructive to your overall goals. That’s why people who don’t have as much of a heart to compete have advantages in life and the opportunity to be more successful.
Non competing individuals are more motivated than most of the people around them.
Here is why:
•They aren’t as ego-driven. People who compete often do so in large part to satisfy their egos. If you don’t have the heart to compete, then most likely you don’t have a big ego.
•They’re less stressed. Competition in life adds a lot of unneeded frustration. If you’re not obsessed with competing, you’re largely free of that stress. That frustration is an almost overwhelmingly negative influence on your sense of self.
•They’re calmer. A sense of calm comes over those who don’t endlessly think about how they’re going to get ahead in races of all kinds.
•They wish success on others. The person who doesn’t obsess about competition often wants others to find success as well as themselves. What’s so great about that is how success begets success.
•They believe success can be shared. Competitions are almost always win-lose situations. People who don’t want competition in their lives tend to believe in win-win scenarios. Instead of looking for ways they can outsmart their opponent, they search for methods to team up with them and overcome whatever obstacle that they face together instead of apart. By doing that, they double the chance for success.
•They have inner peace. Obsession is unhealthy, whereas peace is just around the corner once you remove competition from the equation. By focusing on improving yourself instead of beating others, you are well on your way to the inner peace everyone craves, even if some of them don’t know it.
I’m telling you, learning about your strengths can lead to so much understanding in your relationships and professional life. I am so grateful I know these things about myself because I am able to see that I am unique and while others around me may be fed by competition I don’t have to try to fit in. I can be me and I can support them as they are then. Cool, huh?
Many years ago I would get out of bed and just start “doing”…. I was asleep living my life and just going through the motions of existing.
Then I started a ritual of being quiet and still. I made a commitment to getting up a little earlier before the house woke up and began making time for myself. I say this a lot, but when I WOKE UP to living, I became a better person. Part of the waking up process was cultivating a morning ritual.
The results were amazing. I yelled less, I reacted less, I was angry less, and I was peeling off all the garbage I had accumulated through my life. It was clear to me that anger can erode every cell of your being and I was a perfect example of what that looked like.
I was toxic mess in every aspect of my life. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. A toxic, heavy mess.
And then I began this simple morning ritual. I started the great wake up. The rest is history 😂
I usually take 30 minutes to do some of these things before the day gets busy. I am a big intention for the day person and I almost always pull a positive card that gives me something to think about throughout the day. I note all the goodness in my life and welcome in the day with an open heart. After this part of my morning is complete and my spirit is cared for, I go and take care of my physical body with movement.
Once I have had a little time for myself I can be ready to give to others. You know the old saying you cannot pour from an empty cup.
Embracing Wisdom 