Inspiration

Gratitude = Joy

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It’s not joy that makes us grateful, it’s gratitude that makes us joyful.

Brené Brown

Think about that. So often we misunderstand that if we had all the things and our life is packed with goodness, we would then be grateful.

Actually it is not that way.

I have read and even taken a course with Brené Brown and yet I still continue to learn and soak in more every time I hear her speak.

Last night I was watching a talk she gave to teachers and other leaders. She was describing what happens when we think that we cannot be happy with what we have and we are constantly seeking joy through external things. We have all heard “when I take that vacation” or “if I could have that ____”, then my life would be good. This is called scarcity thinking. Scarcity thinking is when we think what we have is not enough or what we have will be taken from us.

Huh.

Years ago I had that mindset. Thankfully through the work I’ve done I no longer have that reaching for something. If a moment sneaks up on me and I do start to feel that what I have isn’t enough, I just have to go to my office and grab one of EIGHTEEN years worth of gratitude journals to see that my life is really quite full.

For some a gratitude journal feels daunting. That’s okay.

There are countless ways to cultivate a genuine gratitude practice. Here are some great ideas:

  • pause before eating to recognize all that took place to bring you that plate of food
  • step outside and look at the sky and just breathe for two to three minutes
  • look at a stranger through the eyes of peace
  • say thank you throughout the day as doors get opened, people say hello, words are exchanged
  • smile more
  • before you begin your busy day sit for five minutes and gaze around your space and not see the tasks undone, but see instead your roof, your furniture, your safety
  • exchange gratitudes of the day with your family or friends before eating

Research shows that with a genuine gratitude practice, we can shift from scarcity thinking to joy. Imagine your life shifting from disappointment to deep appreciation. Think about how your relationships and business could flourish with an attitude of enough.

More than enough.

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Self Love

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This time of year can seem like we are stuck in endless amounts of cold, dark winter days that go on and on. Also for some of us the holiday hype leads to a low-energy winter drag that sometimes can last months.

Many of us also dread the month of February because the influx of romantic love seems to be everywhere. I’m all for love but I have learned over the years that without self-love, there will be no room for love-love. It’s just doesn’t happen.

For many years I was a seeker of love outside of myself. In some ways we all are—we want validation and to be seen—that is normal human behavior. My trouble came when in the truth and quiet moments with myself, I really didn’t like who I was, and actually loving myself was not even in the ball park.

Then I woke up.

I realized that my kids needed a healthy mom. They needed someone who demonstrated self love. They required a mom who was no longer angry but instead developed an acceptance for life’s hard things and took them as lessons to grow.

I also became radically aware of self care. For decades I thought self care was selfish and totally for the elite. Wow, right? I came to realize that the only way I was to find pure unconditional love was to begin by loving myself unconditionally. You attract what you are.

Today I actually coach women (and men) on the power of a deliberate self care routine to help become the very best version of yourself. It’s not all about bubble baths, although those those do help tremendously.

I crafted this essential oil blend with the intention that it dives into the areas of our brain and heart that focus on positive self love and self image. There was a lot of thought and trial and error that went into finding the perfect combination to embody self love that is purely unconditional.

Unconditional Blend

Rose: Opens the heart chakra and allows you to feel unconditional love. Creates a sense of well-being and calmness while awakening your ability for self-compassion, nurturing, and love.

Lemon: Opens the heart chakra to self-love and self-nurturing. lightens while uplifting your spirit and bringing clarity into your life.

Neroli: A natural tranquilizer and regulator of the nervous system that opens the heart chakra, uplifts your spirit, and encourages confidence, joy, and peace.

Marjoram: Restores warmth, self-compassion, and self-nurturing when feeling lonely or isolated.

Lavender: Helps you to relax, let go of the stress, and release fear, which fosters connect with the heart center and opens you up to more love.

Jasmine: Uplifting and joyous oil that balances the emotional system, soothes anxiety, and helps with depression and apathy.

Geranium: This emotional healing oil restores confidence and trust in others. It can help to heal a broken heart and open one up to love.

Ylang Ylang: This is a powerful remedy for the heart and releasing trauma from the past. This oil helps to release bottled up emotions that weigh heavy on the heart which allows for a more playful, carefree, emotionally connected and loving experience of life.

Tranquility Blend: Includes Lavender Flower, Cedarwood, Ho Wood Leaf, Ylang Ylang Flower, Marjoram Leaf, Roman Chamomile Flower, Vetiver Root, Vanilla Bean Absolute, Hawaiian Sandalwood. Encourages individuals to first reconnect with themselves and discover peace that lies within, and then to reconnect with the humanity in others. This brings a calm, tranquil, peaceful, relaxed, compassionate and connection person.

Rose quartz: Rose Quartz is the stone of universal love. It restores trust and harmony in relationships, encouraging unconditional love. Rose Quartz purifies and opens the heart at all levels to promote love, self-love, friendship, deep inner healing and feelings of peace. Calming and reassuring, it helps to comfort in times of grief. Rose Quartz dispels negativity

Plus a sprinkling of rose petals makes this blend gorgeous to look at, too.

You can purchase this gorgeous blend here or invest in my self care package and it is included along with bath bombs, soothing foot salve, yoga and meditation.

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The Way

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As you start to walk on the way, the way appears.

Rumi

Over the years I have shared my story and the path that has lead me to who I am and what I do as my purpose in the world. We all have a story that has put us on the path, or maybe you’re still seeking the path?

Here is what I know and believe wholeheartedly—the path is there, we choose to take the steps or turn away.

The way is right there. We know it in our gut, and yet like myself for many years we deny the way. We look elsewhere for love, joy, purpose, and contentment but when we take that first committed step on the path that is appearing, and despite the fear and unknown, we keep going and sure enough in time that path becomes the way.

I’m forever grateful for the hard years of my life because it led me here. I am here. I am on my way. I am.

If you’re feeling lost and without purpose or love I encourage you to stop. Close your eyes. Breathe. Listen.

You already know.

Take that first step. Open up to your life and your happiness and your purpose. It’s yours. Own it.

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No Shame

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I had a recent conversation with someone about body shame. For many years of my adult life I was heavy and carried around an extra 80 or so pounds. I have experienced fat-girl shame. It isn’t fun. And yet, I have also experienced skinny-girl shame. That isn’t fun either. I wonder sometimes why we can’t just be kinder people.

The answer for me came in the way of self love. I didn’t love who I was—not because I was fat but because I was toxic and heavy in every area of my life.

It was exhausting so I decided to love instead.

Simply love myself. As I began to love myself it became inherently easy to love others, too.

With my new found self love I came to know that I am an enneagram one. I am a perfectionist and I hold myself to high standards. I also am an overcomer of obstacles. I rarely see something as unobtainable or impossible. I see the good in most everyone and am exploding with positivity. It is unusual for me to be emotional (something I am trying to open myself up to). I am steady as steady can be. I thrive feeling safe.

Taking control of my health and my body fueled me and I began to thrive.

No shame in owning that.

I also struggle with daily chronic pain. It takes a ton of discipline to continue to work my body into its best health. I honor my body and refuse to let her down by focusing on pain or limitations. Instead I look her in the eye and tell her she can do it. I have a strong sense of self and am in awe of what my body can do.

No shame in owning that either.

As years go by, I continue to tenderly speak to the large sized woman I once was and thank her for being patient with me.

Being on both sides of the size spectrum and feeling both types of shame I am convinced we need to lose the shame game. Give people the grace to be who they are.

Deal?

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Creating a Ripple Effect

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When you do some good work and if it inspires others, then you have just created the ripple effect. -Mohith Agadi

If you have been reading and watching awhile you know I have chosen a single word for my year for 19 years. This word acts as a compass for my thoughts, words and actions throughout the year. I create graphics, post notes, make screen savers, buy bracelets with the word embedded on it, I create essential oil blends to support my intention, I talk about it ALL THE TIME, and I basically embody the essence of the word and watch as my life adjusts. Sometimes the word and intention literally kicks my butt within days of declaring my intention and sometimes it takes months of work to reveal its magic.

It is a deep practice to me and one that I believe changes lives. For the entire month of January I basically ask anyone in my life what their word of the year is. If they look at me like I am crazy, I immediately dive into the readers digest version of the process and how we are all creators of our life.

I recently shared this lesson with the agencies serving adults with traumatic brain injuries that I teach adapt yoga and wellness in. Imagine my heart exploding when I learned today that over 30 individuals have chosen a word or theme for their year and have created affirmation cards for their bedroom. These are people with tremendous impact of disability and yet, they are showing up and doing the work.

I am so proud that one little (huge) lesson has impacted so many. This means that 30 people will be focused on living their best life, despite many challenges. It means that they will shift their focus from their limitations to what they want to create in their life.

They could choose to just be angry and wait until life takes them. They could be focused on being a victim and losing everything. They could be focused on the should have beens. They could have made excuses as to why it will never work.

Instead, they embrace a lesson and run with it.

That is the ripple effect that happens when someone does the work and then shares the life changing lesson with anyone willing to listen (or not). These brave people will be creating their best version of their life through the power of intention, and in return it will impact others. That is powerful.

So, are YOU ready to choose a theme for your year? Are you ready to create the life of your dreams?

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Fear is Big…Clarity is Bigger

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If you’ve been following me you may have seen that I have chosen to put a little effort into being vulnerable this year. Looking at me from the distance – or sometimes even for those close to me – I appear to be unstoppable, strong, creative, successful, determined, and without a doubt a true overcomer. That is all true.

You may have also seen that I also opted to explore vulnerability in my life this year and dip my toes into a little “emotional exposure” as Brené Brown so eloquently says. Well, emotional exposure was proving to begin with a big bang.

Fear and uncertainity started to show up in big ways as soon as I declared I was ready to look vulnerability in the eye. It is one thing to feel these things, but I have a tendency to keep those big emotions to myself so the exposing of them was almost was big as feeling them.

So to be really open and honest, I have been fighting my way from slipping down into the depths of huge feelings of fear like I have never been over the last few weeks. Seems that since the declarative statement of what I was willing to improve in my life, vulnerability said “let’s just see how you can handle real big feelings”.

Thinking I am in complete readiness for my upcoming major hip overhaul, suddenly I was overcome with fear. Big time terror day after day. Waking up in the night fear. Shaking fear. Pit of the stomach fear. Gripping fear.

I told myself over and over that people get hip replacements all the time and yes most people do fine. But that is not a blanket statement my mind easily accepted. Of course we also hear about the 82 year old grandma who gets a new hip and is at the social club within a week which can make for some serious unhealthy comparison.

The fear began to battle comparison and I was questioning myself more than I ever have. Would my body and dysfunctional immune system accept the new hip? How much would my life be changed? How much will I have to rely on others to help me? How much time would I be away from work? Would I still be in pain? Would I ever be able to practice yoga the way I do? Will I get another blood clot? Will I get an infection? What if…? What if …? But what if…..? Over and over and over and over.

You see this isn’t a classic case of having bone on bone joint issue or severe arthritis. My joint is in perfect health and every doctor who has looked at the images scratches their head and wonders if that will address the pain. I have had three grueling tissue repairs on this previous hip and I still have a tremendous amount of pain and inflammation so the theory with my beloved surgeon whom I trust with my life is to remove the joint and closely surrounding tissue and give my body a clean, new joint which may greatly reduce my constant pain. The word “may” started to feel really scary as the days for closer.

I begged for silent moments of clarity. I pleaded with my conscious to give me insights. I walked and screamed at the sky to help me.

Is living in pain an option? Absolutely. Is enduring torturous fear an option? Hell no.

As I navigated this very unusual emotion over the course of the last few weeks I was startled at the physical changes that were occurring in my body. I am an incredibly steady and stable woman so to feel such intensity in an unfamiliar emotion was taking a toll. I had a racing heart all hours of the day, eating was incredibly hard, I felt like I had adrenaline running 24/7 through my veins, and I was experiencing deep pain in my belly every time I thought about laying on that stainless steel table for the 4th time. Of course the turmoil in my solar plexus was my first indication that my gut was telling me to listen. As the days ticked off I had more and more gut instinct knowing.

In my yogic thinking world what I was experiencing was a complete mind/body interaction where my intuition, or gut instinct, which is essentially our solar plexus where decisions are made and our personal power is being stoked like a fire. Feeling my personal power escape my body while making a life altering decision was sending my body into real time horror.

What if I chose to not listen to the language my body was speaking? What if I opted to ignore the screaming inside my body to pause and ask more questions? Despite the four second opinions there was still so much uncertainty about if this was truly the right direction to take, and yet my instinct knew it was not.

The moment that I stepped into my personal power and reclaimed clarity, it all stopped. I felt lighter. I felt myself gather up all that I know and feel about myself and feel empowered with clarity and much needed hope. A conversation with my surgeon late in the day where he reassured me that it was indeed a good decision to wait validated for me what I already knew.

I think we all have the capacity to know what our bodies need. We may not know the details to a solution like a complex surgery or diagnosis, but we do know when something feels off. We do know when our personal power is being threatened. We do know when we are right.

Vulnerability knocked on my door hard these first thirteen days of the year. But I welcomed her as a messenger and proudly reached out to a handful of safe people to pour my heart out. I revealed my fears and uncertainties. I spoke my vulnerability.

And when I did, sure enough clarity overtook fear.

I learned so much over the last few weeks about the subtle and not so subtle ways our body speaks to us, and that when we don’t feel something is right, to listen and then talk about it. Our voice is powerful and like anything, the more we do it the easier it becomes.

The hip surgery is on hold. Maybe forever but for sure in the near future. I am going to focus on the needs of my body that are determined with certainty like a quick knee scope, addressing some back issues with natural options and getting even healthier and stronger than I am—mind, body and spirit. Maybe the ol’ hip will calm itself down and all will be well.

Yay for vulnerability….round one complete.

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Exploring the Darkness

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Among all this chatter about resolutions and goals, I also find that during the depths of the long winter darkness, it is also a wonderful time for us to investigate the deep shadows within. I do believe that it is only when we see the shadow or darkness we can see the brightness of our own light.

Some people say to not waste time looking at the darkness of ourselves, instead only see the light, but the wise ones know that without the shadow you could not see the light.

I am digging into this topic this month as we look at being in alignment with not only our word of the year and intention, but also in alignment, with showing up as a person bearing the most beautiful light, and that requires us to also look at the shadow and dark corners of ourselves. You know things like fear, judgment and shame.

In my own personal life, I am looking straight into the eye of fear. Some thing that I don’t typically experience or feel much of on a day-to-day basis. But the looming of something coming very soon is bringing up in me fear. But on the other side of fear, there is always courage and faith.

Keep watching and keep waiting. More to come.

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Word 2023 — Vulnerability

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If we want to reclaim the essential emotional part of our lives and reignite our passion and purpose, we have to learn how to own and engage with our vulnerability and how to feel the emotions that come with it. – Brené Brown

It is not like I didn’t know this. I mean, I took a semester long course with Brené Brown and stepped into the world of Daring Greatly and succeeded on many levels. And it’s not like I have not practiced being vulnerable—I left a toxic relationship, quit my job to pursue my passion, bought a house knowing it is all on me and more. I nailed it and became super empowered in the process.

Vulnerability seemed to be a thing I thrive at. Give me a life altering challenge and I will without a doubt do well. But is that really all vulnerability is?

According to Brené vulnerability is uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure.

Huh.

For the last couple months I have been listening to these little soul taps to look under vulnerability. To take a closer look that isn’t about becoming a badass and destroying a challenge. There was a whispering of something softer and different.

And also incredibly scary. I denied those little whispers and wanted desperately to choose a word that was easier and likely something I am already good at.

Seems to me I am able to easily handle uncertainty and risk on some levels but emotional exposure—never.

Maybe it’s my tendency to lean towards Capricorn strength and tenacity while also being a fiery redhead that gives me an unstoppable approach to life’s challenges. I don’t think raising three kids successfully alone could have been achieved any other way, but this is deeper than action. This is way deeper.

Control has always been something that brings me safety. Controlling my environment and the people I let in. Controlling my business and finances with a sharp eye. Controlling my physical health despite lots of pain by working my body to its best health. Controlling my emotions by not putting myself into situations where I might cry (or laugh). Controlling what I need by never asking for help. Exhausting maybe?

Huh.

That all sounds like emotional exposure. Doing something anyway not knowing what the response or outcome might be. Sticking my neck out and hoping for the best.

Being seen.

This is about not just being seen for what I have overcome or what I do. It will require me to being willing to reveal parts of myself that are tucked safely deep down and to do what is uncomfortable and out of my comfort zone.

I did a little exercise in my journal over the last week and here is how I see it:

Vulnerability is—
Vulnerability feels like—
Vulnerability looks like—

Vulnerability is —failing, making a mistake, exposing myself publicly, crying, screwing up, feeling scolded, asking for help, not perfecting something, feeling needy or dependent on others, asking for what I need or want and feeling out of control.

Vulnerability feels like—crushing sensation in chest, upset stomach, short breath, panic to flee, racing heart, avoidance.

Vulnerability looks like— finishing and publishing the book that has been written, asking for help, receiving help, communicating openly with others, asking to be on more podcasts, letting go of some of my high self standards (not failing), finding resolution and peace with pain, being okay with my emotions and letting my emotions be seen.

For 2023 I give myself permission to fail or to succeed. I give myself permission to not do it all alone. I give myself permission to reveal and unfold in a way that stays in alignment with my soul but also welcomes risk. I give myself permission to be seen.

Truly seen.

Emotionally exposed with risk and uncertainty.

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Word 2022 in Review (Deliberate)

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Deliberate is defined as done consciously and intentionally.

I chose DELIBERATE as my word for 2022 because I wanted to be more in tune with the choices I was making and what I was saying yes to. It has become a it overused to say “boundaries” and I wanted a softer approach to how I began to create some space in my life. I opted to think of my choices as filling the margins rather than having boundaries around my time or myself. I knew that after my previous year of refining my life I was ready to take it to the next level with pausing before I said yes to anything, and also being very intentional with my communication.

Early in the year I decided to carve out Friday as my day to only choose things that led to life I was trying to create. Previously I had a tendency to say yes to everything and everyone except myself which led to me often feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and at times resentful.

I am amazed at how setting an intention, pausing before saying yes and acting with a more conscious approach to life has become now a lifestyle. Of all the years I have been choosing a single word (about 18), this one had the most evident change in several different areas of my life.

Of course one of the biggest changes to my life was choosing that one day a week to be fully aware of what I put into the margins of my day. However, there were subtle changes to my style of communicating with others, especially under emotional strain. I took the same principle of pausing before speaking and the results were a much more peaceful commutation style and way more listening happening. I found that by slowing down I was able to clearly communicate my feelings and needs without sounded ungrateful or demanding. This was across people and situations. It was really amazing to see the shift in my communication enhancing my relationships.

I also found that as I commuted twice a week, driving sometimes up to 300 miles, I was very deliberate on the road and it became a very calm, focused almost meditation. The results were that as I became more intentional of my own driving, I was far less reactive to other peoples. This created delightful drives to work and I entered into my job with a very peaceful state.

As I flip back through my planner for the year I smile as I see how many great things happened on Fridays. Some of the adventures included:

•picking up golf clubs again and doing surprisingly well!

•hiking in my old favorite spots and rediscovering some of my old trails.

•lingering coffee shop dates alone where I could write or think or simply enjoy my coffee.

•mastering a pull up and a chin up became a late in the year goal and I claimed it! So fun!

•reading books during the day instead of just before bed where I usually read only a sentence or two before my eyes became too heavy.

•crocheting a few easy hats for myself and others is a great happy hour at home pastime.

•miles and miles of walks filled each day but I was able to log longer ones on Fridays.

•developing a deeper yoga practice was important to me this year and I found having a little more time allowed me to linger a bit on my mat.

•cultivating an amazing garden has been a pleasure of mine for years and each year it gets better! Fridays were weeding days and it is so soulful.

•massages are so important for my wellness and I found Friday afternoons to be the prime time for getting one.

•strength training became a must-do habit and I could not be more thrilled. I am so much stronger and have successfully achieved a pull up! I will never not life weights again.

I am so proud of myself for making this word stick and for the essence of what it means to be deliberate and to have it become a habit. I am way more balanced and definitely happier. I intend to continue my deliberate Fridays into next year and beyond.

Did you choose a word for your year? How did it play out in your world?

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And So It Is

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Dear life,

Grant me the courage
To change what I am capable of changing
And the grace
To accept what is beyond my control
And choose my battles wisely.

Please help me to fix what has fallen apart and is broken in my life
That would benefit from being mended
And accept what would not
And move on accordingly.

Grant me the strength
To fully seize each day
And make the most of each moment
Savouring the ones that provide me with joy, meaning and fulfilment

And remind me to treasure time spent with those I love
And pursue my passions and what uplifts and energises me
And focus on all that lies ahead of me
Rather than all that lies behind me.

Please help me to embody love
And radiate it to all whom I encounter
Regardless of whether they remain in my life
Or are no longer with me.

Please help me to remain calm and at peace
During the chaos and shifting seasons of life
And flow with it
Understanding that everything is fleeting and temporary
But that the true nature of who I am is eternal
And more than this limited body
And transitory physical experience

Please show me how to let go of fear, pain and resentment
So I can feel light, unburdened and free
And prioritise what is important
While disregarding what is not.

Please comfort me in my grief
And reassure me with the knowledge
That I will one day be reunited with those I love who have left this reality
But remain in spirit with me

And in the times when I am hurt
May you show me how to heal and move forward

In the times when I feel small and fragile
May you remind me of my inner strength

In the times when I feel weak
May you remind me of my inner power

In the times when I feel lost
May you help me rediscover purpose and meaning

In the times when I feel lonely and isolated
May you remind me that everything is interconnected

And in the times when I have lost confidence and trust in myself
May you help me remember who I am.

Words by Tahlia Hunter

(Inspired by the Serenity Prayer by Dr Reinhold Niebuhr)

Artwork by Elaine Bayley Illustrations

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Cherry Cheesecake Shooters

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Seriously.

How easy and how elegant are these!?! Your guests will think you toiled for hours when in truth these are a snap to make for a quick, yet amazing holiday dessert. They look super festive and taste amazing!

Ingredients

12 graham cracker rectangles 

One 8-ounce package cream cheese 

1 can sweetened condensed milk 

1 can cherry pie filling

Almond flakes (optional)

Mint leaves (optional)

Directions

  1. Put the graham crackers into a resealable bag and bash with a rolling pin into fine crumbs. Spoon the crumbs into the bottoms of small wine glasses.
  2. Add the cream cheese and sweetened condensed milk to the bowl of an electric mixer and whip together until light and fluffy. Spoon into a pastry bag and pipe a big helping over the crumbs in each of the glasses.
  3. Top with a couple of teaspoons of cherry pie filling, and top with a sprinkle of almond flakes and then add a mint leaf for garnish.

Seriously. That is it.

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Winter Solstice

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Breathe.

A day to pause.

The word “solstice,” in Latin, means sun standing still, so in a sense, we could say the soul stands still on the solstice—maybe even long enough for you to catch a glimpse of it, as some legends say you can at this divine time of year. The darkest night contains the most magnetic power, too; this is a time to draw forth what you want, to incubate your best intentions.

As you enjoy the longest night and the brightest lights of the season, please remember this: your soul is the light of the world. You carry the light within you. You shine.

We cannot change the fact that life has heartbreaking challenges any more than we can change that winter has storms. Viktor Frankl wrote in his quintessential book, Man’s Search for Meaning, “When we are no longer able to change a situation we are challenged to change ourselves.”

When we or someone we love are in a storm, try to recognize the good alongside the bad, and find your inner resilience.

Breathe.

Light always returns. Light is always there.