I had a recent conversation with someone about body shame. For many years of my adult life I was heavy and carried around an extra 80 or so pounds. I have experienced fat-girl shame. It isn’t fun. And yet, I have also experienced skinny-girl shame. That isn’t fun either. I wonder sometimes why we can’t just be kinder people.
The answer for me came in the way of self love. I didn’t love who I was—not because I was fat but because I was toxic and heavy in every area of my life.
It was exhausting so I decided to love instead.
Simply love myself. As I began to love myself it became inherently easy to love others, too.
With my new found self love I came to know that I am an enneagram one. I am a perfectionist and I hold myself to high standards. I also am an overcomer of obstacles. I rarely see something as unobtainable or impossible. I see the good in most everyone and am exploding with positivity. It is unusual for me to be emotional (something I am trying to open myself up to). I am steady as steady can be. I thrive feeling safe.
Taking control of my health and my body fueled me and I began to thrive.
No shame in owning that.
I also struggle with daily chronic pain. It takes a ton of discipline to continue to work my body into its best health. I honor my body and refuse to let her down by focusing on pain or limitations. Instead I look her in the eye and tell her she can do it. I have a strong sense of self and am in awe of what my body can do.
No shame in owning that either.
As years go by, I continue to tenderly speak to the large sized woman I once was and thank her for being patient with me.
Being on both sides of the size spectrum and feeling both types of shame I am convinced we need to lose the shame game. Give people the grace to be who they are.
Deliberate is defined as done consciously and intentionally.
I chose DELIBERATE as my word for 2022 because I wanted to be more in tune with the choices I was making and what I was saying yes to. It has become a it overused to say “boundaries” and I wanted a softer approach to how I began to create some space in my life. I opted to think of my choices as filling the margins rather than having boundaries around my time or myself. I knew that after my previous year of refining my life I was ready to take it to the next level with pausing before I said yes to anything, and also being very intentional with my communication.
Early in the year I decided to carve out Friday as my day to only choose things that led to life I was trying to create. Previously I had a tendency to say yes to everything and everyone except myself which led to me often feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and at times resentful.
I am amazed at how setting an intention, pausing before saying yes and acting with a more conscious approach to life has become now a lifestyle. Of all the years I have been choosing a single word (about 18), this one had the most evident change in several different areas of my life.
Of course one of the biggest changes to my life was choosing that one day a week to be fully aware of what I put into the margins of my day. However, there were subtle changes to my style of communicating with others, especially under emotional strain. I took the same principle of pausing before speaking and the results were a much more peaceful commutation style and way more listening happening. I found that by slowing down I was able to clearly communicate my feelings and needs without sounded ungrateful or demanding. This was across people and situations. It was really amazing to see the shift in my communication enhancing my relationships.
I also found that as I commuted twice a week, driving sometimes up to 300 miles, I was very deliberate on the road and it became a very calm, focused almost meditation. The results were that as I became more intentional of my own driving, I was far less reactive to other peoples. This created delightful drives to work and I entered into my job with a very peaceful state.
As I flip back through my planner for the year I smile as I see how many great things happened on Fridays. Some of the adventures included:
•picking up golf clubs again and doing surprisingly well!
•hiking in my old favorite spots and rediscovering some of my old trails.
•lingering coffee shop dates alone where I could write or think or simply enjoy my coffee.
•mastering a pull up and a chin up became a late in the year goal and I claimed it! So fun!
•reading books during the day instead of just before bed where I usually read only a sentence or two before my eyes became too heavy.
•crocheting a few easy hats for myself and others is a great happy hour at home pastime.
•miles and miles of walks filled each day but I was able to log longer ones on Fridays.
•developing a deeper yoga practice was important to me this year and I found having a little more time allowed me to linger a bit on my mat.
•cultivating an amazing garden has been a pleasure of mine for years and each year it gets better! Fridays were weeding days and it is so soulful.
•massages are so important for my wellness and I found Friday afternoons to be the prime time for getting one.
•strength training became a must-do habit and I could not be more thrilled. I am so much stronger and have successfully achieved a pull up! I will never not life weights again.
I am so proud of myself for making this word stick and for the essence of what it means to be deliberate and to have it become a habit. I am way more balanced and definitely happier. I intend to continue my deliberate Fridays into next year and beyond.
Did you choose a word for your year? How did it play out in your world?
Grant me the courage To change what I am capable of changing And the grace To accept what is beyond my control And choose my battles wisely.
Please help me to fix what has fallen apart and is broken in my life That would benefit from being mended And accept what would not And move on accordingly.
Grant me the strength To fully seize each day And make the most of each moment Savouring the ones that provide me with joy, meaning and fulfilment
And remind me to treasure time spent with those I love And pursue my passions and what uplifts and energises me And focus on all that lies ahead of me Rather than all that lies behind me.
Please help me to embody love And radiate it to all whom I encounter Regardless of whether they remain in my life Or are no longer with me.
Please help me to remain calm and at peace During the chaos and shifting seasons of life And flow with it Understanding that everything is fleeting and temporary But that the true nature of who I am is eternal And more than this limited body And transitory physical experience
Please show me how to let go of fear, pain and resentment So I can feel light, unburdened and free And prioritise what is important While disregarding what is not.
Please comfort me in my grief And reassure me with the knowledge That I will one day be reunited with those I love who have left this reality But remain in spirit with me
And in the times when I am hurt May you show me how to heal and move forward
In the times when I feel small and fragile May you remind me of my inner strength
In the times when I feel weak May you remind me of my inner power
In the times when I feel lost May you help me rediscover purpose and meaning
In the times when I feel lonely and isolated May you remind me that everything is interconnected
And in the times when I have lost confidence and trust in myself May you help me remember who I am.
Words by Tahlia Hunter
(Inspired by the Serenity Prayer by Dr Reinhold Niebuhr)
The word “solstice,” in Latin, means sun standing still, so in a sense, we could say the soul stands still on the solstice—maybe even long enough for you to catch a glimpse of it, as some legends say you can at this divine time of year. The darkest night contains the most magnetic power, too; this is a time to draw forth what you want, to incubate your best intentions.
As you enjoy the longest night and the brightest lights of the season, please remember this: your soul is the light of the world. You carry the light within you. You shine.
We cannot change the fact that life has heartbreaking challenges any more than we can change that winter has storms. Viktor Frankl wrote in his quintessential book, Man’s Search for Meaning, “When we are no longer able to change a situation we are challenged to change ourselves.”
When we or someone we love are in a storm, try to recognize the good alongside the bad, and find your inner resilience.
This year I am hosting a family gathering that will include five grandkids under the age of eight! Talk about Christmas spirit and excitement!
Specialty drinks are an easy and delicious way to get into the holiday spirit. This mock cranberry and lime spritzer is a festive, fun, and delicious addition to complement any meal during the holidays. The kids can enjoy this one, too but I’m case the adults want to spice it up a bit, a splash of vodka before pouring into the adults glass is equally amazing.
Make it mock, or not. Ingredients Cranberry juice Sparkling water or lemon-lime soda Ice cubes Lime oil
Instructions
Fill glass with ice and pour sparking water or lemon-lime soda half way.
Fill additional half of glass with cranberry juice.
Add one drop Lime oil and stir.
Tip: For garnish, add sliced limes and cranberries.
I was sipping my coffee this morning while reading Atlas of the Heart written by Brene Brown and was captured by this quote.
When I ventured out into the yoga world as a teacher I spent a few years trying to “fit in” to the culture of what I thought a yoga teacher was. I played the role and yet it never felt authentic.
As I gained confidence in myself and began to return home to my heart and found the deepest values that I hold dear to myself as a human, I stepped into my authentic self and realized belonging begins with me. I no longer strive to “fit in” or become someone I am not.
Instead, I am me. And I am outspoken and an advocate for others and I teach yoga from my heart, not from a book or a culture that promotes “perfection”.
I sat with a student yesterday who desperately wants to return home to her daughter but has no direction or plan to get there. She struggles with daily independent living and needs support to do the little things most of us overlook. The desperation in her eyes to find her purpose, to work and feel valued, and ultimately return to being a mom shook me. As I listened and reminded her that she has human rights to become her dreams and ambitions I realized that there I was living in my values. I was showing her what belonging means and in no way was I worried about what yoga is “supposed” to be.
Our yoga was pure union. Her and I were in union. I was in union with myself. And she was demonstrating grit in wanting to find her wholeness again and to find that belonging within herself.
This little lady gave me quite a smile this morning when I sat out on my back porch for coffee. The color! This beautiful honeysuckle was a last minute purchase about a month ago since the gardening season is just about over here in Colorado. When I walk between classes near one of the group homes I teach at there is a house with a few growing along the fence and I decided I needed one. ?
I didn’t realize that honeysuckles can be so pink in color—I have only seen yellow or orange ones, and I didn’t know they would keep blooming past springtime.
I did some digging and this is what I found out about them—
The honeysuckle is a symbol of pure happiness. In addition, it conveys messages of sweetness and affection, thanks to the sweet smelling aroma it gives off. At its heaviest interpretation, the honeysuckle represents the flames of love, and the tenderness for love that has been lost. The honeysuckle will literally cling to whatever it is growing next to, resembling a lover’s embrace, and therefore giving the appropriate symbolism.
Honeysuckle can be used for abundance, learning, concentration, affection, protection, devoted love, wishes, wealth, intuition, clarity, clairvoyance, fidelity, attraction, divination, physical ability, prosperity, secrets, calm, change, confidence, creativity, the mind, peace, generosity, destiny, breaking hexes, honesty, inspiration, and balance.
Do you know the most important part of a house? What about a tree?
Is it the big windows and fancy backyard? Is it the glorious leaves and fruit? Or is it the foundation and the roots?
What’s the most important part of YOU? I believe it isn’t the material gains, titles, how much you weigh, how fast you can run, the size of you bank account, the size of your home, how much weight you can lift, your boundaries or how smart your kids are.
What is it then?
It’s the depth of WHO you are and how you show up in the world. It’s your values that lead you down the path. It’s the beliefs you hold most dear to yourself. It’s the way you treat yourself and others.
Not sure what values make up your foundation or your roots? If you don’t know yourself that well, it’s likely your behaviors and choices aren’t aligning with your best self and you’re often struggling in relationships and in life. A few years ago I wrote my ten principlesthat guide my decisions. These values make up my tree roots that sustain me during trying times.
Truth.
Thanks for reading my #tedtalk of the day and reach out if your life can’t seem to withstand the storms. It’s likely you have a rotten root or a weak foundation wall.
It seems many people have opinions on other peoples business model, and the two most common statements I get as it relates to my yoga business is 1) I’d never drive that far for a class or student, and 2) I would never teach a class for that little of a rate (usually followed by a laundry list of all the trainings and education they have).
Here’s the thing. I’m not in it for the money, but the money is always there. I’m not in it for the fame although I am booked solid week after week and literally have no room in my schedule for more. I’m not in it for the ego, yet I know that I make an incredible difference in the lives of many.
Why do I drive hundreds of miles a day only to find my student still in bed because staff didn’t bother to wake him up? Because I said I would and because when he did decide to get up, together we created a beautiful session that included him doing something he hasn’t done in decades. This incredibly special student was injured at age 25 and his college roommate continues to write him a letter every single week and they are now in their mid 50’s. My student actually wrote him a letter back! Remember, yoga is defined as union and it doesn’t have to include pretzel shapes with our bodies.
I do it because it is service—which to me is defined as doing something without an attachment to personal gain. I do it because it is my gift. It is purpose. I do it because this is the manifesto my business and life is structured around.
The minute I start calculating how much money I am going to make, I have stepped out of service.
And do you want to know what? The money is always there.
I’d much rather show up within the foundation of my manifesto than seek out fame and fortune. That isn’t what I am about. I am about service and becoming the best version of myself through those I humbly serve.
If I were a flower… I would be a sunflower. To always follow the sun. Turn my back to darkness, stand proud, tall and straight even with my head full of seeds.
Sunflowers are by far my favorite flower. I anxiously await this time of year when they open into all their glory. I find their patience to grow tall and magnificent to be a great lesson for me. Nature amazes me over and over.
Lessons from a sunflower-
1) DREAMS START SMALL. I held a sunflower seed in my hand and felt the beauty inside wanting to come out. I want to believe this is true of most people — that there is a beauty inside that wants to come out.
2) FACE THE SUN. I know that the best way to grow is with light and love. I reminded myself that facing the sun, or the light, is a good way to ensure I’m taking actions that are aligned with my higher purpose.
3) GROW BIG. The way a sunflower grows is this: She grows from the stalk — her neck. The only way a sunflower gets big is by literally sticking her neck out again and again and again.
4) LET MYSELF BE BEAUTIFUL. I’ve never heard a sunflower complain about a bent stem, petals too long, or a center too fat. I asked myself to let myself shine, shine, shine!
5) CENTER MYSELF EVERY DAY. A sunflower grows on one side of her stalk and then on the other side of her stalk. Often at the end of a day, one side of her stem is longer than the other. This is why a sunflower can be bent to one side. For me, I take this to mean making time to breathe, sleep, eat good food and be still.
Every morning each of us is faced with a choice—focus on the things that are challenging or focus on life.
I choose LIFE. I choose to notice the colors I see. I choose to listen to the birds that fly in and out of the yard. I choose to feel the aliveness in my body—even if that aliveness is pain. I choose to get up and live LIFE.
I choose to embrace all aspects of my experience each day and not to dwell on the parts of being human that are tough.
Pain sucks.
But I am alive, determined, magnificent, and so amazingly grateful for this life.
According to the Cambridge dictionary, abundance is defined as an amount that is more than enough.
Have any of you noticed how much nature reminds us of that same bounty that is available? The constantly changing and growing plants tell me that the same extraordinary potential exists within me. I see how the animals gather and forage what they need and this reminds me that everything I need is right here. I am grateful for the rain and the amazing colors that surround me. My garden is a perfect example to me of “more than enough”– the green beans and cucumbers this year may just feed the neighborhood! Oh, and I made my first ever batch of chokecherry jelly and it is amazing.
For years I have focused on creating a more abundant life and the ways in which that has all happened marvels me on a daily basis. Some may think of abundance as simply financial bounty, but I have come to see it as so much more.
For me abundance shows up in the random acts of kindness I receive, the support I consistently have for my classes, my friendships, the magnitude of joy in my life, colors everywhere, laughter that fills a room, a belly full of food, and enough money for me to live happily and generously.
As we come into the long, and usually hot month of August, I encourage you to look for the bounty in your own life that exist all around you….Simple things like lemonade, lazy afternoons in the hammock, delicious ice cream, sunflowers, sweet watermelon, a basket of veggies, the feel of a breeze against our cheek, the laughter of children chasing the ice cream truck and much more.
When we recognize all that truly IS, we can shed the notion that there is not enough.
